Chiều qua vợ trổ tài khuấy một ly cà phê sữa đá (whipped coffee) mới học được trên Facebook. Uống cũng khá thơm ngon nhưng tối đến ba giờ sáng mới nuôi được giấc ngủ. Sáng nay sống như quái vật.

Nhắc đến Facebook, tôi phải cách ly với mạng xã hội này vì mỗi một ngày tôi mất đi tình cảm bạn bè và người thân. Thôi thì thà ra đi còn hơn. Tôi cứ tưởng rằng cho dù ai theo đường lối chính trị nào thì cũng không ảnh hưởng đến tình thân cá nhân nhưng tôi đã sai lầm. Bây giờ người Việt nào phê bình ông già dịch là bị tẩy chay ngay. Đọc sơ qua những tin tức của cộng đồng người Việt tại hải ngoại khiến tôi xấu hổ vô cùng. Họ thờ phượng ông như thờ phượng thánh. Không ngờ ông đã trở thành cái cult trong cộng đồng Việt.

Ai muốn tôn sùng hay cúng bái ông cũng không liên quan gì đến mình. Thôi thì nên cách ly với Facebook và tập trung vào cái blog nhỏ nhoi này của riêng tôi. Thế giới của tôi càng ngày càng thu hẹp lại. Biết sao bây giờ. Tôi cũng không phải là người biết xã giao. Sao cũng được. Hôm nay thiếu ngủ nên tâm trạng không sáng suốt lắm. Cuộc sống bây giờ thật khác thường. Tôi chưa bao giờ trải qua cả trong đời. Chỉ cầu mong cho mọi chuyện rồi sẽ qua và thế thới trở lại bình thường.

Kính thưa đại gia đình trên toàn thế giới,

Trong những ngày tháng đầy hiểm trở và bấp bênh, cuộc sống của mọi người ra sao? Nhất là các chú, bác, cô, cậu. Nếu được, xin dành dài phút chia sẻ với mọi người về cuộc sống của mình nhé.

Ở đây gia đình cháu và mẹ cũng tạm ổn. Trường của tụi nhỏ đóng cửa cho đến hết năm học. Nhà trẻ thì không biết chừng nào mở lại. Ở nhà hai vợ chồng cùng làm việc cùng dạy dỗ và chăm sóc cho đám nhỏ. Cũng may là những tiệm rượu vẫn cho là cần thiết, nhất là vào thời điểm này, nên còn mở cửa. Nhốt trong nhà với bốn thằng con trai có cực nhọc nhưng cũng có cái vui như cái video clip này.

Coi như tụi cháu vẫn còn may mắn vì còn có công ăn việc làm và mọi người được bình yên. Mong tất cả mọi người trong họ hàng khỏe mạnh và an lành. Hãy cố gắng ở nhà và rửa tay thường xuyên. Cơn ác mộng rồi cũng sẽ trôi qua.

Mến,

Gia đình Dung, Doanh, Đạo, Đán, Xuân, và Vương.

My fellow senior American citizens, Dan Patrick, the Republican lieutenant governor of Texas, has a message for you: please prepare to die to make America work again. If you are 70 or older and infected with COVID-19, your existence only takes up younger people’s lives and drags down the entire economy. You should just die so that your grandchildren will enjoy their prosperous lives.

Like his stupid boss in the White House, Patrick doesn’t understand that the coronavirus spares no one. Older people are more vulnerable, but 40 percent of Americans who were hospitalized and needed treatments for the coronavirus between the ages of 20 and 54. They take up as many ventilators as older people. Why are we giving up on our elderly? Since when has America become uncompassionate? My guess was January 20, 2017 when the con man inaugurated.

Patrick claimed to be a champion for pro-life, but if you are old then fuck you. If he wanted to be a hero and willing to die for his grandchildren’s capitalism, I don’t have a problem with his personal choice. Urging other grandparents to end their lives for the sake of the economy is greedy and immoral. America is better than that. We value all lives. In a global pandemic, our goal should be saving lives instead of sacrificing lives.

Ở nhà tự nhốt trong phòng làm việc. Thế mà mở cửa ra là ngửi thấy mùi phở thơm phức. Bà xã ác thiệt. Biết tôi không ăn được thịt bò và biết tôi không biết kiềm chế bản thân mà cứ chơi nồi phở. Giữa phở đuôi bò và chicken pot pie anh chọn ai? Dù sợ bị gout nhưng cũng phải chọn tô phở thôi. Vừa ăn vừa cầu nguyện chúa gout đừng phát điên hành hạ tôi như con đười ươi cuồng da cam.

Gần hai tuần bị nhốt ở trong nhà, mấy chai rượu chát và két bia đã uống sạch. Thời buổi này cũng chả thèm bò ra ngoài mua. Còn một chai tequila đang uống dở dang và một chai vodka mua cho mẹ vợ ngâm tỏi vẫn chưa khui. Đó là chai vodka thứ ba rồi. Hai chai trước khui ra mẹ vợ chưa kịp ngâm thì tôi đã uống hết rồi. Lúc đó đi trượt băng nhiều nên chân không bị gout. Không biết rồi đây sẽ ra sao.

Sống kiểu này được bao lâu. Tối ngày quanh quẩn trong nhà. Ngồi vào bàn làm việc uống cà phê. Đứng dậy đi lục tủ lạnh kiếm đồ ăn. Xem tình hình hai thằng lớn học tập. Xem nhạc Việt và nhảy nhót với hai thằng nhỏ. Ăn mắng. Ăn mắng. Ăn mắng. Muốn xả stress phải có rượu. Uống nhiều rượu sợ bị gout. Cuộc đời nó khốn nạn thế đấy.

Nói đùa cho vui chút thôi. Tôi may mắn lắm rồi. Trong thời buổi gay cấn khó khăn, tôi vẫn còn công ăn việc làm. Tôi không bị ảnh hưởng vì công việc tôi làm ở nhà càng tốt. Khỏi phải dậy sớm la hét con đi học. Khỏi phải ủi đồ. Mỗi lần họp qua video, chỉ khoát lên cái áo sơ mi là xong. Khỏi phải mất thời gian lái xe đến chỗ làm. Khỏi phải chuẩn bị đồ ăn trưa. Khỏi phải ăn trưa vì muốn ăn lúc nào cũng được. Nghĩ lại chọn ngành về internet cũng không tệ. Cách ly cũng làm được.

Nói đến stress thì vợ tôi bị stress nhiều nhất. Cả ngày quăng mắng hết con đến chồng. Giờ đây không khí căng thẳng lắm. Nói đùa cũng bị ăn mắng luôn nên thôi không chọc ghẹo nữa cho yên cửa yên nhà.

On January 24, the president still ignored all warnings and praised China. He tweeted: “China has been working very hard to contain the Coronavirus,” he applauded Xi, “The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. It will all work out well. In particular, on behalf of the American People, I want to thank President Xi!”

Instead of taking advice from the U.S. intelligence agencies, he sided with China until he realized Xi and the Chinese officials screwed him. How does a child respond when he knows he is being played for a fool? He called them names. Like a spoiled little brat, he refused to listen to the adults like our public health experts. Instead he listened to airheads like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Steyn, and Tucker Carlson feeding him alternative facts.

Unfortunately, alternative facts can’t stop the spreading of the coronavirus. The fake news era, which defined this presidency, had come to an end last week. Regrettably, the childish commander-in-chief is still in office while the global pandemic has swept up our streets, schools, and businesses, and has left many Americans fighting for our lives.

As we are hunkering down in our own homes, working remotely, trying to educate our kids, washing our hands over and over again, and waiting impatiently for the development of the vaccine, we need to stay abreast of the facts. Misinformation is as dangerous as the coronavirus. Do not believe in everything you read. Please fact-check the sources. I have seen friends and family spreading fake news on Facebook without knowing. At a time of a global pandemic, misinformations and fake news not only divide us, they also come at a cost of our lives. Stay home and stay informed.

TN:

Donny,

I’m one of those who saw your long ago video “Bonjour Vietnam,” made some comments on it and a few after. Also saw what you went through after the event. I bookmarked your visualgui ‘politics’ read it from time to time.

I’m leaning liberal forever, sided with the Democrats since Jimmy Carter. I can’t stand Trump the chimp and cái lũ Việt đười ươi cuồng Trump, think your latest post on politics a gem.

I thought it’s time to pay you a compliment/contribution.

I glad I am not alone in the Vietnamese-American community to speak out against the incompetent leader whose ignorant and stupidity put us in jeopardy of a deadly pandemic. Not all of us are blinded or manipulated by the con artist. This blog allows me to have a Vietnamese-American voice in this political sphere. Thank you for your generous contribution. I can’t make any promises, but you have my word that I will continue to speak the truth. I hope you stay safe and healthy in this difficult time.

I’ve been listening to “Asian Enough,” an Asian-American podcast hosted by Jen Yamato and Frank Shyong. At the end of each episode, the hosts asked their guest to share a bad Asian confession. In the bonus episode about the Coronavirus, the L.A. Times health reporter Soumya Karlamangla confessed that she doesn’t speak her native language. Yamato and Shyong shared her sentiment. They don’t speak their native language either. I don’t have that issue because I can speak, read, and write Vietnamese. In the past few years, I have read voraciously and practiced writing my native language. I am proud to say that my Vietnamese is as good or as bad as my English.

The concept of a bad Asian confession intrigued me; therefore, I gave it some thought. I was not sure if I should reveal it, but it was part of my past. I hope I won’t get in trouble. Here’s my confession. In my sophomore year in high school, I dated a white girl briefly. She was sweet, smart, and slightly shy. What attracted me to her was her writing. We took an English class together over the summer and she helped proofread all of my papers. My English grammar and my writing were terrible. I composed my English sentences by translating what I wanted to say in Vietnamese. I was ashamed of my own writing, but she encouraged me to write. She also helped me write to colleges to request information and application.

Our relationship developed after a few months. One day, I came to her house to pick her up to go to a movie. I was excited and nervous. When I came to the door, her father greeted me, but he didn’t look too happy. I said hello and held out my hand. He shook my hand, but I had a feeling he didn’t like this Asian guy dating his daughter. I talked to her about it after we went to the movie and she assured me that it didn’t matter how he felt about me. It only mattered how she felt about me. He’ll have to get over it.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t get over it. A few weeks later, I wrote her a letter expressing how I felt and wanted to end our relationship. She wrote back with anger and disappointment. She ended the letter with, “I guess I am just another white girl.” That line still haunts me today. I let her down. I made a really bad judgement. I overacted. I am sorry. I fucked up.

The World Health Organization warned against calling COVID-19 as the “Chinese virus” or the “Wuhan virus.” Yet the ignorant president stokes xenophobia in a time of global pandemic. He and his supporters claim it is nothing wrong with calling the virus where it came from. The example they used is the “Spanish Flu,” which originated from Spain.

They are dead wrong. The flu did not come from Spain. It started in Kansas. The official name is H1N1 not the “Spanish Flu.” Spain was the only country that reported honestly on the pandemic. As for Ebola, scientists pushed back from calling it “Yambuku,” which was the name of the village where the disease first started. Influenza first appeared in North America and we didn’t call it the “North America Flu.”

In a time of worldwide crisis, we must unite and fight against the virus—not against each other. The president knew he mismanaged the pandemic; therefore, he tried to put the blame on someone else and he didn’t care if it had a dangerous impact on the Asian-American community. Hate crimes had risen in New York City against Asian Americans. Over 1,000 cases of xenophobia toward Chinese Americans reported between January 28 and February 24. Between 50 to 70 percent of Chinese-American businesses had been lost.

What I am ashamed of the most is the piling up from the Vietnamese-American community, particularly supporters of the president’s racist remark, referring to the coronavirus as the “Chinese virus” or the “Wuhan virus.” How can we do this to our own Asian-American community? Let’s face it. Most Americans can’t tell the difference between Cambodian, Chinese, Japanese, Laos, Korean, and Vietnamese; therefore, you are not shielded from being targeted with your Asian face. In middle school, I had been called “Ching Chong,” “Chink,” “Dog Eater,” “Gook,” “Slanted Eye,” and any racist remarks against Chinese Americans. I hope that our kids won’t have to go through what I had experienced. My ten-year-old son told me that he and his close friends stood up for their Chinese friend when kids singled him out because of the coronavirus. I was so proud of him and his friends. I urge you to think about your kids too when you make a racist reference and call the “Chinese virus” or the “Wuhan virus.”

We stood with the LGBTQ community when they were being discrimated in the AIDS epidemic. We stood with the Muslim-American community after September 11. Now it is time to stand with the Asian-American community. If you have experienced anti-Asian hate crimes in the wake of COVID-19, please report your incident at the Asian Pacific Policy and Planning Council website.

We made it through a week of working, parenting, and quarantining. The global pandemic is spreading wider and closer by the hours. A student who attended classes at George Mason University’s Arlington campus, which was where I worked up to last week, has tested positive for the Coronavirus. I did not interact with any student; therefore, I don’t think I am compromised.

Home is now the center of our lives. My bedroom has become a place for me to work and sleep. Yesterday, we interviewed two candidates for the digital marketing specialist position through Webex. The interviews went well and the kids didn’t interrupt me. We have four more candidates to go through. I was hoping to get someone with some HTML and CSS knowledge since the new person will be working closely with us, but the hiring committee had tossed out my technical questions. Other than the interviews, remote working was business as usual. I still had projects to work on and things to take off as we are still dealing with the pandemic.

Đạo and Đán are getting into their routines. I set up a laptop for each of them to do their school work online. Thanks to Đán’s teacher for sending us a dozen emails a day, we are keeping him busy. He set up a Google Classroom, assigned books on myON, and came up with quizzes for them to do. He always made sure to let us know that these activities were only optional. He also recommended “Lunch Doodles with Mo Willems” for the kids to draw.

Đạo’s teachers only sent one email and their guidance was loose; therefore, we gave him less instructions. I encourage him to read books and write journals. He could write anything he wanted. He can write about how he created his new LEGO tank. He can write about his day. I would love to read his feelings about his life as well as his parents. He can write honestly about us. I showed him my blog, in which I write about them and my own life.

Đán asked me if he could use curse words in his journals like I did in my blog. Of course he could if those words helped him express his feelings. The other day he whispered in my ears the words dick and bitch. I asked him where he learned them from. He hesitated to tell me at first, but I made sure that he won’t get in trouble if he told me. Of course, they came from his friends. Because he knew those two words, I had to explain to him how to use them and the consequences of using them. For example, bitch is a derogatory word for girl; therefore, he will get in trouble for using it in that context. Since I can’t control my kids from being exposed to new words, I hope I can guide them in using them appropriately.

Unfortunately, Xuân held on the the word stupid and wouldn’t let it go. He still used it when he was joking as well as when he was mad. He even got his three-year-old cousin started saying it. Listening to the two of them arguing was hilarious. When they ran out of words, they just blew spits (not spitting on) at each other.

Staying home with Xuân is a bit of a challenge. He is going through the rebellious stage. He is loud and expressive. We had to find activities for him to keep himself busy like painting and drawing. He liked to dance to Vietnamese pop tunes so that helped as well. If everything else failed, we used our last resort: the iPad.

Vương had been the most difficult because he constantly wanted his mom to breastfeed him. He also liked to go outside and enjoyed a bike ride. After work, I took them out for a bike ride around George Mason main campus and let them play outside for a bit. I filmed a short clip of them rolling among themselves off the hill and posted on Facebook. My mom called and advised me not to let them do that. They might catch the Coronavirus from the grass. OK, mom.

The hardest thing for me working from home was the food distraction. I kept checking the fridge compulsively like a crack fiend even though I knew everything in there was for my kids. Another string cheese? Why not. On the table next to the fridge, a bottle of vodka and a bottle of tequila stared at me, but no thanks. I had maxed out my limit, thanks to my wife’s delicious phở. I do not want another gout attack.

My wife had the hardest job so far between working, cooking, and feeding Vương. It is understandable that she could get a bit grumpy. Last night, Đán asked me, “How can you and mommy date each other when you don’t even love each other?” I asked him, “What made you say that?” He replied, “She keeps yelling at you.” I explained to him that this is a stressful time for us, and especially for her. Even though I tried to help out, it was not enough. I recognized My shortcomings. You can help us out by simply being a good son and brother. We will make it through this tough time together. Just hang in here, son.

Molly wrote:

Now for some frank words. Alcoholism Donny is not about how much people drink—it’s about the need to drink. Don’t follow suit, and if it’s hard, think about getting some help. I have been concerned about you for some time, and haven’t said anything because well it’s none of my business, except it is my business because I care about you and you’re my friend. What has raised the alarm for me over the past year is how much you write about drinking… I don’t know if you’re conscious of how often you think and talk about it. I’m old enough to have seen many loved ones struggle with this terrible disease, and very few of them ever recovered. So I’m sending good ju-ju your way asking you to take stock, and think carefully about not just how much or how little you drink, but your desire to drink, which is a complicated mix of genetics and other factors. But it is closely related to depression, and it is a kind of self medication with poison. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about this frankly; there may be help for you that you are not aware of in the form of medication or therapy or groups that can help you. Don’t wait until it is a crisis. Do this for your loved ones—especially your wife and your boys. I hope you take this is the spirit of love in which I offer it.

I responded:

I appreciate your concern and frank words for me. I like to drink and write about it, but I don’t drink everyday. Every alcoholic would say that he doesn’t have a problem, but even if I wanted to drink I can’t because I have gout. A gout attack could last a week or two and each attack was so painful that I wished I didn’t drink at all. Even when I was having a drink or two, I had to think of the consequence of a flare up afterwards. As bad as it might sound, but having gout is a curse and a blessing. It kept my alcoholism in check. In addition, my wife wouldn’t tolerate my drunkenness. I also understood my responsibility as a father although a drink could take the edge of parenting at times. I am glad you pointed it out though.