I responded to the LDHV parents:

Dear All,

Thank you Chị T and cChị K for your hard work, dedication, and perspective. Now, allow me to put my head on the chopping block.

After reading this email, my wife was furious—not at the message, but at me. I hardly took out the trash at home, and yet I went above and beyond as one of the trash guys for LDHV. All kidding aside, I appreciate the recognition, but I can’t take all the credits. Other parents whose names aren’t on the list had stepped up with the trash and the water as well.

Big shout out to all the parents for participating in the LDHV activities. As Trưởng BT always says, “Without your willingness to take your kids to our events, there would be no Pack.”

When my wife and I decided to sign our kids up for scouting, we went with LDHV because of its reputation and the unity between parents and leaders. It was true. In the first few meetings, I felt connected as being part of an extended family.

In contrast, I heard divisive stories within other LDs from classism to status to gossip. Being one of the longest parents in LDHV (since 2019), I can testify that LDHV is above those.

Let’s continue to set an exemplary example for our kids.

Regards,

Donny Truong

Hôm thứ bảy vừa rồi tôi được nghe một người anh lớn cho biết lý do tạo sao vợ chồng anh quyết định không có con cái. Từng là trưởng Hướng đạo trong cộng đồng Việt, anh và vợ cho rằng khi có con mình sẽ trở nên ích kỷ hơn. Mình sẽ bận bịu với con mình và không còn thời gian cho những đứa trẻ khác.

Vì chỉ mới quen anh lần đầu nên tôi không khẳng định hay nhận xét gì về sự quyết định của gia đình anh nhưng tôi cảm thấy lý lẽ của anh cũng có lý. Tôi không phủ nhận khi đã làm cha tôi trở nên ích kỷ hơn. Bổn phận làm cha, tôi tập trung sức lực và đầu óc vào con cái của mình.

Tuy nhiên, tôi vẫn nhận thức được sự công bằng giữa con mình và con người khác. Dĩ nhiên tôi không muốn con người khác ăn hiếp con mình. Tôi càng không muốn con mình ăn hiếp con người khác. Quang trọng là xử lý làm sao cho đẹp tất cả. Tôi chấp nhận ích kỷ nhưng vẫn còn lý lẽ.

Có những phụ huynh khi chưa có con họ rất là rộng lượng nhưng khi có con rồi, họ chỉ biết về con mình. Con của họ lúc nào cũng trên hết. Tôi hiểu được tình cảm của họ dành cho con mình nhưng khi vì quá thương con mình mà bị mù quáng và mất đi lý lẽ thì khó mà hòa đồng.

Những người như anh trưởng nói trên thì hiếm hoi. Chỉ có những ai trung thành và cống hiến cho Hướng đạo mới rộng lượng đến thế và tôi kính trọng anh.

The other day, we wandered into a pet store somewhere in New Jersey. There was a cute puppy inside a cage. Xuân and Vương came up and petted the puppy.

Of course, they begged me to buy the puppy. And of course, my answer would be no even if we got the puppy for free, but I glanced at the price tag, which was $999.99, and replied, “Sorry sons, the puppy cost a thousand dollars. I can’t afford it.” My five-year-old Vương replied, “But dad, you always spent money on alcohol.” His older brother Xuân chimed in, “I saw the receipt. You spent $850 on liquor.”

I thought to myself, “Oh shit! They got me good.”

After reading my letters to my sons, Dr. Joy wrote:

I felt encouraged and inspired reading it then. Your transformation into a loving dad from a rebellious teen when I met you years ago lol is simply amazing. Your family is blessed because of the good choices you make while acknowledging you’re only human who works hard in doing your best to be a loving and present dad AND a husband. Yes, your guidance and presence in your children’s lives matter the most. Way to invest your time and energy with your family. Best regards to your loving wife as well. You never cease to amaze me. I hope to see you sometime.

Thank you, Dr. Joy!

Highlight of my Father’s Day was spending time with Đán, my second child. Despite the scorching heat, he wanted to go fishing. I had gone fishing in the past, but never paid attention to it. Fishing had never been my thing.

I would rather rollerblade than fish. With my gout flare up, however, skating was out of the question. I took Đán to the state park near our house. Neither of us knew how to assemble a fishing rod. I was grateful for YouTube.

We kicked back, drank Cherry Cokes, snacked on spicy Doritos, and pretended to fish. Obviously we didn’t catch any poor fish, thank goodness. We did, however, spend a few hours together. Đán and I alway have a complicated relationship.

I love all of my kids, but each in a different way. I worry about Đán the most. He had changed so drastically. Of course, kids change when they grow. Even though Đạo is 15 now, I can see him change over the years since the first day we brought him home from the hospital. I kept looking back at clips I filmed of Đán when he was five or six. Now he is completely different, his personality in particular.

He told me that I am being mean to him because of Xuân. In his mind, he always thinks I favor Xuân over him. When he became too verbally aggressive against his younger brothers, especially with Xuân, I stepped in. Both Đạo and Đán have more experience, more vocabulary, and more physical strength than their younger brothers. Naturally, when they picked on Xuân, he couldn’t defend himself yet.

In addition, I am tougher on Đán because he spends way too much time on his computer and doesn’t know how to stop. No matter how many times I explained to him the reasons for what I did, he never wanted to listen. I hope that when he grows older he will understand that my actions have always been fair and balanced.

What I am doing now might make him dislike or even hate me, but I am doing it because I love him way too much. I hope one day he will get it, but if he won’t, I won’t hold anything against him. I just have to do what a father supposed to do. It is my responsibility.

Today we put our differences aside and just enjoy each other’s company. I thanked him for spending Father’s Day with me. It meant a lot to me. I will never forget our time together.

Đạo has brushed off his blog, gave it a new look, and kicked off the summer writing challenge. He has to write at least 500 words each weekday, which he doesn’t seem to sweat. He’s not only a fantastic writer, but also a promising 3D artist—something I didn’t know about until he shared it on his blog. I also love that he has the space to criticize his parents. Bring it on, son!

Đán wrote a post about the new Wifi scheduling that he hates. Instead of responding to him in the comment section, I write it on my blog.

On Sunday night, I kept hearing my wife asking the boys to shut off their devices and go to bed. She eventually had to yell at them to get them to listen. I decided to setup the Wifi schedule to get the boys off their screen. This Wednesday will be their last day of school. The thought of just letting them sitting on their screen all day long stressed the hell out of me. Even my two older boys don’t know when to stop. If we don’t tell them to take a break, they would be on their screen all day. Even if we told them, they would still not get off.

I needed to do something to cut down their usage and balance their time. I hope scheduling internet access could help a bit. Here’s the schedule: Wifi on from 9 am to 11:30 am (2.5 hours), 1:00 pm to 5:00 pm (4 hours), and 6:30 pm to 9:00 pm (2.5 hours). That’s 9 hours a day. I hope they wouldn’t use all of the hours. It’s 7 or 8 hours more than the pediatricians recommended. Some parents don’t even let their kids use digital devices at all.

Of course, the push back from the kids was expected. What I didn’t expect was the resistance from my wife. She didn’t want to reenforce them. She wanted to let them do it on their own. Apparently that hadn’t worked. I always caved in to her after we got into a fight, but it had come to the point that I just can’t cave in anymore.

Screen time has a significant impact on their academics. They are struggling with school. One couldn’t get his assignments done on time. One is struggling with math, anxiety, and social interaction. One is way behind in reading and writing. If they could cut down their screen and focus on school, they would have done much better.

I love reading Đán’s hilarious blog posts. For instance, he shares his thoughts on writing:

To me these blog posts are huge wastes of time and are incredibly time consuming for me even though I type mindlessly and don’t even revise my writing (meaning they should be quick because i’m just speeding through them). But I kinda see the reason behind why my dad wants me to write a post a day. To him instead of it being an apple a day keeps the doctor away. it’s “a blog posts a day keeps the angry dad away” which is something I will carry on with my kids.

Yes, give me 300 words a day and I’ll be gladly stay away.

I created a WordPress blog for my third son. I named it Lil Xuân Shine. I will work with him on his writing. Đạo and Đán will resume writing over the summer as well. I missed reading their blogs.

Setting up a WordPress blog is super easy. Setting up the design is not so much. Selecting a theme, changing the design, dragging and dropping the blocks are cumbersome. Gutenberg is still very clumsy to use. I don’t find it intuitive at all. For example, I couldn’t figure out how to change the background color on the title of the individual post.

I am sticking with the classic editor for my blog for as long as it is being supported.

Dear LDHV Cub Families,

I concurred that phở gà was off the hook. Thanks to everyone who lent a hand in making all the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious dishes.

Big props to all the leaders for creating all the wonderful experiences for the kids as well as unforgettable memories for the parents. Your dedication and commitment to the kids are appreciated.

Most important of all, kudos to all the kiddos. Without their presence and participation, the parents wouldn’t have the opportunity to bond. I am one of the younger parents, but I have been with the Cubs the longest. Many parents have moved on to the Troops, but I am still here—and will be here for a while. My advice to the new parents is to take advantage of the activities while your kids are still Cubbies—unless you have tons of kids like I do.

Have a great day and enjoy your spring break. We’ll be in Vermont skiing and snowboarding to Lệ Quyên’s ballad remixes. LOL!

Yours truly,
Donny Trương