Dear Đạo,

It’s hard to believe our first son turns 17 today. Time flies by way too fast. One more year and you will be off to college. The future is in your own hands. You are now mature enough to make your own decision. To avoid annoying you, I will not remind you what you need to do. You have heard enough from me about procrastination. You have heard enough from me about doing your homework. You have heard enough from me about the importance of getting a higher degree. Nevertheless, you will need to determine what you will do with your life.

From what you have told me about your goal, I will support you all the way. Reaching that goal won’t be easy, but you will make it as long as you stay with it. I know you will accomplish it. You are smart and a voracious reader. You just need to put in the work. You can do anything when you put your mind to it. The proof is your photography work and your 3D arts. Practice makes perfect. You have the time and the opportunity to pursue whatever you like. Don’t take your youth for granted. As a father, I just want you to have an easy life.

From father to son, our relationship is mutual. We’re cool with each other. Nothing will change even if we get into arguments. I had been tough on you when it came to your brothers. Being the oldest son in the family, you must look out for your younger brothers. My dad used to tell me that when his parents passed away, his oldest brother became his dad. His oldest brother did step up and took on that role. I hope you will do the same after we pass.

I don’t worry much about you when you are outside of our family. You hang out with the right friends. You know what is good and what is bad. You are not pressured into doing anything that you don’t want to do. You are staying clean. You are friendly and sociable. From parents to peers, they told me how wonderful you are. You make me proud.

When you go out into the world, don’t forget this old man. Come back and ski with me. Come back and have a meal together. Come back to your family. We’re always here for you.

Love,
Dad

I turned 48 today. I am getting older, but not wiser. I still trip up every now and then. I damn near lost everything I love. I don’t want to go back to square one. I need to control my emotions and my words.

At this point in my life, I am learning to let go. Let go of anything irritating me. Let go of anything frustrating me. Let go of anything infuriating me. Let go of anything outside of my control. It’s for my own mental health and well being.

My relationships with friends, family, and even the closest ones to me had changed. I can no longer let down my guards. I cannot let people inside my head and my heart. I still care and still worry, but I just have to keep them in me. It’s a big shift for me, but I have to make a change. I can change no one else but myself. I have learned to control my anger. I have learned to avoid confrontation. I have learned to mind only my own business.

My health is in good shape. I play various sports to keep myself active. I read and write to keep my mind sharp. I just went through a colonoscopy procedure two weeks ago. I am taking medications to control my gout and cholesterol. I am reducing my alcohol intake down to a social level.

I am thankful to be alive at 48. I am grateful to be around the people I love. I am going to take things easy. I am going to relax. I am going to stop worrying. I am going to take life as it comes. At 48, I am more than halfway through life.

I felt the urge to share something exciting, but I refrained from making the call. For almost two decades, I couldn’t wait to share whatever was on my mind. Good or bad news, I didn’t have a filter. Unfortunately being open and transparent had backfired. I damn near lost everything.

Now I have to build invisible walls around me. I need to be careful what I say. I have to put a filter between my mind and my mouth. I stay within my own lane and ignore everything around me. If it is none of my business, I just stay out of it.

Not saying the quiet part out loud keeps me out of trouble. I can’t afford to lose everything. I can’t take all the things I love for granted. I made some personal changes that make me a better person, but also make me lonely. I have come to accept that I am an outsider.

I was too comfortable and crossed into uncomfortable territory. I needed to pull back. I can only heal what I can’t reveal. What I don’t say matters more than what I say. I am starting to understand the meaning behind “silence is golden.”

After seven months of hesitating and searching, my wife and I acquired a brand new 2026 Toyota Sienna Woodland Edition last night. This is our third Sienna. Without a doubt, we are loyal to Toyota.

We started looking for a new car back in September 2025 after the second sliding door on our 2011 Sienna XLE broke. Clocking in at almost 220,000 miles, the 2011XLE is giving us tons of issues. With a family of six plus my mother-in-law, we had to have a minivan. We needed an all-wheel-drive vehicle for our ski trips to handle the snow. We also would like to have a tow hitch for our bikes. My wife did her research and settled on the Woodland Edition.

After my wife presented her choice and the price for the car, I wavered. I didn’t want to spend $55,000 on a new car. She got impatient and left me to make the decision. I shopped passively. The price didn’t vary much. As I was learning more of what I wanted, I continued my search. I reached out to two Vietnamese sales reps, but they did not give me a good deal.

On Sunday, I took the boys to get some boba tea. As we were driving home, the engine from our 2011 Sienna XLE got really hot. I had to stop the car and shut off the engine. I drove for about two minutes before the engine got really hot again. I shut off the car and repeated the process until we got home. It turned out that the T-pipe for the coolant connector broke. It was time for us to get a new car.

I went to Toyota.com and searched for inventory within 50 miles from where we reside. I found one at a dealership about an hour away from us at a decent price with the following accessories included: entertainment package ($1,415), mudguards ($160), cross bars ($210), and door sill protectors ($95). I contacted that dealer and a sales rep informed me that the car had been sold.

I texted a sales rep who I talked to a few months ago at Priority Toyota to see if she could match it. I wanted to go with Priority because they offered free lifetime oil change. We texted back and forth, but she gave me a price that was much higher than the other one. Priority also stopped offering free lifetime oil change in 2024. Though it can be purchased for $400. I thanked her for time, but I could not go with her price.

A few hours later, she texted me back with an out-the-door price that not only matched the one that was sold at the other dealership, but also a bit lower. The price included the accessories listed above and free lifetime oil change. I had no reason to refuse. We went to the dealership to make the purchase. We didn’t have to make any negotiations in person. We didn’t have to bargain at all. Texting was much a preferred way to buy a new car.

We drove home a brand new 2026 Toyota Sienna Woodland Edition. I didn’t particularly care for the color, but Cement looked beautiful and my wife likes it. My kids enjoyed the ride home as well. I am very happy with the purchase. I am glad that I took my time to find the right car for the right price.

The car has almost everything we need. We still need to invest in winter tires and rims. I also need the cargo on top. I hope the Sienna Woodland will perform well in the snow. I can’t wait to take our next ski trip in December.

I woke up early this morning to head to the polls. To be honest, I didn’t even know what was on the ballot. I hadn’t kept up with politics.

As I walked to the door, two gentlemen were standing underneath the Republican tent. There was no one on the Democrat side. One of the gentleman informed me to vote “No.” I nodded and said, “Thanks.”

Of course when a Republican told me to vote “No,” I voted “Yes.” When I read the ballot, the vote was on gerrymandering. I would have voted for “No” if he didn’t say anything. I had to pull out my phone to read up on the issue.

Voting “Yes” is against Trump was the right choice. Thanks to the Republican fellow.

I liked playing pickleball. It made me sweat. I just didn’t like the competitiveness of it. Pickleball players are also snobby as fuck even within my own circle of friends.

I hadn’t played all winter because I was focusing on skiing and snowboarding. Now that the winter is over, I wanted to get back to playing pickleball. The guys I used to played with honed their skills everyday. They are now on a higher level. Whenever I played with them, they seemed to be forced. They didn’t want to put any efforts into it. They were stuck up and condescending. I stopped coming out.

Instead of helping beginners to improve, they looked down on them. I got bummed out and bored. Maybe Vietnamese people are just too damn competitive. They are not team players. Maybe I should join an American pickleball group to see if it is any difference. Or maybe I should refocus my energy on rollerblading and skateboarding. At the skatepark, people never looked down on beginners. In fact, they encouraged beginners.

The same sentiment goes for skiing and snowboarding. We also helped beginners to learn. When I first learned snowboarding, I was falling on the bunny slopes like crazy. I almost quit, but then a young snowboarder in his 20s came up to me and told me that I was doing great. He told me not to give up. Just his encouragement alone had kept me thriving. Now I even become a snowboard instructor.

Maybe I like sports in which I can progress on my own. From ice skating to rollerblading to skiing to snowboarding, these sports allow me to work on my skills. I don’t have to compete with anyone else. I just need to compete with myself. With pickleball, it is not easy to work on my own. I need 3 more players or at least another person to play against. Also playing for points changes the game. Instead of playing just for fun and to get some exercise, people get really competitive about it and we don’t even play for money or cups.

I am just going to stay out of pickleball.

My Facebook timeline now has one post from friend and the rest from ads or the people I don’t give a fuck about. The algorithm is getting worst. I have been refrained myself from posting on Facebook as well. I posted videos and photos during the ski season. It felt like showing off. People don’t read long posts on Facebook; therefore, I just focus on posting on my own blog here. This is still a quiet space for me to write. No ads. No other people contents. Just my own thoughts.

I haven’t deactivated Facebook yet because I am still using Marketplace to sell things. I noticed that when I deactivated Facebook, I lost some friends. I don’t if if they unfriended me when I deactivated my account or Facebook does it automatically. In any rate, I just keep my account, but stop posting. I glad I got rid of Twitter many years ago. I haven’t missed it. I lost my Twitter account.

LinkedIn still seems to be relevant. I only posted work and design promotions. I might just keep doing that and not checking in the timeline. I might just do that for Facebook as well. I am growing tired of social media, but not my blog. I must confessed. Facebook has been pulling my attention away from reading. I keep on scrolling instead of reading and that has to change. I need to get back to reading more, not less.

I get a headache and loads of regrets after scrolling through Facebook. All that time should have been used to read a handful of pages instead. I have been listening to long essays in the New Yorker app while doing chores like folding clothes, washing the dishes, or tuning skis and snowboards. I have the entire basement to tidy up. It has become unbelievable disorganized. There are so many things that I want to give or throw away. I just need to plow through them.

As we are moving off spring and into summer, I have tons of shit to do around the house. I need to devote more time on those tasks. I will take time away from going to the skatepark even though I still want to rollerblade and skateboard. I will also stop going to pickleball—more on this in another post. I want my sons to help me cleaning up the house, but they rather spend time on their computers instead. After asking them, telling them, and yelling at them many times without they actually wanting to do anything else other than spending time on their digital devices, I just give up. I just let them do what they want to do. I am tired of repeating myself.

It’s such a relief to get my first colonoscopy done and over with. Everything turned out fine. The procedure was not as bad as I had expected. Even the preparation was doable.

Two days before the procedure, I had a big dinner—grilled shrimps and steaks. The day before the procedure, I went on a liquid diet, which was challenging. Without solid food, I couldn’t focus on anything. I even had a headache. By noon, I had to take ginger ale to give my system some sugar. When the kids came home from school, my wife baked them pizza. The smell made me miserable. I shut my door and tried to sleep.

At 5 pm, I started my first dose of SUPREP. That solution worked like a charm. An hour after taking SUPREP, I ran for the toilet. The cleansing process began. After many visits to the toilet, it started to feel like anal sex: pain in the fucking ass. I set the alarm for 2:00 am in the morning to take my second dose of SUPREP. I didn’t need the alarm to wake me up because I was not sleeping. Around 3:30 am, I tried to catch some sleep, but woke up around 6:00 am.

At 6:30 am, I woke up my designated driver and got ready to head to Gastro Health for the scheduled procedure at 8:30 am. Mad kudos to Dr. Vishant A. Ramadorai and his excellent staff for making the procedure as smooth as possible. The anesthesia knocked me out almost immediately. The anesthesiologist told me to dream about a place I wanted to visit. I told him I wanted to snowboard in Colorado. Before I could start dreaming, someone called my name to wake me up. The procedure was done.

Dr. Ramadorai informed me that he removed a rectum for biopsy. I will need to come back in 5 years instead of 10 years. I am OK with that since the procedure was not so bad. If you are still holding out on your first colonoscopy, I recommend it. If you live in Fairfax, I highly recommend Gastro Health with Dr. Ramadorai.

After we left the endoscopy center, I told my driver, my wife, to take me to Phở Thìn. I needed a good bowl of hot soup. Because I was told not to eat any raw vegetables yet, I just ordered a small bowl with just noodles and beef. I was not impressed. The broth was dark and a bit salty. I still missed the street phở in Hà Nội. The simplicity of northern phở is so hard to find in the States. The broth was clear, savory, and piping hot. The beef was tender and juicy. I wanted to go back for more.

Thanks to my wife for encouraging me, setting up the initial consultation for me, and driving me to the center and back home. Couldn’t have done it without her.

I have been into Japanese literature. I wish I can read Japanese, but I can’t; therefore, I have to go with translations. I just finished reading Fumio Yamamoto’s stories. Brian Bergstrom has done an excellent job of translating the stories into English. These aren’t short stories, but more like novellas. I enjoyed each character-driven novella, which revolves around the struggles of women. I also learned something new about “Planarian.” Here’s an except:

“I don’t really know the technical details, I just think it would be really cool, you know, to have a body you could cut up all you want and it would grow back! Like, I had breast cancer, right? If I’d been born a planarian, I could have just cut off my breast and it would have grown back, no fuss, no surgery, no bother!”

Here’s an except from “Naked”:

He was such a nice guy, I thought, remembering my ex-husband. The only son of a landlord in Shitamachi, he had a certain absent-minded way about him but was a quality person. He was optimistic to the core, considerate, and patient. Unlike me, he didn’t hold grudges and never had a bad word to say about anyone. I’d loved these things about him at first, but after a while, they began to wear on me. Had his being so easygoing led to me becoming inconsiderate? I’d ended up assuming that the things that made me happy made him happy too.

Another except from “The Dilemmas of Working Women”:

I’d told him he was my first, but in truth, I hadn’t actually been a virgin. I’d had a boyfriend in high school, but when we did the deed it just hurt and made me feel embarrassed, and I grew tired of being pestered for it at the end of every date. I concluded then that sex simply didn’t suit me. But once I started working, I was shocked to find myself wanting to go bed with Õishi, the designer. I realized I could enjoy sex—but only when it was carefree, with someone for whom I had no romantic feelings at all. It was a surprise to discover that I possessed sexual desire after all, even if it was a bit off-kilter. I had to imagine Asaoka-kun had made a similar discovery about himself at some point.

This collection makes a great summer reading.

I woke up this morning feeling fine. I took my older kids to school and headed to Home Depot to pick up some supplies to fix the leaking kitchen sink drain. I drank only water.

After the repair job, I took my second son to the orthodontist. It was only 10:30 am and the weather was already hot. My car has no AC. I started to get a headache. When I got home, I started to drink ginger ale. I needed some sugar to keep me from feeling hungry. I tried to read to keep my mind off food.

At 2:45 pm, I went to pick up the kids. The heat was up to 90 degrees. I fell asleep in the car without AC. I woke up at around 3:30 and my sons didn’t show up. They were supposed to be here around 3:00 pm.

I went back home and the headache escalated. I tried to relax in bed, but the smell of pizza in the oven was killing me. Not having eaten anything all day made me miserable.

At 5:00 pm, I took my first dose of SUPREP. An hour later, I ran for the toilet. The first few times, it felt like diarrhea. After that, it felt like I was peeing out of my ass.

The stomach is empty. My head is aching. I can’t focus on reading. I can’t go to sleep because I would shit in my shorts. I am writing this to distract myself.

I have to take one more dose of SUPREP at 2:00 am in the morning. Then I have to wait until 8:30 am for my procedure. I can’t wait to get this colonoscopy shit done and over with. Let’s hope everything will be fine.