Một ngày như mọi ngày vẫn bị cách ly ở nhà. Sau 45 năm, tôi cũng không có lời lẽ gì để bày tỏ. Thôi thì chỉ chia sẽ những hình ảnh và nhạc tôi đã phối họp để tưởng nhớ ngày Sài Gòn sụp đổ. Mời quý vị xem:

• Tưởng niệm Việt Nam
• Một chút quà cho quê hương
• Biển nhớ

Over the weekend, our Senior Associate Dean asked me to come up with a message board for the Scalia Law School’s class of 2020. Since the graduates won’t get to have a formal graduation ceremony in May, she would like us to create a special page to let faculty, staff, and administrative members post messages to the graduates. My immediate solution was to create a WordPress page with comment section enabled.

On Monday, I spun up a new site from our WordPress multisite and activated the Scalia Law 2019 theme, which is based off WordPress’s Twenty Nineteen official theme. When Twenty Nineteen first released, I created a child theme to have our own brand, which includes typography, colors, and our logo. For everything else, I depended on the parent theme. Twenty Nineteen is beautiful out of the box and it uses the new Gutenberg block editor.

Within a few hours, I created a page addressing our graduates, “Congratulations Class of 2020! An Extraordinary Class in Extraordinary Times.” I used a big cover image and made the text huge. We launched the site on Tuesday and the messages have been rolling in. I love reading them even though I am not a graduate. The messages are wonderful.

WordPress has been a great asset to my professional career. It has helped me provide many solutions to the needs of the school. Now that the entire network of over 30 sites is hosted on WP Engine, courtesy of the University, I don’t have to worry about the backend. I still have full control the themes, plugins, and full SFTP access. Some IT members at the Law School had criticized me for giving up hosting the server part of the sites, but there’s no way I can run the server as reliable as WP Engine. It would be a huge undertaking and I am not a server administration. If the University offers this huge service at no cost, why not taking advantage of it?

WordPress is great at solving problems that do not required original design. I could get pretty far with some changes to make the templated design suits my brand. Of course, I could create the entire WordPress theme from scratch, but that would required tremendous time and technical investments. For my own personal use, WordPress is far too complex. This blog, for instance, probably uses about five percent of WordPress’s powerful features. This blog has been powered by WordPress since 2003 and it hasn’t changed much over the years. I am still using the classic editor. I still code the theme using HTML and CSS and with only a minimum amount of PHP. I have control of every code I input. Developing a new theme, even from a starter theme, isn’t as simple anymore; therefore, I no longer offer WordPress for freelance clients. The amount of customization is just too much. Of course, I can still do it if I get big projects, but not for my typical clients.

I still love WordPress, but my development has changed. I am now happier to use WordPress as a tool to solve technological solutions instead of trying to offer WordPress as design solutions for client projects. It is a change in perspective that I have to come to term with if I continue to use WordPress. There are other choices out there, but WordPress remains a tough contender in the web space.

My choice is either WordPress or hand code HTML and CSS with some PHP to keep the pages manageable. I am missing the entire trend of static site generators. When web designers and developers moved their sites or blogs to Jekyll, Hugo, or Eleventy, I still keep my blog on WordPress. When they spent countless of hours moving from one static site generator to another or back to WordPress, I am still on WordPress.

I am excited to be working on a new website for Kristin Bair whose new novel is coming out in November. Last week, I sent her a test site to review and she tweeted:

My new website for my new novel (out in November!) is being designed by the ever-brilliant @visualgui. He sent me 1st test with questions. I want to look but I’m afraid to look. I am so weird. Not the only weirdo out there, right?

In 2009, Kristin approached me in several months leading up to the release of her debut novel, Thirsty. I don’t know for sure how she found me, but I suspect it had to do with the slideshow “Bonjour Vietnam.” Before I even designed the site for Thirsty, I asked Kristin if I could read the manuscript and she sent it to me. It was a dark yet beautiful and hopeful novel. After reading the entire book via PDF, I knew the site for the book had to take on a life of its own. Even though the site is aged now—it was before responsive design—I still love it.

In 2014, she followed up with The Art of Floating and I designed a simple, responsive landing page to promote it. I also read the second novel and loved her dreamlike writing and erotic storytelling.

For her third novel, Agatha Arch is Afraid of Everything, I am redesigning her website to promote the new book as well as to bring everything together. It will be a simple, elegant website for a wonderful writer. I pre-ordered the new novel and can’t wait to read it.

The first draft for the new site went well. Her feedback was positive. We’re on the right direction. It feels great that she trusts me to bring her visions to life. I love working on a small-scale website like this. It gives me a break from my regualr work. I can’t wait to share it when we launch it.

Being a designer, I sometimes buy books based on their cover design and typesetting. I picked up this book last year at a library book sale for those two reasons. I love the way Christine Van Bree incorporated various shapes and colors of the moons with the title of the book, which set in a sans-serif typeface. For the interior pages, Leah Carlson-Stanisic and Emily Taff had done a great job of setting Bembo as a pleasurable reading text.

The memoir itself is poignant and beautiful. Anne Roiphe shares her story of being a widow. She dates other men, including widowers, but she always misses her husband. She writes about her daughters and grandchildren, but the memories of her husband are too hard to hold back her tears. She doesn’t want to be alone, but dating in your seventies is not a walk in the park. She also writes about sex or the imagination of it, which is fascinating considering her age. The honesty and devastation in her writing show that the person that died first had it easier. The one that is still living would suffer more. It’s an enlightening and hopeful read.

My mom called to check on me. She thought something went wrong when I deactivated my Facebook a few days before my birthday. I told her I was fine. I just needed a break. She didn’t remember my birthday and I was not mad at her. I reactivated Facebook, but refrained from posting. I scrolled through my timeline a few times a day and saw posts from the same three or four friends. I can just have a presence, but don’t have to be active. That’s how I use Twitter. I should do the same with Facebook.

Life in quarantine sucks. My wife bakes all kinds of sweets to deal with stress. From cakes to macaroons to muffins, it feels like we own a bakery and I am the only customer. I felt sick, literally, from consuming way too many sweet treats. It is the kind of love sick that I don’t mind catching.

For me, alcohol helps getting through the day. I don’t drink much, but I need a screwdriver or a Moscow mule a day to take the edges off the lockdown. I bought a bottle of vodka for my mother-in-law to make her eastern medication. Unfortunately, I drank it all before she could use it. Last Saturday, I dragged my lazy ass to the liquor store and loaded up $200 worth of alcohol. I guess I am an alcoholic now, but we are living in an extraordinary time. So fuck it. Life is short anyway.

Alcohol is nothing compared to my other obsession. It is hard as fuck, but I am doing my best to control myself. I don’t have a strong mind. The more I tried to subside it, the more power it got over me. I am not trying to fight it. I just have to work with it. I will be fine. I have responsibilities and resiliencies to weather any storm heading my way. I have to take care of myself in order to take care of others. No, I am not a drug addict.

Our oldest son turns 11 today. It is unbelievable how fast time has flown by. It feels like yesterday when we brought our tiny baby home for the very first time. I held him in my arms and worried that I would drop him. Now he is almost as tall as me.

Đạo performed well in academics until his school closed down due to the coronavirus. Like me, he is a voracious reader, but that’s where our common interest ends. He loves LEGO and video games. I am terrible at both. He built LEGO tanks, airplanes, and guns based on pictures he found on the internet. I can’t even follow instructions to build a set out of a box. He can play video games with Đán all day long if we let them. I get a headache playing shooting games for half an hour.

Đạo and Đán are really tight. They share a bed, wake up at the same time, and play together most of the day. As a result, they depend on us less than the younger two. Of course, they played, bickered, and fought like brothers do. At the end of the day, they are still brothers. Having each other help them navigate during the pandemic. They hang out with the younger kids too, but not as much. Đạo has become more gentle and patience with Xuân. He treats Vương well.

As Vietnamese parents, we expect more from him because he is our oldest son. He has been frustrated that he has been held accountable for his behavior. He thinks life is unfair that we asked him to be more compassionate and less competitive to his younger brothers. We don’t expect him to help us out. We just want him not to cause anymore sibling rivalry. It is still in progress, but he seems to get around to it. I am sure he will understand as he gets older. Đạo can be caring, charming, and loving when he wants to. We love him.

A very stable genius has an ingenious medical advice for his supporters to fight the coronavirus. If you support him and follow his suggestion, particular the stay-at-home protesters, make sure you inject disinfectant before you leave your house. That way you won’t spread the coronavirus to each other. Even if disinfectant wouldn’t help killing the coronavirus, it would help sanitizing your brain.

You all laughed when Obama suggested that we pump air into our car tires to reduce oil consumption. Now your leader suggests pumping disinfectant into your body to kill the coronavirus. Who’s got the last laugh now?

Vài hôm trước Facebook nhắc nhở ngày sinh nhật của tôi sắp đến. Như thường lệ mỗi năm gần đến ngày sinh nhật tôi tạm thời ngưng hoạt động để mọi người khỏi phải chúc mừng. Hơn nữa tôi cũng cần một thời gian cách ly với xã hội mạng đó. Không phải vì người khác mà vì chính bản thân mình. Tôi hổ thẹn với sự khoe khoang của mình cho dù chỉ là những hình ảnh con cái, những món ăn, và những ly rượu. Cuộc sống của tôi cũng bình thường thôi đâu hơn ai đâu mà trưng bày. Thế nhưng tôi không tự kiềm chế mình được.

Sống hết 42 năm cuộc đời rồi mà vẫn bị cám dỗ. Hết cám dỗ này đến cám dỗ khác. Tôi bị nghiện rất nhiều thứ. Cái nào bị vướng vào cũng nghiện không gỡ nổi. Biết làm sao bây giờ. Thôi thì miễn không tệ hại lắm thì cũng OK.

Ở tuổi 42, tôi không tiến lên nhiều cũng không thụt lùi bao nhiêu. Cuộc sống vẫn bình thường. Tình cảm vợ chồng vẫn tốt. Con cái cũng tiến triển bình thường. Cho dù đang trong cơn dịch, đời sống cũng không thay đổi nhiều. Vậy là may mắn lắm rồi còn đòi hỏi gì nữa?

Tôi cũng chỉ mong muốn được cuộc sống bình thường. Người trong gia đình an lành là tốt rồi. Đầu năm 2020 không tốt đẹp lắm cho nước Mỹ và luôn cả thế giới. Nếu như có được một điều ước cho ngày sinh nhật, tôi ước ao cuối năm nay sẽ có sự thay đổi cho đất nước Mỹ.

Về cá nhân thì hy vọng sẽ không gây ra những chuyện bất đồng và mâu thuẫn, nhất là những lời lẽ không nên nói càng không nên viết. Năm nay bớt căng thẳng hơn năm ngoái nên cũng không cần phải bộc lộ nhiều. Tình cảm có lúc đưa người ta đến gần nhau và cũng có lúc đẩy người ta đi. Quan trọng là mình có đặt tình cảm vào đúng chỗ hay không. Khi phải đối diện với tình cảm, tôi không đủ can đảm để bày tỏ quan điểm của mình, ngoại trừ với vợ tôi. Tôi trốn tránh sự thật để rồi lộ ra những khuyết điểm đáng tiếc. Đã biết điều đó sẽ xảy ra nhưng tôi vẫn không tránh được.

Người ta thường nói yên lặng là vàng. Đến giờ tôi vẫn không có vàng vì tôi không giữ được sự yên lặng. Càng viết tôi càng biểu lộ những tiêu cực của chính mình. Tốt hay xấu hoặc đúng hay sai, viết để tìm những điều chân thật của chính mình. Hối tiếc thì tôi cũng đã có khá nhiều rồi. Nhưng rồi có sám hối cũng không giải quyết được vấn đề. Thôi thì ở tuổi 42 hãy cố vươn vai mà sống. Đừng để quá khứ hay nuối tiếc ảnh hưởng đến cuộc sống.

42 không quá lớn cũng không còn nhỏ nữa. Sức khỏe là quan trọng. Tôi vẫn chưa chăm sóc sức khỏe của mình cho đàng hoàng. Vẫn thường hay thức khuya dậy sớm và lười thể dục. Ăn không kiêng lại nghiện rượu bia. Muốn thay đổi cũng khó.

42 không cầu mong gì ngoài cuộc sống êm ấm với gia đình. Hơn cả tháng nay trốn trong nhà chống dịch cũng không căng thẳng lắm. Thậm chí tôi đã quen dần với cuộc sống hiện tại. Được ăn uống, được làm việc, được đọc sách, được viết blog, và được bên vợ con. Tuy bị gò bó nhưng chẳng phải lo ngại gì nếu không cần phải ra ngoài. Sáng nay thằng út dậy sớm nhất chạy qua phòng mừng sinh nhật ba. Rồi thằng Xuân qua ca “happy birthday, daddy.” Đến lượt hai thằng lớn thức dậy cũng không quên mừng sinh nhật ba. Trưa đến vợ con cùng làm ổ bánh sinh nhật và món cơm gà thơm ngon. Quà cáp được vợ tặng đúng theo yêu cầu. Một ngày sinh nhật được như thế quá mãn nguyện và hạnh phúc rồi.

Tuy nhiên được quay về với đời sống bình thường càng sớm càng tốt. Trốn chui trốn nhủi con vi rút này cũng khá hồi hộp và không được thoải mái nhưng ở hoàn cảnh nào thì sống theo hoàn cảnh nấy. Còn sống một ngày nhưng đừng hẹn chết không may.

Tập truyện ngắn của một tác giả trẻ Phát Dương rất ấn tượng. Đề tài quây quanh tình cảm và cuộc sống. Những câu chuyện không phức tạp nhưng đủ gây xúc động. “Chè đắng” và “Bún thương” cho người đọc những vị ngọt và đắng của quê hương. “Nhà máy” cho một chút cảm giác rùng rợn về công nghệ hiện đại và con người. Hai bài nổi bật là “Ngải giấy” (một tai hại hiếp lầm) và “Trên cành có một con nhen” viết về phụ nữ làm gái: “Cô nằm đó, mặt cho gã dày vò. Là ruộng đất cho ai thuê thì người ấy muốn trồng gì cắm gì cày sao thì tuỳ ý người ta chớ. Hết hạn thuê thì thôi. Cô giữ ý nghĩ đó như giữ câu thần chú để nước mắt không rịn ra. Cô không còn cảm giác gì nữa.” Hãy tìm đọc cho đỡ chán trong thời gian bị cách ly.

George Packer writes in The Atlantic:

If the pandemic really is a kind of war, it’s the first to be fought on this soil in a century and a half. Invasion and occupation expose a society’s fault lines, exaggerating what goes unnoticed or accepted in peacetime, clarifying essential truths, raising the smell of buried rot.

The virus should have united Americans against a common threat. With different leadership, it might have. Instead, even as it spread from blue to red areas, attitudes broke down along familiar partisan lines. The virus also should have been a great leveler. You don’t have to be in the military or in debt to be a target—you just have to be human. But from the start, its effects have been skewed by the inequality that we’ve tolerated for so long. When tests for the virus were almost impossible to find, the wealthy and connected—the model and reality-TV host Heidi Klum, the entire roster of the Brooklyn Nets, the president’s conservative allies—were somehow able to get tested, despite many showing no symptoms. The smattering of individual results did nothing to protect public health. Meanwhile, ordinary people with fevers and chills had to wait in long and possibly infectious lines, only to be turned away because they weren’t actually suffocating. An internet joke proposed that the only way to find out whether you had the virus was to sneeze in a rich person’s face.

Packer hits the core of what went wrong with our country. A must-read essay.