Still Coping

My mom called to check on me. She thought something went wrong when I deactivated my Facebook a few days before my birthday. I told her I was fine. I just needed a break. She didn’t remember my birthday and I was not mad at her. I reactivated Facebook, but refrained from posting. I scrolled through my timeline a few times a day and saw posts from the same three or four friends. I can just have a presence, but don’t have to be active. That’s how I use Twitter. I should do the same with Facebook.

Life in quarantine sucks. My wife bakes all kinds of sweets to deal with stress. From cakes to macaroons to muffins, it feels like we own a bakery and I am the only customer. I felt sick, literally, from consuming way too many sweet treats. It is the kind of love sick that I don’t mind catching.

For me, alcohol helps getting through the day. I don’t drink much, but I need a screwdriver or a Moscow mule a day to take the edges off the lockdown. I bought a bottle of vodka for my mother-in-law to make her eastern medication. Unfortunately, I drank it all before she could use it. Last Saturday, I dragged my lazy ass to the liquor store and loaded up $200 worth of alcohol. I guess I am an alcoholic now, but we are living in an extraordinary time. So fuck it. Life is short anyway.

Alcohol is nothing compared to my other obsession. It is hard as fuck, but I am doing my best to control myself. I don’t have a strong mind. The more I tried to subside it, the more power it got over me. I am not trying to fight it. I just have to work with it. I will be fine. I have responsibilities and resiliencies to weather any storm heading my way. I have to take care of myself in order to take care of others. No, I am not a drug addict.