In the past few weeks, my nine-year-old Đán started talking with an Asian-mocking accent. He stressed out the syllables, especially the last word in his sentences. It irritated the fuck out of me. I asked him to stop, but it was already stuck in his head. I explained to him how Americans use that racist accent to mock Asian-Americans and I had to endure it throughout my life living in America. Hearing it from my own son brings back those painful moments.

Last night, I asked him how he picked up that accent and he pulled up YouTube videos made by a Vietnamese-American named Nathan Doan. I could barely watch one of his clips without cringing. He played a character named Ging Ging who adorned a conical hat, spoke with a fake Asian accent, and closed his eyes the entire time. I don’t know his purpose for creating this character. I don’t give a fuck if it is a satire. I don’t want to find out.

He needs to stop selling out his culture for cheap laughs. They are laughing at him, not with him. When kids picked this up without knowing the reference or the history and started to emulate it, that’s not a laughing matter.

Sau những tháng ngày sống trong sự đau đớn quằn quại của ung thư, chú đã thoát khỏi sự hành hạ của thể xác. Chú đã rời xa thế gian này để hướng về miền Cực Lạc. 

Là một đứa cháu rể trong gia đình, cháu không biết nhiều về chú. Chú cháu mình gặp nhau chỉ vài lần trong những dịp đại gia đình họp mặt và hai chú cháu cũng không có trò chuyện gì nhiều. Tuy nhiên, cháu được biết đến chú nhiều hơn qua quyển tiểu thuyết chú viết dựa trên cuộc đời của mình.

Chú luôn phấn đấu trong cuộc sống cho dù trải qua nhiều sóng gió của cuộc đời và thăng trầm của chiến tranh. Chú sống tằn tiện không phung phí. Chú sống mãn nguyện cho chính mình. Chú đã làm được những điều chú mong muốn. Chú đã hoàn tất quyển sách để con cháu sau này đọc để biết về cuộc đời của chú.

Không ai ở mãi cõi tạm này. Giờ đến lúc chú phải ra đi. Chúc chú thượng lộ bình an.

I pride myself as a constant learner. It started when I became obsessed with Flash. I wanted to learn everything about Flash. I spent days and nights going through online tutorials. It felt great when I learned to create something new. At first, Flash was simple to learn. It was a visual tool for creating web animation. Everything took place on its timeline. Then Flash introduced ActionScript. I plowed through books after books learning ActionScript programming. Unfortunately, I didn’t get very far with ActionScript. The more Flash advanced, the more lost I got. Eventually, I gave up the complexity of Flash programming and picked up the simplicity of HTML and CSS. I continued to learn as much as I could about web design and web standards.

Working in the web industry, I had to constantly keep myself up to date or else I would become irrelevant. That fear had haunted me and made me want to do something else. Unfortunately, I don’t have any other skills. I kept myself in the game by learning and practicing HTML and CSS. Of course, I needed to know a bit of PHP, MySQL, and server technologies to run content management systems like WordPress and MODX. I have not looked into any new frameworks. I don’t even know what React does.

Despite not focusing my learning on new technology, I am constantly learning something else. If I don’t, my brain would be inactive. I feel the need to activate my brain and to constantly improve myself. I blog almost daily to improve my writing. I read every day to improve my language skills. I try to skate as much as I can to improve my health. I enjoy these activities, but I also feel the burden. Why do I need to learn constantly? Why do I need to improve myself? What am I trying to prove? Would it be OK if I just let my brain idle? Have I learned enough already? Life is short and I will die one day.

I encourage my kids to read, write, and stay active. They are young and they have so much to learn. Learning is much easier at their age than mine. When I was a kid, I didn’t have any guidance to encourage me to learn or to play sports. My mother offered me food on the table and that was her way of raising me. She just wanted me to eat well and do well in school. I missed out so much that I am trying to make up for it now. I am not a fast learner and I recognize my limited capabilities; therefore, I try to take one thing at a time. I become a constant learner. Yes, constantly learning is rewarding, but where am I going with this? What is my end goal? What am I trying to achieve? I have nothing set out for myself, except I feel better about myself. I can express myself in writing. I soaked in more information when I read. Learning to skate gives me some physical activities. Could the pressure of constantly learning keep me from getting depressed? If I have nothing to occupy my brain, I might fall into depression. I didn’t feel so great about my body when I was inactive. I am still not in any great shape now, but I feel better about myself doing sports.

When I started writing this blog post, I had a doubt about the conditions of constant learning. I was not sure if it would be good or bad. By thinking out loud and writing it down, I came to the conclusion that learning keeps me from getting depressed. That’s a good thing. I am doing these for myself and that’s all that matters. I hope I can instill constant learning into my kids.

Woke up around seven in the morning to get Đán ready for his hockey lessons. Drove him to the ice rink and watched him practice and play for an hour. Went back home, grabbed a quick bite, and took Đạo, Đán, and Xuân to an ice skating public session. Spent three hours working mostly on outside backward edges for the test next week. Took them to Sweet Berries for some frozen yogurts. Went home, rested, then headed to my sister-in-law’s house for dinner. Found out my mother-in-law’s brother-in-law passed away after a long battle with cancer. Drank a beer and reminisced on the short time we spent together. Life is too damn short. Rest In Peace, uncle Chiếu.

Tối hôm qua video chat với cô giáo dạy lớp năm. Nghe tình hình dịch ở quê nhà trầm trọng nên gọi hỏi thăm cô. Giờ đây cô đã 71 tuổi. Thời gian trôi qua nhanh quá. Cô hỏi tôi có nên chích ngừa hay không vì cô bị viêm gan. Tôi khuyên cô nên chích nếu có cơ hội vì cô lớn tuổi và có tiền đề (pre-conditions). Nếu cô bị nhiễm dịch sẽ khó chống cự. Tuy nhiên cô nên hỏi bác sĩ cho chắc ăn. Giờ đây cô vẫn chưa có thuốc để chích trong khi ở Mỹ có nhiều người không chịu chích.

Trò chuyện với cô một chút thì tôi chợt nhớ đến đứa cháu gái của cô gọi cô là bà. Lúc tôi về Việt Nam bốn năm về trước cháu mới chín tuổi. Nghe hoàn cảnh của cháu cũng tội. Mẹ cháu mất sớm. Ba đi lập gia đình mới nên bỏ lại cháu bơ vơ. Bà dì thấy vậy nên đem cháu về nuôi. Cô tôi đó giờ vẫn độc thân không chồng con nên có nó cũng tốt. Cháu niềm nở dễ thương và chăm chỉ học hành. Cháu thích học Anh ngữ.

Lúc đó cô gợi ý tôi nhận cháu làm con nuôi vì cô tin tưởng tôi. Tôi cũng muốn có một đứa con gái. Nhưng nhận làm con nuôi, tôi không biết có thể làm tròn trách nhiệm của một người cha nổi không. Tôi hỏi ý kiến vợ nhưng vợ không đồng ý nên tôi cũng từ chối. Tuy nhiên tôi vẫn nhớ đến bé gái.

Hôm qua cô đưa tôi nói chuyện với cháu. Bây giờ cháu đã mười ba tuổi. Cháu vẫn niềm nở như xưa và rất lễ phép. Tôi đưa điện thoại cho Đạo để hai đứa trò chuyện bằng tiếng Anh. Không ngờ anh Đạo nhà ta cũng hoạt bát lắm. Biết hỏi chuyện và trả lời lưu loát. Bạn nghe tiếng Anh không hiểu Đạo nói tiếng Việt luôn.

Hai đứa cách nhau một tuổi nhưng cách xa nửa vòng trái đất và hoàn cảnh khác biệt. Nhưng cùng là người Việt Nam nên cũng có mối quan hệ tình đồng hương. Tôi tưởng tượng nhà có thêm một con gái chắc cũng vui lắm. Thôi duyên số là thế thôi.

I picked out this book to read together with my nine-year-old son at bedtime. Each night we read three stories. His reading was improving, but he gave up on me halfway through the book. I might as well finished up it myself. From Socrates to Tim Berners-Lee, Michael Phelps to Ricky Martin—among the few names I recognized—each brief bio written by Ben Brooks and illustrated by Quinton Winter. These figures are inspiring and I don’t know many of them. Aaron Fotheringham stuck in my mind the most because he skates in his wheelchair at skate parks. I would love to have the opportunity to watch him someday. Then I realized I could pop over to YouTube. Wheelz of steel.

My oldest son, Đạo, wrote a fiction piece title “From Dirt to Diamond” in forth grade. It’s an impressive read. So proud of him.

I hardly use our master bathroom’s shower, which is a Moentrol (pull-and-push) valve. Last week, I was shocked to see my oldest Đạo pulled the handle. The entire faceplate was yanked from the wall and snapped back in. I tried to tightened up the faceplate, but it was still lifted off every time someone pulled the handle. I imagined the pipe would burst if it being pulled over time, but my wife ensured me that she had used it for over a decade without any problem. Still, I wanted to be safe than be sorry. I don’t want to deal with water pouring all over the house. That’s my fear. I kept thinking about it and the night before and I lost sleep over it. I am an over-thinker.

Yesterday I woke up early, but didn’t go to the skatepark like usual. Instead, I went to Home Depot to pick up Danco’s one-handle valve trim kit for Moen’s shower faucet. I watched a YouTube video and it seemed straightforward to replace the trim kit. The best part was that I didn’t have to shut off the main water because I only replaced the trim, not the valve.

The Danco’s trim kit had everything that I needed for the replacement. It comes with both a clear plastic and a lever handle. I went for the level handle. The instruction that came with the kit was easy to follow, but the Bilt app has 3D modelings and interactive features to guide me through the process.

I am glad I was able to replace it, but I need to stop overthinking or over-stressing on such a minor issue. Being the man in the house, I feel the burden to keep everyone safe and sound. As a result, I got stressed out over tiny issues related to water and electricity.

Parts

Danco’s one-handle valve trim kit for Moen’s shower faucet: $45

Thông thường những nhà thiết kế chữ liên lạc với tôi để cố vấn về phần dấu trong chữ Việt của chúng ta. Họ muốn biết những dấu họ thiết kế có đúng và dễ đọc cho những người bản ngữ. Cho nên trách nhiệm của tôi là nhận xét cách thiết kế và vị trí của từng dấu. Chẳng hạn như dấu sắc và dấu huyền nên đặt bên phải hay bên trái của dấu ớ để người đọc có thể nhanh chóng nhận ra chữ ngay. Hoặc các dấu cao hay thấp để những hàng chữ không bị chạm vào nhau. Tóm lại là tôi chú trọng vào sự rõ ràng và dễ đọc trong phần chữ Việt.

Tuy nhiên cũng có đôi lúc những bộ chữ không thuộc về sự rõ ràng mà thuộc về thẩm mỹ. Phần lớn chữ được thiết kế theo thẩm mỹ có những cá tính rất riêng. Chẳng hạn như bộ chữ Megazoid của nhà thiết kế David Jonathan Ross. Bộ chữ này có tính cách hình học (geometric) qua sự thử nghiệm giữa hình tròn và hình vuông. Khi David thiết kế dấu cho chữ Việt, anh hỏi ý kiến của tôi như thế nào. Lúc đầu nhìn cũng khó chấp nhận, chẳng hạn như những cái dấu bị dính liền với nhau, nhưng để ý kỹ tôi nhận thấy lạ và hay.

Lúc đầu anh đưa tôi xem, những chiếc dấu rất mong manh so với chữ cái nên tôi góp ý với anh là thiết kế dày dặn hơn để dấu và chữ được phối hợp chặt chẽ với nhau. David đồng ý và đã sửa lại. Dĩ nhiên bộ chữ này không thể dùng để đọc mà dùng để đẹp.

Nếu như bạn thích những bộ chữ có tiếng Việt để thư viện chữ của mình phong phú hơn, bạn nên tham gia câu lạc bộ Font of the Month Club của David. Mỗi đầu tháng anh sẽ gửi một bộ chữ cho những người trong câu lạc bộ. Mỗi tháng chỉ có $6. Nếu tài chính bạn hạn hẹp, bạn chỉ cần đóng $2 một tháng. Tôi đã tham gia từ lúc anh mới bắt đầu ba năm trước. Đến giờ tôi vẫn là thành viên.

As I finished reading this book, the pandemic is far from over. Even though the Biden administration has a much better handling of Covid, it was only last year that America had experienced the failure of the previous administration that cost us over half a million of human lives, including my mother’s. Through thorough research, vigorous stories, and compelling histories, Lawrence Wright illustrated how our government at the time botched the response from Covid, even with the simplest method of wearing a mask. If we had a competent leadership, we would have come out much better and this book proved it. It is a riveting revisit of America under Covid.

The follow account, in particular, brought back the experience that I had gone through with my own mother (p. 247-248):

On November 14, Selene got a call advising that her mother’s blood pressure was plummeting. “Based on how she’s declining, how long do we have?” Selene asked, thinking that she would pick up her father so that he could say goodbye. “A couple hours,” the doctor said. Ten minutes later, a nurse called and said, “Get here now.”

“They put me in a helmet,” Selene recalled. “There was a plastic flap that closed around my neck. Inside the helmet there was a fan at the top that blew air down, so that any air that got in would be flushed away.

And they put a gown on me, and double gloves, and they let me go in and say goodbye to her. That was the biggest shock, to see her, and to see how she looked. She was twice her size, because she was swollen from steroids. Her tongue was hanging out the side of her mouth because she was on the ventilator—she’d been intubated. They had to brace her head to keep it straight on the pillow, and they had tape around her mouth to keep the tube in. I’ll never forget it. But I think the thing that will haunt me is the smell. It’s like the smell of decay, like she had already started to die.

“The thing that made it so hard to see that was to juxtapose it against President Trump out there, saying he felt like he was twenty-eight years old again and he never felt better. So how could the same thing that did this to her, how could someone ever take it for granted that this was nothing, you have nothing to be afraid of?”

Selene gathered her mother in her arms as the machines went silent.