Dạo này tôi thường đi chợ Aldi gần nhà để mua cherries và kem. Thỉnh thoảng mua vài chai rượu vang hoặc một két bia. Mấy hôm rủ mấy thằng con theo nhưng chỉ có thằng Xuân với thằng Vương chịu đi. Chúng nó tự chọn kem, chips, hay những món ăn vặt khác.

Mỗi lần đi chợ là mỗi lần tôi nhớ đến mẹ. Nghĩ lại những giây phút được gần mẹ nhiều nhất là lúc đưa mẹ đi chợ. Ngày xưa tôi ngán đi chợ lắm nhất là mỗi khi đi với mẹ. Mẹ chọn lựa những món hàng rất kỹ lưỡng nên đi rất lâu. Tôi thường hối mẹ nhanh lên nhưng mẹ vẫn chậm rãi xem xét những gì mẹ mua.

Mẹ đã không còn bên tôi nữa nhưng hình bóng mẹ vẫn luôn hiện về mỗi khi tôi đi chợ. Giờ đây sự ao ước được đưa mẹ đi chợ khiến tôi nghẹn ngào muối rơi nước mắt. Phải chi mẹ không bị nhiễm Covid, giờ đây mẹ con mình cùng đeo khẩu trang đi chợ. Phải chi chuyện đó chưa hề xảy ra. Phải chi con giữ được sự an toàn cho mẹ. Phải chi mọi người đeo khẩu trang. Phải chi nhà lãnh đạo ngăn chặn sự lan truyền của con coronavirus khắp nước Mỹ. Phải chi chính phủ Tàu thành thật khai báo với thể giới nguồn gốc của con virus. Phải chi và phải chi.

Tuy biết rằng có buồn bã có hối hận cũng không thể đem mẹ trở lại nhưng con không thể tự kiềm chế được cảm xúc của mình. Mẹ ơi, con nhớ mẹ vô cùng.

As the school opening getting closer, the cases of COVID due to the Delta variant are surging. Parents in the Fairfax County Public Schools are worrying. They are petitioning to get the school board to offer a virtual option.

As much as I despise having our kids attending online classes, it is a safer alternative. The issue is that I have to return to my office the same time our kids begin their school year, which is two weeks away. I am going to discuss with my supervisor about extending my remote work.

Over the weekend, I talked to my wife the potential of not letting Xuân attend kindergarten this year. I am fine with keeping him at home for a year, but she doesn’t want to since she would have to bear the brunt if I have to go back to the office. Letting Xuân and Đán attend in-person classes is risky. The pandemic is far from over and we cannot let our guard down.

America is deeply divided over vaccination. Before the pandemic, I thought the number of anti-vaxxers was very insignificant. Now I realize I am dead wrong. I stopped following politics in America because of its divisiveness. I only pay attention to policies I care about. Now the anti-vaxxers are taking the divisiveness to the extreme.

I refused to attend our family gathering because many of my cousins have refused vaccination. It took one member of the family who is obsessed with conspiracy theory to convince others not to get vaccinated. I love them and pray for them not to catch the virus, but I can’t put my kids at risk. I hope we can see each other again after the pandemic. Yesterday, a friend from high school shared her story on Facebook, which confirmed that I made the right decision not to attend our family gathering. She wrote:

I’ve been masking since end of February 2020 before any mask mandate or shut-down was even announced. I worked all of my hospital shifts through the pandemic. I drove almost 200 miles a day when the trains shut down. Then I started taking the trains and busses, while fully masked, when they opened back up. I was tested for covid weekly and always came up negative. Masking works really well. I let my guard down recently at a family gathering and let my daughter go about unmasked even though she wasn’t vaccinated. It was stupid of me, but I had hoped that everyone in attendance was vaccinated or not a covid carrier. You should never really just rely on hope. I love my family to pieces regardless of what they believe in. I only wish them health, safety, and happiness. If I had to repeat the family gathering I would have still attended, but would definitely have kept my daughter and myself masked and more distanced. Hind sight is 20/20.

Two weeks ago, I took Đạo and Đán to try out Vovinam. It took place in a small studio close by our house. Many kids didn’t mask up. Except for one master and myself, none of the parents wore masks at the meeting. As a result, I decided to pull them out for now. Our kids are good with masking up. Even our two-year-old Vương wanted to wear his mask because his brothers were wearing them. We still need take more cautions with the high transmissible from the Delta variant.

In the past few weeks, my nine-year-old Đán started talking with an Asian-mocking accent. He stressed out the syllables, especially the last word in his sentences. It irritated the fuck out of me. I asked him to stop, but it was already stuck in his head. I explained to him how Americans use that racist accent to mock Asian-Americans and I had to endure it throughout my life living in America. Hearing it from my own son brings back those painful moments.

Last night, I asked him how he picked up that accent and he pulled up YouTube videos made by a Vietnamese-American named Nathan Doan. I could barely watch one of his clips without cringing. He played a character named Ging Ging who adorned a conical hat, spoke with a fake Asian accent, and closed his eyes the entire time. I don’t know his purpose for creating this character. I don’t give a fuck if it is a satire. I don’t want to find out.

He needs to stop selling out his culture for cheap laughs. They are laughing at him, not with him. When kids picked this up without knowing the reference or the history and started to emulate it, that’s not a laughing matter.

Sau những tháng ngày sống trong sự đau đớn quằn quại của ung thư, chú đã thoát khỏi sự hành hạ của thể xác. Chú đã rời xa thế gian này để hướng về miền Cực Lạc. 

Là một đứa cháu rể trong gia đình, cháu không biết nhiều về chú. Chú cháu mình gặp nhau chỉ vài lần trong những dịp đại gia đình họp mặt và hai chú cháu cũng không có trò chuyện gì nhiều. Tuy nhiên, cháu được biết đến chú nhiều hơn qua quyển tiểu thuyết chú viết dựa trên cuộc đời của mình.

Chú luôn phấn đấu trong cuộc sống cho dù trải qua nhiều sóng gió của cuộc đời và thăng trầm của chiến tranh. Chú sống tằn tiện không phung phí. Chú sống mãn nguyện cho chính mình. Chú đã làm được những điều chú mong muốn. Chú đã hoàn tất quyển sách để con cháu sau này đọc để biết về cuộc đời của chú.

Không ai ở mãi cõi tạm này. Giờ đến lúc chú phải ra đi. Chúc chú thượng lộ bình an.

I pride myself as a constant learner. It started when I became obsessed with Flash. I wanted to learn everything about Flash. I spent days and nights going through online tutorials. It felt great when I learned to create something new. At first, Flash was simple to learn. It was a visual tool for creating web animation. Everything took place on its timeline. Then Flash introduced ActionScript. I plowed through books after books learning ActionScript programming. Unfortunately, I didn’t get very far with ActionScript. The more Flash advanced, the more lost I got. Eventually, I gave up the complexity of Flash programming and picked up the simplicity of HTML and CSS. I continued to learn as much as I could about web design and web standards.

Working in the web industry, I had to constantly keep myself up to date or else I would become irrelevant. That fear had haunted me and made me want to do something else. Unfortunately, I don’t have any other skills. I kept myself in the game by learning and practicing HTML and CSS. Of course, I needed to know a bit of PHP, MySQL, and server technologies to run content management systems like WordPress and MODX. I have not looked into any new frameworks. I don’t even know what React does.

Despite not focusing my learning on new technology, I am constantly learning something else. If I don’t, my brain would be inactive. I feel the need to activate my brain and to constantly improve myself. I blog almost daily to improve my writing. I read every day to improve my language skills. I try to skate as much as I can to improve my health. I enjoy these activities, but I also feel the burden. Why do I need to learn constantly? Why do I need to improve myself? What am I trying to prove? Would it be OK if I just let my brain idle? Have I learned enough already? Life is short and I will die one day.

I encourage my kids to read, write, and stay active. They are young and they have so much to learn. Learning is much easier at their age than mine. When I was a kid, I didn’t have any guidance to encourage me to learn or to play sports. My mother offered me food on the table and that was her way of raising me. She just wanted me to eat well and do well in school. I missed out so much that I am trying to make up for it now. I am not a fast learner and I recognize my limited capabilities; therefore, I try to take one thing at a time. I become a constant learner. Yes, constantly learning is rewarding, but where am I going with this? What is my end goal? What am I trying to achieve? I have nothing set out for myself, except I feel better about myself. I can express myself in writing. I soaked in more information when I read. Learning to skate gives me some physical activities. Could the pressure of constantly learning keep me from getting depressed? If I have nothing to occupy my brain, I might fall into depression. I didn’t feel so great about my body when I was inactive. I am still not in any great shape now, but I feel better about myself doing sports.

When I started writing this blog post, I had a doubt about the conditions of constant learning. I was not sure if it would be good or bad. By thinking out loud and writing it down, I came to the conclusion that learning keeps me from getting depressed. That’s a good thing. I am doing these for myself and that’s all that matters. I hope I can instill constant learning into my kids.

Woke up around seven in the morning to get Đán ready for his hockey lessons. Drove him to the ice rink and watched him practice and play for an hour. Went back home, grabbed a quick bite, and took Đạo, Đán, and Xuân to an ice skating public session. Spent three hours working mostly on outside backward edges for the test next week. Took them to Sweet Berries for some frozen yogurts. Went home, rested, then headed to my sister-in-law’s house for dinner. Found out my mother-in-law’s brother-in-law passed away after a long battle with cancer. Drank a beer and reminisced on the short time we spent together. Life is too damn short. Rest In Peace, uncle Chiếu.

Tối hôm qua video chat với cô giáo dạy lớp năm. Nghe tình hình dịch ở quê nhà trầm trọng nên gọi hỏi thăm cô. Giờ đây cô đã 71 tuổi. Thời gian trôi qua nhanh quá. Cô hỏi tôi có nên chích ngừa hay không vì cô bị viêm gan. Tôi khuyên cô nên chích nếu có cơ hội vì cô lớn tuổi và có tiền đề (pre-conditions). Nếu cô bị nhiễm dịch sẽ khó chống cự. Tuy nhiên cô nên hỏi bác sĩ cho chắc ăn. Giờ đây cô vẫn chưa có thuốc để chích trong khi ở Mỹ có nhiều người không chịu chích.

Trò chuyện với cô một chút thì tôi chợt nhớ đến đứa cháu gái của cô gọi cô là bà. Lúc tôi về Việt Nam bốn năm về trước cháu mới chín tuổi. Nghe hoàn cảnh của cháu cũng tội. Mẹ cháu mất sớm. Ba đi lập gia đình mới nên bỏ lại cháu bơ vơ. Bà dì thấy vậy nên đem cháu về nuôi. Cô tôi đó giờ vẫn độc thân không chồng con nên có nó cũng tốt. Cháu niềm nở dễ thương và chăm chỉ học hành. Cháu thích học Anh ngữ.

Lúc đó cô gợi ý tôi nhận cháu làm con nuôi vì cô tin tưởng tôi. Tôi cũng muốn có một đứa con gái. Nhưng nhận làm con nuôi, tôi không biết có thể làm tròn trách nhiệm của một người cha nổi không. Tôi hỏi ý kiến vợ nhưng vợ không đồng ý nên tôi cũng từ chối. Tuy nhiên tôi vẫn nhớ đến bé gái.

Hôm qua cô đưa tôi nói chuyện với cháu. Bây giờ cháu đã mười ba tuổi. Cháu vẫn niềm nở như xưa và rất lễ phép. Tôi đưa điện thoại cho Đạo để hai đứa trò chuyện bằng tiếng Anh. Không ngờ anh Đạo nhà ta cũng hoạt bát lắm. Biết hỏi chuyện và trả lời lưu loát. Bạn nghe tiếng Anh không hiểu Đạo nói tiếng Việt luôn.

Hai đứa cách nhau một tuổi nhưng cách xa nửa vòng trái đất và hoàn cảnh khác biệt. Nhưng cùng là người Việt Nam nên cũng có mối quan hệ tình đồng hương. Tôi tưởng tượng nhà có thêm một con gái chắc cũng vui lắm. Thôi duyên số là thế thôi.

I picked out this book to read together with my nine-year-old son at bedtime. Each night we read three stories. His reading was improving, but he gave up on me halfway through the book. I might as well finished up it myself. From Socrates to Tim Berners-Lee, Michael Phelps to Ricky Martin—among the few names I recognized—each brief bio written by Ben Brooks and illustrated by Quinton Winter. These figures are inspiring and I don’t know many of them. Aaron Fotheringham stuck in my mind the most because he skates in his wheelchair at skate parks. I would love to have the opportunity to watch him someday. Then I realized I could pop over to YouTube. Wheelz of steel.

My oldest son, Đạo, wrote a fiction piece title “From Dirt to Diamond” in forth grade. It’s an impressive read. So proud of him.

I hardly use our master bathroom’s shower, which is a Moentrol (pull-and-push) valve. Last week, I was shocked to see my oldest Đạo pulled the handle. The entire faceplate was yanked from the wall and snapped back in. I tried to tightened up the faceplate, but it was still lifted off every time someone pulled the handle. I imagined the pipe would burst if it being pulled over time, but my wife ensured me that she had used it for over a decade without any problem. Still, I wanted to be safe than be sorry. I don’t want to deal with water pouring all over the house. That’s my fear. I kept thinking about it and the night before and I lost sleep over it. I am an over-thinker.

Yesterday I woke up early, but didn’t go to the skatepark like usual. Instead, I went to Home Depot to pick up Danco’s one-handle valve trim kit for Moen’s shower faucet. I watched a YouTube video and it seemed straightforward to replace the trim kit. The best part was that I didn’t have to shut off the main water because I only replaced the trim, not the valve.

The Danco’s trim kit had everything that I needed for the replacement. It comes with both a clear plastic and a lever handle. I went for the level handle. The instruction that came with the kit was easy to follow, but the Bilt app has 3D modelings and interactive features to guide me through the process.

I am glad I was able to replace it, but I need to stop overthinking or over-stressing on such a minor issue. Being the man in the house, I feel the burden to keep everyone safe and sound. As a result, I got stressed out over tiny issues related to water and electricity.

Parts

Danco’s one-handle valve trim kit for Moen’s shower faucet: $45