It’s nice to get an email from a reader every now and then:

Hello Donny,

Thank You so much for Professional Web Typography. I’m refreshing my knowledge by reading it these days. I also very much like all your projects. Jay Z really impressed me.

But all this is not what triggered me to write to you: It was your blog, where I chose the filter “parenthood”. I am a mother of two boys (5 and 3 years) and know the helpless feeling that you described on you blog. What’s helped me a lot was a book. It was “The Challenge of Parenthood” by Rudolf Dreikurs. It is already about 50 years old and the many examples are totally outdated, but the advice I have found there had enormous impact on the way how I see parenting. It was like magic. Try it.

I appreciate the recommendation. I also am glad that she reads my blog on parenthood. Truth be told, I has written down all of these posts to sort out my emotions. The emotion of flaw, failure, selfishness, and helplessness. I am far from being a good parent and I am quite embarrassed when people say that I am a great dad. I am just a human being. I go through my ups and downs. I don’t know what is the right way to raise my kids. I am still learning and adapting as they get older.

What I have written down isn’t always positive. They are just what I was feeling at the time. I am at the point that I should not have to regret how I feel. This is the only place where I could speak out my mind. There are things that I can’t say in my real life I can say it here. On here, I am not afraid being judged. On here, no one could tell me what I can and cannot say.

At times, I admire my sons for saying things on their mind that I can only think but cannot say. What they said not always comfortable, but they didn’t hold back. In a way, this blog allows me to be a kid again. Being vulnerable and being free. Just let the mind go.

As parents, you have the responsibility to control your own emotion. You are entitled to your emotion. You can be upset at other people’s kids, but you cannot channel your anger on them.

One time, I took the kids to the playground near our house. I pushed Xuân on the stroller. As we walked, Đán picked up a few beautiful autumn leaves. He placed them in the basket underneath the stroller’s seat and told me, “Daddy, don’t lose these leaves OK. I am going to give them to mommy.” I replied, “I promise. You’re such a sweet boy.”

We went to the playground for about an hour. On the way back home, the boy came up to the stroller and took the leaves. Đán told the boy those are his present for his mom. The boy refused to return and took off. Đán chased after him. With the stroller, I could not run. Đán caught up with him and grabbed the leaves. As they pulled, the leaves shattered into pieces. I could see on Đán’s face that those were not just any ordinary leaves. They meant a lot to him. They were for his mom, but they were ruined.

He pushed the boy away. The boy went nuts. He ran right into Đán and punched Đán right on his nose. The anger on the boy’s face I have never seen before. I freaked out. I put the brake on the stroller, ran toward them, and pulled them apart. Blood was gushing down Đán’s nose. I was horrified and I could have slapped the taste out of the boy’s mouth, but I controlled myself. I said to him, “What you just did was really bad.” He cried the whole way home as I pushed the stroller with one hand and tried to stop the bleeding on Đán’s nose with the other.

As soon as we got home, the boy cried louder and told his mom that I said he was a bad boy. His mom hugged him and calmed him down. She didn’t say a word to Đán and didn’t even bother to see if he was OK.

I am not sure why I didn’t write down this incident at the time. The details are still clear in my head. Not his bloody nose, but the devastated look on Đán’s face when the leaves were ripped apart has never escaped my mind. I understood the feeling of something you treasured shattered in front of your eyes. I could never forgive myself for my inability to keep the leaves safe like I had promised my son.

Instead of going to church, artist Byron Kim paints the sky almost every Sunday for the past seventeen years. He also writes a short comment on his work. Vinson Cunningham has written a nice piece about it.

Check out eight totally hilarious reasons from Chase Olivarius-McAllister.

With Xuân being too young, I hardly get to interact with Đạo and Đán when we go out together. As a result, I wanted to spend one-on-one time with each of the boy. On Tuesday night, I asked them who wanted to go out with me tomorrow and they both raised their hand. I explained to them that one can go this week and the other one can go next week. Đán said, “OK, Đạo can go first.” Then Đạo said, “But it wouldn’t be as fun without Đán.” I suggested that all three of us go and they both agreed.

My one-on-one plan failed, but we had fun. I took them to their favorite spot, Bon Chon Chicken, for dinner. Then we headed to Chuck E. Cheese’s for some gaming. After that, We hit the library to check out some books. Đạo asked me to help him find books on the Titanic. I pointed him to the information desk and asked for help. He told me to come alone and I told him to go by himself. He took Đán with him. They had a bunch of books. I think Đán took them out just so he could use the self-checkout machine.

They behaved rather well the entire time. I asked them if they would like to do this again. Đạo said yes but “poor mommy had to stay home. Maybe we can stay home and take care of Xuân so she could have some time alone.” What a lovely thought.

At this point we all need some time out to calm our mind. Except for last night, I have not slept much since Sunday. I need time to figure out the way forward. Spending the next four days and nights together is not going to resolve the situation. Since the kid is already feeling uncomfortable around our kids, why do we want to put him through it?

All I am suggesting is that we need some time off. Give the kid a chance to build his confident and feel comfortable. At the same time, we need the time to talk to our kids about bullying. I was bullied from fifth grade and throughout middle school. I was called “Ching chong” and all the racist Asian terms out there. I was pushed and shoved for standing up for myself. I never brought it up to my mom because I afraid it would hurt her. One time I got punched, fought back, and got suspended; therefore, I could not hide it from her. I did not know that fighting back could also cause me a three-day suspension. I cried during the three days and my grades dropped drastically at the end of that quarter. After that incident, I made a promised to myself that I will not let them beat me academically even if they could beat me physically.

From my own first-hand experience of being bullied, I thought I understood bullying. I would hate to see my kids turning into bullies; therefore, I still need to find the line for bullying. Is saying “If you don’t say ‘wow’ to our baby then we won’t say ‘wow’ to your baby” considered bullying? Is that statement worth crying out loud? Do the parents need to step in to defend that? All these issues needed to be worked out.

I am not trying to avoid the situation. They are cousins and I can’t separate them forever. From summer vacation to family reunion, there will be plenty of time for them to be together. Now is not the time. Everyone is too emotional. I am writing this blog post means that I am too. I don’t want to spend four days and nights watching the kids’ every move to make sure that our kids won’t make the other kid upset and to make sure that the parents aren’t jumping at the kids’ throat. Why putting everyone through misery?

I proposed that we treat it like playdates. One or two hours a week until the kid feel comfortable again. I don’t see that as avoiding the problem.

Ba đã quá hèn nhát nên đã không lên tiếng khi tụi con bị người lớn vì bênh vực con mình mà đã giận dữ với tụi con. Thậm chí cả ba cũng rầy la tụi con khi thấy con người ta khóc. Người ta thương yêu con họ hơn ba yêu thương tụi con. Ba vì sợ mếch lòng người lớn nên đã yên lặng.

Nhưng ba rất hảnh diện khi thấy tụi con bị đối xử như vậy mà vẫn không khóc. Cuộc đời này là vậy đó con. Trong tương lai con sẽ còn gặp nhiều chuyện khó khăn hơn. Nếu con có nghị lực sẽ không ai có thể đánh gục tụi con. Cha mẹ sẽ không lúc nào cũng ở bên con. Nên tụi con phải mạnh dạn lên. Đừng để thiên hạ làm tổn thương đến con.

Be resilient, my sons.

Just read Le Guin’s excellent No Time to Spare last December and found out she passed way on Monday. RIP.

Max Fisher and Amanda Taub explain democracy in a short, well-executed video.

A short, insightful interview with Tonya Harding on “The Daily.” Worth listening on your commute.