Hai tuần nghỉ làm nhanh chóng trôi qua. Tôi chẳng đi nghỉ mát cũng chẳng có kế hoạch gì nhưng đã toại nguyện được một điều nho nhỏ nhưng rất ý nghĩa. Đó là dành thời gian với hai đứa nhỏ, nhất là thằng con trai út.

Thời khóa biểu hằng ngày của tôi trong hai tuần qua rất đơn giản. Sáng dậy sớm, khuấy cà phê đá, ăn điểm tâm nhẹ, chạy xe ra công viên trượt (skatepark), trượt patanh lên xuống đèo, hít thở không khí trong lành của buổi sáng, và thưởng thức tiếng ve kêu. Loại ve cicadas đặc biệt này chỉ lên mặt đất mỗi 17 năm nên phải dành thời gian chiêm ngưỡng.

Khoảng 9:30 sáng về lại nhà để chuẩn bị rước Xuân và Vương đi khám phá sân chơi (playround). Mỗi ngày tôi tìm một sân chơi với điều kiện là phải rộng lớn và sáng tạo để hai đứa nhỏ không bị nhàm chán. Khoảng 11 giờ chúng tôi lên đường. Lái xe từ 30 đến 40 phút. Trước khi đến sân chơi, tôi tìm chỗ ăn trưa. Gần tiệm Việt Nam thì ăn phở hoặc cơm sườn. Không gần tiệm Việt Nam thì ăn McDonald’s. Ăn uống no nê thì ba cha con đến sân chơi khoảng 2 tiếng đồng hồ. Trên đường lái xe về thì hai đứa lăng ra ngủ.

Qua hai tuần liên tiếp như thế chúng tôi đã khám phá được 10 sân chơi khác nhau và mỗi sân có mỗi đặc điểm riêng. Ngoài đi sân chơi, tôi cũng đi trượt băng thường xuyên với mấy thằng lớn. Được hai tuần nhưng thế là niềm vui và hạnh phúc của tôi. Thứ nhất là để cho vợ và mẹ vợ những giờ phút không bị quấy nhiễu. Thứ nhì là tôi được bên cạnh hai đứa nhỏ. Thường ngày thì Vương không chịu xa mẹ nhưng mỗi lần hỏi nó đi playground không thì nó tự động đi lấy giày và vớ.

Có những phút giây cùng hai đứa nhỏ rong chơi bỗng nhiên làm tôi nhớ đến ba. Những ngày tháng được sống bên ba quá ngắn ngủi và điều đó đã ảnh hưởng rất nặng nề trong suốt cuộc của tôi. Tuy là cha con nhưng hai người đã sống trong hai thế giới khác nhau. Người sống ở quê nhà, người sống ở quê người. Giờ đây hai người đã cách xa mãi mãi. Người đã vĩnh viễn ra đi, người còn ở trọ trần gian. Nếu có duyên xin hẹn gặp lại ba kiếp sau.

Barbara Demick’s new book is a powerful and challenging read on the ruthless colonization of the Tibetans by the Communist Chinese. Tibetans, particularly in Ngaba town, do not get the fundamental rights like most Chinese citizens. They have no right to study their own language nor the right to practice their religion. As a result, Tibetans turned to self-immolations. Demick’s reporting on auto-cremation is soul crushing. It gives me a chill just to imagine drinking and soaking yourself in gasoline then lighting yourself on fire. With Demick’s meticulous, brave investigative reporting and articulate storytelling, this book is hard to read, yet harder to put down. I am grateful for her work and this book will stay with me for a long time. The human rights crisis in Tibet makes me realize how fortunate we are living in a democratic country. We need to defend and protect our democracy.

R.O. Kwon writes for Vanity Fair:

For now, until and unless more changes, the attacks will keep happening: I hear about new attacks on Asian people almost every day. And as long as our gun laws are as lax as they are, there will be more mass shootings; most likely, there will be more hate-based atrocities targeting marginalized groups. In other words, we need one another.

The entire essay is worth reading.

When I started ice skating group lessons in December 2020, I took one class then I had to leave town for a while. I asked Đán to take over my place. He started in Beta with his group age. Since then, he continued to take group lessons with the same classmates. He befriended a girl named Reece.

Before their class began, they spent twenty minutes skating together in the rink and chatting. During class, he shaved the ice with his skates to make snowballs because he got bored. He gave them to her and she smashed them.

As they advanced into higher levels, she excelled in figure skating. He was only interested in speed for ice hockey. He could perform most of the skills, but he couldn’t do the ones that required figure skates. For months I begged him to switch to figure skates, but he refused. He put them on and skated around the rink twice and gave up. He was determined to go into hockey.

Last Tuesday, I accidentally put his right hockey skate and Đạo’s right hockey skate in the same bag. They both have the same hockey skates. When we found out, it was almost time for his lesson. I asked Đán to use Đạo’s figure skates instead and he agreed to give it another try. I laced him up and let him skate around a bit before class so he can get a bit comfortable in them. Reece joined him and showed him the jumps and spins she learned in private lessons. I talked to her mother and she informed me that Reece is taking both group and private lessons. No wonder she excelled so quickly.

Đán did well in class using the figure skates. His transition was much quicker than mine. He could do inside 3-turns, inside-outside edges, and lunges. The only thing he could do was the bunny hops, which required the toe picks from figure skates. After his class, I complimented him on how well he did and he told me he would like to continue with figure skate lessons. He wanted to do both figure and hockey.

Last night, I took him to the rink for the 8:30 PM public session, which was way less crowded than the 5 PM session, to learn the bunny hop. Using Coach Julia’s video, I showed him the technique and he could do the bunny hops in a few minutes. Then we spotted Reece and her mother skating as well. The two kids went off on their own. I chatted with her mother a bit. It was the second time we talked and she was very friendly.

Đán and Reece will have a test next week and that would be it. Since Đán expressed his interest in continuing figure skating lessons, I asked her if she would sign her daughter up for the next level. She told me that she won’t because they will spend six months in California. The kids continued to skate together and I practiced my inside 3-turns for the entire session. It was cute watching them skating and talking.

As we drove home, Đán said that Reece told him that she will be gone for a while; therefore, she won’t be taking anymore lessons. He asked me if he could talk to her over the phone or if he could text her. She is the only friend that he could talk to. My heart melted. He has just found a friend and now she won’t be around.

I am planning to ask her mother next week for her phone number so they can stay connected. I hope it won’t be too weird or too awkward.

As I was pushing my kids on the swing at the playground, a white man, in his mid 70s, sat on a bench blowing his cornet. His tone was sweet and mellow. He was with his granddaughter. I complimented him, “Your playing is beautiful. You have Miles’s touch.” He replied, “I met Mr. Davis at a jazz workshop in 1964 and I asked him if I could shake his hand and he said ‘hell no.’” I smiled and responded, “Yes, that’s Miles.”

We talked about Pops, Bird, Trane, Cannonball, and other jazz legends. I said to him that in addition to Miles, I also love Brownie, but he didn’t know Clifford Brown, the golden boy of jazz trumpet. I told him that Brownie was one of the best bebop trumpeters in the 50s. Unfortunately he died in a car crash at the age of 25; therefore, not too many people knew about him. He asked me for my age and if I played any instrument. He was surprised that I knew so much about jazz. Although I am 43 and don’t play any instrument, I listened extensively and read voraciously on jazz.

He told me that he served during the Vietnam War and he played for hundreds of funerals for fallen soldiers. I also told him that I am Vietnamese-American. We talked about Nam a bit then he asked for my wife’s name and he improvised a short tune for her. I asked him if I could record him so I could share it with my wife. It would be a nice gift for her since we reached our thirteenth anniversary yesterday. He agreed. His improvisation was beautiful.

We talked some more about music and Vietnam then he switched to politics. He said, “The current president is a mess. He looks half drunk most of the time. Donald Trump was a great president who loved every American, but I don’t want to get into politics.” I replied, “Let’s not go there.” I thanked him for the tune and for his service.

My kids like to drink Yakut and they would pop one bottle after another. To reduce the amount of bottles they consume, I mix them with lemon or hand-squeezed orange juice and ice. I liked the orange mix. It has a fruity flavor. The other day, I dropped in two shots of Chung Ha (Korean Saké), and it tasted so much better. As a result, I called it Daddy’s Yakut. Here are the ingredients.

• 1 fresh hand-squeezed orange
• 2 bottles of Yakut
• 2 shots of Chung Ha (Korean Saké)

Put all ingredients in the shaker and add ice. Shake well and pour everything into a highball glass and enjoy.

My ice skating trajectory is taking a few setbacks. The transition from hockey to figure skate plays a part of it. I have to relearn everything I had done in the past and I also want to learn new skills. As a result, I lost my focus. I kept switching from one thing to another.

The other part is fear of falling. Even though I wore a helmet and strapped up my protection gears, I still can’t overcome my fear. Seeing people hurt themselves on ice made me feel intimidated. If I want to go further, I need to get the fearness out of my head.

In several previous public sessions, I could not skate much. I got so frustrated. In the last session, I decided to just take one thing at a time like I used to do in the past. I just focused on one skill until I could do it then move on to the next.

Group lessons for my age haven’t opened up yet and I decided not to take private lessons either. I want to try learning on my own based on the skill levels listed on the test chart from my group lessons. For the techniques, I find Coach Julia’s YouTube channel to be straightforward and easy to follow. I want to do this until I get used to my figure skates. I am in no rush to get anywhere. I just wanted to learn new skills to keep me engaged in this sport.

After thirteen years through thick and thin together, I still have tremendous respect, admiration, and love for my wife. Last year in particular, was a challenge for us. Once again, our relationship was put through a difficult test.

As the global pandemic hit our country, schools shut down and daycares closed. We both had to work from home, kept our two older sons online schooling, and took care of our two younger sons. We had a difficult time to navigate and adapt to the new circumstance, but we pulled through with the tremendous help from my mother-in-law.

With everyone masking up and taking every precaution, I thought we could ride through this pandemic safely. Then the bad news came when my father was diagnosed with stage-four pancreatic cancer. He passed away and I didn’t get to see him because of the traveling restrictions from Vietnam. Then the worst news came when my mother was tested COVID positive. It shook me to the core. I did not expect it nor I was prepared for it. I had to rely on my wife and her mother to take care of our kids so I could be away for a while.

Then my mother passed away. I lost both of my parents within a month. I was beyond devastated. My heart broke and my soul shattered. I was drowning in sorrow. I didn’t know if I could go on if I didn’t have my wife and kids. They helped me to hold on, to rise above water, and to stay sober. I wanted to reach out to the liquor so badly, but I did not take a drop in that period. If I did, I would have fallen deep and fast into depression. I needed to stay strong for my family. I wrote and wrote instead.

I know I am not a perfect husband, but my love for her is real and I have no problem letting her know. In fact, I have no problem letting the whole world know. Unlike me, my wife does not express herself, but I can feel her deep love. She is a caring daughter, a loving mother, and an understanding partner.

In the past few weeks, I revisited the web page I created for our wedding. Rereading our story and looking at our photographs brought back so many memories and inspired me to expand our love notes. For our thirteenth anniversary, I would like to share our story with you.

Love Notes

Hải Dung and I met through my blog, where she read my amateur reviews on Vietnamese music. When she was searching for an apartment in Poughkeepsie, New York, she reached out to me for advice since I had been living in town and working at Vassar College. Of course, I said yes and asked for her phone number so we could be in contact. I didn’t have the courage to call her because I didn’t want to embarrass myself. Even though I had lived in Poughkeepsie for a few years, I didn’t venture out much and didn’t know much about the area. I stayed silent, but my instinct told me that she was someone special.

A week, a month, and then three months went by. I stared at her phone number, but I still couldn’t make the call. Why was I nervous? What did I have to lose? What if she was the one? These questions helped me pull together my confidence to place that call. My heart beat out of my chest when she said, “hello.” I nervously explained to her who I was, but she could not remember. I felt awkward and embarrassed. As I was about to say, “Sorry for bothering you,” and to hang up the phone, her memory came back. At this point, she already found an apartment and settled in. The only thing I could offer to her was, “Do you want to hang out sometimes since we’re in the same area?” To my surprise, she said, “Yes.”

I invited her to Upstate Films, my favorite independent movie theater in the area. After the movie, I didn’t want our “date” to end; therefore, I invited her to a late dinner. While I could barely eat whatever I ordered, I watched her enjoying a huge plate of shrimp pasta at ten o’clock at night. I was impressed. I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

We continued to exchange emails and dine out at various restaurants around us. We sat by the Hudson River relaxing after a long day at work and chatting about our family, particularly our parents. I told her how I felt about her, but she didn’t reciprocate. She didn’t respond one way or the other, but we continued to see each other once or twice a week. I didn’t know what to think. It seemed as if we were stuck in the friend zone.

Then one beautiful summer evening, we sat side by side on the bench having a passionate conversation about Vietnamese music. She pointed her finger in my direction and I grabbed her hand. To my surprise, she didn’t pull back. I held on to her hand for as long as I could. Our relationship began on a whole new level.

As Hải Dung and I got to know each other, we found out that we shared many common values and interests. We were family oriented, proud of our Vietnamese background, and passionate about Vietnamese music. Vietnamese melodies and lyrics connected us to our roots. To document our love notes, we have selected seven Vietnamese intimate ballads that illustrate our story.

Tình tự mùa xuân

Music & lyrics: Từ Công Phụng
Vocal: Tuấn Ngọc
Listen

Tuấn Ngọc is one of our favorite Vietnamese balladeers. When he sings romantic ballads, he pours his heart out. As I was driving Hải Dung back to her apartment from one of our date nights, “Tình Tự Mùa Xuân” came on and Tuấn Ngọc’s vocals swept us away. I had listened to this tune many times before, but the magic only worked when she was by my side.

Em lại đây với anh
Ngồi đây với anh
Trong cuộc đời này.
Nghe thời gian lướt qua
Mùa xuân khẽ sang
Chừng như không gian đang sưởi ấm
những giọt tình nồng.

Come to me,
Sit by my side,
Share this life with me.
Listen to the time glide by,
As the soft approach of spring,
Warms the air
And our tender tears of love.

I didn’t need to say a word. Tuấn Ngọc’s charming voice expressed my feelings at that moment. We held each other’s hand and appreciated our company.

Bài ca hạnh ngộ

Music & lyrics: Lê Uyên Phương
Vocal: Thiên Phượng
Listen

As Hải Dung and I decided to embark on our life journey together, we recognized the rough, treacherous road ahead, but we will make it if we hold on to each other’s hand and never let go. When our relationship got tough, we reminded ourselves of Lê Uyên Phương’s advice:

Rồi mai đây đi trên đường đời
Đừng buông tay âm thầm tìm về cô đơn.

Later, on the journey through life,
Don’t let go of my hand to seek your quiet solitude.

The soft and fragility in Thiên Phượng’s voice somehow carried the weight of these meaningful lyrics. As long as we hold on, we won’t be alone. We will always have each other.

Vì đó là em

Music & lyrics: Diệu Hương
Vocal: Quang Dũng
Listen

Through his warm baritone, Quang Dũng captured the romantic beauty in Diệu Hương’s lyrics. His sincerity was felt when he delivered these lines:

Không cần biết em là ai
Không cần biết em từ đâu
Không cần biết em ngày sau.
Ta yêu em bằng mấy ngàn biển rộng
Ta yêu em qua đông tàn ngày tận
Yêu em như yêu vùng trời mênh mông.

Who you are doesn’t matter,
Where you’re from, I don’t wonder,
What you’ll be, I don’t worry.
My love is a thousand oceans strong,
My love will fight winters and eternities long,
My love, like the sky, will always be.

“Sure my dear, I love you just the way you are,” I made a joke and she accused me of “dẻo mồm” (smooth talker). Called me whatever she wanted, but I loved seeing her smile. She had a beautiful smile.

Nụ hôn gửi gió

Music: Hoàng Việt Khanh
lyrics: Hiền Vy
Vocal: Quang Lý
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I played this rare, contemporary, folk tune, composed by Hoàng Việt Khanh, to Hải Dung because I loved Quang Lý’s delightful delivery. She immediately gravitated toward Hiền Vy’s lovely lyrics:

Môi em mọng đỏ, là đỏ như mơ
Cho anh nhờ gió hôn vào là vào môi em.

Your full red lips, crimson like a ripe apricot,
Let me summon the breeze to give them a gentle kiss.

What a graceful, subtle approach to express affections for your lover.

Niệm khúc cuối

Music & lyrics: Ngô Thụy Miên
Vocal: Thụy Vũ
Listen

The first time she invite me over to her apartment for dinner, I brought along a bottle of wine and Thụy Vũ’s solo debut, “Tháng sáu trời mưa.” As we wined and dined, “Niệm khúc cuối” came on. I invited her to dance with me for the first time. It felt like heaven. Of course, we had to pick this tune for our first dance at our wedding. Ngô Thụy Miên’s lyrics touched our souls every time:

Cho tôi xin em như gối mộng
Cho tôi ôm em vào lòng.
Xin cho một lần, cho đêm mặn nồng
Yêu thương vợ chồng.

Be the pillow I embrace,
Let me hold you in my arms,
Let us share warm nights together,
Loving one another as husband and wife.

Rồi đây anh sẽ đưa em về nhà

Music & lyrics: Phạm Duy
Vocal: Mộng Thúy

A lovely ballad from Phạm Duy reminds us of the days we sat at Eastman Park talking about life, family, music, and everything else until two in the morning. Accompanied by a simple, elegant piano, Mộng Thúy’s sweet soprano brings us back those memories:

Rồi đây anh sẽ đưa em trở về
Về nơi công viên yên vui lặng lẽ.
Hãy ngồi đây, ghế đá ngày xưa
Dưới hàng thông có gió lửng lơ.

And I will return with you
To the quiet park of our youth,
Where we may sit on the old bench
Under pines caressed by the breeze.

Bài không tên số 28

Music & lyrics: Vũ Thành An
Vocal: Tuấn Ngọc
Listen

Our love story is filled with memories and this is just the beginning. Each day our love grows stronger than the day before and we’re looking forward to sharing our lives together:

Cho đến trăm năm vẫn còn say
Xin đến trăm năm không rời tay.
Until a hundred years pass, our love shall never end,
For a hundred years more, never letting go.

Thanks to Đỗ Trọng and Anh-Chi Đỗ for all English translations.

A few weeks ago, the kitchen faucet hose leaked when I pulled the sprayer. I just needed to replace the hose, which was simple to do. We have a pulldown Moen faucet. My wife ordered the Replacement Hose kit for Moen Kitchen Faucets (Pulldown 150259) from Amazon for $20. Here’s the video I followed.

Yesterday, my wife pulled the fan string and broke the chain. I had to open up the fan’s box to fix the three-speed switch. Although this video walked through the entire process, the reassemble part was difficult to follow. It took me over an hour just to get it right. Since my switches were clear plastic, I used the light switch as a reference to put all the pieces together. If you want a quicker solution, just order a new switch for $8.

Back in the 90s, a tune called “Boulevard” was widely covered by Vietnamese-American singers including Tuấn Ngọc, Don Hồ, and Kenny Thái. It’s a sweet, soft ballad by Dan Byrd, but I actually haven’t listened to the original version.

I have listened to both the English version as well as the Vietnamese translation, but I didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics. I just happened to come across it again on YouTube today and I found the lyrics quite suggestive. For example, “I beg you please I’m on my knees / If that’s what you want me to.” While you’re down there…

Then the chorus really got me: “Come again you would release my pain / And we could be lovers again.” You want your lover to “come” again? That sounds off-putting.

In a medley with Don Hồ on “Paris by Night 98,” Như Loan wisely switched out the English bars:

“Never knew that it would go so far
When you left me on that boulevard
Hãy quay về đừng để hồn em thương đau
Và hãy nói mình vẫn luôn có nhau.”

I thought she was conscious of the lyrics; therefore, she sang in Vietnamese instead. But then she returned and even begged her lover, “Please come again, you would release my pain / And we could be lovers again.” Then she and Don Hồ kept repeating those two bars until their performance was finished. They gave me a weird vibe.

I am only kidding. It’s a lovely song.