when it come back around
The purpose is in the lessons we learnin’ now
Sacrifice personal gain over everything
Just to see the next generation better than ours
I wasn’t perfect, the skin I was in had truly suffered
Temptation, impatience, everything that the body nurtures
I felt the good, I felt the bad, and I felt the worry
But all-in-all, my productivity had stayed urgent
Face your fears, always knew that I would make it here
Where the energy is magnified and persevered
Consciousness is synchronized and crystal-clear
Euphoria is glorified and made His
Reflectin’ on my life and what I’ve done
Paid dues, made rules, change outta love
Them same views made schools change curriculums
But didn’t change me starin’ down the barrel of the gun
Should I feel resentful I didn’t see my full potential?
Should I feel regret about the good that I was into?
Everything is everything, this ain’t coincidental
I woke up that morning with more heart to give you
As I bleed through the speakers, feel my presence
To my brother, to my kids, I’m in Heaven
To my mother, to my sis’, I’m in Heaven
To my father, to my wife, I am serious, this is Heaven
To my friends, make sure you countin’ them blessings
To my fans, make sure you make them investments
And to the killer that sped up my demise
I forgive you, just know your soul’s in question
I seen the pain in your pupil when that trigger had squeezed
And though you did me gruesome, I was surely relieved
I completed my mission, wasn’t ready to leave
But fulfilled my days, my Creator was pleased
I can’t stress how I love y’all
I don’t need to be in flesh just to hug y’all
The memories recollect just because y’all
Celebrate me with respect
The unity we protect is above all
And Sam, I’ll be watchin’ over you
Make sure my kids watch all my interviews
Make sure you live out our dreams we produced
Keep that genius in your brain on the move
And to my neighborhood, let the good prevail
Make sure them babies and the leaders outta jail
Look for salvation when troubles get real
’Cause you can’t help the world until you help yourself
And I can’t blame the hood the day that I was killed
Y’all had to see it, that’s the only way to feel
And though my physical won’t reap the benefits
The energy that carry on emits still
I want you

Kendrick Lamar (Excerpt from “The Heart Part 5”)

The people of Ukraine are putting their lives on the line to defend their country, freedom, and democracy. You are sitting here stressed out about your damn mundane life. Get a grip, motherfucker.

I used to rock CK & DKNY. These days I rock AE (Amazon Essentials).

The day I chose humanity over religion
The family got closer, it was all forgiven
I said them F-bombs, I ain’t know any better
Mistakenly, I ain’t think that you’d know any different
See, I was taught words was nothing more than a sound
If ever they was pronounced without any intentions
The very second you challenged the shit I was kicking
Reminded me about a show I did out the city
That time I brung a fan on stage to rap
But disapproved the word that she couldn’t say with me
You said, “Kendrick, ain’t no room for contradiction
To truly understand love, switch position
’Faggot, faggot, faggot,’ we can say it together
But only if you let a white girl say ‘Nigga’”

Kendrick Lamar (Excerpt from “Auntie Diaries”)

I am a lazy-ass poetry reader. I want the poems to come to me rather I come to the poems. I read Colm Tóibín’s collection almost to the end before I started to pick his style and content. Maybe he writes about places I have no clue, such as Dublin and Wexford. Of course I could pick up the political scene “In Washington DC” and “In the White House.” The pieces I enjoy have simple structures such as “Canal Water” and “Prayer to St Agnes.” My favorite piece is “Eve.” It is just hilarious.

Rất hiếm mới được thưởng thức một album Việt jazz trọn vẹn từ đầu đến cuối. Ngọc Linh đã thành công trong lĩnh vực này với album Tự tình. Với chất giọng ấm áp nồng nàn, Ngọc Linh chuyên trở dòng nhạc tình đầy cảm xúc và lãng mạn. Tuy nhiên, Tự tình được nâng cao nhờ phần hòa âm và phối khí đặc sắc của Phan Cường, Hữu Hiệp, và Thiện Trần. Dĩ nhiên không thiếu sự cống hiến quan trọng của các nhạc sĩ chơi nhạc cụ.

Đã nghe qua một số nam ca sĩ trình bài nhạc phẩm “Vì đó là em” (Diệu Hương) và cách hát của Tuấn Ngọc thì đỉnh rồi nhưng phần hòa âm cho anh không đạt so với âm hưởng blues trong version cho Ngọc Linh. Từ bài pop ballad mà phối lại với blues jazz nghe hơi bị phê.

“Thành phố buồn nằm nghe khói tỏa / Người lưa thưa chìm dưới sương mù”, nghe Ngọc Linh hát câu này với tiếng jazz khiến cho người nghe có thể cảm nhận được cái “Thành phố buồn” của nhạc sĩ Lam Phương. Chắc tại “Tôi đưa em sang sông” (Y Vũ và Nhật Ngân) mà đi tửng tửng theo điệu funk nên “Hôm nao em sang ngang, bằng xe hoa thay con thuyền?” mà cũng chẳng biết.

Dường như bài hoà âm nào cho “Ảo ảnh” (Y Vân) cũng theo điệu bossa nova nhưng version cho Ngọc Linh được hương vị Latin đậm đà. Tình khúc lãng mạn, “Tình tự mùa xuân” (Từ Công Phụng), được pha một chút blues jazz vào cho thêm phần thấm thía.

Tự tình là một album tôi sẽ nghe đi nghe lại nhiều lần trong năm 2023.

Egotistic, zero-given fucks and to be specific
Need assistance with the way I was brought up
What’s the difference when your heart is made of stone
And your mind is made of gold
And your tongue is made of sword, but it may weaken your soul?
My niggas ain’t got no daddy, grow up overcompensatin’
Learn shit ’bout bein’ a man and disguise it as bein’ gangsta
I love my father for tellin’ me to take off the gloves
’Cause everything he didn’t want was everything I was
And to my partners that figured it out without a father
I salute you, may your blessings be neutral to your toddlers
It’s crucial, they can’t stop us if we see the mistakes
’Til then, let’s give the women a break, grown men with daddy issues.

Kendrick Lamar (Excerpt from “Father Time”)

Giọng của Ngân Thùy cũng tốt nhưng thiếu nét riêng. Nếu như phải đoán giọng ca của cô thì chắc sẽ không dễ dàng nhận ra trong một rừng ca sĩ của âm nhạc trong nước. Tôi cũng rất thích lối hoà âm và phối khí của nhạc sĩ Đạo Nguyễn nhưng trong album này không hiệu quả lắm. Những bài phối của anh chỉ nhẹ nhàng theo sao giọng hát của Ngân Thùy chứ không làm tăng thêm phần trình bài của cô. Ngân Thùy hát lại những ca khúc cũ với lối hoà âm hơi bị smooth quá.

Eight billion people on Earth, silent murderers
Non-profits, preachers and church, crooks and burglars
Hollywood corporate in school, teachin’ philosophies
You either gon’ be dead or in jail, killer psychology
Silent murderer, what’s your body count? Who your sponsorship?
Objectified so many bitches, I killed their confidence
The media’s the new religion, you killed the consciousness
Your jealousy is way too pretentious, you killed accomplishments
Niggas killed freedom of speech, everyone sensitive
If your opinion fuck ’round and leak, might as well send your will
The industry has killed the creators, I’ll be the first to say
To each exec’, “I’m saving your children”—We can’t negotiate
I caught a couple of bodies myself, slid my community
My last Christmas toy drive in Compton handed out eulogies
Not because the rags in the park had red gradient
But because the high blood pressure flooded the caterin’
So what’s the difference ’tween your life when hiding motives?
More fatalities and reality bring you closure
The noble person that goes to work and pray like they ’posed to?
Slaughter people too, your murder’s just a bit slower.

Kendrick Lamar (Excerpt from “Worldwide Steppers”)

This afternoon, I attended the AAPI faculty group meeting via Zoom. When we broke into small groups, we discussed support and stress relief. On the latter, I shared that I took my kids to the skateparks. I rollerbladed to help ease all the tensions. We also hit the slopes skiing and snowboarding. A Chinese-American faculty member shared that she watched K-Dramas when she had time to herself. A Korean-American staff member shared that she had been too busy with work and kids; therefore, she hadn’t time to herself.

With support, we talked about the vibrant Asian communities in Virginia including Vietnamese, Korean, and Chinese. I shared about the support I got from my co-workers. One of them also concurred about the support she received from her colleagues. The example she gave was when she went to the funeral of her son’s best friend who killed himself, her colleagues showed her their support. Her son and his best friend were in college together. I didn’t know what made that young man take his own life, but my heart sank. I just can’t even begin to imagine how the kid’s parents would cope with their loss.

The tragic story has kept me thinking about my own kids, especially the older ones. I love them way too much and I care about them too deeply. I want to make sure that they won’t screw up their lives. Instead of helping them, I am turning into a control freak. They hate me and they say I am ruining their lives. They may be right. I don’t know what I am doing. Like everything I have cared so deeply for, I ended up ruining it. Maybe I should just care less and give them the freedom to live their own lives. If they don’t want to hang out with me, I won’t force them. If they want to spend time on their digital devices, I’ll let them. I need to learn to let go.

Since my mother’s passing, I am still carrying on the pain. I thought of her often. Glimpses of her playing on my mind made me weep. My life has not been the same after she departed. My emotions had all screwed up. The more I cared about something; the more I became erratic. I ended up making poor choices. I messed up all my relationships, especially the ones I cared too much about. Instead of caring too much, I am learning to care less. For the most part, it is working out well.

I avoid getting too comfortable around people. Even with my relatives, I remind myself to just shut up and walk away. I used to be passionate about my work. Now I just remove myself from discussions and let people be the experts in my field. My older kids are growing and they want to live their lives. I am not going to get into their way. My drinking friends, after getting wasted, see you next time.

I am not being careless. I just need to care less. When I cared too deeply, I felt like I was on the verge of breaking down. I couldn’t control the monster in me. Caring less means letting go of things I cannot control. I can’t control my mother’s death. I can’t control my kids. I can’t control my work. I can’t control my own life. I never wanted to be in control. I am not a dictator. I just want the best for the people I love. If my kids turn out bad, they will suffer, not me. If they turn out good, that’s great for them and that’s what I want. I don’t want them to be miserable because they have a controlling father. They are grown now and it is time to let them go. It’s time to refocus my attention on the younger ones.