I have been dealing with shit since we started potty train Đán during the holidays. It hasn’t been too successful. I take him to pee pee every hour or two, but he doesn’t like to sit on the toilet to do number two. Accidents happened every day and I had to wash his clothes. He doesn’t seem to be ready yet.

Đán is getting closed to be three and a half, at the point when Đạo stopped wearing diaper completely. He just did it on his own. One day he decided to get rid of his diaper. We didn’t train him much. He had one or two pee pee accidents, but no poo poo.

Maybe we should just wait for Đán to decide for himself when he feels ready.

Up till now, I have always used the Apple EarPods. It’s small and convenient. The sound is decent. The problem is that I keep losing them or leaving them in my pants’ pockets and they ended up in the washer and dryer. I go through at least 4 sets a year. For Christmas, I asked for a pair of Beats, but my wife got me a Sennheiser Urbanite XL instead.

When I first received it, I was not fond of the price tag. She convinced me to give it a try. I have to admit; it sounds pretty damn amazing. I could hear the vibration of the thumping bass on a hip-hop track and the crispness of the brushwork on the drums on a jazz ballad. It sure makes the listening experience much more pleasurable.

I am still adjusting to the bulkiness of the headphone since I am so used to the convenient of the EarPods. When I took a walk in the cold to get lunch, however, the headphone not only provides me top-notch sound, but also protects my ears from the chilly wind. I am keeping it. Thank you, wonderful wife.

Những ngày nghỉ lể đã nhanh chóng trôi qua. Ngày mai phải trở lại với công việc và cuộc sống hằng ngày. Hai tuần qua đã cho tôi một thời gian ngắn ngủi để được thay đổi chính mình. Tôi đã tạo được cái căn bản để sống vui tươi và nhẹ nhàng hơn. Thay vì phải suy nghỉ đến những ước muốn xa tầm tay đem đến cảm giác thất vọng thì tôi chỉ quý và trân trọng những gì mình đang có. Hi vọng sẽ xóa đi những cám vỗ và cạm bẫy trong cuộc sống.

Với lối sống hiện tại con người dễ dàng rời vào những tham vọng, ganh ghét và đua đòi. Nếu như nói tôi không có những điều đó thì chỉ là giả dối. Tôi không phải là thần thánh. Nhưng nếu muốn đạt được một cuộc sống giản dị và thoải mái tôi cần phải sửa đổi chính mình. Thật ra muốn vượt qua những suy nghỉ ấy đối với tôi không khó vì tôi cũng chỉ là một người tầm thường. Dù có tham vọng cách mấy cũng không đưa tôi đến đâu cả. Lúc xưa tôi nghỉ có tham vọng mới có tiến. Giờ đã khác. Ganh ghét chỉ tự làm khổ cho bản thân mình. Thôi thì công việc mình mình làm. Đời sống mình mình sống. Hơi sức đâu phải ganh ghét người khác. Đua đòi cũng thế. Nhìn lên thì không bằng ai. Dù có cố gắng đua đòi cách mấy cũng vậy. Núi cao còn có núi cao hơn. Thôi thì nên hài lòng những gì đang có trong hiện tại.

Với tôi hiện tại không gì quang trọng hơn một gia đình êm ấm và hạnh phúc. Lúc trước tôi thường nghỉ đến sự đỗ vỡ và thất bại trong cuộc sống và gia đình. Bây giờ tôi chỉ muốn sống trong hiện tại. Nếu có trục trặc thì sửa lại cho phù hợp.

Hôm nay chỉ là một ngày thứ Sáu bình thường. Ngoài việc dành thời gian cho gia đình tôi còn được thưởng thức món tôi thèm mà đã lâu (hơn bảy năm) không ăn. Vợ người Bắc nên chưa từng ăn mắm kho. Vậy mà hôm nay cũng cố gắng nấu lần đầu cho chồng thử. Kết quả rất ngon và vừa miệng. Thế nhưng gia đình bên vợ chẵng ai ăn. Má vợ và vợ của anh vợ chỉ thử một chút. Còn bao nhiêu tôi chơi hết. Thấy vợ cũng chịu khó nấu ăn vì thương chồng tôi rất cảm động. Mông rằng tình cảm vợ chồng lúc nào cũng mặn mà như nồi mắm kho.

Với tôi điều quang trọng trong hiện tại chỉ cần sống vui và hạnh phúc. Đêm nay nghe lại bài hát êm dịu của Trịnh Công Sơn (do Hồng Nhung hát) đem lại cho tôi một cảm giác nhẹ nhàng đó:

Mỗi ngày tôi chọn một niềm vui
Chọn những bông hoa và những nụ cười
Tôi nhặt gió trời mời em giữ lấy
Để mắt em cười tựa lá bay

Và như thế tôi sống vui từng ngày
Và như thế tôi đến trong cuộc đời
Đã yêu cuộc đời này bằng trái tim của tôi

The new year has begun. I am on the right track of limiting digital distractions. More times are spent with family, especially the boys. I even keep a book out of sight so I don’t pick it up while I am with them.

We have family staying and friends visiting; therefore, my wife has been busy cooking. Her effort is appreciated. We’re also on the right path on building a more meaningful relationship. We communicate more. We split up our parental responsibilities more. I am grateful for the things she does. I listen to her complains and do my best to fix them.

As for my issues, I am still working on taking one day at a time. I want to eliminate as much negative thoughts as I could. Let go of all the irritative thinkings. Leave all the things that don’t concern me out of my mind. I want simplify my life just like my approach to design. I know I can do it.

One if my proud accomplishments for this year is that I set a new record of having read and reviewed 70 books. Here’s my reading history.

I am not sure if I can beat that number in 2015, but I will have more time to read since I have decided to cut back my social media and internet usage. My school will be less demanding because I only have a one-credit research course and teach a class of eight students.

Then again I will be putting more time into my family. I won’t try to break my reading record just for the sake of it. I’ll just read whatever interests me.

Last Thursday I stayed up until two in the morning to create two ABC charts for Đạo and Đán. Since Đạo is learning to write, he needed an ABC chart to reference some of the letters he couldn’t remember how to write. To use my design skills, I created a chart for him based on The Legend of Chima, one of his latest favorite TV shows. The design didn’t take very long, but the search for the images and the selection of characters took a bit of time.

I also designed a chart for Đán based on Thomas and Friends. The letters for both of the charts are set in the classic Bembo. At first I was going to use a sans serif, but Đạo was confused between the letter I and l; therefore, I settled on a serif for better distinction between the two.

I hope to get the charts printed at Kinko’s tomorrow to see how they turn out. Obviously the graphics are copyright materials. I even used a disclaimer on the chart. I only use them to help my kids learn the alphabet and not making any money. I hope they won’t come after me. If they do, I just take them off Pinterest.

Spent the entire day turned an office room in the basement into a Lego room. I couldn’t stand seeing Lego pieces all over the house so we give the entire room to them to build and display their Legos.

While the kids enjoyed their new Lego room, I reorganized the basement and got rid of most of the junks that we haven’t touched in years. Even though it was a beautiful day and we missed an opportunity to get out of the house, it feels good to have a nice space to play with the kids.

New Year Eve is tomorrow already. Time flies. Looking forward to 2015.

Since Đạo and I get two weeks off for the holidays, we let Đán stays home as well. Because the weather has been cloudy and wet, we have not gone anywhere.

Yesterday we woke up around 9:30. My wife worked from home. I kept Đán entertained so that he wouldn’t interrupt Đạo from building his Lego.

At noon we headed to the kids’ favorite place for Phở then went to Krispy Kreme for some fresh doughnuts. The kids enjoyed seeing the doughnut assembly. I have to admit. I am kind of addicted to the glazed doughnuts that came right off the racks. We sat on the couch in the store and enjoyed some jazz—something we weren’t able to do with the kids for a while.

Then we headed to my sister-in-law for clams and bún riêu for dinner. Last weekend we visited my sister in Lancaster, she brought us 100 clams. We ate about 30 and brought back home the rest. All we did in Lancaster was letting the kids played together and ate. Sammy and Eric were very good at playing with Đạo and Đán. Sammy was very patience with her little cousins.

On Sunday we stopped by a fantastic train museum nearby my sister’s house for a bit then headed to Philly instead of going straight home for Thanh Thanh’s infamous chicken Phở. The place was tiny, but it was always packed. We were third in line. When we we got a table, the server asked ask what would we liked. My wife asked for a menu and he said we only serve phở gà and boiled chicken. So we ordered two bowls and half a chicken. Both the phở and chicken were indeed delicious. Even though I am not a big fan of phở gà, I enjoyed the tangy noodle soup and the fresh, juicy and slightly fatty chicken. We’ll be back for sure since the kids also loved watching the subway train passing by on the bridge on top of the restaurant.

Being completely offline while around the kids has been quite nice. Even my wife had made the effort to do the same. In addition to focusing on the kids, I am showing more affections to my wife. While driving, we held hands the entire time like we used to when we were still dating. We talked and I said, “I love you” a few times and her response was, “Why all if the sudden?” I always loved her, I just haven’t shown much, but that had all changed now. I can’t take the love given to me for granted.

Being grumpy, silenced and distanced only made our relationship worsened. The cold treatment was not working. All that it took was a hug and some nice words to each other to break the ice. Even if we were arguing, we could made up by just reaching out to hold each other’s hand. I learned this technique while watching Đán and his cousin Khôi playing with each other. One minute they fought over some toys. The next minute they hugged each other and shared cookies or ice creams. It is just amazing how kids don’t hold grudges against one another. I am learning to do the same with my best friend, the mother of my kids, and the love of my life. We’re going to be in each other’s grill in many years to come, so might as well make it enjoyable for both of us.

I have many flaws as a dad and a lover. My kids don’t have a choice. They are stuck with me and they either will grow to love or hate their dad. I am striving for the former. As for wife she still has a choice. The fact that she has been willing to put up with me all these years proved how much love she has for me. I could be a demanding prick at times. (My mama doted me and spoiled the brat out of me.) Others would have left my ass a long time ago. I am not sure what she sees in me that makes her stick around. Whatever it is I am grateful to have her by my side. I have to do whatever it takes to keep her. I am sure my life with be even more miserable without her.

Christmas is now behind us. In a few days, 2014 will end as well. Around this time of the year, I like to review my personal progress to make improvements in 2015. I actually have started to make some changes before the holidays began. Once again I need to get my priorities straight and cut back on digital activities such as Facebook, Twitter and computer usage.

Facebook, without a doubt, is a great tool for catching up on family and friends. I had, however, found myself being sucked deep into it. I had became the parent that I came to despise: the ones who attached to their digital devices and just let their children do their own things. I must confess. I also am a bit envy of those couples with perfect life. They take vacation all year round. Their kids are well-behaved and they show affection for each other while I am still struggling with my own relationship. I am proud to report that I have been Facebook-free for the last couple of weeks. Though I have not deactivate my account because I have work-related tasks, I have deleted the Facebook app off my iPhone.

In addition to Facebook, I am cutting back on Twitter. I use Twitter primarily to stay up-to-date with web industry. Technologies are moving as such rapid speed that I can’t no longer keeping up with everything. I need to focus on my core strengths and let everything else go. I deleted the app off my iPhone in the past week and planning on using the Twitter web site once or twice a day.

At home, I limit the use of laptop as well. My only time for blogging or doing anything on the computer would be when the kids are sleeping. So I need to wake up before them or stay up late after they had gone to bed. When I am with them I want to give them my full attention, something I have shamefully neglected. I have always been around them whenever I have a chance, but I was not fully engaged and that has been changed before the holidays started. I am off work the entire next week as well so my time will be with them.

Being digitally disconnected in the past two weeks had given me more focus on the physical interactivity. I am spending more time on nurturing our relationship. With the kids being our priority and my own issues, we had drifted away, but deep down, we are inseparable. We have way too much love for each other and for our boys. The foundation we have built is solid. We need to maintain it.

My personal issues have effected our relationship. I am working hard on most of them, but I know for sure that at least one could never changed. I am not so sure how to overcome that one. It makes me miserable, stress out, and resentful. The more I try to ignore it the more it takes over me like a drug addict. Writing has been somewhat helpful, but I can’t seem to publish it for the public. It’s too personal to share. Nevertheless, the blog has remained therapeutic for me. It is still a personal space that allows me to write down my thoughts.