Một trong những nhạc phẩm nhẹ nhàng nhưng sâu lắng của nhạc sĩ Đức Huy được rất nhiều người nghe ưa chuộng và nhiều ca sĩ thể hiện là “Và con tim đã vui trở lại.” Tuy nhiên chỉ có một người duy nhất đã làm tôi ướt mi. Cô không phải là ca sĩ nhưng cô đã bộc lộ được cảm xúc của mình khi trình bài nhạc phẩm này. Qua tiếng hát mộc mạc và tình cảm chân thật, cô chia sẻ nỗi mất mát lớn lao của cô, tôi, và mọi người xung quanh.

“Tìm một con đường / tìm một lối đi,” cô hát bằng những giọt nước mắt trong tang lễ tiễn đưa người yêu của mình và cũng là đứa bạn thân của tôi. Hai hôm trước nó đã ra đi trong một tai nạn chèo xuồng. Đó cũng là lần đầu tiên trong đời tôi cảm nhận được sự mất mát xảy ra trước mắt mình. Từ đó cuộc sống của tôi thay đổi hoàn toàn và tôi có một lối nhìn khác về sự mong manh giữa cái sống và cái chết. Tuy biết được đời người có sống rồi phải chết và người thân yêu cũng sẽ lần lượt chia tay, nhưng tôi vẫn không thể nào chuẩn bị tâm lý cho sự ra đi của cha mẹ mình.

Hôm mẹ tôi ra đi rời xa cõi tạm này và vĩnh viễn rời xa tôi, tim tôi như tan vỡ từng mảnh. Tôi đã khóc như chưa từng được khóc. Một mình nằm trong căn phòng cũ của mẹ mà ngỡ như đang ở vực sâu tăm tối. Trong những giây phút tuyệt vọng nhất, tiếng hát hai mươi mấy năm trước của cô lại trở về: “Dẫu như tôi phải đi qua vực sâu tối / Tôi vẫn không sợ hãi gì vì người gần bên tôi mãi.” Hai câu này đã góp sức giúp tôi mạnh mẽ hơn để vượt qua được những giây phút đớn đau nhất trong cuộc đời của tôi vì tôi biết được mẹ vẫn gần bên tôi mãi.

Nowadays my weekends are filled with guilt and stress. The house needs to be tidy up from top to bottom. The lawn needs to be mowed and trimmed. The longer I put off, the worse they get. They just get piled up weeks after weeks. When I look at them, I don’t know where to start.

My ideal weekends are to spend time with my sons going ice skating, rollerblading, biking, reading, or just relaxing. Basically, I just want to enjoy the things I like to do instead of the things I have to do. When I lived by myself in Poughkeepsie, New York, my apartment was just a place for me to sleep. On the weekends, I would pack up my bags, drive home to stay with my mom, and hang out with my homeboy Nate. Now they are both gone and my life has changed forever.

I am not complaining about my current life. In fact, I am blessed with a wonderful family. They mean the whole world to me and I rather spend time with them than doing anything else. It’s just that when I have to do things that need to be done, it takes my time away from them. Sure, I could make them help me by doing all the chores, but then they would feel as miserable as I am for doing the things that they don’t enjoy.

For fuck sake, Donny. You’re a grown-ass man now, stop whining and get the shit done already.

I wrote this post while watching Đán learning to play ice hockey at 9 am on a Saturday. We went home around noon. Instead of taking the kids to ice skating for three hours, I decided to stay home to tidy up our basement. It took me two hours. By the time I finished organizing the basement,the kids had finished their late lunch. I took Đạo, Đán, and Xuân to the skate park. We rollerbladed for an hour and the boys sweated profusely. It occurred to me that they all needed a haircut. We returned home and I gave each one a buzz. None of my kids had been to a barbershop before. I cut their hair as well as mine all by myself. We saved quite a bit for the five of us.

We took a bath and headed over to my sister-in-law’s house for dinner. It was not a bad Saturday after all.

For months, Vương used the phrase, “What the heck!” on a daily basis. The day after he turned three, he switched to “What the fuck!” My jaw dropped the first time I heard him say that with a smile on his face. To be honest though, I found his cuss to be quite cute. I just can’t get mad at him. I also can’t imagine what other people will say or think if they hear a three-year-old using that phrase. He must have picked it up from YouTube. We let him watch more YouTube than he should since both my wife and I have to work. I have gone back to the office Monday through Wednesday. When I work from home on Thursday and Friday, I try to take him to the playgrounds and lunch. Yesterday, I drove him to a playground around 10 in the morning and fell asleep. I parked my car, pulled out my phone, and worked. By work, I meant answering emails. I have a new, wonderful assistant who can help me do the tasks so I can be away from my laptop for a few hours.

Xuân started kindergarten this year. Due to the Delta variant, I was not sure if he should attend in person, home-schooling, or just delay a year. My wife didn’t want to take him out for the year. Neither of us has the time to devote to his home-schooling. With hesitation, we sent him in person. It turned out well for him. Xuân is very sociable. He makes friends easily. In his first few days of school, he told us that he has five friends and he can speak Spanish. As far as Covid, there have been a few cases. The school has done a great job of keeping everyone safe. Xuân has been getting used to wearing a mask all day.

Đán is doing well in fourth grade so far. He shows tremendous improvement. In his first progress report, he had mostly 3s and a few 2s for things like not listening to his teachers, not following directions, not being organized. We talked and I made a deal with him. Any 2s he gets, he would get banned from playing video games. In his second progress report, he got a 2+ for listening, a 3 for following directions, and still a 2 for organizational skills. I didn’t ban him because he made some improvements. In his third progress report, which he received yesterday, he got all 3s except for his organizational skills. I am so glad that the school implemented progress reports often. It helps us and him to see how he is doing so far and where he needs to improve. As long as he continued to keep up the good work, he should be fine. As much as I hate to let him play video games, they are his reward and motivation to do his work in school. Đán wears a mask all the time now even when we go to skateparks. I can’t wait for him to get his Covid shot when his age group is approved.

Đạo is doing exceptionally well in seventh grade. He started secondary school this year and seemed to adjust fine. His first progress report was good except for a C- in Spanish and a D+ in PE. I had to contact his teacher to see he performed so bad in PE since he is quite active. He does rollerblading and ice skating quite often. It turned out that his teacher was on vacation and didn’t get a chance to update his grade after he took a quiz. In his second progress report, his Spanish improved to a B. As long as he keeps up the good work, he should be good to go.

After a year of virtual schooling, it makes me appreciate in-person school even more. Mad props to the teachers, administrators, and staff members for their important role in our children’s education as well as their future.

Rooney’s latest novel revolves around two young couples in their 30s. They live their normal life, which involves work, friendship, and sex. Rooney’s prose is so simple on the surface, but she packs many layers into her story including political, social, and climate issues. Rooney’s sentences are so damn good. Even when she describes a mundane scene like a quiet kitchen, you can see a camera panning through the details like dust or a brown banana. Of course, her sex scenes are so intimate and erotic. I loved all the details. I wish I could write a fraction like her. I am officially a Sally Rooney fan. If you want a guilty-pleasure read, give this one a read.

I started Freestyle 2 ice skating lessons last night. I was the only guy in the class. Our new instructor didn’t show up. We had a sub instead and she turned out to be the Chinese-American instructor I had been observing while she was giving private lessons.

She started us off with the jump sequence: waltz jump, tap-toe jump, 3-turn then one-half flip jump. Lots of jumping. I need to relearn my waltz jump. It’s pretty bad. After class, I stayed for an hour and fifteen minutes to practice. I got the sequence down. I just need to refine my techniques.

One of my classmates asked me how far I would go. It depends on how this one would go, but Freestyle 2 would be my last. I asked her and she said her goal is to do an axel jump. She will go up to Freestyle 5. I don’t think I will go that far. I am just focusing on 2 right now. Like going to school, the stress has started, but it’s a good stress to keep me occupied for a while.

Xuân, Đạo, and I are now taking lessons on the same night, but not at the same time. Xuân has so much potential, but he refuses to learn backwards. He kept saying he wanted to quit and he doesn’t want to practice. I might just take him out after Beta. I wish he would enjoy it.

Đạo is taking Freestyle 1 and he seems to enjoy it. He did wanted to go practice with me at least once a week, which is good. He can keep going as long as he wanted to. I wish he would.

In her latest Netflix documentary, Erin Lee Carr reveals the horrid truth behind Britney Spears’s conservatorship. Britney has been suffered for too long. It’s time to set Britney free from her controlling father. It’s crazy how money can turn a family into foes.

Tarnac is a superfamily typeface, designed by Marc Rouault:

The roots of Tarnac can be found in a variety of 20th century French Egyptian models, both formal and informal–as featured in posters, newspaper headlines, and the classic French road signs plaques Michelin.

I love thick slab-serif typefaces and Tarnac has a modern take on it. Tarnac also supports Vietnamese, which is a huge plus.

The boys have been excited to go back to the skate parks. Now that Đạo can do the coping, he can drop from the half pipe. I knew all along he could do it, but I didn’t want to push him. He takes his time and until he feels confident enough to tackle the higher ramps. He seems to enjoy rollerblading more than ice skating.

Đán is catching up to me as he now can drop beyond the half pipe. He has a bit more confidence than Đạo; therefore, he can be more daring. He rides the half pipe effortlessly. The last time I rode the quarter pipe, I sprained my knee. It has been three weeks now and my knee has not been fully covered. It doesn’t stop me from rollerblading with the kids and starting my Freestyle 2 ice skating lesson tomorrow.

Now that I am back to work, I have been hitting the skate park during lunch to get some exercise and to enjoy the beautiful weather. I take more caution these days because I don’t want to get any more injuries. I am old and my body is taking too damn long to recover.

Xuân enjoys going to the skate parks with us as well. He uses a scooter instead of a rollerblade. He has been dropping from the quarter pipes and straight ramps. I am happy that the three boys joined me at the skate parks after school. It is a fun and thrilling activity to do together.

The other day, Đạo reflects how far we have come with rollerblading. When we first started out, we couldn’t even go down a straight ramp. Now we can ride almost any ramp at skate parks. We still have a lot to learn, but we’re happy with the progress we have made so far. I am proud of my boys.

I have not heard of Phil Wang until I watched his latest Netflix’s special, “Philly Philly Wang Wang.” Phil is half Chinese, half White. He covered topics including Covid, Asian masculinity, and accent. He has decent materials with one-liners to keep the audience entertained for an hour. I enjoyed his dry sense of humor. I wish he pushed it a bit further.

My RSS reader hardly has any notification. Most of the blogs I subscribed to aren’t updating anymore. Is blogging dead? On the other hand, I have been blogging consistently almost everyday, sometimes even two or three times a day. Writing 300 to 500 words about whatever is on my mind has become effortless to me. I could make a post out of something so mundane or so emotional. My posts have become more and more personal. I bare my mind and soul on the page.

I don’t write about politics anymore. I am not afraid of voicing my position. I am just fed up with alternative facts. People have their own facts. While I think they got their information from fake sources, they think I got brainwashed by the mainstream media. Whatever.

I write about music sparingly because I don’t listen to music much anymore. I could no longer get my hands on new music in Vietnam. Most Vietnamese music is being covered to death. New singers burst onto the scene everyday, but not too many new songwriters. They kept relying on the old repertoire.

I write about what I have observed around me. I write about the people who are close to me or who make an impact in my life, positively, negatively, or controversially. I want to take on a new challenge. I want to write about my internalization. There’s a voice in my head that speaks to me often. No, I do not have schizophrenia or mental issues. I am sure we all have that voice where you say things in your head that you can’t say out loud. Most often, my conscious voice drowns out that unfiltered voice. I wonder if I can bring out that voice without upsetting or targeting anyone. I am not even sure what I am getting at.