I am proud to introduce the first redesign of this blog for 2021. The layout is still simple. The color is still red, but much more dominating. The focus is still on readability. The typeface is all new. In this redesign, I wanted to have just one typeface—one font file—to rule it all. From large display typography to bold headings to readable body copy to legible user interface to coding samples to small texts, Recursive, designed by Stephen Nixon, takes care of everything thanks to the flexibility of its variable font.

I had the opportunity to work with Stephen on adding Vietnamese diacritics to Recursive in September, 2019. Although I always had the typeface in mind, I didn’t know which project to use it with until Stephen sent me a copy of his book on Recursive in December of last year. The book is filled with typographic beauties and versatilities. It shows all the possibilities of using a variable font. The best part is where Stephen shared his original concept and the meticulous process. I was inspired.

With five different axes to play with, I had a lot of fun redesigning the site live in the browser. Wakamai Fondue was incredibly helpful in testing out different combinations as well as copying and pasting the CSS properties. Even though I don’t blog about coding much, I still love how the coding font matches up exactly with the text font.

I hope you enjoy the new design and thank you for reading.

Amanda Gorman, the nation’s first-ever youth poet laureate, on democracy and the orange monster:

The hill we climb

If only we dare

It’s because being American is more than a pride we inherit,

it’s the past we step into

and how we repair it

We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation

rather than share it

Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy

And this effort very nearly succeeded

But while democracy can be periodically delayed

it can never be permanently defeated

In this truth

in this faith we trust

Backward skating is hard. I haven’t spent too much time learning it—more like avoiding it. Yesterday I started my first ice skating lesson and this course is all about backward techniques so I better start practicing them. I could do backward swizzles on ice and that’s it. I am working on one-foot backward swizzles. I am also working backward on rollerblades. I really need to get backward skatings down; therefore; I will focus on these techniques in the next few weeks. That will be my goal.

Our Samsung dryer had been screeching for a long time and had not generating much heat. I told my wife to buy a new one, but she insisted on fixing it. She told me that a new dryer would cost from $600 to $1000. She watched this YouTube video showing how to replace the heating element and she bought all the parts.

The dryer was surprising easy to take apart. The machine was much simpler than what I had expected. With my wife’s instruction and help, we replaced the heating element, the belt, and the idler pulley. Unfortunately I broke the door switch when we put the parts together. The heating element generated hot air. The screeching noise is gone. The dryer works like new. I am glad that my wife wanted to fix it than to replace it.

Parts:

• Samsung Heating Element Dc47-00019A: $20
• Samsung Dryer Belt 6602-001655: $15
• Dryer Door Switch for Samsung, AP4205736, PS4210964, DC64-00828A: $17
• Samsung Dryer Idler Pulley Assembly, DC93-00634A: $9

Total cost: $61

Two weeks ago I rediscovered The Matrix soundtrack and I have been re-listening to it at maximum volume in my minivan. The album brought back so many fond memories, particularly during the time I got sucked into Flash animation. I used to chop up those heavy metal, techno tracks into loops to accompany text effects and motion graphics, in which I spent countless hours of sleepless nights crafting in Flash. Although I had moved on from Flash over a decade ago, I always felt nostalgic about it. “Bonjour Vietnam” was created in Flash and it went viral all over the world, especially in the Vietnamese communities. Flash was officially dead on December 31, 2020. Listening to The Matrix, in which I had used every single track to create a piece of animation, was like mourning the death of an era in my design career. Rest in peace, Flash.

Tonight, after the challenging first day of ice skating class, I drove the kids home with The Matrix soundtrack playing in the background. My nine-year-old son asked me to dial the volume way up as Meat Beat Manifesto’s “Prime Audio Soup” was playing. For about six minutes driving home, the pounding bass, hard-hitting drums, and electronic sound effects made me feel upbeat, but it was the chanting, “set me free,” which repeated over and over again, that transcended me. Tomorrow we will be free. Free from all the craziness that had turned our lives upside down in the past four years. It started out as a joke, but it had quickly consumed our lives every single second. I kept asking myself how we could buy into all of this nonsense and stupidity. Somehow the more absurd it became, it found its way into people’s heads. It destroyed relationships, friendships, communities, and moralities. It damn-near killed our democracy. It mindfucked half of the country. It turned half of my own Vietnamese-American community into sad, embarrassed, disillusioned souls. Though I am not sure which half because I had been called the delusional one.

Although I had checked myself out, unplugged from its universe, and set my mind free, I sincerely hope that its effects will fade into darkness. Like Flash, it will be officially gone tomorrow and an end to an American tragic. Let’s break out some champagne and celebrate because America had won the battle for the soul. Long live democracy.

On December 9, I completed the Adult-2 level for ice skating lesson at the Medstar Capitals Complex in Arlington, which is closer to my workplace. I had a wonderful experience. Alissa Strawcutter was a great instructor.

The day before, I started my new lesson at the Fairfax Ice Arena. I managed to recruit Đạo as well. I signed us up for the Alpha level, which included forward stroking, forward crossovers, and snowplow stop. Đạo’s first class went well. The skills were just right for him. As for my adult class, most of the students just started out. My new coach recognized that; therefore, she asked her assistant to work one on one with me. Since I could do forward stroking and snowplow stop, she worked with me on crossovers. It was like having a private lesson. I liked that.

On Thursday, I had to leave town to be with my mother. I knew it would be a while before I could return. I asked Đán to take over my lessons and he agreed. Since Đán is better than me, I requested to place him in Beta, which included backward stroking, backward crossovers, and T-stops. Although the class was already halfway through, he picked up with no problem.

While staying at my sister’s house, I went to the Lancaster Ice Rink whenever I could. The whole time I focused on getting down my crossovers. It took me three public sessions (about three hours) to get my forward crossovers down. It was hard to keep my balance, especially when I cross my left foot over my right foot.

Đán finished his Beta class last week and he will be starting Beta/Gamma today. Đạo continues with his Alpha class. Since I got my crossovers, I signed up for the Beta level so all three of us could have our lessons at the same time. I am looking forward to it.

As for rollerblading, I found the beautiful Conestoga Greenway Trail nearby my sister’s house. When I stressed out about my mother’s condition and just wanted to scream, I went out rollerblading. The up and down hills gave me great workouts. I also went to the Lancaster County Skate Park, which is across the street from the trail, to work on going down the ramps.

I even returned to the Castle Roller Rink for the first time in twenty something years. It brought back so many fond memories. We were so young and full of life. My buddy Luân was the star among us. I could barely skate, but I had so much fun. The music was always pumping. They played hip-hop and r&b hits the whole time. Inviting a girl out to the floor on a slow jam was always something us fellows always looked forward to. Holding her hand with your sweating palm and hoping the slow jam never ended. When I came back the vibe was still the same, I was just much older. I don’t recall they allowed rollerblades back then (only rollerskates), but they do now. Although I can skate much better than I did back then, I was the only one with guards and a helmet on. I am fine with that.

For years, I knew I needed to do some form of exercise to keep myself healthy, but I could not stick to anything until I got into ice skating and rollerblading. By getting myself into these sports, I hope that my kids will pick up as well—something for them to do besides playing on their iPads. It looks like we’re not going skiing this year, which I really missed. I am hopeful that we can do so next year. I wanted to try out snowboarding.

The first season of History of Swear Words is enlightening as fuck. Shit, I love to use profanity, but I stayed away from that word bitch. I just don’t want to be a dick. Pussy is another word that I’ll be damned to use. I can’t wait to learn more in the next season.

I had a severe gout attack yesterday afternoon. It was definitely unexpected. I hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in over a month. I hadn’t had beef in months. In fact, I started a vegetarian diet two weeks ago. I consumed mostly vegetables and tofu. Could tofu be the culprit? I had fermented tofu on Monday and my gout started after I had lunch with fermented tofu again yesterday. It had to be tofu. Another type of food to cross off my list.

I am in tremendous pain that even Aleve isn’t helping. I started taking vinegar apple cider by the pill everyday for the last month, yet it didn’t even help prevent the flare up. I am going back to Bragg’s liquid form. I am not going to be able to move around much in the next few days. No more ice skating and no more rollerblading for a week. It’s going to be sucked.

I visited three temples yesterday with my son Xuân and Vương. They enjoyed seeing all the Buddhists. I have three more to go to make eight. My sister will visit two. Together we will visit ten temples for our mom. I am not super religious, but it felt wonderful visiting and making a bit of contribution for each temple. I am coming back to my Buddhist upbringing. I am still picking and choosing what makes the most common sense rather than believing in every superstitions. For instance, going on a meat-free diet for 49 days seems like a good thing to do. Dumping food at the cemetery seems so wrong. I have no problem eating that. Wearing a white band on my head to honor my mother, that doesn’t seem to hurt. Burning incense is fine. Burning fake money so she can use doesn’t make any sense. Having monks praying and chanting for her were an honor. When she was on the ventilator, I called in through video and I played YouTube clips of monks chanting. I was desperately trying to find some spiritual guidance as the days became bleaker and bleaker. Didn’t really matter at the end, but my hope was that she wasn’t dying alone. We were there for her from afar. I prayed for her, but deep down I knew praying couldn’t bring her back. At near the end, I felt like God and Buddha have abandoned us (“Chúa đã bỏ loài người. Phật đã bỏ loài người.”) Then again, death completes the circle of life.

My wife and I had a discussion yesterday on what to do if we were in critical situation. Should we go full codes or should we pull the plug. She would like us to make the decisions. I never want to make another life-and-death decision for another person, especially the closest one to me. She wanted us to make the decision based on the condition she would be in. If I would have to make the decision, I would not give up hope until I know I won’t regret it. I knew my mom was a fighter and she endured pain throughout her life. She fought to the very end. She held on as long as she could until there was nothing left to do for her. Would that be something my wife willing do endure? She is a strong woman who had given birth to four kids. The last one made me blacked out. So I don’t know about cutting a hole through my throat and stick a pipe inside my body. Maybe the ventilator is as far as I would go. No tracheotomy. No resuscitation.

The kids were elated to see me back. Little Vương joined his older brothers jumping up and down with joy. Being away just a month I felt like I missed a whole lot of actions. Vương seems taller and speaks more complete sentences. He knows all the Peppa Pig’s lines.

Yesterday, I drove Xuân and Vương to visit Buddhist temples in the area to make some contributions and to pray for my mother. I only visited two temples so far. The monks were kind and compassionate. They even offered to pray for my mother weekly to set her spirit free. I need to get to six more temples in the next few days.

I took my wife and kids to 99 Ranch for a quick lunch. The place was quite empty, which was good for us, but not for the business. After lunch and a quick grocery shop, I dropped my wife and Vương back home for his nap time. I drove the older boys to the skate park. It was a bit crowded and Đán refused to skate because most of the kids didn’t wear masks. He was right so I took them to a trail nearby. The trail was empty. We skated for 40 minutes and had to take Đạo to the dentist. Đán and Xuân didn’t want to wait around so we went to Dunkin’ for some donuts and wake-up wraps. I restrained myself from getting a coffee after 4 PM.

It felt great to be back home and to spend time with the boys. They gave me a sense of normalcy again after such a devastating time. I still am missing my mother a great deal and thinking about my sisters. I am dealing with my grief better than I had expected. For a long time, I could not imagine my life without her. I kept having thoughts about how I would survive when she leaves this world. It had been hard, but I had not collapsed. I cried violently in her room then I wrote. Getting all my emotions on the page had helped me cope with the reality. Writing about her and my memories of her helped me to reconnect with her. When I write, she still exists in my world. I can hear her voice, see her smile, and feel her presence.

She used to scroll through my Facebook timeline to see my boys’ activities. When we spoke over the phone she would tell me the specific video clips that made her laugh or concern. When Đán enjoyed sashimi, she disapproved of me feeding my kid raw fish. I assured her that he only ate a moderate amount. During lunch yesterday, Đán reminded me not to tell bà nội (grandma) that he ate raw fish. I told him, she will always know.

She will always be in my heart and on my mind. Although I am far from being a good writer, I have developed an ability, through years of practicing, to write openly what’s on my mind. I felt closest to her when I wrote down what I was thinking about her. I could still hear her voice from the other line. When I held her hand, stroked her hair, and asked her to let go, she responded with a teardrop when her breathing had stopped, I knew she could hear me. Our dialogue will continue until I leave this temporary world to join her in our next life together.

While visiting my mother’s grave yesterday, my COVID-19 result came in. My test is negative. I am looking forward to going home to my wife and kids. I have been away for way too long. I still have one more week off from work. I am going to spend time with my sons to give my wife a break. She has been carrying all of the burdens.

I am mentally exhausted. I have never experienced such divisiveness in my lifetime. You’re either on one side or the other. There’s no middle ground anymore. On the issue of COVID-19, people either take extreme precautions or disregard mask wearing and social distancing. When I voiced my frustrations on the former, I had been called “Ate the porridge then pissed into the bowl.” It was even more upsetting to hear the latter violates people’s freedom despite knowing how my mother had died. If people followed these two simple guidelines, my mother wouldn’t have ended where she is today. If we do our part, the COVID-19 cases and death rates in the U.S. would not be as high. When people choose their freedom over their responsibility, they not only put themselves at risk but also put others in danger, especially older people. Yes, you have the freedom to get yourself infected, but you do not have the right to spread it to others.

Again, I am not blaming or attacking anyone in particular. I just really am fed up with the division. When I saw these two extremely opposite positions in politics, even within the Vietnamese-American community, I decided I wanted out. I haven’t spoken about politics after Joe Biden won the 2020 presidential election. I had lost too many friendships and relationships over my political stands. I had never followed any political leaders to the point of worshipping the ground they spit on. I had always been interested in their policies, not their politics, and definitely not their rhetorics. When I witness people, especially Vietnamese-Americans, turning into a cult, I don’t see a point of return. Even to this day, I am living in two clearly divided States. We’re no longer the United States. I don’t see that changing any time in the near future. My hope for unity had lost. I have faith In democracy, but not in a cult of personality.

It is now becoming even more dangerous that the divisiveness has spilled out of politics and into something else, like COVID-19. Until we have vaccinated, please don’t let your guards down. Each person continues to die from COVID-19 every hour in the U.S. I do not want anyone to go through what I had been through. Take every necessary precaution, but don’t become paranoid. If you think wearing a mask and practicing social distance infringe upon your freedom, I urge you to rethink your position. Don’t be a menace to society. I wish you well and not get infected.

I genuinely hope that we can come to a middle ground. If not, I hope that we can still respect each other. I have lots of soul-searching and relationship-mending to do. When dealing with my mother’s critical condition and after losing her, I am deeply grateful to family members and dear friends who had stepped up with their unconditional support. I don’t know if I can ever repay them, but I am definitely not the type that “ate the porridge then pissed into the bowl.” That is not in my character. It hurts coming from the ones you loved, but I do not have any control over what anyone, no matter how close, thinks of me. I appreciate hearing from the people who I have never met but who have read my blog. Their words and encouragement meant a whole lot to me. At the same time, I don’t have any hard feelings toward family members or close friends who chose to remain silent. It is probably better that way. Some relationships never meant to be repaired once they are broken. I can live with that.