My wife is usually responsible for walking Đạo to school and picking him up; therefore, I only get to do it when I have a chance at home. When time to go home, he would look to see if one of his family members would come to pick him up. Every time he saw me, his face lid up. He raised his hand proudly to let the teachers know that his daddy had come to pick him up.

Several days before Thanksgiving, I joined him for lunch at school. He was so joyful to see me meeting him up for lunch. As We sat at the round table enjoying the turkey meal with other kids and their parent, one kid sat by himself and cried. He didn’t eat anything. Dao asked, “What was wrong with [the boy’s name]?” His other friend replied, “He’s sad because his…” His mom quickly covered his mouth. I didn’t notice it at first, but was the boy at the table without his parent.

Witnessing that made me realized how important our presence is to our children. We should be with them as much as we can.

Đán loves chicken as much as his daddy; therefore, he always eats the chicken and shares the bones with his daddy.

Yesterday when picking him up from daycare, I gave him a bag of gummy fruit snack and asked him if he could give me one. He replied, “No daddy, you have to drive.” No eat and drive makes perfect sense.

The other night when we were cleaning up some the toys, Đán sang, “Clean up, clean up. Everybody do your share.” It was so beautiful.

One morning we came into class, Lincoln, his best buddy, gave him a hug. Then Sean, another buddy, gave them both a hug. Then the whole class joined in. The teachers and I stood in awe. What a joyful hug fest.

A conversation in Vietnamese between daddy and Đán:
Daddy: Train tiếng Việt là gì?
Đán: Xe lửa.
Daddy: Xe lửa có mấy bánh?
Đán: Xe lửa has no cake.

My little boy turned three last Saturday. Because his birthday falls into the Thanksgiving weekend, we didn’t invite friends or extended family. We just had a low key party for him with both grandmas, his aunt, uncle, cousin and of course the three of us.

The best thing about turning three is that the terrible two is going away. Two was rough. Three is a bit better. We can communicate more. Đán is actually very expressive. He picks up words very fast. Although he doesn’t speak much Vietnamese, he understands everything we say to him.

Despite being strict on him, Đán is still very attach to me. Sometimes I felt horrible for being that way with him repeatedly, but he seems to understand now. I rather be hard on for a short time than letting him spoiled. I have learned that lesson from Đạo. In the past few weeks, Đán’s behavior is getting better. As a result, our time together is much more enjoyable. Let’s improve this aspect.

You must be thinking that I am being too strict on you or that I don’t love you. My dear child, I love you more than life itself and I would provide you anything I could in the world, but I also need you to know the limitation. You might get what you need, but you can’t always get what you want.

When I came to pick you up on Monday, you looked into your lunch bag and didn’t see your juice. You snapped and cried. Your favorite teacher, Miss Melissa who is pregnant, picked you up to see why you cried and you said you wanted juice. I didn’t want her to carry a 37-pound boy while holding another baby in her bell so I took you from her and promised you that we would go to the store to get some juice. You calmed down and we headed to Trader’s Joe. You enjoyed pushing the baby shopping cart around while I picked up some snacks. When we headed to the juice section, you picked out your favorite lemonade packs. We went to pay and the the cashier gave you some stickers for being a good boy. In the car, I gave you your lemonade box and you finished it in just a few minutes. We went home to have dinner.

Last night as we walked to our car to go home, you wanted us to go to the store to get more juice. I said that we had nice and cool lemonade at home waiting for you to drink, but you insisted that you wanted to go buy some juice. You started hitting me with your bag of trains. I took it away and you broke down and cried. You sat on the sidewalk and refused to walk. Other kids starring at you and their parents told them to keep on walking. As I walked off toward our car, you got up and ran after me.

As we got into the car, you kicked and screamed. I remained silent, focused on driving and waited for you to cool down. When we reached to the point I thought I could talk to you I said that, “Mommy is making some chocolate cookies at home for you and Đạo. Do you like cookie?” You responded, “Yes, I like some cookies with my lemonade.” You were fine again.

I could have taken you back to the store, but I didn’t want you to get the idea that we have to go to the store everyday. It hurt me more to be strict with you, but I am doing it for your own good. You might think that I treat you unfairly because you could see that your cousin could get whatever he wanted and you don’t. I made that mistake with Đạo when he was going through the same phrase that you are facing and it took him a long time to get his self-control together. I need you to get over it the sooner the better.

Being a parent is very hard. You will go through this when you become a father yourself. Now I understand why I was spanked at home and at school when I was a kid. I did learn to be disciplined. Time has changed and the roles have reversed. You hit me with your bag of trains just like other kids hitting their parents I have witnessed. When you grow older you’ll learn how disrespect that is do to to your parents. Just because your parents don’t hit you back doesn’t mean other kids your age won’t. So learn to keep your hands to yourself will prevent you from getting hurts from other kids.

I am writing this letter to you on my iPhone while watching you sleep like a little angel. I love you so much my dear and I hope you will understand why I did what I did. I am not a great parent, but I do the best I can.

We met with Đạo’s teacher today to go over his progress and one of the things that we need to work on is his self-control. He pushed his classmates when they cut in front of him at the lunch line or did something he didn’t like. His temper and self-control had been one of the things that we have worked on since daycare. He is getting much better than previous years, but not quite there yet.

Đán is going through the same phrase. When he gets mad, he is uncontrollable. He can break down quite easily. I have been a bit tough on him. If he wanted to yell, I wouldn’t stop him. I just let him do it until he calms down. It has been very stressful. Even though I could sense that he was about to break down and try to avoid it,
sometimes I was just too slow to react. I am terrible at dealing with those types of urgency.

I am not sure if everyone had those moments in their lives, but I also have that self-control issue. Obviously the older you get; the more self-discipline you possess. The simply have no choice. Wether dealing with the people you love or the people you work with, or the people you have deal with, you need to be able to control your emotion.

Blogging in the past had been a place for me to vent and spewed off my anger and emotion. Now I am much cooler and haven’t used a curse words for a long time. My topics have also changed. I no longer write much about my own emotions.

Đạo is diagnosed with a mild case of Vonwillebrands. As a result we spent a whole day drawing blood test. I promised him that I would get him a set of Lego if he was brave.

He had to go three blood tests in one day. They drew 15 tubes altogether. The first time he resisted, but the second went smoothly and he didn’t cry at all. The third time, he didn’t collaborate, but we managed to get through.

It was a tough day; therefore, he earned his toy. I am thinking of getting him a flu shot also, but don’t want to push him too far. Let’s wait to take Đán as well.

These days I am in charge of taking Đán to daycare in the morning and picking him up in the evening; therefore, we spend sometimes together in the car ride. Đán has this peculiar habit. Whenever he likes a song, he would ask me to repeat it over and over again when we were riding in the car. The latest one is Nguyên Khang’s rendition of “Sầu Đông.” As much as I love Nguyên Khang, I can’t hear that song for 25 minutes straight, twice a day, and everyday. So I have to find something to break Đán off his habit.

Đán loves to argue even with his limited vocabulary. For instance, the other day I picked a fight with him, rather than turning on his favorite song, to distract him from wanting to take his seatbelt off as I was driving. I pointed him to the squirrel and told him that if he doesn’t stop yelling “the squirrel gonna bite his butt.” He replied, “No daddy, the squirrel gonna bite your head.” I said, “No, he’s going to bite your butt.” Then he saw the tractors at a construction site and said, “I am going to use the mighty machine to crush the squirrel.” I was laughing my ass off.

Then we drove by houses with decoration of skeletons for Halloween and I told him, “The skeleton gonna eat you.” He replied, “But I am sitting in the car. The skeleton can’t get into the gate.” He referred to the window as gate. I said, “But the skeleton can jump into the gate and eat you.” Then he said, “The skeleton is not going to eat me because he’s my best friend.” I was like, “Huh?” He went one, “Do you understand?” I replied, “I guess so.” I thought to myself. He’s either going to be a lawyer or a politician.

Around 10:30 pm, I came home from class and he was still up. Grandma couldn’t get him to sleep. I came up and lay down next to him. I asked him, “Why don’t you sleep?” He replied, “I am waiting for you. I am so glad to see you.” I gave him a kiss, held him in my arms and he fell asleep 5 minutes later. Man, I love this kid.

Dan is transitioning from terrible two to terrifying three and it is a stressful phase. He throws tantrum so easily when things don’t go his way. He’s strong, fearless and uncontrollable. He can scream to his lung get sore. If I try to hold him or to calm him down, his action gets worse. My approach is to let him get it all out. Once he’s done, he would come to me, give me hug and apologize.

It breaks my heart every time I see my kid that way, but I can’t give me. I have been through it before with Dao; therefore, I know how the game goes. Three is so terrifying because they can’t control their emotion. I am so glad that Dao has passed that stage. He is now much easier to interact with. Dan will be the same. This is just the phase that he’s going through. If he knows that I give in every time he starts tantrum, he will push it further. I made that mistake with Dao. I am not doing that again. It might seem cold and harsh for a three-year-old, but he needs to learn to control his behavior. The sooner he gets it, the better we’ll be.

I make sure that he understand that I am not ignoring him. I just can’t put up with that. Once he apologizes and gives me hug, I give him my full attention again. Being a parent is hard. I am still learning. I might need one more time to get things right.

Dao’s kindergarden teacher wrote in his report that he had been talking excessively in class. Isn’t that a good thing? He’s vocalizing and sharing whatever on his mind. For example, when he took off his clothes to take a bath yesterday, he pointed to his nipples and said, “Daddy, when I grow up I will have lots of milk for the baby to drink.” I almost fell into the bathtub laughing.

Not only Dao, Dan is also very chatty. When not fighting, the two of them sounded like non-stop firecrackers. Because Dan’s vocabulary is still limited, he stutters quite a bit when he couldn’t find the words to express himself. Two nights ago as we were about to sleep, he suddenly got up and asked me, “Daddy, is … is … is … mommy having a baby?” I replied, “Well, would you like to have a baby brother or baby sister?” He responded, “No, I already have baby Han [his little cousin].”

Even though their non-stop talking could be quite irritating at times, especially when I was sleepy as hell, I am glad that they are talking a lot than not saying a word. As a parent, what I have learned is that you can’t have it both ways.

Dao had his first tooth extracted on Friday. The process went surprising well thanks to the amazing pediatric dentist. She distracted him by talking about Ninjago, one of his current favorite shows. She gave him some numbing medication and yanked the tooth out in less than ten minutes. Dao cooperated the entire time, which was unexpected. His previous visits he wouldn’t even let the dentist look at his teeth. Somehow he trusted this one particular dentist. It was a relief.

He will have another major work on his teeth, in which he will be sedated in the hospital. Before committed to this project, we had gone through two pedestrians and consulted my cousin who is a dentist. They all agreed that it has to be done. He was scheduled to do it two weeks ago, but his pediatrician would’t approved because I have Vonwillebrands, which means that he could have it as well. He had to get his blood test, but the result didn’t come back before the schedule date. He does have a mild case of Vonwillebrands and we had to reschedule it two months later for his dental work.

A couple days before his original schedule, he had abscess in his gum and had to have antibiotic. After his tooth was taken out, I could see a big cavity eating up his tooth.

As a parent, this has been a sign of failure on my part. I have been worried and stressed out the entire time. I let this happened to him even though I have done my best to brush and floss him everyday day and night. I am now being very conscious of Dan’s teeth as well. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.