Đán: Can I slap you in the face?
Dad: Ba không hiểu con nói tiếng Việt đi?
Đán: Can I đánh you in the face?
Dad: Cha mầy.

Steve Jobs might not have predicted it, but his power over kids is undeniable. Đán woke up this morning and asked if he is going to school today. When I said yes, he got upset, “I don’t want to go to stupid school.” When I took him into the bathroom, he asked me, “Can I play on your iPhone?” I replied, “If you’re a good boy, I’ll let you play on the way to school.” His face lid up and responded, “Yes daddy, I will do everything you ask me to.”

He brushed his teeth, put on his clothes, kissed his brothers, mother, and grandma goodbye. We went to Dunkin’ Donuts for his favorite bacon, egg, and cheese Wake-Up Wrap. He played on the iPhone while I drive him to school. It was such a painless, pleasant morning. No fighting, no arguing, no dragging, no carrying, no delaying. If this is how he behaves every morning, I am fine with letting playing on the iPhone. If he smartens up and doesn’t throw a tantrum when I asked him to turn it off, I can let him have it.

Yesterday we went to Philly to attend my cousin’s wedding. We had a fantastic time witnessing two people celebrating their life together. Tonight before bedtime, Đạo asked me a few questions about marriage and I found them to be fascinating. Just out of the blue, the conversation started like this:

Đạo: Daddy, can I not get married?
Dad: Of course you can, if you don’t want to. But don’t you want to be like mommy and daddy? We love each other and we have you guys as a family.
Đạo: Does it mean I will be alone if I won’t get married?
Dad: No, not really, but are you comfortable being alone?
Đạo: No… Can a boy married a boy?
Dad: Sure, if they love each other.
Đạo: Oh my…
Dad: Why you say that?
Đạo: That’s just weird.
Dad: Why is that weird?
Đạo: I don’t know… Can a girl married a girl?
Dad: Sure, if they love each other.
Đạo: I didn’t know that.
Dad: Well, now you know.
Đạo: How about dating?
Dad: What about it?
Đạo: I saw on Minecraft that they go on a date. What do you do on a date.
Dad: You can go to a movie and have dinner like mommy and daddy did.
Đạo: How about Paris? Can you go on a date in Paris?
Dad: Of course, that would be so romantic.
Đạo: Does Paris have toys?

Our conversation switched to toys, but I thought some of his questions were intriguing. It makes me realize that my seven-year-old son is ready to have some real conversations.

I haven’t written much about the boys lately. They are stressing the life out of me. When we were on vacation last week, I spent most of my waking hours watching and yelling at the two older boys.

Đán, in particular, is going through his horrifying-four stage. He breaks down and screams when he doesn’t get the iPad. He forces us to limit his time even more. I am fine with him playing on the iPad. I myself use my iPhone for reading or my laptop to do my personal projects. It’s an issue when he could not turn it off when we asked him to. He goes into this addictive mood.

On the bright side, he has some great sense of humor. Last Tuesday, I took him back to daycare after a week-long vacation. The first thing he told me was, “Daddy, there’s no [parking] space. Let’s go back home.” Last night, I gave him a pat on his butt for taking a bath and putting on his clothes all by himself. He turned around and said, “Daddy, I am going to bring you to justice.” Đạo was like, “Where did you learn that from?”

Speaking of Đạo, he, too, addicted to the iPad, but he understands the consequences if he acted up when we asked him to turn it off. Most of the time he would listen. He likes to talk a lot of crap; therefore, he always gets into a fight with Đán. He doesn’t hit his brother, but his brother keeps throw punches at him and that drives me crazy. Đạo has some sharing issues, but he is a sweet brother, especially to Xuân.

Speaking of Xuân, he is now seven months. He is the cutest. He loves to eat; therefore, feeding him is a joy. I love spending time putting food in his mouth. I also enjoy strolling or jogging with him, which I haven’t done as much as I would like to. The stresses weakened my motivation. I am trying hard to get everything out of my head. I don’t know why I let things that I cannot control and little things that are unnecessary get to me. I am working on refocusing my attention on things that matter to me the most and fuck everything else. I can do it. I know I can and I will.

Brushed up my Flash chops to create a short slideshow for Việt Xuân. Like Đạo and Đán, Xuân now has a special clip to celebrate his birth. Because he was born on Tết (Lunar New Year), I wanted to sample a song about Xuân, which means spring but also refers to Vietnamese New Year. After going through my music collection, I decided to use “Xuân Ca” by Phạm Duy. There are countless covers of this song, but I selected last year’s rendition from Đoan Trang, which has a tuneful swing arrangement. The only line I used from the song is the hook: “Xuân Xuân ơi, Xuân ơi, Xuân ơi.” Every time he cried or fussed, I sang to him that line and he would crack a smile; therefore, I knew I have to use this song.

Đạo (my seven-year-old): Daddy, is God dead or alive?
Me: Hmmm… I don’t know.
Đán (my four-year-old): Only in your brain.
Me: That’s it. Great answer.

It appears that Đán has an answer for everything. At times he is way off, and at times he managed to hit it straight on. I am not even sure where he gets his information from. He still has yet to be able to recognize the alphabet, but he could name any dinosaur I point to him. He picked up the word “stupid” on YouTube and has been using it ever since. When we try to stop him from using it, he finds ways around it. He would say something like, “You are stup.” or “You are S.T.” It is so hard to get him to stop using the word now. True “stupid” is not a nice word, but it is not a word to ban either.

I am having a hard time striking the right balance. Why should I stop him from using a word? One time we were listening to Fresh Air and one of the guests used the word “stupid” and Đạo pointed out, “Oh, that lady is using the S.T. word.” I couldn’t figure out why adult can use it, but children can’t. Eventually they’ll expose to it. Should I focus on teaching them using the word in the right context instead?

The kids are now addicted to the iPad even though we restricted them to weekend only. Đán asked me, “Why do adults get to use the iPhone all the time, but the kids only get to use it on the weekend?” My reason is that I use it for work. I try to illuminate using my iPhone in front of them, but then other adults are gluing to their iPhone or iPad as well.

The boys are now into military play. One time I told Đạo about an unfortunate incident that a boy got shot playing with a toy gun when the police thought he was playing with a real gun. His respond was, “Everyone knows a Nerf gun is a toy. Do you see a real gun with that many colors?” He has his point. Am I too paranoid?

I don’t want to spoil them and at the same time I don’t want to be too strict. I find striking the balance is so hard. It’s a guilt that I always carry on myself. I want to give them as much freedom as they want as long as they won’t fuck up.

A letter from Đán’s swimming instructor:

I’m emailing you today to let you know that Dan is advancing his swim skills and we would like to invite him to join the Starfish Advance swim level in the fall. The Starfish classes are offered on Mondays from 1:30-2:00pm, slots limited to 5 students… He is currently in the most advanced class and learns the stream line, freestyle with proper breathing, jumping off the wall and swimming to instructor without help for about 10-15 feet (almost always wants to go first) and little bit of back float. He is a fish.

So proud of our little dinofish.

Đạo: Daddy, I want to go back in time because I don’t want to die.
Dad: You have a long way to go, buddy.
Đạo: But you don’t.
Dad: I know.
Đạo: Who are we going to live with when you die?
Dad: You still have your brothers.
Đạo: Who’s going to cook food for us?
Dad: Well, you’ll have to cook for yourself. You should start to practice now.

Sáng nay thức dạy bảo con đi đánh răng con cằn nhằn. Sáng nào cũng thế. Phải để ba mẹ la rầy con mới chịu làm. Xong con lại không chịu thay đồ đi học và không ăn sáng. Mẹ cho nhịn luôn nhưng sợ con đói mẹ đưa cho con một phông granola và một bình sữa lên xe ăn.

Hôm nay em Đán không đi học vì nhà trẻ đóng cửa nên chỉ có hai cha con. Trời nắng đẹp nên ba đưa con đến cổng trường chờ tiếng chuông reo. Con mở cuốn sách về khủng long của em Đán ra đọc. Con chỉ ba bản đồ ở trang cuối những nơi có khủng long. Trông con thật dễ thương.

Mỗi lúc con vui cười ba thấy hạnh phúc lắm. Nhưng con chỉ vui cười khi con được những gì con muốn. Mỗi khi bảo con đi súc miệng hoặc đi tắm con lại cự nự. Và rồi nói rằng cha mẹ không ai yêu thương con hết. Con là đứa anh lớn trong nhà và là một đứa con thông minh. Cha mẹ và bà đều thương yêu con cả.

Nhiều lúc con khiến ba quá bực tức. Ngày nào như ngày nấy và lúc nào cũng thế. Hể những gì trái ý con là con khóc lóc than thở nói rằng không ai thương yêu con cho dù cha mẹ đã nhiều lần giải thích với con tình yêu thương cha mẹ dành cho con và hai đứa em của con.

Những lúc vắng con, ba nhớ đến con lắm. Nghĩ đến những lúc rầy la con ba thấy khó chịu. Đau đớn hơn khi nghe con nói những lời, “Con không thương ba” hoặc “Ba không thương con.” Ba chỉ mong rằng con sẽ hiểu rỏ không lúc nào ba mẹ không thương yêu thằng con trai lớn cả.

Đán: Daddy can we do “Cheese Robots?”
Dad: “Cheese Robots?” You mean “Jesus Walks?”
Đán: Yes, “Cheeses Robot Walks.”
Dad: Order, huh!
Đán: bummm bummm bumm
Dad: Yo, we’re at war
We’re at war with terrorism, racism, but most of all we’re at war with ourselves
Đán: bummm bummm bummm
Dad: God show me the way because the Devil’s tryin’ to break me down
Đán: Cheeses robot walks with me, with me, with me, with me, with me.

Like his mom said, Đán has some musical potential.