I picked out this book to read together with my nine-year-old son at bedtime. Each night we read three stories. His reading was improving, but he gave up on me halfway through the book. I might as well finished up it myself. From Socrates to Tim Berners-Lee, Michael Phelps to Ricky Martin—among the few names I recognized—each brief bio written by Ben Brooks and illustrated by Quinton Winter. These figures are inspiring and I don’t know many of them. Aaron Fotheringham stuck in my mind the most because he skates in his wheelchair at skate parks. I would love to have the opportunity to watch him someday. Then I realized I could pop over to YouTube. Wheelz of steel.

My oldest son, Đạo, wrote a fiction piece title “From Dirt to Diamond” in forth grade. It’s an impressive read. So proud of him.

I hardly use our master bathroom’s shower, which is a Moentrol (pull-and-push) valve. Last week, I was shocked to see my oldest Đạo pulled the handle. The entire faceplate was yanked from the wall and snapped back in. I tried to tightened up the faceplate, but it was still lifted off every time someone pulled the handle. I imagined the pipe would burst if it being pulled over time, but my wife ensured me that she had used it for over a decade without any problem. Still, I wanted to be safe than be sorry. I don’t want to deal with water pouring all over the house. That’s my fear. I kept thinking about it and the night before and I lost sleep over it. I am an over-thinker.

Yesterday I woke up early, but didn’t go to the skatepark like usual. Instead, I went to Home Depot to pick up Danco’s one-handle valve trim kit for Moen’s shower faucet. I watched a YouTube video and it seemed straightforward to replace the trim kit. The best part was that I didn’t have to shut off the main water because I only replaced the trim, not the valve.

The Danco’s trim kit had everything that I needed for the replacement. It comes with both a clear plastic and a lever handle. I went for the level handle. The instruction that came with the kit was easy to follow, but the Bilt app has 3D modelings and interactive features to guide me through the process.

I am glad I was able to replace it, but I need to stop overthinking or over-stressing on such a minor issue. Being the man in the house, I feel the burden to keep everyone safe and sound. As a result, I got stressed out over tiny issues related to water and electricity.

Parts

Danco’s one-handle valve trim kit for Moen’s shower faucet: $45

As I finished reading this book, the pandemic is far from over. Even though the Biden administration has a much better handling of Covid, it was only last year that America had experienced the failure of the previous administration that cost us over half a million of human lives, including my mother’s. Through thorough research, vigorous stories, and compelling histories, Lawrence Wright illustrated how our government at the time botched the response from Covid, even with the simplest method of wearing a mask. If we had a competent leadership, we would have come out much better and this book proved it. It is a riveting revisit of America under Covid.

The follow account, in particular, brought back the experience that I had gone through with my own mother (p. 247-248):

On November 14, Selene got a call advising that her mother’s blood pressure was plummeting. “Based on how she’s declining, how long do we have?” Selene asked, thinking that she would pick up her father so that he could say goodbye. “A couple hours,” the doctor said. Ten minutes later, a nurse called and said, “Get here now.”

“They put me in a helmet,” Selene recalled. “There was a plastic flap that closed around my neck. Inside the helmet there was a fan at the top that blew air down, so that any air that got in would be flushed away.

And they put a gown on me, and double gloves, and they let me go in and say goodbye to her. That was the biggest shock, to see her, and to see how she looked. She was twice her size, because she was swollen from steroids. Her tongue was hanging out the side of her mouth because she was on the ventilator—she’d been intubated. They had to brace her head to keep it straight on the pillow, and they had tape around her mouth to keep the tube in. I’ll never forget it. But I think the thing that will haunt me is the smell. It’s like the smell of decay, like she had already started to die.

“The thing that made it so hard to see that was to juxtapose it against President Trump out there, saying he felt like he was twenty-eight years old again and he never felt better. So how could the same thing that did this to her, how could someone ever take it for granted that this was nothing, you have nothing to be afraid of?”

Selene gathered her mother in her arms as the machines went silent.

Yesterday morning, I took Đạo and Đán to try out Vovinam. While they were training, we had a parent meeting. I raised a question about practice. Since the class is only held once a week, how would they practice at home? I wouldn’t know what to help them. The master suggested that I should join the class as well so I can practice at home with them. Instead of waiting around for an hour and a half, why don’t I just take the lessons? That’s a great suggestion. Even though I would love to use that time to read, I am considering joining. I need the exercise anyway. My only fear is that once I am committed, I will need to dedicate my time to it.

I started ice skating lessons because I wanted to learn and practice with the kids. Now I am more devoted to it than they are. After their Vovinam lesson, I asked them if they wanted to go to the ice rink to practice. They all said no. I didn’t want to force them so I went alone. I practiced for almost three hours. I reviewed all the techniques for Freestyle 1 since I will have a test coming up in two weeks. I also learned the ballet jump from watching Coach Julia on YouTube. My poser was not that great, but I got the technical part down. I felt great and guilty at the same time knowing that my kids were playing video games with their cousins for the same amount of hours.

My wife and I got into a heated argument over her work schedule again. I don’t know how she prioritizes her work, but she always scrambles at the last minute to meet her deadline. On Saturday afternoon, I asked her how she was doing with her work and she chewed my head off. When I didn’t ask, she would say I didn’t care. When I asked, I got an earful. There’s no win in this situation.

I don’t know what her work involves, but she has a deadline at midnight every other Saturday. I suggested that she tries to get her production done the first week instead of the deadline week. It might not be possible, but it would give her less stress trying to meet the deadline. Then again, what do I know?

I thought that getting involved with the kids’ activities would give her free time at home to do her work. By taking them out to eat, she wouldn’t have to cook as much to give her free time to do her work. I took them to hockey, summer school, private tutor, and private lessons, so she didn’t have to and she can do her work. Still, I am not doing enough.

I was considering joining Vovinam with the kids, but I won’t. Now that the kids aren’t into skating anymore, I should quit as well after my group lesson is done. We should wrap up private lessons for Đạo and Xuân since they don’t seem to be enthusiastic about ice skating anymore. Once Đán is done with hockey, we’ll call it quit as well.

I realized that my motivation for doing all of these is to get them off their screen. It would be much easier to let them have their way. Why bother?

Not sure how it happened, but our bathtub has two huge chips. Something hard must have been dropped on the tub.

I picked up a tube of Super Glue’s Porcelain Chip Fix to patch it up. The Fix is only available in white and our bathtub is a beige color. As long as the chipped areas won’t rust, I don’t care. Our bathtub is pretty old anyway, but it is still in good condition. Replacing the entire tub, which is way out of my ability, is unnecessary.

Another day, another home maintenance.

Parts

• Super Glue’s Porcelain Chip Fix: $5
• Sandpaper: $5
• Scott Blue tapes: $5

Total cost: $15

Update (July 28, 2021)

Super Glue’s Porcelain Chip Fix didn’t work too well because the chips were huge and deep. I had to take it off and my wife patched them up with WaterWeld instead. The formulated epoxy putty is quite tough. She covered the chips a bit thinker than the surface. As a result, we have to sand it down. It takes quite a bit of time to sand. I think we’re good to go now. I still wanted to find out the culprit who caused this damage.

Parts

• WaterWeld Epoxy Putty: $5
• Sandpapers and hand sander: $10

As the school year reopening in the fall approaches, the American Academy of Pediatrics strongly recommends all students, teachers and staff to mask up. Without masking up, we are leaving children who are under twelve highly vulnerable.

Although adults faced serious illness and high risk of death from COVID-19, almost 500 children died, 240,000 hospitalized, and over 4,000 developed multisystem inflammatory syndrome. The rise of the Delta variant puts our kids in even more danger.

Even though our family members who are eligible for vaccines have been vaccinated, we are continuing to mask up when we have to go indoors. We still have three kids who are not eligible to be vaccinated and we need to protect them.

If you are eligible for vaccines, but refused to be vaccinated, that’s your choice. Our children, however, have no choice at this time. I hope that everyone—whether you are vaccinated or not—will mask up for the kids. They do not deserve to get infected.

In her latest collection of essays, Lamott opens up about her recent marriage, her past drinking problem, as well as her faith. From accidentally taking her dog medications to falling off the cliffs, Lamott revealed hilarious and serious stories from her life. Lamott is one of those writers that I would read anything she had written. This one is uplifting and optimistic.

When my homie passed away, it dawned on me that life is too damn short to antagonize. Instead of stressing out and worrying about things that are out of my control, I need to focus on things that bring me joy.

Making websites brings me joy and making money from it to feed my family is just a huge bonus. Blogging, which helps me get things off my chest, brings me joy. Reading, which opens up my mind to things I wouldn’t know about, brings me joy. Music that touches my soul brings me joy. Skating, which adds excitement to my boring life, brings me joy. Spending time with family and friends always brings me joy. Of course, getting some love brings me significant joy.

Life is not always rosy. There are challenges, struggles, and losses along the way. I just have to deal with them as they come. Recognizing and appreciating the wonderful things life brings help me navigate the challenges life throws at me. It’s all good, baby, baby! “It was all a dream, I used to read Word Up! magazine / Salt-n-Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine.” (Nate and I used to bang this classic from Biggie in our car stereo.)

Tupac Amaru Shakur died at the age of twenty-five. Tupac was gunned down when he was at the top of his game. He was young, outspoken, and didn’t give a fuck. He embodied the image of gangster rap. In his music, he expressed eloquently on police brutality and gun violence in the black community. His mantra was, “Live by the gun and die by the gun.”

As a fan of Tupac, I had to get beyond his gangster mentality as well as his misogyny. What Tupac had touched me was the sweet side of his music and he always included it in his albums. His 1991 debut, 2Pacalypse Now, is not my favorite, but “Brenda’s Got a Baby” stood out to me. It demonstrated Tupac’s articulate storytelling. It’s a tragic song about a young black girl who fell in love with the wrong guy. She ended up selling her body and found slain. Tupac narrated Brenda’s story:

She’s twelve years old and she’s havin’ a baby
In love with a molester, who’s sexin’ her crazy
And yet and she thinks that he’ll be with her forever
And dreams of a world where the two of them are together
Whatever, he left her and she had the baby solo
She had it on the bathroom floor and didn’t know, so
She didn’t know what to throw away and what to keep
She wrapped the baby up and threw him in a trash heap.

In 1993, Tupac followed up with Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z.…. In “Keep Ya Head Up,” he showed his tenderness toward women. Tupac rhymed:

Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice
I say the darker the flesh, then the deeper the roots
I give a holla to my sisters on welfare
2Pac cares if don’t nobody else care
I know they like to beat you down a lot
When you come around the block, brothers clown a lot
But please don’t cry, dry your eyes, never let up
Forgive, but don’t forget, girl, keep ya head up
And when he tells you you ain’t nothin’, don’t believe him
And if he can’t learn to love you, you should leave him
’Cause, sister, you don’t need him
And I ain’t tryin’ to gas you up, I just call ’em how I see ’em
You know what makes me unhappy?
When brothers make babies
And leave a young mother to be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it’s time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don’t, we’ll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies that make the babies
And since a man can’t make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up?
I know you’re fed up, ladies, but keep ya head up.

Tupac was charming and sweet when it came to women. He was on their side. Unfortunately, he changed completely after he was charged with sexual assault. From a caring gentleman, he turned into a misogynistic asshole.

His 1995’s Me Against the World was released while he was serving time for his sexual assault conviction. The album was dark and menacing as if the world were against him. Nevertheless, Tupac recorded “Dear Mama,” a loving, heartfelt tribute to his mother Afeni Shakur who was a single, addicted mother trying to raise her two kids. Tupac showed his appreciation:

I finally understand
For a woman it ain’t easy tryin’ to raise a man
You always was committed
A poor single mother on welfare, tell me how you did it
There’s no way I can pay you back, but the plan
Is to show you that I understand: you are appreciated.

I still know this song by heart. I remember the lyrics word by word. His third verse reminded me of my mother:

Pour out some liquor and I reminisce
‘Cause through the drama I can always depend on my mama
And when it seems that I’m hopeless
You say the words that can get me back in focus
When I was sick as a little kid
To keep me happy there’s no limit to the things you did
And all my childhood memories
Are full of all the sweet things you did for me
And even though I act crazy
I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
There are no words that can express how I feel
You never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me
I wish I could take the pain away
If you can make it through the night, there’s a brighter day
Everything will be alright if you hold on
It’s a struggle every day, gotta roll on
And there’s no way I can pay you back, but my plan
Is to show you that I understand: you are appreciated

I missed my mama and I never forget the times she never left my bed side when I was sick as a little kid. I appreciated the unconditional love she gave me. “Dear Mama” brings me to tears every time, especially now that my mother is gone.

After joining Death Row Records, Tupac released his double album, All Eyez On Me, in which he offered a wide range of styles. “No More Pain” and “Got My Mind Made Up” were for the thug bangers. “How Do U Want It” and “California Love” were for the club heads. “All Bout U” and “Wonda Why They Call U Bitch” were for the haters. “I Ain’t Mad at Cha” and “Life Goes On” were for the homies that died too young. Listening to “Life Goes On” made me think of my homie Nate. We used to drink together and rap along this track:

As I bail through the empty halls, breath stinkin’ in my jaws
Ring, ring, ring — quiet, y’all, incomin’ call
Plus this my homie from high school, he gettin’ by
It’s time to bury another brother, nobody cry
Life as a baller: alcohol and booty calls
We used to do ’em as adolescents, do you recall?
Raised as G’s, loc’ed out, and blazed the weed
Get on the roof, let’s get smoked out, and blaze with me
Two in the morning and we still high, assed out
Screamin’, “Thug ’til I die!” before I passed out
But now that you’re gone, I’m in the zone
Thinkin’ I don’t wanna die all alone, but now you gone
And all I got left are stinkin’ memories
I love them niggas to death, I’m drinkin’ Hennessy
While tryin’ to make it last
I drank a fifth for that ass when you passed, ’cause life goes on.

Rest in peace, Nate. You will always be in my heart. After Tupac was murdered, I thought his music would end as well, but his posthumous albums continued to come out. R U Still Down? (Remember Me) released in 1997, just a year after his death. Tupac rapped with paranoia and anger on most tracks. On “Hellrazor,” in particular, he spoke out about Latasha who was killed at a convenience store where she bought a bottle of juice. He raged:

Dear Lord if ya hear me, tell me why
Little girl like LaTasha, had to die
She never got to see the bullet, just heard the shot
Her little body couldn’t take it, it shook and dropped
And when I saw it on the news how she bucked the girl, killed Latasha
Now I’m screamin’ fuck the world, in the end
It’s my friends, that flip-flop
Lip-locked on my dick when my shit drop
Thug Life motherfucker, I lick shots
Every nigga on my block dropped two cops
Dear Lord can ya hear me? When I die
Let a nigga be strapped, fucked up, and high
With my hands on the trigger, thug nigga
Stressin’ like a motherfuckin’ drug dealer
And even in the darkest nights, I’m a thug for Life
I got the heart to fight now
Mama raised a hellraiser why cry
That’s just life in the ghetto, do or die.

What I appreciated about Tupac was that he wasn’t afraid to show his sweet and sentimental sides. He was able to lay his soul naked for us to hear his words and to feel his heart. I still wonder how far he would have come if he was still alive today.