Hôm nay chỉ là một ngày thứ Sáu bình thường. Ngoài việc dành thời gian cho gia đình tôi còn được thưởng thức món tôi thèm mà đã lâu (hơn bảy năm) không ăn. Vợ người Bắc nên chưa từng ăn mắm kho. Vậy mà hôm nay cũng cố gắng nấu lần đầu cho chồng thử. Kết quả rất ngon và vừa miệng. Thế nhưng gia đình bên vợ chẵng ai ăn. Má vợ và vợ của anh vợ chỉ thử một chút. Còn bao nhiêu tôi chơi hết. Thấy vợ cũng chịu khó nấu ăn vì thương chồng tôi rất cảm động. Mông rằng tình cảm vợ chồng lúc nào cũng mặn mà như nồi mắm kho.

Với tôi điều quang trọng trong hiện tại chỉ cần sống vui và hạnh phúc. Đêm nay nghe lại bài hát êm dịu của Trịnh Công Sơn (do Hồng Nhung hát) đem lại cho tôi một cảm giác nhẹ nhàng đó:

Mỗi ngày tôi chọn một niềm vui
Chọn những bông hoa và những nụ cười
Tôi nhặt gió trời mời em giữ lấy
Để mắt em cười tựa lá bay

Và như thế tôi sống vui từng ngày
Và như thế tôi đến trong cuộc đời
Đã yêu cuộc đời này bằng trái tim của tôi

The new year has begun. I am on the right track of limiting digital distractions. More times are spent with family, especially the boys. I even keep a book out of sight so I don’t pick it up while I am with them.

We have family staying and friends visiting; therefore, my wife has been busy cooking. Her effort is appreciated. We’re also on the right path on building a more meaningful relationship. We communicate more. We split up our parental responsibilities more. I am grateful for the things she does. I listen to her complains and do my best to fix them.

As for my issues, I am still working on taking one day at a time. I want to eliminate as much negative thoughts as I could. Let go of all the irritative thinkings. Leave all the things that don’t concern me out of my mind. I want simplify my life just like my approach to design. I know I can do it.

Spent the entire day turned an office room in the basement into a Lego room. I couldn’t stand seeing Lego pieces all over the house so we give the entire room to them to build and display their Legos.

While the kids enjoyed their new Lego room, I reorganized the basement and got rid of most of the junks that we haven’t touched in years. Even though it was a beautiful day and we missed an opportunity to get out of the house, it feels good to have a nice space to play with the kids.

New Year Eve is tomorrow already. Time flies. Looking forward to 2015.

Since Đạo and I get two weeks off for the holidays, we let Đán stays home as well. Because the weather has been cloudy and wet, we have not gone anywhere.

Yesterday we woke up around 9:30. My wife worked from home. I kept Đán entertained so that he wouldn’t interrupt Đạo from building his Lego.

At noon we headed to the kids’ favorite place for Phở then went to Krispy Kreme for some fresh doughnuts. The kids enjoyed seeing the doughnut assembly. I have to admit. I am kind of addicted to the glazed doughnuts that came right off the racks. We sat on the couch in the store and enjoyed some jazz—something we weren’t able to do with the kids for a while.

Then we headed to my sister-in-law for clams and bún riêu for dinner. Last weekend we visited my sister in Lancaster, she brought us 100 clams. We ate about 30 and brought back home the rest. All we did in Lancaster was letting the kids played together and ate. Sammy and Eric were very good at playing with Đạo and Đán. Sammy was very patience with her little cousins.

On Sunday we stopped by a fantastic train museum nearby my sister’s house for a bit then headed to Philly instead of going straight home for Thanh Thanh’s infamous chicken Phở. The place was tiny, but it was always packed. We were third in line. When we we got a table, the server asked ask what would we liked. My wife asked for a menu and he said we only serve phở gà and boiled chicken. So we ordered two bowls and half a chicken. Both the phở and chicken were indeed delicious. Even though I am not a big fan of phở gà, I enjoyed the tangy noodle soup and the fresh, juicy and slightly fatty chicken. We’ll be back for sure since the kids also loved watching the subway train passing by on the bridge on top of the restaurant.

Being completely offline while around the kids has been quite nice. Even my wife had made the effort to do the same. In addition to focusing on the kids, I am showing more affections to my wife. While driving, we held hands the entire time like we used to when we were still dating. We talked and I said, “I love you” a few times and her response was, “Why all if the sudden?” I always loved her, I just haven’t shown much, but that had all changed now. I can’t take the love given to me for granted.

Being grumpy, silenced and distanced only made our relationship worsened. The cold treatment was not working. All that it took was a hug and some nice words to each other to break the ice. Even if we were arguing, we could made up by just reaching out to hold each other’s hand. I learned this technique while watching Đán and his cousin Khôi playing with each other. One minute they fought over some toys. The next minute they hugged each other and shared cookies or ice creams. It is just amazing how kids don’t hold grudges against one another. I am learning to do the same with my best friend, the mother of my kids, and the love of my life. We’re going to be in each other’s grill in many years to come, so might as well make it enjoyable for both of us.

I have many flaws as a dad and a lover. My kids don’t have a choice. They are stuck with me and they either will grow to love or hate their dad. I am striving for the former. As for wife she still has a choice. The fact that she has been willing to put up with me all these years proved how much love she has for me. I could be a demanding prick at times. (My mama doted me and spoiled the brat out of me.) Others would have left my ass a long time ago. I am not sure what she sees in me that makes her stick around. Whatever it is I am grateful to have her by my side. I have to do whatever it takes to keep her. I am sure my life with be even more miserable without her.

Christmas is now behind us. In a few days, 2014 will end as well. Around this time of the year, I like to review my personal progress to make improvements in 2015. I actually have started to make some changes before the holidays began. Once again I need to get my priorities straight and cut back on digital activities such as Facebook, Twitter and computer usage.

Facebook, without a doubt, is a great tool for catching up on family and friends. I had, however, found myself being sucked deep into it. I had became the parent that I came to despise: the ones who attached to their digital devices and just let their children do their own things. I must confess. I also am a bit envy of those couples with perfect life. They take vacation all year round. Their kids are well-behaved and they show affection for each other while I am still struggling with my own relationship. I am proud to report that I have been Facebook-free for the last couple of weeks. Though I have not deactivate my account because I have work-related tasks, I have deleted the Facebook app off my iPhone.

In addition to Facebook, I am cutting back on Twitter. I use Twitter primarily to stay up-to-date with web industry. Technologies are moving as such rapid speed that I can’t no longer keeping up with everything. I need to focus on my core strengths and let everything else go. I deleted the app off my iPhone in the past week and planning on using the Twitter web site once or twice a day.

At home, I limit the use of laptop as well. My only time for blogging or doing anything on the computer would be when the kids are sleeping. So I need to wake up before them or stay up late after they had gone to bed. When I am with them I want to give them my full attention, something I have shamefully neglected. I have always been around them whenever I have a chance, but I was not fully engaged and that has been changed before the holidays started. I am off work the entire next week as well so my time will be with them.

Being digitally disconnected in the past two weeks had given me more focus on the physical interactivity. I am spending more time on nurturing our relationship. With the kids being our priority and my own issues, we had drifted away, but deep down, we are inseparable. We have way too much love for each other and for our boys. The foundation we have built is solid. We need to maintain it.

My personal issues have effected our relationship. I am working hard on most of them, but I know for sure that at least one could never changed. I am not so sure how to overcome that one. It makes me miserable, stress out, and resentful. The more I try to ignore it the more it takes over me like a drug addict. Writing has been somewhat helpful, but I can’t seem to publish it for the public. It’s too personal to share. Nevertheless, the blog has remained therapeutic for me. It is still a personal space that allows me to write down my thoughts.

Several months ago, the cop pulled me over for doing 50 in the 35-mile zone. I had enough of these crap; therefore, I decided to fight back. Since I will be on the road for many years to come, I need to deal with this because it is inevitable. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had my share of tickets and I always paid up immediately because I just wanted to get them out of the way and moved on. I was young and stupid. I was lacking of confidence and scared. I am now a grown man and I know how the system works. The judges and the cops aren’t as intimidating as I thought. Besides, I was not breaking any law until the judge decide.

So when I got pulled over, I remained calmed and talked nicely to the officer. Once he handed me the ticket, I even thanked him and wished him a good day. The next day, I went back to the scene to see if I could make my case. The road was under construction so I pulled out my iPhone and took a few photos of the scene. Because of the construction, the road was bumpy; therefore, I couldn’t drive fast. I had my reason one. Then there is a park near the scene that held a farmer market every Thursday in the summer. People parked their cars nearby and took their kids to the market. As a father of two toddlers, I have always been extremely careful whenever kids around; therefore, I couldn’t be speeding. I had my reason two. There was a speed limit sign, but it was obscured by the bus stop sign and the electric pole. I took a picture of that too and had my reason three.

In the ticket, the officer clocked me in at 50 miles. I questioned the accuracy of his speed gun. Why I wasn’t doing 48, 48 or 15, but perfectly on 50? I had my reason four. For reason five, I was not sure if I wanted to bring up in court—the officer marked me as “W” for ethnicity—but I brought it up anyway.

For my court schedule, I dragged it out further by requesting a continuance. I wanted to buy more time so that the officer could forget about me or in case he wouldn’t show up. He did showed up after the reschedule. In court there about 120 people. The ones with the lawyer got done the quickest. Most people pleaded guilty and the judged reduced their fine to $50 or $100 with no points. The ones that pleaded not guilty had to wait to the end. The good thing was I brought the book along. I was in the court from 9:30 am to noon.

Lucky for me, the judge was very nice and he was on the people side. He was interested in what we have to say and not just the cops. In addition to all the reasons I listed above, I also pointed out to him that I haven’t have an accident for twenty years and I have four plus points in my driving record. Virginia rewards you a point each year for no violation and you can earn up to five points. After looking at my photos, the error on the ticket and the calibration date on the officer’s speed gun. He found me not guilty.

What have I learned from all this is that you always have to go to court. Don’t just paid up. Stay calm and be nice to the officer. Rather your evidences and ready to make your case. If you’re not fluent in English, request an interpreter. Most important of all, be confidence.

I haven’t have a drop of coffee in the past two months. I just stopped because I thought I was depending on coffee way too much. I thought it would be hard, but I was able to get off the hook easily. Instead of drinking coffee in the morning, I switched to coconut water with chia seed. They make a great combo for detox.

As for drinking I still do a bit of cocktail every now and then, especially when I get stressed out. Somehow the buzz of liquor has been making me happier when dealing with the kids. Dan gave me some hell yesterday when he didn’t take a nap time. When he finally was down for a nap, he woke up an hour later because he was coughing. He brought more hell when he woke up. I left the room and let his mom calmed him down.

When it was time for dinner, I made myself a drink. After that I was in such a good mood to give the kids a bath and brushed their teeth. The night ended well with a bit of margarita.

Thưa bố,

Như hứa hẹn, đại gia đình mình gặp nhau đông ở vùng biển San Deigo. Cái vui là cả họ gặp nhau tay bắt mặt mừng nên hơi ồn ào một tí cho nên ngày đầu tiên đã bị đề nghị đổi nhà khác.

Như thường lệ, các bác, cậu mợ, dì chú đến tham dự gần hết. Đám trẻ tụi con cũng đến nhiều. Đám nhóc thì cả bầy. Mấy đứa cháu trai cưng của bố quậy lắm. Bố phải phù hộ cho tụi con có thêm cháu gái để tụi nó bớt phá phách.

Như mấy lần trước, mỗi gia đình trổ tài nấu nướng cho cả họ thưởng thức. Đặt biệt là con gái út của bố đã kho một nồi cá và luộc mấy bó rau muống. Được một bữa ăn Việt Nam thuần túy thanh đạm nên các cụ khen. Chắc chắn bố sẽ rất hảnh diện với cô con gái út.

Năm nay anh Hùng trổ tài làm sushi cả buổi cho mọi người. Hai đứa cháu bác Cần cũng enjoy cả mấy tiếng đồng hồ. Đây cũng lần đầu tiên con được gặp mặt gia đình anh Quý. Cả nhà bốn người ai cũng dễ thương.

Năm nay có cái mới là quý ông rất hăng hái trong việc rửa chén dọn dẹp cho quý bà và quý cô đỡ mệt sau khi nấu ăn. Một phần nào đó phải nhờ công lao cậu Dụng, người đã can đảm nói lên cảm nghĩ của mình sau khi uống hai chung Tequila.

Nói đến nhậu thì không thể thiếu. Anh Tiến làm mồi khá hấp dẫn nên rượu mấy chai cũng không đủ. Năm nay chẳng những nhậu không say mà còn học được thơ và câu châm ngôn từ anh Bi để giữ gìn hạnh phúc gia đình: “Ladies, please leave me alone. I am married.” Không biết lúc xưa bố có dùng câu này không.

Đám con nít chơi với nhau khá thân thiện. Thằng Cu Đán rất thích chị Jolie. Nó không muốn chia sẻ chị ấy với ai cả. Nó làm ai cũng cười hết.

Một tuần trôi quá rất nhanh khi được bên cạnh những người thân. Mọi người chia tay nhau hẹn lại năm sau. Riêng gia đình bé nhỏ của con cùng mom ghẻ lại thành phố đầy tội lỗi chơi vài ngày.

Hôm nay chúng con về lại Virginia cũng là ngày sinh nhật bố. Tuy bố không có mặt nhưng trong thâm tâm chúng con và mom lúc nào cũng có hình bóng bố. Mỗi khi chạy xe ngang qua nơi an nghỉ của bố, Cu Đạo và Đán vẫn la to “ông ngoại.” Khi hỏi Cu Đạo ông ngoại đâu, nó trả lời, “trên trời.”

As a music listener, I prefer well-crafted albums from a single artist over a handful of singers. I also appreciate albums with thought-out concepts more than a whole bunch of songs thrown in together. I like to experience a record from beginning to end without interruption.

When I started to get into jazz singing, I listened to Billie Holidays for a month straight. She impressed the hell out of me, but that was the reason I tuned in for. Lady in Satin took me into the darkest corner of her world and let me touch her soul. If I was in the mood for some psychedelic rock, Jimi Hendrix’s Electric Ladyland would be my goto album. If I was in a mood for some Vietnamese romantic ballad, I would reach for Tuấn Ngọc’s Giọt Lệ Cho Ngàn Sau. Likewise, I could relax to Hồng Nhung’s Khu Vườn Yên Tĩnh or get some lyrical pleasure from Jay Z’s The Black Album. Of course I could pick out any record of Miles Davis for any occasion.

To describe my listening experience, the best analogy I could think of is an interview with a porn star. I can’t recall what her name was, but her answer to why she wanted to be a porn star struck a cord with me. She said that for the next 30 minutes or so she could leave the world behind her and just focus on her partner and the only thing that stands between them is the camera. That is exactly how I feel. Between me and the musician is a pair of earbud. I want the intimate relationship between me and the artist. So yes, from Jimi, Coltrane, Dylan, Thu Phương, Nguyên Khang to Hồng Nhung, I fucked them all.

Chiều thứ Bảy lúc chạy xe ngang qua Starbucks, tôi hỏi vợ, “Em uống cafe không? Anh có một cái free.” Vợ trả lời, “Uống thì uống.” Tôi nói, “Vậy anh order một ly cối Coffee Frappuccino chơi thêm hai shots expresso nữa nhé.” Vợ gật đầu, “Uống xong tối thức làm bài.” Tôi cười đáp, “Vậy thì chiều nào anh cũng mua cho em một ly để tối thức em trả bài.” Vợ trả lời, “Anh đừng có nằm mơ. Trả bài cho boss đó.” Ouch!