As I was reading P. D. Eastman’s Are You My Mother? to my two-year-old son for the hundredth time, I kept thinking about those kids who are separated from their mothers. I could barely get through this part:

“Oh, you are not my mother,” said the baby bird. “You are a Snort. I have to get out of here!”

But the baby bird could not get away. The Snort went up.

It went way, way up. And up, up, up went the baby bird.

But now, where was the Snort going?

“Oh, oh, oh! What is this Snort going to do to me? Get me out of here!”

Just replace Snort with ICE and this is what happening in America. The world will never forget how the forty-fifth president and Republicans are mistreating children. They are taking away the kids’ parents.

When I told my former colleague that we are expecting our forth kid, she joked, “You know, there’s a thing called birth control.” I had to reminded her what Ol’ Dirty Bastard said: “Oh baby, I like it raw. Yeah baby, I like it raw.”

All kidding aside, of course I know about birth control, but I can afford to raise another kid. I am not broke and I am not relying on the government to take care of my kids. So it’s good. These days I watch four kids on most weekends anyway so I will be fine. A baby girl might be unexpected, but I know exactly what to do with another boy.

Đán flexed his arms and said, “Đán cay quá.” I didn’t quite understand what he meant until I translated back into English, “Đán is too hot.” I keep telling him. He’ll be a great comedian.

This morning he asked his mom for a dollar. She told him that he has to work hard to earn it. His response was, “Daddy cleaned the house all the time, but you gave him nothing.” I just have to give him a hug and kiss for recognizing it.

Đán can be so charming yet he can also be extremely annoying. He finds your weaknesses and keeps attacking them. He makes Đạo mad all the time. He makes Xuân cries. He makes me and my wife furious. When I ask him nicely not to do something, he does it more. Is it wrong to love your child and to be annoyed by his behavior at the same time? It’s a damn dilemma.

Man, I was cajoled by my own two-year-old son. Here’s how he did it:

Xuân: Daddy, I want candy.
Daddy: You just had a donut.
Xuân: But I want candy daddy.
Daddy: OK, but you can only hold it.
Xuân: OK daddy, I’ll hold it.
Daddy: OK here, just hold it.
Xuân: Daddy, can I open it?
Daddy: No, you just hold it.
Xuân: But I want to open it.
Daddy: OK, only open, but hold it OK.
Xuân: OK, but daddy it is too hard. Can you open?
Daddy: OK, here you go.
Xuân: Daddy, can I eat it?
Daddy: No, you just hold it.
Xuân: Daddy, can I eat it? (voice raising).
Daddy: No, just hold it.
Xuân: Daddy, can I eat it? (screaming).

He was so adorable and polite at first until near the end. I also need to clarify my previous post on Xuân. Đạo told me that Xuân didn’t say “stupid, dad.” He said, “Stop it, dad.” I guess he is not as bad as I thought.

Before going to sleep last night, I kissed Đạo and told him that I love him. He responded, “I love you, daddy, and mommy.” I said, “Yes, I love mommy too.” Then he said, “But she doesn’t love you.” I was a bit surprised so I asked him why he said that. “She doesn’t show and she’s always yelling at you.” He answered.

I asked him, “I often yelled at you too, but you still love me. Why?” He replied, “When I do something wrong, you yelled at me so I wouldn’t do it again next time.” I am so glad he understood.

He obviously noticed that my wife does not show her affection. As parents, we need to show our kids we love each other. We need to hug more, kiss more, and holding hands more. We need to argue less and keep our voice down. We need to show our kids how much we love each other.

Xuân has developed his language skill faster than his brothers at age two. The reason is obvious. He learns from his brothers. I can’t recall exactly when Đạo began to express himself with words, but I still remember his frustration when he couldn’t tell us what he wanted. Đán started to talk earlier than Đạo, but he stuttered because he could not come up with words to use.

Xuân, on the other hand, is very expressive. He already knows the differences between “I like it” and “I love it” as well as “I don’t like it” and “I hate it.” He loves to sing and to improvise. He could put anything into a tune. For example, when I pointed out to him a walking dog to distract him from wanting another pack of Pocky, he started to sing “doggy walking, doo, doo, doo, doo.” Or he would repeat what I said in the melody of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” Sometimes he busted out some Jewish tunes he learned from his daycare that I have no idea what he was singing.

At times he mixes English with Vietnamese. One time, he was holding a plastic revolver, as we strolled around the block. He pointed to the sky and said, “Daddy, chim (bird) flying.” I replied, “Yes, chim flying. Isn’t she beautiful?” He pull the trigger three times and said, “Daddy, I shoot it.” Yes, my boys still play with toy guns.

These last couple of days, he started to use the word stupid: “Monkey stupid,” “Đạo stupid,” “Đán stupid,” “Mommy stupid,” and of course, “Daddy stupid.”

Now I am not so sure if his language development is for better or for worse. In either case, I am enjoying hearing his voice and his opinions.

A baiting headline for a useless research. Gretchen Reynolds writes:

Of course, this study involved mice and not men and cannot tell us whether the same processes occur in people.

I haven’t exercised and my kids turn out alright—so far.

Tôi không muốn nghĩ đến tiền. Ngày xưa chứng kiến mẹ làm lụng vất vả kiếm từng đồng từng cắc nên càng nghĩ đến tiền càng thêm xót xa. Nhưng rồi lâu lâu cũng nghĩ đến nó.

Hôm nọ bỗng nghĩ đến tiền đóng cho cộng đồng người Do thái, nơi giữ trẻ, tôi giật mình. Thằng Đạo giờ đã chín tuổi. Thế là chúng tôi đã đóng tiền tám năm liên tục. Có thời gian phải đóng cho cả hai Đạo và Đán cùng lúc. (Mai mốt phải đóng cho thằng Xuân và em nó.) Để được vào chương trình giữ trẻ ở cộng đồng Do thái, họ bắt buộc phải đóng tiền membership cho cả gia đình.

Tính sơ sơ tám năm qua (vừa tiền giữ trẻ mỗi tháng và tiền membership mỗi năm), chúng tôi đã cống hiến cho cộng đồng Do thái trên hai trăm ngàn đô. Nếu không có con cái, chúng tôi đã đủ trả hết nợ căn nhà. Nếu không có con cái, chúng tôi đâu cần mệt nhọc và căng thẳng như bây giờ. Nếu không có con cái, chúng tôi đâu bị mất ngủ và ăn uống như ăn giựt. Nếu không có con cái, chúng tôi đâu cần lo lắng từng li từng tí, la rầy, tức giận, và xấu hổ trước đám đông. Tại sao lại trút cả khổ vào thân?

Nếu được quay lại thời gian, tôi vẫn chọn có con cái. Tuy cực nhọc và tốn kém, tôi vẫn chọn lấy con cái. Chỉ cần nghe tụi nó gọi tiếng “daddy” là tôi tràng đầy hạnh phúc. Hao tốn bao nhiêu cũng không sao. Còn làm ra tiền thì còn xài. Chừng nào không làm ra tiền được nữa tính sao. Hơi sức đâu mà tính toán cho mệt. Tôi không muốn xem nặng tiền bạc.

Mỗi buổi sáng đưa Xuân đến nhà trẻ tôi đều thấy thằng bé ngồi chờ xe buýt đến đón đi học mẫu giáo hoặc lớp một. Thằng nhỏ luôn được những người lớn chăm sóc. Nhìn họ quan tâm đến thằng bé tôi thầm kính phục cộng đồng người Do thái.

Thằng bé là đứa con của một ông làm bảo vệ người da đen. Lúc thằng bé mới hai hoặc ba tuổi, nó chạy lung tung. Nhớ lại cảnh ông cha to lớn đuổi theo thằng con tí tẹo trông thật dễ thương. Tuy là người bảo vệ to tướng, ông ta rất hiền lành và vui vẻ. Ngày nào gặp tôi, ông cũng chào và hỏi thăm cả. Mỗi khi thấy ổng chạy theo thằng con tôi cười và trêu ổng.

Chẳng may vài năm trước đây ông đột ngột qua đời. Khi nhận được tin tôi liền nghĩ ngay đến thằng bé mồ côi cha. Không rõ cuộc sống của nó sẽ ra sao. Nay thấy nó vẫn được cộng đồng người Do thái trông nôm, tôi an lòng. Đúng với câu, “It takes a village to raise a child” (Cần cả làng để nuôi dạy một đứa bé).

Kimberly Harrington:

This is a volunteer, unpaid, full-time job. If you have paid employment outside the home, this is still a full-time job. You will have to sort that out for yourself. The primary purpose of this position is to train your co-workers to become more competent, independent, well adjusted and successful than you.

To learn more about the dumbest job ever, visit The New York Times.