I had way too much coffee on Friday. As a result, I could not sleep the entire night. My brain was rushing with so many thoughts as I was reflecting on my own live, being a parent in particular. We had been letting our kids loose a bit with screen time. Between the summer and vacation, we relaxed them a bit. To avoid fighting between the kids and controversy between the parents when we were vacationing together, we let Steve Jobs watched over them. For my own selfish reasons, I needed my own time to read.

Now they are getting addictive. The first thing they woke up and asked for was iPad. They got bored quickly and didn’t know what else to do when they didn’t have access to the iPad. They were angry and frustrated. Laying in bed at three in the morning, the guilt and the failure sunk in. What am I doing wrong? Am I, too, addicted to reading? I got up, hid the iPads, and gathered all the books to return to the library tomorrow. Let’s hit the restart button.

Saturday morning, they asked for the iPad as soon as they got out of bed—even before brushing their teeth. I explained to them that we needed to try something new. It was raining hard so we could not do anything outside. Xuân played with his Polar Express train. Đán was just laying around acted like a drug addict who need a fix. Đạo was grumpy, but picked up his book to read. Đạo loves to read, but only when he has no access to iPad. I wanted to take Đạo and Đán to the library, but Đán didn’t want to go so I just took Đạo. I returned all my books and Đạo picked up 8 books on Vietnam War. I realized that we hadn’t had much time alone so I decided to take him out to his favorite sushi restaurant. It was a nice spending time with just one kid. No fighting and no arguing. My wife texted me to buy lunch home because we lost powered.

When we got home, Xuân already fell asleep. Đán ate all the sushi and Miso soup I brought home for him. The rain was getting harder. I decided to take them to Flight Trampoline, which they had asked a couple days earlier. They jumped for two hours and made some new friends. It was also the first time for a while that their cousin didn’t come along. I don’t mind the cousin comes along, but for some reasons, they always have conflicts when the three go together. In any rate, at the end of the day, they were tired out and went to bed without asking for the iPad.

Sunday morning we got up, had breakfast, and took them to the swimming pool. Đạo and Đán can swim on their own. I just had to watch Xuân. Then we went for lunch and ice cream. The rain picked up again. I drove home, dropped off Xuân, picked up the cousin for Taekwondo. Words exchanged and verbal fight began. It is time to separate them again.

After eating dinner, taking bath, and brushing our teeth, I asked Đạo and Đán to see if the wanted to see The Vietnam War by Ken Burns and Lynn Novick. These kids love shooting games; therefore, they also love a film about the war. We finished the first episode. It will be our screen time together for the next week or so.

I am not sure if I will take their iPad away for good or just for temporary. I still need to figure out the solution. Đạo reads more books when he’s not on the iPad. Đán still needs to figure out what to do without it. Xuân had begun asking for it whenever his one-year old cousin has one on. It is a challenge when other kids have access to the iPad. Xuân doesn’t quite understand it yet and it is hard to explain to him why he shouldn’t have it. Đạo and Đán already know why.

I am a shitting parent. I don’t have hard, consistent rules. I bend them whenever I feel I have made a mistake. I don’t want to control them, but I still have my responsibility as a parent. After Đạo and Đán spending a day at work with me on Friday, which they did their homework, ran around the playground, ate lunch at Eden Center, and took a nap, Đạo asked me, “Did your dad do these with you when you were a kid?” He caught me off guard, but my answer was no. We did not have too much time together. My dad was always away. I only saw him a few times a month. His respond was, “Oh!”

This ranting is way too long as I am trying to get back to free writing.

Lúc trước đám nhỏ cãi nhau khiến người lớn mất lòng. Tôi đề nghị cho chúng nó tạm tách ra một thời gian nhưng bà xã không đồng ý. Hai vợ chồng cãi nhau vì vợ vu khống tôi chia rẽ tụi nó. Thế là cho chúng nọ tiếp tục gặp.

Giờ đây tôi không chỉ trông con mình mà luôn cả thằng cháu. Đi học bơi tôi đón rồi tắm luôn cho tụi nó. Đi học võ cũng tôi đưa đón. Đi học tiếng Việt cũng tôi đón đưa. Thậm chí ngày cuối tuần cũng giao phó luôn cho tôi.

Thế là bây giờ thêm một thằng con theo. Thôi kệ dù sao cũng là cháu biết làm sao bây giờ.

As we got into our car. The conversation began:

Dad: Would you like chocolate or chips?
Xuân: I want chocolate.
Dad: Good choice, Xuân. Here you go.
Xuân: Thanks daddy. Chips later.
Dad: What? [Hell no!]

As we were driving, Xuân complained:

Xuân: Daddy, the sun’s in my eyes.
Dad: You can use your hands to cover your eyes.
Xuân: No, go away. You stupid sun.
Dad: What? [Dude, you are two years old].

KJ Dell’Antonia:

Everything gets so much easier when we accept that our job as parents isn’t to eliminate conflict but to mitigate its effects. Unfortunately, it’s easy to get that wrong, too. Parents often view our role in managing disputes as an either-or proposition: intervene or ignore.

Either “good parents know that children need to be taught how to resolve conflict” (intervene) or “good parents know that conflict is about parental attention, and so they let children figure it out for themselves” (ignore). In theory, all you have to do is decide which kind of “good parent” you are.

In practice there’s a continuum. Parents intervene by teaching children strategies for working things out, and then ignore by stepping back to allow them to apply what they’ve learned.

I am struggling with the constant fights between Đạo and Đán. Intervening them drives me nuts because I constantly have to involve. Ignoring them is hard. The fight would escalate.

According to a new survey conducted by Morning Consult for The New York Times, 64 percent said child care is too expensive. We spent over two hundred thousand dollars in the past 8 years on childcare and will spend more in the next couple of years. They are worthwhile though.

Đêm qua mười một giờ mới đi ngủ và sáng nay sáu giờ rưỡi phải dậy nên Đán cằn nhằn không chịu ăn súp tàu hủ mẹ nấu. Hai mẹ con cự nhau và mẹ cấm không cho ăn sáng luôn. Lo nó bị đói nên tôi mở phone ra order gói thức (wake-up wrap của Dunkin Donuts). Trước khi ra khỏi nhà vợ cảnh cáo không được mua gì cho nó ăn nhưng đã mua rồi.

Lúc đưa hai thằng đi camp, tôi hỏi Đán, “Con giữ bí mật được không”? Nó hỏi, “Bí mật gì”? Tôi nói rằng tôi mua cái gói thức cho nó và chỉ ghé qua lấy thôi nhưng nó không chịu. Nó không muốn lừa dối mẹ. Tôi nói với nó ba đã mua rồi con không ăn thì con đem theo chừng nào thấy đói thì ăn. Nó bỏ vào cập và không ăn.

Mãn khoá mẫu giáo vừa rồi, Đán được cô giáo công nhận là học trò thật thà trong lớp. Giờ tôi đã chứng kiến tận mắt tính tình thật thà của nó. Vậy là tốt lắm rồi. Hy vọng rằng lúc nào nó cũng sẽ như thế.

As I was reading P. D. Eastman’s Are You My Mother? to my two-year-old son for the hundredth time, I kept thinking about those kids who are separated from their mothers. I could barely get through this part:

“Oh, you are not my mother,” said the baby bird. “You are a Snort. I have to get out of here!”

But the baby bird could not get away. The Snort went up.

It went way, way up. And up, up, up went the baby bird.

But now, where was the Snort going?

“Oh, oh, oh! What is this Snort going to do to me? Get me out of here!”

Just replace Snort with ICE and this is what happening in America. The world will never forget how the forty-fifth president and Republicans are mistreating children. They are taking away the kids’ parents.

When I told my former colleague that we are expecting our forth kid, she joked, “You know, there’s a thing called birth control.” I had to reminded her what Ol’ Dirty Bastard said: “Oh baby, I like it raw. Yeah baby, I like it raw.”

All kidding aside, of course I know about birth control, but I can afford to raise another kid. I am not broke and I am not relying on the government to take care of my kids. So it’s good. These days I watch four kids on most weekends anyway so I will be fine. A baby girl might be unexpected, but I know exactly what to do with another boy.

Đán flexed his arms and said, “Đán cay quá.” I didn’t quite understand what he meant until I translated back into English, “Đán is too hot.” I keep telling him. He’ll be a great comedian.

This morning he asked his mom for a dollar. She told him that he has to work hard to earn it. His response was, “Daddy cleaned the house all the time, but you gave him nothing.” I just have to give him a hug and kiss for recognizing it.

Đán can be so charming yet he can also be extremely annoying. He finds your weaknesses and keeps attacking them. He makes Đạo mad all the time. He makes Xuân cries. He makes me and my wife furious. When I ask him nicely not to do something, he does it more. Is it wrong to love your child and to be annoyed by his behavior at the same time? It’s a damn dilemma.

Man, I was cajoled by my own two-year-old son. Here’s how he did it:

Xuân: Daddy, I want candy.
Daddy: You just had a donut.
Xuân: But I want candy daddy.
Daddy: OK, but you can only hold it.
Xuân: OK daddy, I’ll hold it.
Daddy: OK here, just hold it.
Xuân: Daddy, can I open it?
Daddy: No, you just hold it.
Xuân: But I want to open it.
Daddy: OK, only open, but hold it OK.
Xuân: OK, but daddy it is too hard. Can you open?
Daddy: OK, here you go.
Xuân: Daddy, can I eat it?
Daddy: No, you just hold it.
Xuân: Daddy, can I eat it? (voice raising).
Daddy: No, just hold it.
Xuân: Daddy, can I eat it? (screaming).

He was so adorable and polite at first until near the end. I also need to clarify my previous post on Xuân. Đạo told me that Xuân didn’t say “stupid, dad.” He said, “Stop it, dad.” I guess he is not as bad as I thought.