Sibling Fight : Intervene or Ignore

KJ Dell’Antonia:

Everything gets so much easier when we accept that our job as parents isn’t to eliminate conflict but to mitigate its effects. Unfortunately, it’s easy to get that wrong, too. Parents often view our role in managing disputes as an either-or proposition: intervene or ignore.

Either “good parents know that children need to be taught how to resolve conflict” (intervene) or “good parents know that conflict is about parental attention, and so they let children figure it out for themselves” (ignore). In theory, all you have to do is decide which kind of “good parent” you are.

In practice there’s a continuum. Parents intervene by teaching children strategies for working things out, and then ignore by stepping back to allow them to apply what they’ve learned.

I am struggling with the constant fights between Đạo and Đán. Intervening them drives me nuts because I constantly have to involve. Ignoring them is hard. The fight would escalate.