All my life I tend to look for a father figure because my dad is hardly around. In retrospect, I have met and become acquaintances with the men that I had a great deal of respect for. Unfortunately, circumstances changed and so were their presence. Although they appeared in and out of my life, I am glad that they came along. My memory of them will never fade. They will always be apart of my life; therefore, this piece is dedicated to the men I look up to.

I landed in the US for the first time in Connecticut during the winter. It was freezing cold and my oldest sister’s husband at the time took off his jacket and put it on me. I immediately felt the connection with him. He took my side when his sons, who are just a few years younger than me, got into a fight with me. He helped me with my fifth-grade homework even though he had limited English. When he couldn’t figured out the answers, he took my homework to work with him so he could continue to work on during his breaks. I was glad that we lived under his roof as we started our new life in the States. Unfortunately, his marriage with my sister did not last. Although we have moved on with our own lives, I will never forget those time with him.

Years later, my older middle sister met her boyfriend who was charming and skillful at cooking authentic Vietnamese dishes. I always loved hanging out at his trailer home listening to Vietnamese music, watching Chinese TV series, and eating delicious food. At the time when ballroom dancing at Vietnamese party was the trend, he taught me all the moves: chachacha, rumba, tango, bepop, and valse. After he and my sister got married, they sold the mobile home and bought a real house. My mom and I moved in together with them. He got me into online trading. We had many deep conversations on life and stock. Unfortunately, his marriage with my sister did not work out. I still see him once in while when he comes to my sister’s house to pick up the kids, but we are no longer closed. Nevertheless, I will never forget those time with him.

In high school I dated a girl. Couple months into the relationship, she introduced me to her older sister who introduced me to her boyfriend. He was attending college at the time and he was a handy guy. He helped me fixed my car, like replacing the battery and the transmission belt. He understood that I could not afford to pay an auto shop to do so. We drank together a few times even though I was underage. Unfortunately, the girl and I broke up on a bad term. As a result, I have never seen him since, but the memory of him lingers.

In another relationship, I became closed to her aunt’s husband. He and I bonded over music, food, and drinks. I was already out of college; therefore, I was legal. Weekends at his house were always filled with delicious Vietnamese dishes, wines, beers, and laughters. He stuttered when he talked unless he had some alcohol in his system. He was normally quiet until he had a few drinks. He cracked some of the most hilarious stuttering jokes. For example, he once said that you can never win a street-style argument over a stutterer because he could say, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck you more times he you could say fuck him.” He was a generous man who often picked up the bills when we went out to fancy restaurants with the big family. He lived a simple live and strived to be an excellent father. Those were the two characteristics that I wanted to apply in my own life. I am sure he still has all that characters in him. Unfortunately, our relationship ended when his niece and I broke up. Disconnecting with him hurt me the most. In many ways, he was my role model and my father figure. I have tried all I could to stay connected, but all we have left now is the good old memory.

When I first met my wife, she talked a great deal about her father; therefore, I could not wait to meet the man that had a profound influence on the love of my life. I can still recall the day we came to pick him and his wife at the airport as they were returning from their vacation. He was skinny and wearing glasses that made him look like a teacher. He was, indeed, a teacher. One occasion, when my wife and I were still dating, I stayed with her whole family at her sister’s apartment for a holiday break. Her father asked me to help him fix the front gate. I did not know what I was suppose to do so he handed me a wrench and asked me to unscrew something. I held up the wrench, but did not know how to operate it. He said to me that my father is a house builder and yet I don’t even know how to use a wrench. I replied to him with a joke that I am not my father, but I actually meant it. He took me under his wing and taught me to be the man around the house. I was so happy that I had finally found a father who were willing to show me the rope. When my wife and I bought our house, he helped us out with painting the walls, changing the toilet seats, and replacing the shower heads. Whenever things broke around the house, I consulted him first. I determined to learn as much as I could from him not just how to fix things around the house, but also how to keep a marriage last. He and his wife had been married for forty years; therefore, the man knew a thing or two about maintaining a long-lasting relationship. Unfortunately, cancer took his life. I was devastated; life was so unfair. I thought I have founded a father at last, but then I lost him just like that. Although we are physically separated, I will never forget the man who gave me his blessings as well as his beautiful, precious daughter.

As I am reflecting on the men I have been looking up to, I realize that I still have one more in my life. My wife’s sister’s husband is like an older brother to me. No wait, he is my older brother who is kind, humble, and generous. He works hard everyday from dust to dawn, and yet I never heard a word of complain from him. He is outstanding at establishing his professional career as well as doing home improvement. Whatever fixes we need around the house, he is our first resource. Base on the first time we met, I would have never known that he is an introvert. Maybe he was just asking the right questions and I was just doing all the talking. These days we hang out at least three days a week. With our kids, we do almost everything together from going vacation to having sleepover. Because we see each other so often we hardly have anything to say, and that is perfectly fine. We are comfortable with just being around each other. I am thankful to have him and my sister-in-law living closed by. They are our immediate family and I hope that they won’t move anywhere else.

As for my biological father, he is still the man that made me. It is unfortunate that he chooses to live his life without me, even to this day. I do have some great memories of him, but they are as far back as when I was a couple years old. At that time I was too young to understand what bonding even meant. Now being a father myself, I have nothing to look back to guide me. As a result, I am improvising my ways through. Being a father is hard; therefore, I no longer hold grudges against my dad. I accept the way our relationship is meant to be. I am not a great father myself; I have many flaws. At least I am here for my kids. They can learn from my mistakes and not to repeat them. Whether I will succeed or fail, they can look back to their childhood to use as a guide as they navigate through life.

I now realize that I have a peculiar reading habit. I only read a particular subject until I couldn’t find any more books on it I want to read. In the past three years, I read most books on typography. Every time I go to the library, I stare at the typography section to see if I find anymore books I want to read on that subject. I also keep on eye out for new ones. I think I have exhausted that option.

Before typography I was obsessed with reading jazz. I read many biographies, particularly on Miles Davis. Somehow Miles’s life and music sparked so much interests in music writers. Books about the man and his sound keep coming out. A new one has released in the last month and I am eying on that too.

As a web designer and developer, I continue to read books related to the field including responsive web design, JavaScript, WordPress, usability as accessibility. Back in the days, I read as much Flash books as I could. I think I have wasted a huge chunk of my time on Flash books since I don’t even use it anymore.

This year I am tackling English grammar. I have always been fascinated with grammar, but could never master it. Several weeks ago, I went to Mason library to get some books to read on my vacation. I could’t get any on jazz or typography I wanted to read; therefore, I hopped over to the grammar section. I picked up June Casageande’s The Best Punctuation Book, Period. and Stephen Wilbers’s Mastering the Craft of Writing. I loved both of it and I wanted to read more. My recent favorites include Stephen King’s On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft and Jenny Baranick’s Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares.

Now I want to read as much as I can on this topic. I reread William Struck Jr. & E.B. White’s The Elements of Style now and then hoping I could remember all the advice from the book. I find books on writing and grammar intriguing because they are well-written. The authors have to master their own craft before they offer their advice.

I will be concentrating on grammar and writing for at least this year. I hope that I can get the grammar rules under my belt once and for all. For twenty years I have avoided learning it because I felt like English is always my weakest strength. It is time to get over it. If I re-read my blog posts, I could catch my own errors. I don’t do it not because I don’t care, but I don’t have time. Whenever I write a blog, I focus on getting the idea off my head rather than getting bogged down with grammar. If I am too concern with proper English, I would never have finished writing a blog post, but I will try to re-read at least once before I hit the publish button.

Five days of vacation just flew by. We had a great time at the Memories Splash, a kid-friendly, all-inclusive resort. Our daily activities were pretty much the same.

I woke up around 5:30 in the morning, went to the balcony, breathed the morning wind, and worked on one of my independent studies. Đán got up around 7:30 and we rode the shuttle around the property. We enjoyed seeing the animals including ducks, chickens, goose, and peacocks. Đán wanted to be a peacock and referred to himself as: “I am with the blue feather on my butt.”

Around 9AM everyone went to breakfast. My favorite dishes were fried eggs and omelet (ham, bacon, mushroom, jalapeño, green pepper, onion, corn, and tomatoes). I always loved passion fruit and tropical juices. I even bought along chia seeds to mix with the juices for detox.

After breakfast, we headed to the beach. The kids had fun playing with the waves while I had my fun at the bar. At noon, we grabbed quick bites like hamburger, panini, fries, and ice cream before heading to the water park. The kids enjoyed the water park the most. Around 3PM, the kids took a nap and then we moved to the kid’s pool closed by our room.

Around 7PM, we headed to dinner. At 10PM the kids went to bed. I retreated back to the balcony to do my own work until midnight.

The funniest moments were when Đán crashed at dinner table two nights in a row. Because he didn’t take a nap and he spent all day in the water, he fell asleep as we were just started to have dinner. Đạo loved every activities at the resort. As for us parents, we enjoyed seeing the kids having fun. I had my fun too. My wife was just fantastic. Thanks mommy, for the great memories.

In two more days, I’ll be on the beach sipping mojito. We will be in Punta Cana for a few days to get away from the snowy, icy weather. My plan will be drinking, eating, and playing with the kids all day long. At night, I’ll go to the bar to work on my projects for independent studies. And yes, my projects are approved.

I have been stressed out over a minor issue in the past few days. I keep telling myself it is not a big deal and yet it keeps irritating me. The feeling of being screwed is hard to get past. This is reality. When they need you, they would do anything for you. When they don’t need you, they would get rid of you just like that.

It’s a lesson I should have learned no matter who I am dealing with. The more I think about it, the more appalled I get. It’s getting to the point that I get sick to my stomach. As I am trying to focus on spending time with the family, the thought of it gets in my way.

I’ll be alright. I’ll get over it in the next couple of days. I now know how to protect myself in the future, but more importantly, I really need to learn not to take everything too serious. Life ahead will be more treacherous; therefore, I need to learn to control my mind and emotion.

My cousin always said, “Leave everything to Jesus. He will take care of everything.” With just that believe she lives such an easy life. Maybe it’s should be time for me to do the same. I just need to free up my mind and soul and let things work themselves out. I am still lucky to have my wife to lean on. She is so understandable.

Being able to write all this down is making me feel better already. Again stop sweating the small stuff.

I started blogging about music sometimes in 2004. As a way for me to learn English, my primary focus was to describe the details of what I heard such as how a singer moved me or how the instruments grooved me. I obviously had a lot of time on my hands back then. At the time I was working at Vassar; therefore, I signed up for a proofreading session in the writing center. Each week I would bring in my piece. The tutor and I would read over it and make corrections.

My tutor was Natalie Freeman who was an English professor at Vassar. Not only Natalie helped me with my reviews, she also recommended a few music critics I should read. She suggested Sasha Frere-Jones and Kelefa Sanneh. I sought them out and read as many articles I have written. I could not recall how I discovered Greg Tate, but he was instantly became one my favorite critics. He was fearless, eccentric, and thoughtful. I read everything Tate has written that I could get my hands on.

These days Tate has not written much; therefore, I have not reading much either. Sanneh had moved to the New Yorker in 2008 and started to cover sports and TVs. I occasionally read Frere-Jones’ pieces in the New Yorker, but he has now ended that eleven-year gig for Genius.

These days I subscribe to the New York Times’s Popcast to get the latest music news from Ben Ratliff and Jon Caramanica. I still blog about music, but my focus is mostly on Vietnamese pop. The nice thing about blogging music on my own site is that I could write whatever I like without the fear of offending or kissing up to anyone. I am not a music critic and I will never be, but that doesn’t stop me from listen to music and write down my thoughts. That makes me a music blogger.

In 1992, Sir Mix-A-Lot dropped “Baby Got Back” and dominated MTV (when the station was still playing music video). Both the song and the video put big booty on the map as we are obsessed with it today. Twenty-two years later Nicki Manaj not only pays homage to the man that paved the path for fat asses, but she also makes it her own. “Anaconda” is an imaginative rework in which Manaj plays her her flow and pushes her rhymes. Her lyrics are both nastier and funnier: “Dick bigger than a tower, I ain’t talking about Eiffel’s / Real country-ass nigga, let me play with his rifle / Pussy puts his ass to sleep, now he’s calling me NyQuil.” Now every time I see a bottle of NyQuil, I am thinking of Manaj.

The song also brings back so much nostalgia. “Baby Got Back” released a year after I settled in the States. I still remember catching this song everyday before I go to school. It was on MTV for a few months. As a guy who was still in the discovering phase of sexuality, the song gave me a taste of the American pop culture. One time I was standing with a diverse group of guys (black and Puerto Rican) in the hallway. Two white girls walked by and one black guy in our group started to rap: “I like big butts and I can not lie.” I was kind of embarrassed, but to my amazement, the two girls laughed and giggled their asses. The guys whistled and laughed. At the point, I realized the power of hip hop. It was more than just music. It was a changing culture.

Last year I had one successful freelance project. This year I probably won’t have any. Again, time is my limitation. In addition to my full-time job at Mason Law, I am concentrating on school and teaching. The rest of my time is devoted to my family.

Freelancing used to be a way for me to keep my skills up-to-date while earn some extra money. I had worked with great clients. Though I still have few that needed minor updates once in a while, most had moved on.

Nowadays, landing a freelance project is not easy. The need for a unique, branded web site is not a priority for small businesses. They could use Facebook or Squarespace for their online presence. Despite the lack if personal branding and unique experiences in both of those channels, you can’t compete with low cost and no cost at all.

As a result, I am shifting my focus away from client services. I am not sure what I’ll do next, but for now I am just going to take it easy and give myself some time with my family.

A number if readers have wrote and asked why I don’t write DVD review anymore. The simple reason is time. I don’t have three to five hours to watch a DVD and an additional hour to write about it. In addition, there is nothing new and exciting to cover. I haven’t watched a show for a while, but did caught some glimpses of Paris By Night 112 over the holiday break. They still recycle old songs with uninspiring approach and they still hand out money to the audience. So I haven’t missed a thing.

As for American music, I won’t be covering much either. The internet is flooded with reviews and criticisms, especially on hip-hop; therefore; I don’t need to weigh in on them. In addition, I have lost touch with the hip-hop world. I can no longer keeping up with the new artists. For the jazz world, I try to keep up as much as I can, but I won’t report them either.

So that leaves me with just Vietnamese music. This is the territory that isn’t covered much, especially in English. Vietnamese music has always been my primary passion, but I can’t even keep up with everything like I used to. I’ll be more selective of the albums I will be reviewing.

Writing music started out as a hobby and it still is. I wish I have more time to devote to it, but I have other priorities now. My main focus now is on family and web design.

Những ngày nghỉ lể đã nhanh chóng trôi qua. Ngày mai phải trở lại với công việc và cuộc sống hằng ngày. Hai tuần qua đã cho tôi một thời gian ngắn ngủi để được thay đổi chính mình. Tôi đã tạo được cái căn bản để sống vui tươi và nhẹ nhàng hơn. Thay vì phải suy nghỉ đến những ước muốn xa tầm tay đem đến cảm giác thất vọng thì tôi chỉ quý và trân trọng những gì mình đang có. Hi vọng sẽ xóa đi những cám vỗ và cạm bẫy trong cuộc sống.

Với lối sống hiện tại con người dễ dàng rời vào những tham vọng, ganh ghét và đua đòi. Nếu như nói tôi không có những điều đó thì chỉ là giả dối. Tôi không phải là thần thánh. Nhưng nếu muốn đạt được một cuộc sống giản dị và thoải mái tôi cần phải sửa đổi chính mình. Thật ra muốn vượt qua những suy nghỉ ấy đối với tôi không khó vì tôi cũng chỉ là một người tầm thường. Dù có tham vọng cách mấy cũng không đưa tôi đến đâu cả. Lúc xưa tôi nghỉ có tham vọng mới có tiến. Giờ đã khác. Ganh ghét chỉ tự làm khổ cho bản thân mình. Thôi thì công việc mình mình làm. Đời sống mình mình sống. Hơi sức đâu phải ganh ghét người khác. Đua đòi cũng thế. Nhìn lên thì không bằng ai. Dù có cố gắng đua đòi cách mấy cũng vậy. Núi cao còn có núi cao hơn. Thôi thì nên hài lòng những gì đang có trong hiện tại.

Với tôi hiện tại không gì quang trọng hơn một gia đình êm ấm và hạnh phúc. Lúc trước tôi thường nghỉ đến sự đỗ vỡ và thất bại trong cuộc sống và gia đình. Bây giờ tôi chỉ muốn sống trong hiện tại. Nếu có trục trặc thì sửa lại cho phù hợp.