My three-year-old Đán and my six-year-old Đạo have very different ways of dealing with their emotion. Although Đán is younger, he is stronger in both physical and emotional. He doesn’t get offended easily. That’s why I love messing with him because he has a comeback for everything. When I joked, “I am going to smack you on your butt.” He would replied, “I’ll smack you on your face.” Because he doesn’t take insults too serious, he would always win verbal augments over Đạo. Even though Đạo knows more words than Đán, he gets extremely mad when the little guy said something back to him.

Đán also has a charming side. When he hurts someone unintentionally. He would give that person a kiss and make sure that whoever he hurt is OK. I often faked hurting just so he could give me a kiss. Đán loves dinosaurs and has no problem watching them eating each other on the Discovery channel. I am a bad parent for letting him watching violent video, but he understands that some dinosaurs eat other dinosaurs.

In addition, Đán always cracks me up. Like yesterday when I spilled coffee on the floor, he criticized me, “Daddy, you’re bad coffee bringer.” When I mopped up the floored, he gave me a compliment, “Daddy, you’re good cleaner.” This morning he wanted to eat instant noodle and I offered to cook for him, but he turned me down, “No daddy, you’re a bad cook. You burned popcorns the other day.” So his mom had to cook for him. I didn’t mind at all.

Đạo, on the other hand, takes emotion way too deep. I don’t mess around with him much because he could be easily offended. When he doesn’t get what he wanted, he would cry, “Nobody loves me.” Đạo is a very smart kid, but his emotion is his weakness. When I said no to him, he would say something like, “I don’t love you and I won’t get you any Lego for your birthday.” If I wanted to piss him off, all I had to say was, “I’ll buy [his favorite Lego] for myself.” He would go berserk. Then I have to calm him down. Sometimes I feel really horrible, but I don’t want him to be too emotional. It breaks my heart to see him takes things too serious.

Đạo’s charming, however, always melted my heart. He is a mama’s boy and has no problem express his love for her. Even when he was mad at her or vice versa, he always made sure that his mama still loved him. What he did yesterday made me all choked up and I would never forget the emotion on his face. Before going to school, he handed his mom his very favorite Lego figure and told her, “Mommy I want you to keep this so that when you miss me you could look at him.” I must admit. I was very envy of her. He never ever expressed that sentiment to me. What a lovely boy.

I talked to my wife every now and then about the kids’ emotional states. I sympathize and worry about Đạo. One day, a girl will break his heart if he doesn’t stay strong. In contrast, my wife feels bad for Đán. In a way, we treat him like he’s a big kid, but he’s only three. We unintentionally compare him to his older brother. I love Đán, but I am not worried about him as much. He always showed his independency. He can take care of himself and his older brother. I can’t wait to see how the third boy express his emotions.

I am pleased to announce that one more boy will be joining our little family early next year. I nicknamed him Done because we’re done with baby-making after him.

I must confess. I was hoping for a baby girl—even the boys wanted a baby sister so that mommy won’t be outnumbered—but we are happy with what we get as long as the baby is healthy. He is doing great so far.

My poor wife has been going through quite a bit of challenges in the first trimester. She has been experience nausea and fatigue much longer than she had in the past. She bears all the pains in carrying a new soul. Mad love and respect.

Last Monday I woke up with a migraine. Đán woke up with a fever. Đạo woke up and didn’t have to go to camp. Since all three of us stayed home, I decided to take them out for some light activities so their mom could do some work and rest.

We went to the park and they could play mini golf. I still think golf is extremely boring, but enjoyed watching them played. Then we took the train ride. Something about sitting and holding my sons on both arms and feeling the breeze took away my migraine.

In several occasions, the train ride had released my stress even for just a short five minutes. In that short period, mind was so clear and focused. Life felt simple and I treasured every second with the kids. I just closed my eyes and held on to them slightly tight. Not because I were afraid that they would fall of the train, but I needed the affection.

If I were to have five minutes left in this world, that how I would spend my time.

On several occasions, my three-year-old son corrected my word choice. I am both amused and grateful.

Me: You just spit on me.
Đán: You mean sneeze on you?

Me: Look at those dinosaur bones.
Đán: You mean fossils?

Me: Look there’s a cock.
Đán: You mean a rooster?

Last night my three-year-old Đán scratched his private area and bawled out. I shined a flashlight on him and saw that he had rashes all over. He was having some allergic reactions. I took off his pants, picked him up, and my wife gave him some Benadryl. To prevent him from scratching himself, I put him down and blew some air to soothe him. He fell back to sleep, but when I stopped, he said, “Daddy, blow me.” That was the first time in my life I had to give a blow job.

Early today as we made way toward the boardwalk, we spotted a bunch of girls in bikinis in the opposite direction. Đán said to me, “Daddy, there’s a lot of ‘con chim.’” He meant to say birds, but you have to know Vietnamese to understand the other context.

I haven’t blogged about my boys for a while and don’t even know where to begin. So much had happened in the past few months. I am just going to write what I can remember.

Let’s start with soccer. We signed up soccer camp for Đán again in the spring after he showed some interest in the sport from last winter. Every Saturday morning, I took him to soccer with Đạo tagging along. Unfortunately Đán had lost his focus and attention. He rather walked around the field than joined his friends and coaches for soccer. On the other hand, Đạo started to show interest in soccer. I wanted to sign him up, but they did not have class for his age. He ended up playing in Đán’s class. One of the coaches invited him to join the group and he had been part of the team ever since. With Đán I just let him do whatever he liked. If he didn’t want to play soccer, I let him roamed around the field. He could join in whenever he wanted too. Most of his teammates were in the same boat. They just ran and did whatever they wanted rather than paying attention to the coach. Poor dads chasing after their kids and giving them warnings again and again. It’s the middle-class problem. We paid for our kids to play soccer, but ending up babysitting them.

Lately Đán had been obsessed with dinosaurs. He took his dinosaur toys with him everywhere he went. He even knew how to pronounce their names. I nicknamed him the Đánosaur. My wife and I had a conference yesterday with one of his teachers and we were surprised to learn that she had no behavioral problem with him at the daycare. Then again she was a very strict teacher. She told us that he always shared his dinosaurs with his friends in class, something he hardly did at home with his brother and cousin. We were glad to have her as his teacher this year.

Đạo is also wrapping up his kindergarten with his fantastic teacher. On Monday, he and his friends performed 9 songs for us. Each song lasted a couple of bars. One of their favorite tunes were about Abraham Lincoln. After the performance, I asked him who was Abraham Lincoln and what did they mean when they sang, “he freed the slaves.” He responded, “Abraham Lincoln was our 16th president and he gave people money.” I learn new thing everyday through my kids.

Summer is coming and we had some vacationing lined up.

It was teacher appreciation day. I gave Đạo two cards to write to his teachers. Here’s how our conversation went:

Me: What are you going to write for Ms. G?
Đạo: Dear Ms. G, you are a very nice teacher.
Me: That’s really nice. How about Ms. D?
Đạo: Dear Ms. D, you are a very nice teacher.
Me: Can you write something else?
Đạo: No, because I want them to be happy.
Me: Oh OK.
Đạo: They look pretty with clothes on.
Me: If you say so.

Đán with candies on his hand.

Đán Daddy, grownups can’t eat candy.
Me: Why not?
Đán Because they will get sick. Only small, small, small boys and babies can eat candy. They won’t get sick. Candy is not sweet.

He gave me no chance to defense the grownups.

Đán: Daddy, how do you spell Lego?
Me: L-E-G-O
Đán: No, it’s B-O-G-O.
Me: OK
Đán: How do you spell jelly bean?
Me: J-E-L-L-Y space B-E-A-N
Đán: No, it’s B-O-G-O.

Đán picks up spelling from Đạo who is in the process of learning how to read. Đạo asks us to spell any word he either just learned or wanting to learn. Although Đán also asks us to spell different words, his answer is always B-O-G-O.

These days when I drop Đán off at daycare. He always asked me for a kiss goodbye. I am so glad the crying is over. As I head back to my car to work, I saw a mother hiding outside the door listening to her kid’s screaming. It brought back so much memories.

Lately Đạo has been talking about death. I don’t know where or how he picked up on the subject, but I am sure that he doesn’t quite understand the concept yet.

Right before bedtime tonight, he came over and said to me, “I love you, daddy. I don’t want you to die.” I asked him why he thinks that way, but he didn’t answer my question.

About a week or so ago, I overheard a conversation between him and his brother. Somehow Đán talked about ông ngoại (grandpa) and Đạo said that “ông ngoại is not coming back.” He went on, “He is gone forever.”

A couple weeks ago, he showed me a calendar, which has a picture of H and his mom, and said, “Daddy, when H’s mom dies, he can look at this picture and he will remember his mom.” I tried to explain to him that it was not an appropriate thing to say, but he didn’t quite get it.

I asked my wife if he had mentioned to her anything about death and she said that he asked her, “Mommy, what will happen to me when you die?” I am not sure what she told him.

He seems to be curious about this subject. I am not quite sure how to explain to him the concept of death. Is he ready to learn about the truth of death?

Sau bốn ngày được nghỉ (hai ngày bị tuyết và hai ngày cuối tuần) cộng thêm đổi giờ (một tiếng sớm hơn), Đán không muốn đi nhà trẻ sáng thứ Hai. Nó không chịu ăn điểm tâm cũng không chịu ra khỏi nhà. Nó chỉ muốn được đưa anh Đạo đến trường. Sau khi tiển anh Đạo vào lớp và phải vào xe, Đán nếu chặt lấy tay mẹ và khóc, “I want you” (con muốn mẹ). Tôi nhìn hai mẹ con như đang đóng cải lương vậy. Tôi bảo mẹ nó buông tay ra nhưng không chịu. Cuối cùng tôi phải đóng kính xe.

Khi lái xe đi nó khóc ầm ĩ, “I want mommy” (con muốn mẹ). Tôi cứ mặt kệ và tiếp tục lái nhưng lòng thì cấu xé. Tôi có quá lạnh lùng với nó không? Khi đến nhà trẻ nó đã dịu lại. Lúc bế nó ra khỏi xe thì nó chuyển tôn, “I love you, daddy.” Tôi không nói gì và cứ ẵm nó vào lớp. Khi thấy cô và bạn xếp hàng đi đến phòng chơi, tôi định cho nó đi cùng các bạn nhưng vì còn nhiều đồ trên tay nên tôi đưa nó vào lớp trước. Trong lớp không có ai cả và khi cởi áo lạnh nó không chịu. Nhìn mặt thấy thảm và tội tôi hỏi, “Hôm nay con muốn đi chơi với ba không?” Nó gật đầu và mặt tươi hẳn lên. Tôi dắt tay nó đi ra khỏi lớp. Khi đến cổng anh Việt Nam hỏi, “Cháu bị bệnh hả?” Tôi mỉm cười đáp, “Dạ bệnh… Bệnh lười.” Thế là hai cha con cùng cúp cua. Cũng đã lâu tôi không được cơ hội đi chơi riêng với nó.

Tôi đưa nó đến Dunkin Donut rồi gọi một món ăn sáng nó thích: miếng và thịt ba chỉ chiên dòn được gói lại trong cái bánh tráng Mể. Nó muốn thêm một cái donut tôi cũng cho. Trong lúc nó ăn thì tôi lục đục mở iPhone lên tìm chổ đi chơi. Định đưa nó qua Port Discovery bên Baltimore nhưng chổ đó đóng cửa vào ngày thứ Hai. Tôi chọn Kid Junction vì ở gần nhà và tôi nhớ lúc trước Đạo có đi sinh nhật một đứa bạn ở đó. Kid Junction có chổ leo trèo và chỗ tuột tụi nhỏ nó cũng thích.

Không chỉ chơi playground, Đán còn muốn đi chơi công viên nước nên tôi gọi điện thoại nhờ mẹ nó xoạn dùm cho hai cha con đồ tắm. Mẹ nó cũng biết gần Kid Junction có một chổ tắm trong nhà. Tôi ghé lại nhà lấy đồ. Đán thấy mẹ như không còn đòi mommy như lúc sáng.

Hai cha con đến Kid Junction lúc 10 giờ sáng tưởng rằng sẽ không có ai nhưng ngược lại đã có sáu hoặc bảy mẹ (chắc là stay-at-home mom) đưa con đến chơi. Đán muốn tôi leo trèo và tuột cùng nó. Chơi cả hai tiếng đồng hồ tôi mệt và đói nên gọi món chicken tenders (gà chien dòn). Đán ăn một cây cà rem rồi ăn một miếng gà. Nó ăn thêm một cây ca rem nữa và ăn một miếng gà. Nó đòi thêm cây thứ ba tôi không cho. Thế là hai cha con cùng nhau chơi videogame cho đến một giờ trưa. Thấy nó cũng hơn chán nên tôi rủ nó đi chơi nước.

Chỗ chơi nước có cầu tuột nhưng lại không có nước phun. Anh lifeguard nói đến bốn giờ chiều họ mới mở nước phun. Trong bồn tấm vắng vẻ. Chừng năm người lớn và một thằng bé Hàng Quốc cự tuổi thằng Đán. Thằng bé ít nói nên Đán chỉ chơi với ba nó thôi. Hai cha con bơi lội đến hai giờ rưỡi chưa. Thấy nó buồn ngủ nên tôi đưa nó ra xe. Chúng tôi ghé qua chợ Đại Hàng mua cho mẹ nó một số hộp me ngọt. Dạo này mẹ nó bị nghiện ăn me ngọt.

Sau khi rời chợ thì nó ngủ trên xe nên tôi đành lái dòng dòng nghe nhạc cho nó ngủ. Lúc nó thức dậy cũng đã bốn giờ rưỡi thế là hết ngày. Về đến nhà anh Đạo đi học đã về. Gia đình hộp lại mua pizza ăn tối. Mông rằng sáng thứ Ba Đán sẽ chịu đi nhà trẻ.

Bỏ làm một ngày dành thời gian cho con rất đáng. Nếu như đi làm sáng thứ Hai tôi cũng sẽ không vui. Cứ nghỉ đến cái mặt sầu thảm của nó. Thú thật thì với con tuy ngoài thì cứng rắn nhưng trong tâm rất mềm nên tôi không biết cách ứng phó với tụi nó. Tôi không lúc nào cũng chìu chuộn tụi nó. Tuy nhiên không cầm được khi phải đối xử nặng với tụi nó. Bây giờ mới biết làm cha không dể nhưng đã quá muộn màng.