Last month, I wrote the follow message to Dan’s teachers:

Dear Ms. B and Ms. B

I hope you are doing well.

Since we didn’t get a chance for a teacher-parent conference last fall, my wife and I would like to touch base with you on our son Dan. How has he been performing in school? How is he doing socially?

Based on the progress reports sent home along with your feedback, Dan still needs to improve in certain areas. When Dan received his communicator award, we were proud of him. He didn’t explain to us how he earned it, but he said that Ms. B nominated him. The communicator award had us wondering how he is doing socially at school. At home, he has been less communicative. He also had a few outbursts, in which he could not control his emotion.

We would like to get him all the support he needs and we would like to start with his teachers who he interacts with everyday.

Thanks in advance for your help.

Donny Truong

Ms. B, his Spanish teacher, replied:

Hi, Mr. Truong,

Thank you for your message and for checking in. As I noted on Dan’s interim for the third quarter, he needs to improve academically in math. He tends to rush through his work and has not performed well on math assessments. Currently he is in a small group for remediation that meets during our afternoon Roar block twice weekly; we are working on fractions (addition and subtraction, and also multiplication of a fraction by a whole number). Dan is in this group with two other students, so it is a nice size for getting some extra help. Dan seems to enjoy being in the group so far. Dan also really seems to enjoy math, and he does self-advocate if he needs help, which is great. I am hopeful that the extra help in a small group will also help to boost his confidence in himself with regards to math.

In my classroom occasionally Dan has loud outbursts, but not often. He is well liked by his classmates and works well with others in the class, both in partners and in small groups. He does need redirection at times, as he can easily become distracted. I will continue to work with Dan and encourage him to slow down when completing his work. As a general rule, I try to emphasize the positive in my classroom, and Dan responds well to both the positives and to the times when I might need to correct/redirect him. He is a very sweet and conscientious young man who strives to do well. He does need reminders sometimes about talking, rather than working on the task at hand.

I hope that the above gives you a good idea of how Dan is doing/working in my classroom. As always, if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out. Sending warm regards to your family, with a special hello to Dao. Take care, and have a nice night.

Kind regards,

Ms. B

Monday afternoon I picked up Đán and Xuân after school. On our way to their piano lessons, Xuân kept asking me if I could buy him two Robux gift cards to give to his friends. I thought he wanted to do something nice for his friends; therefore, I didn’t see any issue. I told him to talk to his mom because she would know more about those things.

At dinner, he brought up the gift cards again to me and my wife. She told him “no,” except for special occasions such as birthdays. Xuân didn’t give us any reasons for the gift cards. He dropped the subject and we didn’t think much about it.

Before bedtime, he confessed to me that he dared a girl in his class to kiss him on his cheek. Even though the girl didn’t do it, the two boys told him that they would tell on him unless he gives them Robux gift cards. Xuân was afraid that they would snitch on him; therefore, he kept asking us for the gift cards.

My wife and I talked to him about it. We thanked him for telling us about the incident. We advised him to talk to his teacher, but he wanted me to communicate with her first. I couldn’t believe he was being blackmailed. He’s only in first grade.

Update from his teacher:

Good afternoon Truong Family,

Thank you again for letting me know about this incident. After talking to Xuan and the other classmates involved, both students have apologized to Xuan. As a result of our conversation, we agreed that our families will buy us the toys that we want, not our classmates.

Thank you for your support.

Last Saturday night, I couldn’t sleep thinking about my relationship with my second son Đán. I pulled out my phone and watched clips of him when he was in kindergarten. He sang Spanish songs beautifully, tickled Xuân to make him laugh, and learned to ice skate for the first time. I laughed and almost cried. Nostalgia rushed over me. I missed the cheerful, joyful, playful Đán.

As a second child, he has grown up way too fast and changed drastically in the last five years. He becomes taciturn, impatient, and unhappy. He revolves his world around computers and video games. He’s no longer interested in any outdoor activities even though he is so darn good at snowboarding, rollerblading, and hockey skating. He was also good at playing the piano. He doesn’t even want to hang out with his dad and brothers. He is drifting away from us to spend more time on his digital device.

I tried to help him, but I failed. He was miserable when he was not allowed on his PC. His rage and his behavior were increasingly getting worse. As a parent, I am conflicted. I don’t feel good forcing him to do things he doesn’t want to do, but if I didn’t make him go to the skatepark or to the mountain resorts, he would have dropped every activity. At the same time, I want him to have his freedom. I want him to be more in control of his life.

I thought back to when I was his age. My mother didn’t restrict me from doing anything and I turned out fine. Maybe I should do the same with my kids. I had been backing off and letting them do whatever they wanted even if they played video games until midnight.

Dear all,

I concurred with everyone’s feedback. It was like a huge family gathering without the dramas. Mad kudos to all the leaders, the parents, and especially the kids—without them, we would not have been together in one room. I hope no one got sick.

I have a small suggestion to some of the parents, especially the fathers, to talk to your doctor about sleep apnea and sleep test. We had the entire orchestra playing during the night. I have sleep apnea myself and I brought the CPAP machine with me. It really helped with the music playing.

Chị K, anh T, S, and O, welcome to the Hung Vuong Family (not the Thang Long Family) LOL!

Cheers!

Sáng nay ba thằng lớn trở lại trường. Tôi vẫn nghỉ làm tới tuần sau. Định đi tập snowboard tiếp nhưng thời tiết đã trở ấm, hơn nữa lại mưa. Lưỡng lự không biết có nên lái xe mất một tiếng rưỡi hay không. Thôi thì quyết định không đi để rủ thằng út đi chơi. Dạo này nó ghiền xem iPad lắm nên nó không muốn đi đâu cả. Nó diện cớ trời lạnh, trời mưa, trời nắng để khỏi phải đi.

Sáng nay dụ được nó ra khỏi nhà lấy xe điện qua DC đi viện bảo tàng lịch sử thiên nhiên xem khủng long. Cũng mừng là nó chịu đi. Hai cha con ít có dịp đi chơi với nhau vì nó đeo theo mẹ nó nhiều hơn tôi. Còn tôi thì thường đi với ba thằng lớn. Thôi thì tranh thủ mấy ngày nghỉ làm dành thời gian với nó.

Thấy nó cũng thích thú đi ra ngoài mà không cần đụng đến iPad hoặc iPhone là mừng rồi. Đáng lẽ ra mấy năm nay nên cho nó đi nhà trẻ nhưng vì covid nên để nó ở nhà. Tháng Chín năm nay nó vô mẫu giáo rồi nên thôi để nó ở nhà luôn. Hy vọng đi học sẽ mở mang đầu óc nó hơn.

Xuân’s Spanish teacher informed me about an incident happened at school. He and his classmate wandered around the fourth-grade area instead of going to their class. When asked what they were doing, they explained that they were lost. Xuân said that his classmate motioned him to go along; therefore, they walked around the school and they were late for class.

I spoke to Xuân immediately after school and he told me what happened. I wrote a response to his teacher:

Dear Sra. D,

Thank you for bringing the incident to our attention. We spoke to Xuan this evening and he told us that he followed his classmate’s command because his classmate would “kick my butt hard” if he didn’t. Xuan revealed that whenever he didn’t do what his classmate wanted him to do, he would kicked him on his butt. One time, his classmate kicked him and he told him to stop, but he just laughed and kicked him again.

We are quite concerned about these incidents and Xuan only told us after we brought up today’s event. Would you please talk to Xuan and his classmate to make sure these incidents won’t happen again? We fully understand if you cannot intervene in this situation and we are willing to talk to the kid’s parents to resolve the issue.

Of course, this isn’t an excuse for Xuan’s misjudgment. He needs to make better choices next time.

We appreciate your support.

Regards,
Donny Trương

His teacher took a swift action and reported back to us that she had talked to both of them. In her email, she wrote:

According to Xuan, his classmate did not say the words, ‘I will kick your butt.’, but he has done this action more than once.

I was not sure if she misread my message; therefore, I wanted to clarify:

Dear Sra. D,

Thank you for addressing the issue.

I would like to make a clarification. I did not quote Xuan’s classmate saying, “I will kick your butt,” in my previous response. I was quoting Xuan telling me, “kick my butt hard.” To put his words in context, here’s what Xuan said to me: “If I didn’t follow him, he would kick my butt hard.” It’s a minor detail, but I don’t want you to misunderstand my message.

I appreciate your swift action on this matter. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the World Cup if you’re into soccer.

Regards,
Donny Trương

I must confess. I defend Xuân more than his brothers. When he was younger, he defended himself. He would fight back when other kids attacked him, but he hasn’t done so in the past few years. Even Vương has been punching and kicking him, he just cried. I am fine with him being non-violence, but I am also kind of worried that he is not defending himself. Đạo and Đán picked on him constantly and they drove me crazy. No matter how many times I had explained to Đạo and Đán about caring and protecting their little brothers, my words seemed to go in one ear and right out the other. I yelled, punished, and banned them from their digital devices when they picked on Xuân. They are starting to get it now. Đán said, “Xuân is my golden child and we shouldn’t mess with him.” I am glad he recognized that. I love all my boys, but I have a bit more empathy toward Xuân. I don’t want people to pick on him.

I wrote to Xuân’s English teacher:

Dear Mrs. H,

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving break. I love the song, “Give Thanks,” you had written and performed. What a beautiful way to teach kids about gratitude.

I am writing to you because I am quite concerned about Xuan’s reading. He seems to be regressing in his reading level. He used to be able to sound out words with three letters, but these days he seems to have trouble reading words with three and four letters. He could barely get through a simple sentence. I am trying to help him at home, but I am not seeing any progress.

Is it normal for his age and level? Or does he seem to be behind? What do you think? Do you have any suggestions? Should he get extra help?

Thanks in advance and looking forward to hearing from you.

Regards,
Donny Trương

Maybe I am getting impatient with Xuân’s reading, but I am seeing the same patterns with Xuân and his older brother. Đán ran into similar issue where he couldn’t recognize the same word we just read a second ago. Đán can read fine now, but he only reads when he has to. I would like to help Xuân to become a better reader so he could enjoy reading since I love reading.

My wife bought The Big Book of Reading Comprehension Activities, Grade 1, by Hannah Braun M.Ed., for Xuân to learn at home. We have been going through two readings a day and Xuân seems to enjoy doing the exercises.

Xuân bought a diary book with a lock at his school book fair. I asked him to write down the Scout oath, law, motto, and outdoor code. He was struggling to remember the Scout laws, but writing them down has helped him memorized them. I am planning on helping him writing a daily journey in his journal similar to what I am doing with my blog. I am hoping to improve his writing skills as well.

Our second born turns 11 today. He grows way too fast. He loves building PCs and playing video games on his desktop. For his birthday, we gifted him all the parts so he could build his own desktop. It is definitely a useful skill to pick up. I am proud of him for it, but he needs to balance out his priorities. His education needs to come first. He is doing the minimal just to pass. If he puts the energy and focus on school work like he does with PC and video games, he would become an excellent student.

Đán has a natural athletic ability. With a bit of bravery, he is elevating in rollerblading. He surpassed his brothers and me in blading. In the past, I could keep up with him, but not anymore. He is not even into rollerblading. He has to skate because I make him go to the skate park. If he puts his mind into it, he would have advanced even further. I am not pushing him. My only requirement is for him to get some exercise. He needs to get away from his desktop and do some outdoor activities. Đán is also an excellent snowboarder. I can’t wait to hit the terrains with him this winter.

Đán is a great kid when he wants to be. He loves his grandmother, his mom, Đạo, and Vương. For selfish reasons, he is not too fond of Xuân and he drives me to the wall. I made it clear to him that he either treated Xuân nicely or he got banned from his PC. He didn’t like me when I banned him, but I was fine with that. I don’t have any issue being a bad dad. He knows deep down, I have nothing but love for him.

Đạo has been invited to join the Robinson chapter of the National Junior Honor Society. Being part of the NJHS membership is an honor. He has to keep his GPA at 3.5 and above. I am proud of his achievement and his mom has also played an important role in his accomplishment. She constantly had to remind him to complete his assignments and study for his tests.

After we made the decision to returned the iPhone 12, we made a promise that if Đạo kept up his grades, we would get him a laptop. His final grades for the first quarter was good; therefore, we bought him a 15.6-in. HP touchscreen laptop. He earned it, but my hope is that he will take better responsibility for his education. His grades were decent because his mother had to remind him every single day to complete his assignments and projects. I made a deal with him that if he grades slip, I would have no problem confiscating it. Until then, enjoy the new toy, kiddo.