In his last checkup, which was on December 3, 2013, he weighted 30 lbs and 4 oz (82%) and grew 35 and 1/2 inches (79%) in height.

The last few months, we have witnessed a terrible two at full force. He’s active and aggressive. In our vacation last week at Iberostar in Bayahibe, Dominican Republic, I spent most of my time chasing after him around the resort. The good thing was that Iberostar has two bars from the front desk to swimming pool. Each round, I would get a mojito break.

The time on the airplane was also a nightmare, especially when we left the US to DR. He wouldn’t sit still and he wouldn’t go to sleep because we boarded right on the clock. On our way back, I let him ran all over the airport until boarding time. As soon as we got on the plane, he slept for about an hour before got up and moved around. The experience was less dramatic than the previous flight.

Just about a month ago, his language skills had picked up at a surprising speed. He knows how to comments on things like, “Tàu đẹp quá. Máy bay đẹp quá.” As soon as he woke up (when we were at the hotel), he asked, “Bà ngoại đâu rồi? Muốn bà ngoại.” I replied, “Bà ngoại đang ngủ. Đán ngủ đi.” He responded, “I am not sleeping anymore. That’s it.”

While we were playing in the pool, he grabbed a hold of me and said out of the blue, “I love you, daddy.” Nothing felt better than hearing your son saying that. When we were at the beach, I lost balanced when a strong weave hit us, he asked, “Are you ok, buddy?” He picked that up from me whenever he fell or something.

Yesterday, I tried to feed him some pasta and he refused. I kept on putting the spoon to his mouth and he finally busted out, “No, you eat it.” Witnessing him developing is joy even though it is exhausting to keep up.

Cuối tuần cả nhà kéo nhau đi thưởng thức hương vị quê hương. Đang hớp tô Phở nóng bổng nhiên thằng Đán la lên, “Đụ mẹ.” Mình ngạc nhiên hỏi lại, “Con nói gì vậy?” Nó lập lại, “Đụ mẹ” rồi đẩy chiếc xe đồ chơi đến mẹ nó. Thì ra là nó muốn nói “Đụng mẹ.” Tôi nhìn má nói cười thầm. Mai mốt muốn chưởi ai tôi sẽ dùng, “Đụng mẹ.” Rồi một lúc sau, nó chỉ tôi và nói “Daddy,” chỉ má nó và nói “Mommy,” còn chỉ anh nó thì nói, “Anh Đéo.” Tôi và mẹ nói cũng bó tay luôn. Thằng này nói tiếng Việt nguy hiểm quá. Người lớn mà nghe được chắc nghỉ rằng ba má nó ở nhà chưởi tục cả ngày.

Đắt Tiền

Hôm nọ sau khi đón hai đứa sau giờ học gặp một anh Việt Nam thu dọn ở trường. Lúc chờ thang máy anh hỏi, “Em gởi hai đứa ở đây hả?” Tôi trả lời, “Dạ anh.” Ảnh nói tiếp, “Chắc em làm nhiều tiền lắm nên mới gởi hai đứa vô đây. Ở đây tiền gởi đắt lắm. Tôi mỉm cười và trả lời, “Không gởi tụi nó vô đây thì quăng tụi nó đi đâu?” Ảnh nói, “Sao không để cho bà nội hay mà ngoại trông.” Tôi trả lời tiếp, “Được thì đả làm rồi.”

Dao is now into watching Barbie. How did we get here? He outgrew Curious George and Thomas Train, but I could never imagine he would be into Barbie. Now I really have to pay attention to him even though I think he could differentiate between real and fantasy. For instance, my wife was making fried noodle last weekend and she set the stove on fire because the oil spilled out and started to burn. Dao ran over, looked at the fire and told his mom, “I don’t like to look at fire. I don’t like real fire. I only like pretend fire.” He went on, “Mommy, don’t do that again tomorrow.” I thought that’s pretty smart for a four-year-old.

His little brother is now in that terrible-two phrase and he wears me out everyday. He continues to pick up new words like, “love you,” “be careful” and “please.” Sometimes he combines two words into one, like “bloon” instead of “balloon” and “plice” instead of “police.” Unlike his big brother, Dan is still not into any particular TV shows. His favorite toy so far is a garbage truck. He uses the word “dơ” (dirty) more than anything. Whenever he sees something dirty he would say it. If we were driving on a rainy day, he would say “dơ” the entire time. He still can’t pronounce “truck” correctly. He would say, “dump fuck” instead of “dump truck,” which I find hilarious every time.

There are many funny moments that I haven’t have a chance to write down. I have been insanely busy these days. School has been very stressful. I have been quite cranky lately due to lack of sleep. I can’t wait for this semester to be done so I can get some rests and catch up on sleep. It’s Saturday night I am still doing my homework. Alright, I am going to sleep now before the little guy gets up and scream. Peace out!

We were driving home yesterday, Dan saw a truck and informed me, “Fuck, daddy.” Later on he yelled, “Dirty fucker.” I replied, “You mean, dirty tractor?” He responded, “fucker.” I think I need to contact a speech therapist or something. I must admit. I kind of enjoy his talk.

Last night, I came to realize that Dan replaces “tr” with “f” when he talks. For instance, he would say “frain” instead of train. As we were on the road yesterday, he screamed really loud, “Daddy, fuck dơ.” My wife and I couldn’t stop laughing. I asked him, “Con nói gì vậy?” He repeated, “fuck dơ” and pointed to a dirty truck on the road. When he grows older, I’ll remind him that he already started cussing when he’s not even two.

Dao is getting very complex with his speech. He picks up words fast and he applies them immediately. When I pointed out to him a car transporter, he would use that word as soon as he sees a truck that carries cars on the road. We were arguing yesterday over who saw the convertible Mustang first. As we went back and forth, he immediately said, “That’s enough.” Last Tuesday after picking them up at daycare, I told him that I have to go to class tonight and he said, “But I need a parent to watch me and my baby.” Of course I wouldn’t leave them without his mom. I am not that insane yet.

Since early summer, Dan started to sing “A ba dee… A ba dee” and clapped his hands or swing them up and down. The song has a nice melody. Even Dao and I started to sing along, but we had no idea what the song was about. I thought it was a Jewish song that he learned at summer camp. I asked his teachers and no one knew what Dan was singing about either.

Last weekend, my wife cracked the code and discovered that “A Ba Dee” is Dan’s unique rendition of “Happy Birthday.” If you ask him to sing “Happy Birthday,” he would sing “A Ba Dee.” If you listen closely you can hear the similarity. Dan has the tendency to skip words and somehow he hears things differently. He still says “fucker” instead of “tractor.”

I am not sure if this is his gift or his curse. On one hand, it’s hard to understand the things he says. On the other hand, he completely invented a new melody from such a familiar song. In a way, that is what jazz musicians had done most of the time when they reinterpreted a standard. I am finding this development from Dan to be quite fascinating. I can’t wait to sing “A Ba Dee” when he turns two.

Our little guy is approach two and he is unstoppable. He has endless energy and no sense of fear. Whenever the three of us (without mom) hang out, I have to focus most of my attention on Dan and that makes me feel bad for Dao. If I keep on eye off him something would happened like falling off the playground, diving off the couch to the hardwood floor or getting his hand stuck in the elevator door. Yet he never learned his lesson.

He is starting to talk quite a bit as well. Some words he could say very clearly, but some he couldn’t. Dao was spot on whatever word he heard or said. Even when repeating something I said, Dan could not said it correctly. For example, we were looking at the book on cars last night and I said to him “tractor.” He repeated, “fucker.” I was like, “No, no, no, not that. It’s tractor.” He repeated again, “fucker.” I gave up and switched to Vietnamese.

We were at Costco yesterday and Dan screamed when I didn’t let him get the books with toys that he wanted. He was sitting in the shopping cart and bawling so I went to the front of the cart to find a tissue. An Asian teenage boy came right up to Dan and did something to Dan. I couldn’t tell what he did because I was looking into the bag for something to wipe Dan’s face, but Dan stopped crying instantly. He could have smacked Dan’s face lightly or just put his hand on his mouth. I gave the kid that what-the-fuck-did-you-just-do look. As soon as he saw me staring at him, he realized he must have done something wrong. He stopped giggling and walked off sniffing new clothes on the display. I then realized that he isn’t a normal kid.

It was hysterical because Dan just sat there quiet the entire time. He didn’t scream or want the toys anymore. At the same time, it was a lesson learned. What if the kid was really screwed up and he knocked the fuck out of my kid. If I stood right by Dan, he wouldn’t had done that to him. I looked around to find the kid’s parents, but I couldn’t spot them. The incident confirmed me that you can never be too overprotective of your kids.

After hearing me sing “Con Chim Non” to Dan so many times, Dao picked up the lyrics and sang to grandpa. Notice how clear he enunciates the words. He has a really good ear for nuances. I think he would be good at learning different languages. Over the weekend, he saw the police stopped someone, he told his mom, “Mẹ, police phạt-“ing” người ta.”

Dan, on the other hand, is still babbling quite a bit. He speaks a lot, but very hard to understand. One time he said, “water fountain” and I could not understood him until he pointed me to the water fountain. He hasn’t been able to sing “Con Chim Non” yet, but he got the melody down. When he said “đi (go)”, he would sing the melody, “đi đi đi… đi đì đi… đí đí đi…” Yesterday, he pushed the elevator button and stated to sing, “bâm bâm bâm… bâm bầm bâm… bấm bấm bâm.” It’s quite funny how he turns every word into a tune.

After taking the boys home from daycare, gave them a bath, Dao asked me, “Where is mommy? Why is she not home yet?” I joked, “Mommy got captured by the police.” He started bawling and requested, “Daddy, can you go get her? I want her to be free.” I felt horrible so I said, “I was just kidding, baby. Mommy will be home soon. She’s running a bit late to buy us some food.” He was fine with that.

At bed time, he asked me to go to sleep with him. He wanted both me and his mom to sleep with him. He didn’t fall asleep so I started to. As I was snoring, he kicked me out. He told me, “Daddy, can you go to sleep with em? I just want mommy to sleep with me.” I felt jilted. Can’t compete with mama’s boy.