Before heading to Myrtle Beach for a week vacation, I deactivated both Facebook and Twitter. We made a commitment to the kids to spend screen-free time together. The boys agreed to leave their iPads at home. I brought my phone with me, but mostly used it to take photos and occasionally to check my work email just in case something urgent came up. Other than those two tasks, I hardly used my device. I didn’t even need to touch my laptop.

Our vacation was so much better when the devices were away. We spent more time with nature and with each other. We should definitely do this on every family trip. The ride from Virginia to South Carolina took about eight hours. I checked out a dozen of DVDs and books from our public libraries for the kids to entertain themselves in the car. Only Đạo did some reading, the rest watched a movie or two, and they all napped for several hours.

My wife rented a room at a resort with full kitchen and a beautiful ocean front from the 17th floor. We made breakfast and went down to the beach. We brought beach toys so they could play on the sands. The water was a bit cold, but the boys had no problem crashing into the waves in their wetsuits. They played for hours before heading to the indoor pool for more fun time. Even our little Vương loved kicking his feet and waving his arms in the water.

When not spending time in the water, we went hiking. Under the beautiful weather, we enjoyed being close to nature and away from digital devices. Time slowed down as we breathed in fresh air. I appreciated every moment of it, especially being surrounded by my love ones. I also took the boys fishing for the first time. Đạo and Đán each caught a fish. They were thrilled. We spent hours relaxing on the pier breathing in cool air and fishing for fun. I can’t wait to the day when I just sit back and read while the boys do all the fishing.

On the day that Dave & Buster’s had unlimited video games and wings, I took the boys there. Not having screen time, of course the boys were excited. Đạo and Đán were pretty much on their own as soon as I handed them their unlimited card. I just had to find them when the wings were ready. I still had to look after Xuân and my five-year-old nephew. I had to have a few drinks to keep myself entertained. D&B’s was the kids’ reward for not having their iPads. They thought it was definitely worthwhile after spending five straight hours in the joint.

On a rainy, stormy day, we stayed at the resort reading and watching movies. It was the first time I watched the entire Moana, and what a visual treatment. My reading was much slower than previous vacations. I only had a chance to finish a Vietnamese novel, which I already read half before we left. After that, I started to read The Unwinding of the Miracle by Julie Yip-Williams and my eyes were tearing within the first few pages.

As if four of our kids weren’t enough, we agreed to take on my brothers-in-law’s son with us. We didn’t think much of it because he stayed with us for a few weeks last year. This time, however, he was a bit different. His emotion has developed and he missed his dad. The poor kid asked me everyday to take him back to his dad and he counted each day to get back home. Even though we included him in all of our activities, he must had felt left out. Our kids had their parents with them, but he did not. He was close to my mother-in-law, but they had not lived together for a while. I felt bad that I did not considered how he would have felt before accepting the responsibility.

Other than that, we had a great time together as a family. Without iPads, we were forced to be more active. We did more outdoor activities. Unlike in previous vacations, especially with multiple families, adults let Steve Jobs watched over the kids so we could do our things. I was guilty as well for letting them had screen time so I could read as many books as possible. With just our family, the concept was easy to implement. When we agreed, no one can do it. With multiple families, it was harder to carry out if other parents let their kids had screen time. When one kid had an iPad, other kids would gather around like magnets. It annoyed the hell out of me to see my kids acting like addicts waiting for their fixes.

This was the second time we went on vacation without digital devices and it worked out well. We were present in each other’s company. The kids did not once complained they were bored. Xuân had also kicked his diaper to the curb. Life is great.

I am taking the iPads away from the boys again. The weather is getting nicer; therefore, I want them to get out of the house and off the screen.

Last several weeks, we let them loose a bit. As a result, Đạo and Đán were out of control. As soon as they woke up they asked for iPads. Before they went to bed, they wanted iPads. Last weekend, their cousin had a birthday party. As soon as all the kids left, they hopped on their iPads for hours. When we came home, they didn’t want to take a bath or brush their teeth. They were drained physically and mentally.

These days, hanging out with their cousins means playing on their iPads. Even a two-year-old can’t eat his meal without YouTube glaring at maximum volume. Adults can’t talk. Older kids get out of their seat to watch instead of concentrate on eating. It’s irritating.

On our next vacation, I want us to be screen-free. It is easier to do when we go alone. It is much harder with extended family members. I tried to bring this up to other adults, but they can’t commit to it. Their kids need to have their screen fix.

Nellie Bowles reports in The New York Times:

Screen exposure starts young. And children who spent more than two hours a day looking at a screen got lower scores on thinking and language tests, according to early results of a landmark study on brain development of more than 11,000 children that the National Institutes of Health is supporting. Most disturbingly, the study is finding that the brains of children who spend a lot of time on screens are different. For some kids, there is premature thinning of their cerebral cortex. In adults, one study found an association between screen time and depression.

A toddler who learns to build with virtual blocks in an iPad game gains no ability to build with actual blocks, according to Dimitri Christakis, a pediatrician at Seattle Children’s Hospital and a lead author of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ guidelines on screen time.

The kids get way too much screen time, especially when the cousins get together. It is easier for the adults to just throw them the iPad. Everyone else seems to be fine with it, but I feel guilty as hell.

After dropping Xuân off at his daycare, I sat in the lobby reading and waiting to meet with his teachers for a brief conference. He spotted me when his class went outside or a morning walk. I tried to hide, but he already looked right at me. He didn’t cry or anything. I waved at him and pretended to continue to read. He didn’t spot me when they went back inside.

His teachers told me Xuân is calm and creative. He invents his own way of playing with blocks, cars, or magnet stiles. He gets along with his classmates and they respect him when he wanted to play by himself. He follows direction and listens to to his teachers. They would like him to speak up more in group activities.

I don’t worry much about Xuân. He is a sweet and bright kid. When he knew that I was not happy with his behavior, we would always asked, “Daddy, are you happy?” It melts my heart every time. I love this kid.

Claire Cain Miller and Jonah Engel Bromwich defines snowplow parenting in The New York Times:

[C]learing the way for their children to get in to college, while shielding them from any of the difficulty, risk and potential disappointment of the process.

In its less outrageous — and wholly legal — form, snowplowing (also known as lawn-mowing and bulldozing) has become the most brazen mode of parenting of the privileged children in the everyone-gets-a-trophy generation.

They also wrote about A Vietnamese student:

Cathy Tran, 22, a senior at the University of Pennsylvania, is the daughter of people who immigrated from Vietnam who did not attend college. “They do give me a lot of emotional support, but they haven’t really been able to tell me about what I should be doing, like next steps,” she said.

Clearing her own path to college had some benefits, Ms. Tran said. “I actually think that I have a sense of independence and confidence in myself in a way that some of my friends whose parents attended college might not have,” she said. “I had some friends who didn’t even know how to do laundry. I guess in some ways I feel like I was forced to be an adult much earlier on.”

For parents, the entire article is worth-reading.

About two months ago, I stopped doing our daily reading with Đán. He fought back and screamed every time I asked him to read. It felt as if he were forced to do it. I just have to accept that he is not a reader and I need to let him do it on his own term.

On Saturday, I asked him to read and he can read most of the words without sounding out. He has shown improvements even though we have not read together for a while. Unfortunately, he simply got bored two minutes later. So we stopped again. He now has the basic knowledge of reading. It is up to him to continue. I wish he would read more like Đạo, but each kid is different. I don’t want him to hate reading because he has to read.

Xuân has been wanting me to read with him; therefore, I am going to focus on him next. I obviously learned an invaluable lesson with Đán.

Beth Mole writes Ars Technica:

Four minutes and forty-five seconds into a video, the cartoon cut away to a clip of a man, who many readers have pointed out resembles Internet personality Joji (formerly Filthy Frank). He walks onto the screen and simulates cutting his wrist. “Remember, kids, sideways for attention, longways for results,” he says and then walks off screen. The video then quickly flips back to the cartoon.

We must keep our eyes on what our kids watch or simply take the iPad away and play outside.

Thằng con thắc mắc tại sao grandma chữ Việt lại có bà nội và bà ngoại? Tại chữ Việt mình phong phú thay vì phải nói mẹ của mẹ (mother’s mother) thì gọi là bà ngoại hoặc mẹ của ba (father’s mother) thì gọi là bà nội. Như thế dễ phân biệt.

Nó hỏi tiếp, vậy nội và ngoại nghĩa là gì? Từ nhỏ đến bây giờ tôi không để ý nhưng cũng trả lời theo dự đoán của mình. Nội là bên trong (inside) còn ngoại là bên ngoài (outside). Truyền thống của mình thường thì mẹ phải về ở nhà chồng làm dâu. Các cháu ở chung với mẹ của ba nên gọi là bà nội. Còn mẹ của mẹ ở riêng nên gọi là bà ngoại. Tôi cũng chả biết giả thích như thế có đúng không.

Nó lại hỏi tiếp, vậy mẹ của mẹ đang ở chung với chúng ta thì phải gọi là bà nội chứ? Ừ ha, cũng có lý. Thôi thì gọi grandma đi cho chắc ăn.

Pamela Druckerman writes in The New York Times:

In the “Hidden Tribes” survey published last year by the nonprofit group More in Common, respondents who valued self-reliance in children more than obedience, and creativity over good behavior — staples of both authoritative and permissive parents — were more likely to have voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016. Those with more authoritarian views on parenting were more likely to have voted for Donald Trump.

An authoritarian parent voted for an authoritarian president? That makes perfect sense.

Pamela Paul opines in The New York Times:

Of course, it’s not really the boredom itself that’s important; it’s what we do with it. When you reach your breaking point, boredom teaches you to respond constructively, to make something happen for yourself. But unless we are faced with a steady diet of stultifying boredom, we never learn how.

When Đạo and Đán weren’t allowed to watch TV or play on iPads, they complained that they were bored. My response has been, “Bored is good. Find something you like to do.” They would go and build their imaginative world in Lego, do some sketching, and read a book. It’s good to be bored.

Ms. Paul goes on:

But surely teaching children to endure boredom rather than ratcheting up the entertainment will prepare them for a more realistic future, one that doesn’t raise false expectations of what work or life itself actually entails. One day, even in a job they otherwise love, our kids may have to spend an entire day answering Friday’s leftover email. They may have to check spreadsheets. Or assist robots at a vast internet-ready warehouse.

I was bored when I was a kid, but I didn’t appreciate it. Now I wish I have all the time in the world to be bored again.