The boys have been excited to go back to the skate parks. Now that Đạo can do the coping, he can drop from the half pipe. I knew all along he could do it, but I didn’t want to push him. He takes his time and until he feels confident enough to tackle the higher ramps. He seems to enjoy rollerblading more than ice skating.

Đán is catching up to me as he now can drop beyond the half pipe. He has a bit more confidence than Đạo; therefore, he can be more daring. He rides the half pipe effortlessly. The last time I rode the quarter pipe, I sprained my knee. It has been three weeks now and my knee has not been fully covered. It doesn’t stop me from rollerblading with the kids and starting my Freestyle 2 ice skating lesson tomorrow.

Now that I am back to work, I have been hitting the skate park during lunch to get some exercise and to enjoy the beautiful weather. I take more caution these days because I don’t want to get any more injuries. I am old and my body is taking too damn long to recover.

Xuân enjoys going to the skate parks with us as well. He uses a scooter instead of a rollerblade. He has been dropping from the quarter pipes and straight ramps. I am happy that the three boys joined me at the skate parks after school. It is a fun and thrilling activity to do together.

The other day, Đạo reflects how far we have come with rollerblading. When we first started out, we couldn’t even go down a straight ramp. Now we can ride almost any ramp at skate parks. We still have a lot to learn, but we’re happy with the progress we have made so far. I am proud of my boys.

While waiting for my kids to take their ice skating lessons, I asked Eric who is the director at Fairfax Ice Arena who will be teaching Freestyle 2 for adults starting next Thursday. He checked his computer, but he was not sure if he would start the class with only three students. He needed a minimum of five students, but he doubted that there will be any more registrations since not too many adults take this level. He told me if I sign up, he would start the class.

I hesitated at first, but caved in. I handed him my credit card. Why not? I looked at the curriculum and I have been dappled with the ballet jump and the half lutz. I can do the one-foot spin and two arabesques, but need more practice. I don’t know what the jump sequence and dance step sequence are, but I am ready to take on the challenge. I wanted to see how far I can level up with ice skating.

Compared to rollerblading, ice skating is much safer. I injured three times from rollerblading, but none from ice skating. The skate parks with ramps and bowls are a bit dangerous, but thrilling. I don’t focus on techniques with rollerblading. I just wanted to ride the ramps. With ice skating, the techniques are more important. I tried to transfer what I have learned in ice skating to rollerblading, but I didn’t have much success. Transferring the other way was a bit easier. My kids preferred rollerblading more because they liked the excitement of skating down the ramps.

I am looking forward to taking Freestyle 2. Eric told me that the instructor might be Kim Nguyễn. I had seen her teaching private lessons. She is very young and talented. I liked my previous instructor, but I am ready for a change.

While waiting for my kids’ ice skating group lessons, I heard Vietnamese adults gushing over their kids. The father said in English, “You have done so well for the first time.” The mother said in English, “Yes, I am so proud of you.” The grandmother said in Vietnamese, “You were so good.” They took turns and repeated their praise over and over again as they took off the kids’ rental skates.

Is it just me or do Vietnamese parents tend to over compliment their kids? This is not the first time I have heard something like this from Vietnamese parents. Sure, encouragement is good, especially for doing something new for the first time, but do you have to overdo it? It felt like giving kids false hope or toxic positivity. I give my kids compliments too, but I also try not to exaggerate their accomplishments.

I know kids who think they are the best at everything because their parents kept bragging that they are the best. Being competitive is good. It makes the kids work harder to achieve their goal, but when parents make their kids think they are the best, they set them up to fail. They put their kids on the pedestal and their kids can’t reach it. The kids threw tantrums when they lost in a game. When the kids can’t be the best, they just quit.

I rather have my kids keep working to improve their game than just giving up. Then again, what do I know? When I taught my kids how to skate, I just left them on the ice by themselves. I didn’t hold their hands. I didn’t help them get up when they fell. I just showed them how to get on their feet again. Đán didn’t hold on to the wall at all. He just walked like a penguin until he found his balance. Đạo used the wall until he found his groove. Xuân fell a couple of times, but he picked up quickly. I haven’t been able to get Vương into the rink. He isn’t quite ready yet.

After stopping private lessons for Đạo and Xuân, I enrolled them into group lessons again. Private lessons were expensive, but Đạo told me he was not interested in competing. Neither of them wanted to practice. If they don’t practice, they won’t get anywhere. Group lessons are not only cheaper, but they also come with free public sessions for practice. If they don’t use them, I will. Ice skating is still a fun sport for the kids even if they don’t take it seriously. Xuân is taking Beta. Đạo is taking Freestyle 1. I am looking into taking Freestyle 2 at the end of this month. With my knee injury, I haven’t practiced much. I still have a minor pain, but hopefully I will fully recover by then.

As for Đán, he seems to be sticking with ice hockey. He is doing well in class. He has the speed and the skating skills. He needs to work on his hockey skills. He needs to learn to control the puck with his stick. He needs to learn the strategy of the game. Fortunately, hockey is similar to soccer; therefore, I can provide him with some tips such as working with his teammates and passing the puck away from his own goal. We’ll see how he does.

My sprained knee is killing me. A tiny mistake has such a huge consequence. Now I can’t go rollerblading or ice skating until my knee recovers. Yesterday, my wife said she couldn’t wait to see the day I abandon both ice skating and rollerblading. Her words hit me like a brick. She made me realize the questions I had been asking myself all along.

Why am I doing these sports at forty-something? I am obviously not competing or anything like that; therefore, what am I trying to prove? Why am I putting myself at risk, especially rollerblading at the skate parks? Why don’t I just quit?

I obviously like the health benefits of these two similar sports. These are the only types of exercise I do these days. Walking, running, and even biking bored me. I just can’t see myself doing those activities to keep myself healthy. I needed a bit more fun and challenge, but there’s something deeper than that.

What rollerblading and ice skating give me are progression. I thrive on progression. Progression has become an integral part of my life. When I chose web design as a profession, I had committed to learn and to make progress. I read books and online articles everyday to keep up with the industry. I spent countless hours learning Flash and ended up abandoning it. So much time was wasted. These days, I have not followed the web industry as much as I should and I have been out of the game. I haven’t touched a framework. My interests had changed. I am focusing more on literature than technology. I turned to writing and reading.

With almost 20 years into blogging, I had made progress in both writing in English and Vietnamese. I am not a good writer, but the process of writing has come much easier to me. I used to dread writing. Now I can just write down anything on my mind. Reading has helped me write better. For example, I am reading a Vietnamese novel and the author writes in such a natural prose. She has reaffirmed that I can use plain and simple words to make my writing engaging. That’s what I loved about the simplicity of the Vietnamese language. It doesn’t have to be sophisticated.

When I enrolled into the graphic design graduate program at George Mason University School of Arts, I made progress with my design skills. I started to pick up typography and dived deep into its fascinating history as well as its current progression. After I earned my MA in graphic design, I needed to pick up something so I continued to progress and that was when I started ice skating and rollerblading. I don’t want to be a great skater, I just want to make progress. As someone who could barely stand on his skates, I can now drop into a half pipe at the skate parks or jump in the ice rink.

Taking ice skating lessons stressed me out. I had to put in extra time to practice because I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of my classmates. I had to do well on the tests and that put me under even more pressure, but I felt great after I had made some progress.

To make progress, I can’t seem to let myself relax. I constantly have to do something in order to make me feel like I am making progress. That’s the bad side of it. I fear that I will have a breakdown one day and just do nothing for the rest of my life. If I stop making progress, I’ll become useless and my life won’t have a purpose.

After careful consideration, I decided to pull the plug on Đạo’s and Xuân’s ice skating private lessons. It was a hard decision to make because I deeply wanted them to excel in ice skating. Unfortunately, that’s not what they wanted. They don’t want to compete. They just want to skate for fun. They still wanted to take private lessons, but they didn’t want to practice. With just a half-an-hour session each week, they won’t get anywhere if they don’t practice. After six weeks of private lessons, they couldn’t move beyond basic crossovers.

Over the weekend, I asked the kids to go to the rink to practice and all of them said no. Because they had a cousin sleeping over, they rather spent time playing video games than skating. I could have made them go to the rink, but it would be pointless if their hearts weren’t into it. I feel bad if I force them to go and I feel even worse if I go alone. I could spend three or four hours a day on ice practicing because I love ice skating. I offered them the same opportunity, but they didn’t want to take it. If they could just spend three or hours a week practicing, they could have a chance to go further. Unfortunately, they resisted every single time I asked them to go. These practicing sessions aren’t free either. I am not going to waste our money if they don’t put their efforts into it.

With private lessons and ice time fees, I paid almost $100 an hour. That’s not cheap. I can’t afford that type of money to skate for fun. If they just want to have fun, they can take group lessons. Group lessons are much more affordable and they also come with practice sessions. Maybe we can go back to taking group lessons again just for fun like the good old times before I went over my head thinking they could go further. What I wanted isn’t what my kids wanted. I wish I was given the opportunity when I was a kid like they have now, but I probably would have taken it for granted like they do now. Then again, ice skating is more enjoyable if they don’t have to worry about competing or take it too seriously.

Since I will be on vacation next week, I took my ice skating test for Freestyle 1 ahead of schedule. I thought I would have done well since I nailed all the required techniques and I had been practicing frequently. To my surprise, I passed with the minimum scores. My coach wanted me to practice more before taking Freestyle 2.

My posture was terrible. My arms weren’t coordinating with my legs when I did backward edges. I jumped too early on the waltz jump. I didn’t lift my leg far enough for the spiral. My half-flip was decent. My spin was good even though I practiced it the least. I didn’t like spinning because I would get dizzy after 2 spins.

After the test result, I am not sure if I should go to the next level. I want to focus on my posture like my sons, Đạo and Xuân, who are taking private lessons and their coach scrutinized their every move. They are relearning from the beginning. After six weeks, Đạo only passed forward crossovers. He still needs to work on his backward crossovers. I don’t know if I want to go that far back in order to learn proper posture. I don’t skate to be a professional. I just want to have fun.

Should I sign up for Freestyle 2 or should I learn on my own using Coach Julia’s YouTube instructions? I am exhausted. I am taking a much needed break to clear my mind. I will spend my vacation thinking things through.

Yesterday morning, I took Đạo and Đán to try out Vovinam. While they were training, we had a parent meeting. I raised a question about practice. Since the class is only held once a week, how would they practice at home? I wouldn’t know what to help them. The master suggested that I should join the class as well so I can practice at home with them. Instead of waiting around for an hour and a half, why don’t I just take the lessons? That’s a great suggestion. Even though I would love to use that time to read, I am considering joining. I need the exercise anyway. My only fear is that once I am committed, I will need to dedicate my time to it.

I started ice skating lessons because I wanted to learn and practice with the kids. Now I am more devoted to it than they are. After their Vovinam lesson, I asked them if they wanted to go to the ice rink to practice. They all said no. I didn’t want to force them so I went alone. I practiced for almost three hours. I reviewed all the techniques for Freestyle 1 since I will have a test coming up in two weeks. I also learned the ballet jump from watching Coach Julia on YouTube. My poser was not that great, but I got the technical part down. I felt great and guilty at the same time knowing that my kids were playing video games with their cousins for the same amount of hours.

My wife and I got into a heated argument over her work schedule again. I don’t know how she prioritizes her work, but she always scrambles at the last minute to meet her deadline. On Saturday afternoon, I asked her how she was doing with her work and she chewed my head off. When I didn’t ask, she would say I didn’t care. When I asked, I got an earful. There’s no win in this situation.

I don’t know what her work involves, but she has a deadline at midnight every other Saturday. I suggested that she tries to get her production done the first week instead of the deadline week. It might not be possible, but it would give her less stress trying to meet the deadline. Then again, what do I know?

I thought that getting involved with the kids’ activities would give her free time at home to do her work. By taking them out to eat, she wouldn’t have to cook as much to give her free time to do her work. I took them to hockey, summer school, private tutor, and private lessons, so she didn’t have to and she can do her work. Still, I am not doing enough.

I was considering joining Vovinam with the kids, but I won’t. Now that the kids aren’t into skating anymore, I should quit as well after my group lesson is done. We should wrap up private lessons for Đạo and Xuân since they don’t seem to be enthusiastic about ice skating anymore. Once Đán is done with hockey, we’ll call it quit as well.

I realized that my motivation for doing all of these is to get them off their screen. It would be much easier to let them have their way. Why bother?

Sáng Chủ nhật trời mưa nên không đi được skatepark. Đành nằm trên giường đọc sách. Cả nhà vẫn còn ngủ nên không gian yên tĩnh.

Trưa nay sẽ rủ ba thằng lớn đi ice skating. Đã lâu rồi bốn cha con không có dịp đi chung với nhau. Tụi nó không còn hào hứng với môn này như lúc trước nữa. Đán thì đã chuyển qua chơi hockey. Một tuần chỉ có một tiếng đồng hồ. Đạo và Xuân vẫn đi học tư (một dạy một) mỗi tuần cũng chỉ nửa giờ. Tụi nó không chịu tập luyện nên không tiến triển lắm. Không biết có nên cho hai thằng học tư tiếp tục hay ngưng.

Trong lúc Đạo và Xuân học, tôi xem mấy đứa khác tập và học. Đa số là những đứa gái người Châu Á (Tàu và Hàn Quốc) trượt rất hay và rất đẹp. Tụi nó cũng rất chịu khó. Nhảy té đứng lên nhảy tiếp. Tôi thấy người mẹ ngồi xem con tập tôi cũng đến hỏi thăm vài ba câu.

Tôi vẫn tiếp tục học nhóm gồm sáu học sinh một huấn luyện viên. Ngoài giờ học tôi muốn luyện tập thêm ít nhất là ba lần một tuần nhưng cũng cảm thấy guilty vì phải để vợ trông con. Có bọn nhỏ theo thì vừa tập vừa dành thời gian với bọn nó luôn. Tiếc rằng bọn nó vẫn mê chơi game điện tử hơn là đi skating. Nên giờ đây tôi cũng đâm ra chán nản.

Lúc mới bắt đầu tôi tập trượt vì muốn đi chơi cùng đám nhỏ. Giờ tôi lại thích hơn bọn nó. Muốn tiếp tục khám phá thêm để xem mình có thể đi đến đâu. Dù sau thì ice skating cũng không nguy hiểm bằng rollerblading. Từ lúc bị té, tôi cũng ngán ngán rollerblading. Không dám thử những chỗ cao hơi nguy hiểm nhưng tôi vẫn thích tập. Mỗi buổi sáng tôi tranh thủ đi nửa tiếng hoặc bốn mươi lăm phút ở skatepark trước khi vào làm việc. Tôi cảm thấy thoải mái và làm việc hăng say hơn.

After dropping Đán off to summer school, I drove to Wakefield, the skatepark that I fell hard off the high ramp. Although it was still early in the morning, there were a few skaters already on the scene. The roller skater girls already took over the half pipe; therefore, I couldn’t hop on it.

I skated down the straight ramps a bit then headed to the high curve ramp that I had successfully dropped down twice in the past. After my second fall at a different skatepark, however, I hesitated. The ramp looked high and the curve looked steep.

In the past few weeks, it kept bothering me that I could not work up the courage to drop this ramp again. I internalized it when I went to bed. Why can’t I just ignore it? What am I trying to prove? If I were to fall again, I wouldn’t be able to take my ice skating lessons.

I put my left foot on the coping, but I stopped. I stood there for a while and took my foot off the coping. My body was telling me no, but my head kept telling me yes. Then I put my left foot in the coping again and waited and waited. I finally told myself, “Fuck it! Let’s just do it.” I put my right foot in and off I went. I made it down smoothly. The speed felt incredible.

A mother congratulated me. Her daughter asked her if I did it. A guy on the skateboard asked her something and I heard her say, “He went for it.” He gave me a fist pump. I was a bit embarrassed. I did not realize that folks were waiting and watching me from afar to see if I would go for it. I was focusing on my own dilemma. If I knew they were paying attention, I would have backed off.

I was not trying to show off. I didn’t want to prove to anyone, but myself. I wanted to conquer my own fear and to regain my own confidence. Life is too short to not take a bit of risk.

As I drove home to start my work day, I listened to 2pac and “I Wonder If Heaven Got a Ghetto” reminded me of my homeboy Nate. There’s a line that we loved, “I wake up in the morning and I ask myself: Is life worth living? Should I blast myself?” I asked myself the same questions whenever I felt down, but my life now is definitely worth living. I have my ups and downs, but I never let myself fall into depression. I need to stay strong for my boys.

Skating is an activity that I love to do with my boys. If this old man can do it, they have no excuse. I encouraged them to try out the high ramps, but if they don’t want to try, I do not force them. They understand their own risk level to make their own decisions. I hope one day, they will go for it.

I am slowing getting myself back into rollerblading. I went to skate parks. I dropped into quarter and half pipes, but staying away from higher ramps even with a high ramp I had no trouble in the past. I don’t want to risk hurting my sacroiliac joint again and won’t be able to ice skate.

I want to step away from going down the ramps and develop more rollerblading techniques like 180-degree and 360-degree jumps, backward crossovers, the T-stops, and the hockey stops. I still have a lot to learn. I am going to pick up a few techniques from Flow Skate’s Shaun Unwin as well as Skatefresh’s Asha Kirkby.

I have my goals set out for me. Since these techniques are on flat surface, I can ask Đạo to join me. He doesn’t like skating down ramps, but he is good at picking up techniques. We’ll see.