Silence

I felt the urge to share something exciting, but I refrained from making the call. For almost two decades, I couldn’t wait to share whatever was on my mind. Good or bad news, I didn’t have a filter. Unfortunately being open and transparent had backfired. I damn near lost everything.

Now I have to build invisible walls around me. I need to be careful what I say. I have to put a filter between my mind and my mouth. I stay within my own lane and ignore everything around me. If it is none of my business, I just stay out of it.

Not saying the quiet part out loud keeps me out of trouble. I can’t afford to lose everything. I can’t take all the things I love for granted. I made some personal changes that make me a better person, but also make me lonely. I have come to accept that I am an outsider.

I was too comfortable and crossed into uncomfortable territory. I needed to pull back. I can only heal what I can’t reveal. What I don’t say matters more than what I say. I am starting to understand the meaning behind “silence is golden.”