I had been sick since Monday and had to take off work pretty much the whole week. First it started with a sore throat, then a migraine, then a lot of coughing, like a dog. With all the medications I was taking hoping for a quick recovery, I felt miserable. I was lying in bed, listening to music, and reading. I finished writing a personal piece that I needed to get off my chest for a long time. I felt much lighter afterward.

As I become older, I don’t mind reducing unnecessary dramas in my life. I used to give a fuck. Now I give a fuckless. I don’t need all the needless stress. When I was young, I was too emotional. I worried too much about what others think of me. I was having a conversation with one of my sons as he’s going through this stage as well. I feel him, but it is also frustrating that he refuses to take my advice. I have been there and done that. The quicker he gets over what others think of him, the better his life will be.

There is no point trying to hide his flaws or avoid uncomfortable circumstances. He needs to learn to be comfortable with himself, to recognize his talents, and to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. No one’s perfect. I even gave him an example of myself. I am full of flaws. I don’t hide my bald head. I am not ashamed of my yellow teeth. I am not running away from my erratic emotions. I speak my mind and write what is in my head. If people can’t accept me for who I am, then fuck them.

Until he can embrace himself and appreciate his uniqueness, he will continue to be miserable. He just can’t sit around and feel bad for his sorry-ass. He needs to take care of himself first. He can do anything when he puts his mind to it. He has the talents, but he needs to put in the work. Unlike him, I don’t have the talents, but I have a relentless drive to accomplish my goal. Whatever I set out to do something that I am passionate about, whether designing, skiing, snowboarding, skating, writing, I will keep doing it until I accomplish something. I am in my mid fucking forty and I am still thriving. He has plenty of opportunities and he just needs to take advantage of them.

Hôm nọ người bạn tặng quả dưa gang. Tôi bế trên tay đầy nghẹn ngào. Mỗi lần làm dưa gang, mẹ trộn với đường và cho đá vào. Khi đá tan ra, nước vừa lạnh vừa ngọt. Tôi chỉ uống nước đường, còn cái vừa bở vừa lạt tôi trả lại cho mẹ. Mẹ múc từng muỗng ăn ngon miệng. Đến bây giờ vẫn không mấy thích ăn dưa gang nhưng luôn nhớ đến mẹ.

Hôm trước nhìn thấy mấy thỏi đường nâu trong bếp. Chắc là vợ mua để kho thịt hay kho cá. Tôi nhớ đến những thùng đường mẹ mua đi bán lại. Những ngày nắng nóng của trưa hè, mẹ đạp xe chở tôi ở phía trước và thùng đường ở đằng sau. Mỗi lần qua cầu, mẹ phải xuống dắt bộ chiếc xe, thùng đường, và tôi. Có lần cả thùng đường bị mấy chú cơ quan lấy đi. Chỉ thấy gương mặt của mẹ buồn bã mà không biết lý do.

Mỗi khi ăn quả trứng luộc, tôi lại nhớ đến mẹ. Sau khi định cư ở Lancaster, Pennsylvania, mẹ đã nộp đơn rất nhiều hãng xưởng, chỉ riêng có hãng trứng nhận mẹ. Mỗi buổi sáng dù mùa hè nóng nực hay mùa đông lạnh buốt, mẹ vẫn thức sớm đi làm. Và mẹ đã làm trong khu luộc hột gà cho tới lúc mẹ về hưu.

Từ lúc chứng kiến cảnh mẹ đi buông đường hay làm trong hãng hột gà quá cực nhọc để kiếm tiền nuôi gia đình, tôi đã không dám xài tiền phung phí. Cho đến tận bây giờ, tôi vẫn đắn đo mỗi khi xài tiền mặc dù tôi có đủ khả năng.

Mỗi khi nhìn thấy những món đồ liên quan tới mẹ, hình ảnh của mẹ xuất hiện trong tôi. Ước gì thời gian được quay trở lại nhưng thực tế không thể nào thay đổi. Mẹ tôi giờ đã không còn bên tôi nữa. Có nuối tiếc cũng đã quá muộn màng. Những ai còn mẹ hãy cố gắng dành thời gian với mẹ mình.

Mối quan hệ giữa chúng ta giờ đã chuyển sang một bước ngoặt khác.

Những lời ngọt ngào trao nhau năm xưa giờ đây nhanh chóng trở thành những lời đắng cay. Những cuộc thương lượng lý trí giờ đây chuyển sang những trận gây gổ phi lý.

Những cảm xúc năm xưa giờ đây chỉ còn lại những mối trao đổi. Giữa chúng ta giờ đây chỉ còn lại trách nhiệm? Mai sao trách nhiệm không còn nữa lấy gì níu kéo lại.

Tại sao chúng ta làm đau lòng nhau bằng những lời nói? Chẳng lẽ giờ đây phải đối mặt nhau như kẻ xa lạ để tránh né sự bực bội và khó chịu?

Những lời tâm sự từ nay đành khép lại. Ngoài những câu nói cần thiết sẽ giữ lại những nỗi niềm riêng. Dù trách nhiệm hay trách móc, hy vọng hạnh phúc không mong manh như lời nói.

My in-law’s family reunion took place in Galveston, Texas this year. The gathering gave our extended family an opportunity to spend time together.

Everyone bonded over food; therefore, we never ran out of food. We had many dishes including Texas BBQ, a whole roast pig, seafood boil, and pork offal porridge. Our entire clan, 25 of us, also visited the Kim Sơn buffet, which featured many delicious Vietnamese dishes, my personal favorites included vermicelli in fish broth (bún nước lèo).

In previous years, I provided hard liquor. This year, one of our uncles cleaned up his liquor cabinet and brought three crates of alcohol including cognacs, champagnes, and wines. We emptied two bottles of XO, two bottles of Hennessy, and a bottle of Courvoisier.

For activities, we chilled by the pool, relaxed at the beach, and played ping pong, card games, and poker. The house was always filled with conversations, jokes, and screams.

The family reunion started the year I met my wife. We weren’t even married yet. Even though we missed a few years, especially during COVID, we kept going. Many things had changed over 16 years. The kids had grown. We welcomed new members as well as bid farewell to our aunts and uncles. Despite a few unfortunate events had occurred, our bond had remained strong.

As the older generation is becoming frail, our generation will need to step up to continue the tradition for the next generation as well as the future generations. Spending time with your extended family once a year is priceless.

After another year at First Landing, I am done with camping. I hate bugs. I hate the heat. I hate the rain. I hate packing.

Because of the weather, I could barely sleep at night. I didn’t bring an AC. Most families brought their AC. As a result, the kids ended up either staying in their tent, EV, or RV to stay cool and to be on their phones. The phones ruined the kids.

The backstabbers talking shit behind your back were annoying, but I decided a long time ago. Never let anyone’s words get me down. What people say or think about me has no effect on me—friends or foes. That’s my survival mechanism.

On the bright side, I had a great time with food, liquor, and friends.

I like drinking even though I know damn well it is not good for my health. I made a bit of a change. I don’t drink at home and when I go out with my family. I only go out drinking with friends. It seems to work out well. I hadn’t had a drop of liquor when I was at home or with my family.

I have no beer at home. I still have a couple of wine bottles, but I rarely drink wine anyway. I still have a couple of whiskey bottles, but I only bring them to a party or a gathering with friends. I’ll still buy liquor, but only for going out.

I used to have a couple of drinks at home with a meal or if I were out to a restaurant. That was when I didn’t have friends to drink with. Now I have a couple of folks to drink with, I need to make a change.

The change is good for me. When I go out to drink I can enjoy it and not have to worry about drinking too much. Gout flare used to warn me if I was drinking too much, but now that I take Allopurinol I haven’t had an attack. I don’t want to take it for granted or abuse it.

Maybe when there’s a time I have to stop drinking completely. Until then, this is a happy medium.

Hôm cuối tuần đi ăn tiệc. Tôi với anh bạn vừa ăn vừa đứng trò chuyện vu vơ. Vợ anh ấy đi qua và trách móc, “Dạo này cứ đưa phone cho tụi nó”. Thấy anh ấy hơi quê quê nên tôi cười đáp, “Kệ đi chị ơi. Để cho anh được ăn thoải mái một tí”.

Mấy cô vợ ơi, ra ngoài làm ơn giữ mặt mũi cho thằng chồng mình một chút. Về nhà muốn la mắng sao cũng được. Nhiều khi vợ chồng sống chung với nhau lâu rồi nên không còn để ý đến sĩ diện cho nhau. Những lời nói ngọt ngào của thuở ban đầu giờ đã trở thành những lời lẽ đắng cay tột đỉnh. Làm sao ta có thể níu kéo lại một thời đã xa?

Tôi đã xem cái video này trên Facebook khá lâu mà đến bây giờ vẫn còn ám ảnh. Hôm nay chợt xem lại vẫn thấy ngậm ngùi” (Sợi buồn con nhện giăng mau. Em ơi hãy ngủ anh cho thêm viên thuốc).

I was in Walmart when my wife called asking me to buy a bag of small potatoes. I looked around, but couldn’t find it. I asked an employee nearby, “Excuse me Miss, where do I find a bag of small potatoes?” She replied with a Spanish accent, “Over there, they took after you.” Then she laughed. I looked down at myself and wondered, “WTF? How does she know?” I picked up a bag of “Little Potatoes.” She said, “See, they are laughing at you.” I was like, “Oh yeah!” I definitely need some hearing aides.

By the way, Little Potatoes has a cute brand.

Last Saturday, all four kids wanted to have a sleepover with their cousins. The house was empty and quiet. Around 11 pm, I asked my wife if she wanted to go out. She refused at first, but was convinced that we hadn’t been on a date night in 17 years.

We headed to Eden Center to check out the new Popup joint. There was a rave party so we decided to check it out. As we stood in line to get in, we were aware that we were the oldest couple there. The bouncer who was even older than me said to me, “Are you sure you want to go in?” I replied, “Hell yeah!” He didn’t bother to check our IDs. He announced to everyone, “We got an OG in the building.” I laughed and replied, “Thanks G. Do you have a senior discount?” I paid $20 entry charges for me and my wife.

Most of the kids were Asian in their 20s. I was not sure if they were Vietnamese or other Asians. They weren’t dancing to the music. They were just standing around drinking. The music was not loud enough and the beats weren’t captivating either. We found a seat over at the food court side. My wife didn’t want a drink. She was on her phone. I was not in the mood for drinking either. I walked around just to check out the scene. Most of them dressed casually. Then I saw two Asian girls wearing thongs exposing their booty cheeks. I headed to the bathroom, but there was a line of boys waiting to take a piss. I went back to our seats. After half an hour of being there, I realized we didn’t belong there. I felt like we were chaperones at a school dance.

The night was still young and we were not in the mood for food. We headed straight to MGM. The casino floor was crowded. We were thirsty. I ordered a beer for myself and water for her. We walked around the casino, but didn’t feel like losing our hard-earned money. We left MGM around 1:30 am and came back home around 2:00 am.

It was not terribly exciting, but we got out of the house for a bit. We tried to rejuvenate our youth, but let’s just face it: we’re fucking old.

Gần đây nhậu nhẹt nhiều. Vì uống thuốc chống gout mỗi ngày nên không bị tấn công. Chân không bị gout nữa nên cũng không biết lúc nào uống rượu nhiều.

Tuần trước uống nửa chai Cordon Bleu và nửa chai XXO cùng với mấy người bạn, hôm sau đầu đau như muốn vỡ. Tự hứa từ nay không uống Cognac nữa. Tôi cũng uống qua mấy chai bourbon và cũng cảm thấy khó chịu muốn mửa. Thế nên tôi cũng bỏ luôn bourbon.

Chỉ còn lại whiskey là uống thấy ổn nhất là những chai whiskey Nhật như Yamazaki và Hakushu 12 năm trở lên. Tuy hơn đắt tiền nhưng uống chắc ăn.

Giờ đây tôi phải hạn chế nhậu tối đa. Không uống ở nhà bất cứ loại bia rượu nào hoặc đi ăn với gia đình. Chỉ khi nào đi với bạn nhậu mới uống. Nếu được chỉ thưởng thức whiskey của Nhật thôi. Tuy hơi đắt tiền nhưng đáng.

Nếu như bỏ rượu hẳn thì không thể được trừ khi sức khỏe không còn cho phép nữa. Vả lại giờ đây càng ngày càng lớn tuổi, sức khỏe rất quan trọng. Mùa đông vừa rồi tôi uống rượu rất ít vì tập trung vào skiing và snowboarding.