The other night I asked Vương, my youngest son, who started kindergarten this year if he liked school and if he had made any friends. His response was that he didn’t like school, but he made a few friends. I asked him what he liked about school. He said the playground and went further to tell me that he just wanted to play alone at the playground, and not with friends. I reassured him that it was perfectly fine if he preferred to play alone. I was actually glad that he was comfortable with being by himself when he wanted.

His older brother, Xuân, who is in second grade, on the other hand, always needed to please others. He always wanted to be liked, and that worries me. He would get into trouble for doing things his peers find funny, but his teachers find unappropriate. I know exactly what he is going through because I spent most of my life trying to please others. It didn’t go too well for me. I want him to break the cycle.

I am at the point in my life where I don’t want to pretend to be nice. I want to be honest. I am tired of trying to please people—even the ones I loved. I have always wanted to please my wife because I was afraid she would leave me. It exposed my insecurities and weaknesses. Saying “I love you” had lost all of its meaning because it sounded pretentious. I didn’t throw the phrase out of nowhere. I wanted confirmation, but most of the time I got a silent response. Maybe it is still a taboo in Vietnamese culture to express your love verbally. Whenever I spoke to my mom in person or over the phone, I always said, “I love you” and her response was always “OK.” The last time I said “I love you” to my mom, a tear rolled down her eye as she departed this world.

Damn, my kids use their digital devices way too much. My firstborn always glues to his phone or laptop. My second son constantly plays on his PC. My third and fourth can’t stay away from their iPads. They have no motivation to do anything else. If they go to the skatepark with me, I have to reward them with boba tea or their favorite food.

The issue is they don’t know when to stop. If I don’t ask them to turn off, they will play for hours. Even when I tell them to stop, they won’t get up until they get yelled at. It breaks my heart to see them dropping everything else and just focusing on their digital devices.

My oldest is no longer reading paper books like he used to. My second is no longer interested in playing piano. He takes months to learn one song. My third gets whiny when being asked to practice piano. My youngest doesn’t do much else.

Am I the only one who is deeply concerned? Most kids seem to do the same. When my kids get together with other kids, they spend most of their time on their devices. I get so irritated that I just don’t want to witness it.

Other parents seem to be fine with it though. Maybe I should just stop worrying and let them do whatever they want with their time and hope for the best. What else can get worse? Addiction, depression, dropout, withdrawal? As a father, I love them and want to prevent the worst, but I am failing big time. I was so naive about parenthood. I thought love would conquer everything, but love alone isn’t enough. The more I love; the more I care; the more I fail. They have sunken to the point that they can’t function without these digital devices.

My concerns, worries, anxieties have fallen on deaf ears. I hope I am dead wrong. I hope I am worrying too much. I hope I am just being paranoid. Only time will tell.

The summer went by so fast. Đạo starts ninth grade. Đán starts sixth grade. Xuân starts second grade. Vương starts kindergarten. The summer was short but we had a handful of activities including summer vacations, camping trips, and family reunions.

Xuân joined the swimming team over summer and he had a blast. He seemed to be very competitive. He will continue to train soon. I hope he will stick to it. Vương got to spend time at home before joining his older brothers for school. Đạo and Đán had done an excellent job keeping their daily writing. They didn’t miss a day.

Đạo has developed his skills as a fiction writer. His writing is clear and descriptive. I could visualize the scenes he described even without knowing the backstory. He wrote scene by scene. I encouraged him to write something personal, but he refused. He doesn’t like to reveal his personal thoughts.

Đán, on the other hand, wrote what was on his mind. His approach is more similar to mine. Some of his pieces were hilarious. He still has to edit his writing, but he has been able to express himself. This exercise has helped him to write better.

I am so glad that they had agreed to take on the challenge and they didn’t fail. Furthermore, I am proud of their works. Even though their summer assignment is over, I hope they will continue to write. It is a great asset to have for the rest of their life.

Eleven days ago (Friday, July 21, 2023), Vương came down with high fevers and vomited while we were out camping at First Landing. Five days later, his symptoms hadn’t gone away; therefore, we took him to the pediatrician. He was tested negative for Covid and flu. Two days later, he still didn’t get better. I wanted to take him to the ER, but the on-call nurse advised taking him to PM Pediatric Care. He tested negative for strep and urinary tract infection.

Earlier today, he still had high fevers and still threw up. Worse, he was lethargic. I couldn’t just wait around anymore. My wife and I took him to the ER around 5 pm. He had a chest x-ray. His lungs were cleared. They drew three tubes of blood from him for testing. They also swapped his nose for more tests.

More results will be confirmed tomorrow, but he is not in any immediate danger. He was discharged. I hope the doctors were correct that his viral infection is lasting longer than expected, but will go away.

Seeing him being sick breaks my heart. I hope he will recover quickly.

Sáng nay lau nhà nhờ thằng Đán quét trước. Nó lấy chổi quét vào trong kẹt. Đạo bắt quả tang và nói cho tôi biết. Ngày xưa Đán rất thật thà nhưng giờ đây mê chơi game quá nên trở thành lừa dối. Đúng với câu “Ăn thật làm dối”.

Xuân và Vương vẫn bị sốt và ói mửa mỗi lần ăn. Vượng bị chiều thứ Sáu tuần trước. Hôm nay là 7 ngày rồi mà vẫn chưa hết. Xuân chỉ bị hai ngày trước và hôm nay đã đỡ nhiều rồi.

Con cái bệnh ba mẹ cũng đau lòng. Thấy thằng Vương như thế. Tôi xót ruột lắm. Đi bác sĩ đã hai lần vẫn không biết nó bị gì. Không bị cúm. Không bị covid. Cũng không bị đau cổ họng. Hy vọng nay mai nó sẽ khoẻ lại.

Yesterday Vương started the Bridge to Kindergarten program to help him make the transition from home to school. Since Vương hadn’t been to daycare, I was surprised that he didn’t cling to his mom or cried when we dropped him off on the first day.

Đạo and Đán resumed their daily writing after a week-long vacation. Xuân resumed swimming competition last evening. Even though he hadn’t practiced the entire time while we were on vacation, he came first on backstroke.

After the competition, Đạo wanted Thai food. We went to 703 Thai Cuisine. Đán ordered a dish called “Crying Tiger Steak,” which came with steamed vegetables and sticky rice. When the food came, Xuân asked to try some steak, but Đán didn’t want to share. I asked him to give Xuân a thin slice to try, but he got mad. He handed over the whole plate and said, “Just take the whole thing and I will have instant noodle later. I replied to him, “If that’s what you want, it’s fine with me.” I wanted to teach him a lesson about sharing.

My wife flipped out and wanted to leave. Xuân cried and begged her to stay. She stayed but didn’t touch her food. The fiasco was childish. We couldn’t even have a nice meal together as a family.

I am so glad that Xuân chose to join the swim team this summer. He didn’t do so well in his first competition because he kept looking over the other lanes to see where the other kids were at. I reminded him to focus on his own lane and to get to the finish line first. He seemed to take my advice on his first freestyle competition and he finished first.

This seven-year-old kid is a true athletic. From ice skating to skiing to scootering to swimming, he just puts his heart into and does it. He likes to play video games as much as his older brothers, but he also continues to be active. I really hope that he will stick with swimming. I don’t need him to be great. I just want him to stay active. In my book, he is already already a swimming star.

My biggest summer worry is that the boys will spend the whole day on their devices, especially Đạo and Đán. Xuân is on a swim team and he goes to practice every day. He competes almost every Saturday. He likes to go to the skatepark with me. He also wants to join soccer camp; therefore, my wife signed him and his older brothers up as well.

Đạo and Đán protested so I made them a deal. Instead of playing soccer, they have to write everyday. Đán has to write at least 300 words. Đạo has to write 500 words. They can write whatever they like. They can write whatever on their mind. They can curse. They can talk shit about their dad. If they quit writing, they will be banned from their devices for the rest of the summer. They took the deal.

I am looking forward to reading Đạo’s and Đán’s daily blogging this summer. Of course, I am writing too to keep up with them.

Chủ nhật vừa rồi tôi tình nguyện đưa thằng Đạo và các cháu trong Liên Đoàn Hùng Vương đi cắm trại một tuần lễ. Từ nơi cư ngụ của chúng tôi đến chỗ cắm trại lái xe gần năm tiếng đồng hồ. Tôi ngại lái trong ngày mệt nên tham gia cùng ba gia đình khác ở lại khách sạn một đêm rồi ngày hôm sau mới về.

Thay vì ở khách sạn, một trong những phụ huynh thuê một căn nhà trong khu resort sang trọng gồm có 5 phòng ngủ với giá tiền $800 một đêm. Chia ra mỗi gia đình cũng chỉ $200. Tôi chỉ đi có một mình nên ba gia đình kia chỉ lấy tôi $100.

Vì hai gia đình có con gái (13 và 14 tuổi) đi cắm trại qua đêm mà không được bên cạnh cha mẹ nên họ ở lại lỡ ngày mai hai đứa con gái không chịu nỗi sẽ đưa tụi nó về luôn. Tối hôm đó khi vào nhà trọ, các cha mẹ ngồi lại với nhau tán dóc. Mấy ông uống vài chai bia nhân dịp ngày lễ cha. Một bà mẹ trong đám cứ nhắn tin cho con gái. Rồi thì con gái đòi về thứ tư.

Chắc là con gái nên họ lo lắng đến thế. Tôi có con trai nên cũng chẳng để ý tới. Lúc đưa thằng Đạo đến nơi cắm trại. Tôi chỉ ôm nó một cái rồi ra đi. Nó chẳng nhắn tin gì tôi và tôi cũng thế. Thằng này biết tự lập nên tôi không phải lo lắng gì. Tôi cũng tin tưởng các người trưởng trong hướng đạo. Họ sẽ lo lắng tốt cho đám trẻ.

Riêng tôi lúc ở nhà trọ thì nhớ đến vợ con còn ở nhà khi thấy ba gia đình kia quấn quýt bên nhau. Vợ tôi không mấy thích xã giao với người ngoài cho dù bạn bè đủ thân. Mấy ông cứ trêu tôi là vẫn còn độc thân. Đi gặp gỡ bạn bè hay đi cắm trại, thường thì tôi chỉ đi một mình hay đi với con cái. Ít khi nào vợ chồng đi chung. Họ thì lúc nào cũng đi cả gia đình.

In addition to contributing to the end-of-the-year gifts, I wanted to get into a habit of writing short notes to to my kids’ teachers. They are loving, caring educators and I wanted to show my appreciations for what they have done for my kids.

To Xuân’s English teacher:

Dear Mrs. H,

We would like to thank you for all you have done for the kids throughout their first grade. For Xuân in particular, I reached out to you because I was concerned about his reading. Six months ago, he couldn’t sound out simple three-letter words. With your help and support, his reading has improved tremendously. We were reading together yesterday and my heart filled with joy. I deeply appreciate your efforts to help him reach his milestone. He will use the reading skills you have taught him for the rest of his life. We wish you a wonderful summer and we will send Vương, our youngest boy, to you in two years. Hopefully, you won’t be retired yet. LOL!

Regards,
Donny Trương

To Xuân’s Spanish teacher:

Dear Sra. D,

As this school year comes to an end, you will begin a new journey. We would like to thank you for everything you have done not just for Xuân, but also for Đán and Đạo. We were hoping to send Vương, our youngest boy, to you in the near future, but we are happy for your retirement. In a couple of our conversations in regard to Xuân’s poor decision-making in class, you said to me, “Never a dull moment in first grade.” We hope that there will never be a dull moment (in a positive way) in your retirement journey. We appreciate all of your love and support for our kids. We will miss seeing you around. Have a wonderful summer and happy retirement.

Regards,
Donny Trương

To Đán’s English and Spanish teachers:

Dear Ms. B & Sra. B,

We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your love and support for the fifth graders this year. Đán, in particular, had such a great year. He told us that he had the best academic year so far and we could tell by his actions. He enjoyed school and thrived in a smaller group under your supportive guidance. We appreciate the discussions we had with you to get Đán the help he needs to succeed in his education.

We wish you a wonderful summer. We have two more boys sending your way in the next few years. LOL!

Regards,
Donny Trương