After the kids went to bed on Saturday night, the dads kicked back at the campfire. We passed around two of my favorite Japanese whiskey bottles: Yamazaki 12 and Hibiki Master Select. Around midnight, I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore due to the lack of sleep the previous night. I said goodbye to everyone and went back to our tent.

Despite the cold weather, Xuân was already knocked out after a full day of activities. I opened up the other sleeping bag and found Peanut, Vương’s favorite stuffed-animal dragon. The alcohol got me emotional. Vương was sleeping here last night with his mom, but they went home to sleep because Vương fractured his upper left arm. His mom and I took him to an urgent care nearby to take an x-ray. He had to wear an elbow brace to keep his arm from mobilizing.

Since his left arm was fractured, I helped him with his dinner. Suddenly, he asked me, “Daddy, do you remember the water fountain where you make a wish then toss a coin?” I replied, “Yes, son. I remember.” He asked further, “Does the wish come true?” I hesitated and asked him, “Why do you ask?” He responded, “I wish for my arm to heal.” I promised him, “Tomorrow after camping, I will take you to find a fountain. You have to heal fast so that you can learn to snowboard this season.” He replied, “Yes, I will learn to snowboard with you because you’re a good snowboard patrol.” He meant to say instructor.

As I was tossing and turning in my sleeping bag, I visualized his scrawny body, repeated his words in my mind, and wept in silence. I knew deep down he would be alright, but I couldn’t control my emotions.

Tối thứ Bảy sau khi đám nhóc đi ngủ, mấy ông cha ngồi quanh lửa hồng thư giãn, trò chuyện, và nhâm nhi tí rượu cho đỡ lạnh. Tuy hai chai whiskey Nhật tôi rất thích (Yamazaki 12 và Hibiki Master Select), đến 12 giờ khuya thì cặp mắt tôi mở hết lên vì đêm hôm trước cũng ngủ trễ. Tôi chào anh em và trở về lều.

Tuy thời tiết khe khẽ lạnh, Xuân đã ngủ say sau một ngày sinh hoạt và chạy nhảy. Tôi chui vào túi ngủ kế bên thì tìm thấy Peanut, con rồng nhồi bông màu xanh lá cây của Vương. Đi đâu nó cũng lôi Peanut theo cả. Tôi ôm Peanut mà sống mũi cay cay. Đêm hôm qua Vương ôm Peanut và ngủ với mẹ nó trong cái túi ngủ này. Đêm nay hai mẹ con đã về nhà vì xương ở khuỷu tay của nó bị nứt lúc sáng. Tôi và mẹ nó đã đưa nó đến phòng dịch vụ y tế khẩn cấp chụp x-ray và băng bó tạm thời cho nó.

Nhìn thấy thân hình gầy gò với nỗi đau đớn của nó, người làm cha này xót xa vô cùng. Nước mắt tôi không thể cầm được khi nhớ lại cuộc trò chuyện của hai cha con lúc ăn cơm chiều. Nó chỉ được cử động một tay nên tôi giúp nó ăn cơm. Bỗng nhiên nó hỏi, “Daddy còn nhớ cái hồ phun nước mình ước nguyện rồi ném đồng xu xuống không”? Tôi trả lời, “Yes, con. Daddy nhớ”. Nó hỏi tiếp, “Vậy ước nguyện đó có thành sự thật không”? Tôi hỏi lại, “Con hỏi để làm gì”? Nó trả lời, “Con muốn ước nguyện cho tay con sớm lành”. Tôi mỉm cười trả lời, “Ngày mai sau giờ cắm trại ba sẽ đưa con đi tìm hồ phun nước để con ước nguyện nhé. Con phải mau lành vì mùa đông sắp đến rồi. Con đã hứa năm nay sẽ học snowboard với daddy.” Nó đáp lại, “Yes, con sẽ học snowboard với ba vì daddy là một người thầy dạy snowboard rất giỏi”.

Có thể men rượu đã tăng xúc động nên tôi đã bật khóc tuy biết được nó sẽ sớm hồi phục và đây cũng không phải chuyện to lớn. Trẻ con chơi với nhau, chuyện không may xảy ra cũng bình thường thôi. Tôi không trách móc mấy đứa nhỏ. Cám ơn chú bác biết chuyện đã hỏi thăm cháu.

Đạo is already a junior in high school. He hasn’t shared much with me about his school work. I reminded him about PSAT, SAT, and college preparations. I hope he will step step up and take charge of his future. He’s a bright young man. He just needs to devote more time on academics and less time on digital devices.

Đán has been killing it in school. His progress reports have been excellent. He stays up late to do his homework. Though I would rather see him finishing his homework first before playing video games. Nevertheless, he gives me some peace of mind knowing that he cares about his education.

Since school started, Xuân and I are reading together A Century of Poetry in The New Yorker 1925 – 2025 for 20 minutes each day. I can tell the improvement in his reading even though neither of us understand all of the poems. Somehow he has been able to keep going and not given up. Xuân struggles with Spanish and I can’t help him much. We need to get him tutoring.

After trying to teach Đán and Xuân to read over the years, I am glad to see that Vương is a good reader. We have been reading The World According to Mister Rogers together for 15 minutes a day. Even though he doesn’t like the book too much, we are more than halfway through the book. He can read, but doesn’t enjoy doing it. Maybe we should go the library to let him pick out his own books.

The world out there has been insane these days. I focus my attention on my kids instead.

After almost a week, Đạo apologized for his behavior. Of course, I accepted his apology and gave back his phones and laptop. I love him to death, but not unconditionally. I need to be firm with him when I need to.

Đán and I are cool too. We don’t speak much, but I learned about his thoughts and feelings through his blog. His posts helped me started conversations with him. I am glad that I assigned daily blogging to him in the summer. I hope he will continue to write. His posts remind me of my early blogging days. I blogged to get things off my chest and released my tension. They helped. We talked about our struggles. We talked about how do deal with scams and losing money. He thanked me for the talk. I thanked him as well. He can come and talk to me anytime.

I want to treat all my kids the same, but I just can’t. They are different in age. They have their own personality. I can’t apply a blanket approach to them. When they were younger, I wanted us to do everything together, but they have different interest. I need to stop feeling bad for not getting the entire crew together. Of course, it would be ideal to bring everyone together, but it seems selfish for me to demand their time to spend with me. Obviously, whenever they want to, they can always hangout with me. Otherwise, I just going to cut them lose.

Since my dad was hardly around me when I was a kid, I always thought that I needed to spend time with my kids. Now I feel as if I am forcing them to spend time with me when they would rather spend with their friends or digital devices. Now I give them the space to do things on their own. Maybe I am not the best person to be around with. I am too damn boring.

On Saturday, all four of our boys wanted to have a sleepover at their cousins’ house. Ðán and his cousin stayed up until 5 am Sunday. They spent most of their time playing video games. I was horrid, but not surprised. When unsupervised, they didn’t know their limit.

At home, I would ask them to turn off their devices and take a break. If they didn’t comply, I would just shut down the entire internet. No one else seemed to be concerned about their digital addiction. Am I over-worrying?

The digital conflicts have decided us. My kids don’t want to spend time with me anymore, and Đán in particular. It hurts me, but I let them make their own choice. I don’t want to be a controlling dad.

I have been going to the skatepark by myself. Even though I am not excited about rollerbi anymore, I need to do some exercise. Xuân has not wanted to tag along. As he’s picking up swimming, he is leaving scooter behind.

As they are growing, they are dropping everything else and spending more time on their digital devices. I am hoping they will stick with the winter sports, but I doubt it. Ðán is getting bored with snowboarding. We used to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for our seasonal passes until I became a snowboarding instructor last year. My pass was free and my family’s passes were almost free. Since they are no longer obligated to go, they will be less likely to go.

It’s a shame that they are taking their privileges for granted. Not too many kids get the opportunity they do. Of course, I loved for them to go. I always had a great time skiing or snowboarding with them, but I wouldn’t feel so bad if they didn’t want to take advantage of the passes I made available to them. Even all of our gears were new. I tuned and waxed them regularly so we could have a wonderful experience on the snow.

My wife always chastises me for making them do things that I wanted to do—going to the skateparks or the ski resorts. She and the kids got me into these sports in the first place. As they got bored and moved on, I just haven’t quit.

I have become an uncool dad for not allowing them to stay on their devices for as long as they wanted. My kids don’t want to hang out with me. That’s OK. I am their dad, not their peers. I am always here and I would do anything with them with the exception of spending hours and hours in front of the screens.

Đán and Xuân are crushing it with their daily blogging. While Xuân writes about his daily routines, which involve swimming and playing video games, Đán writes what’s on his mind. I help Xuân editing his posts a bit, but I can see the improvements. I asked him to write 150 words, but he has been exceeding my expectations.

Đán’s posts are hilarious. I enjoy reading his thoughts. He just needs to slow down and edit his pieces. Even though he doesn’t see how daily blogging helps with his writing, I can see that his thoughts are clearer. He has a natural talent for anything he does. From rollerblading to snowboarding to writing, he can do anything well. The only issue is that he doesn’t have enough patience to delve deeper. Perhaps ADHD has something to do with it?

Đạo hasn’t posted anything since Monday because I confiscated his laptop and smartphones for disrespectful attitude. I am not going to tolerate that kind of behavior. He is not my peer. He is not my sibling. I am his father and he needs to get that straight. It has nothing to do with favoritism. It has nothing to do with egotism. Until he learns his lesson, I will not cave in.

After watching all the seasons of Cobra Kai, Xuân wants to take up karate. I let him try out Vovinam last Sunday and he seemed to want to go for it. Xuân is athletic and when he commits to something he will stick with it.

Now that he’s taking summer break from school, he swims every morning and competes every Saturday and Monday. He wants to take up Vovinam on Sunday too. Even after swimming, he wants me to take him to the skatepark so he can ride his scooter. My rollerblade skills are stagnant, but his riding skills continue to progress. He keeps trying out and picking up new tricks. I am just in awe to see how much he has improved.

In the winter, we both skied and snowboarded. He picked up snowboarding fast. Last season alone, he progressed from the green trails to the double-black terrains. He might drop skiing and just stick with snowboarding, but I encouraged him to stay with both. We’ll see.

He still takes piano lesson every Wednesday. After the lesson, we would hit the skatepark for an hour before heading home. Xuân and I do many things together. He keeps my old-ass active and I appreciate him for that.

His older brothers think I am favoring him, but I am not. My invitation is always open for them to hang out with us, but they rather spend time on their digital devices. I cannot force them to do things they don’t want to do. The days of all of us hanging out together were long gone. Of course, I missed those days, but I had come to term that not everyone had the same interests.

While excelling at physical activities, Xuân needs help with his academics. Then again, he listens to me when I ask him to blog everyday during the summer to practice his writing. He is doing it. I will also need to help him with reading as well. If he is willing to make the commitment, I am sure he will catch up quickly.

My oldest son chastised me for making him write 500 words a day during the summer. I believe the more you write, the better you will become. I am not asking him to become a professional writer. I just want him to practice writing as a communication tool. Furthermore, I wanted to get him into a routine and take responsibility.

Besides, he does nothing in the summer. He doesn’t want to do anything around the house. He doesn’t want to get a part-time job. He doesn’t want to volunteer. He doesn’t want to play any sports. Asking to him to help his younger brothers with reading, he gets all grumpy. Asking him to tutor them Spanish, he groaned. What does he want to do all day long? Playing video games with his friends and created some 3D graphics. Basically, he just wants to spend most of his waking hours on screen.

Writing 500 words for him takes less than an hour. He still has about 15 hours a day to play video games and doing 3D modeling and yet he doesn’t have enough. Maybe I should just limit his screen hours, but I wanted him to take the responsibility for himself. I wouldn’t ask him to write if he has something else to do other than being a screen addict.

It breaks my heart to see my kids don’t do anything else other than spending time gluing to their screens. They are wasting their time away. Maybe I don’t know how to be a father, but I don’t want to raise spoiled kids who don’t have any aspirations. At 16, he shows no sign of responsibility and independence.

He has everything provided to him. When he asked for a laptop, we gave him a laptop. When he asked for a better laptop, we gave him a better laptop. When he asked for a phone, we gave him a phone. When he asked for a better phone, we gave him a better phone. It was my fault for placing my trust in him. I thought he would do better when he has what he needs. I thought he would control himself, but he didn’t.

At times, I am so fed up that I should just let him do whatever he wants. Deep down in my heart, I care too damn much to see him ruing his life. I get nothing but hate and disrespect for loving and caring. I don’t think I am being to hard on him. In fact, I think I am fairly flexible. He can do whatever he wants as long as he does something, but spending all day on screens is not acceptable. Then again, maybe I should let him make his own decisions. I should let him live his own life and don’t even say a word. I don’t expect anything from him. I just want him to be able to stand on his own feet. If he doesn’t need my guidance, I am fine with it. If he messes up, that’s on him.

Mẹ vắng nhà. Ba áp dụng chiến thực không WiFi. Thử xem không có kỳ đà cản mũi kết quả ra sao.

Sáng sớm thứ Bảy đưa vợ ra phi trường. Trở về nhà không ngủ lại được đành đọc sách. Đến 9:30 sáng, thông báo mọi người 15 phút nữa WiFi sẽ bị cúp. Đến 10:00 giờ, hai anh lớn thay phiên nhau cắt cỏ và trim. Còn hai em nhỏ nhổ cỏ dại. Ba chỉ hướng dẫn.

Đến trưa công việc cắt cỏ cũng vừa xong. Ba đãi đi ăn trưa. Hai em nhỏ chọn gà rán Hàn Quốc Chi Mc. Chọn địa điểm gần chỗ trường vẽ để đưa Đán đi học vẽ cho tiện. Ăn uống no nê rồi bỏ Đán trước cổng trường. Buổi trưa khí hậu lên đến 90 độ F. Định đi công viên trượt thì ông bạn nhắn tin qua nhà làm vài chai bia. Trong lúc đợi Đán thôi thì qua đó uống bia cho mát.

Hai tiếng sau, rước Đán rồi đi công viên trượt luôn. Dường như có chút bia trượt hăng hái hơn. Không té là may rồi. Đến 6 giờ chiều mới về đến nhà. Ăn tối xong, mở WiFi lên lại cho cả nhà thư giãn tối thứ Bảy.

Sáng Chủ nhật không có WiFi nên bọn nhỏ ngủ trễ một chút. Khoảng 9:00 giờ sáng tất cả đã dậy. Đồ đạc cả tuần chưa xếp. Gọi hai em nhỏ phụ ba xếp. Bảo hai anh lớn lên phòng ngủ dọn dẹp lại đồ đạc bừa bộn. Đò nào không bận nữa cất vào bị. Đến 10:30 sáng mọi chuyện hoàn tất. Mở WiFi lên mọi người cùng hưởng.

Đến trưa tắt WiFi kéo cả nhà, luôn cả bà ngoại và hai thằng cháu, đi đại hội Á Châu Á (Asian Festival) ở khu downtown. Ðồ ăn thơm phức mà hàng nào cũng xếp dài thòng. Không thèm đứng xếp hàng. Kéo hết ra nhà hàng Việt ăn. Ăn xong đám nhỏ muốn uống trà sữa. Chiều luôn.

Gần 3:30 chiều, đưa bà ngoại và Đán về nhà. Ba thằng còn lại và hai thằng cháu qua nhà chị vợ chơi. Sách chai whiskey qua nhà anh bạn lai rai thư giãn chiều Chủ nhật. Đến 8:30 chiều về nhà. Ba thằng kia cũng chưa về. Đến hơn 9:00 giờ bọn nó mới về. Cho WiFi đến 10:00 giờ tối đi ngủ.

Thật ra tôi không muốn làm vậy nhưng không tắt WiFi không thằng nào chịu tắt máy. Gọi nhẹ nhàng 1, 2, 3 lần như nước đổ đầu vịt. Chả thằng nào nghe. Có WiFi nhờ làm chuyện nhà, hồn bọn nó như đang bay trên mây. Không WiFi, không nhắc nhở, không la hét, không bàn bạc.

Trong Do Thái giáo, ngày Sabát là những giây phút cuối tuần nghỉ ngơi không được dùng những dụng cụ có điện. Tôi thấy cũng hay. Cuối tuần tôi chỉ muốn không WiFi. Khổ là không thông qua được bà chủ nhà. Bà chủ nhà cần WiFi để làm việc. Lúc trước dùng software để tắt hết WiFi trừ máy của bà chủ nhà nhưng bọn nhỏ chỉ cần đổi địa chỉ IP thôi là có WiFi lại. Dùng software phiền phức lại không tác dụng. Tụi nhỏ vẫn ôm máy cả ngày.

Giờ đây chỉ cần cúp WiFi là tự động tụi nó tắt máy, đứng dậy làm việc khác. Tôi thấy chiến thuật này có hiệu quả. Đến cả người lớn, không WiFi cũng tốt. Cuộc sống không cần bất cứ lúc nào cũng phải có WiFi. Cá nhân tôi cũng phải tự cai WiFi. Người lớn mà như thế huống chi đám nhỏ.

Một trong những thất bại lớn nhất của người làm cha này là không thể hạn chế được sự dùng máy điện tử của mấy thằng con. Tim tôi nhói đau mỗi khi nhìn bọn nó đắm đuối trong thế giới mạng. Đây cũng là một trong những vấn đề mà vợ chồng xích mích nhau. Vì hai người có hai ý nghĩ khác nhau nên không thể giải quyết được vấn đề càng ngày càng tệ hại hơn.

Giờ đây đã quá muộn nhưng dù sao thì không WiFi cũng đỡ hơn một chút. Ít nhất không lúc nào cũng cắm cúi vào trong máy. Nếu như hạn chế được máy móc từ sớm thì có lẽ những sinh hoạt khác đã không bị bỏ dở. Hơi đáng tiếc là máy vi tính đã cướp đi những tiềm năng của bọn nó, luôn cả học vấn. Đương nhiên không cha mẹ nào muốn tạo áp lực cho con cái nhưng thả lỏng ra cũng chẳng đi đến đâu. Điều quan trọng là làm sao hướng dẫn bọn nó cân bằng mọi sinh hoạt.

Yesterday we attended our kids’ piano recital at their instructor’s studio, which is at the back of his house. We missed several recitals over the winter because we had skiing and snowboarding activities. The kids we started at the same time as ours and even the ones after ours had moved into classical music. Their performances were impressive.

I am not making a comparison. I am just making the realization. Xuân performed well, but he spent three months or more on one song. Đán didn’t have the courage to perform one song. He told me and his mom that he no longer wanted to perform. He just wanted to learn piano for his own enjoyment.

In the past, I told him that if he didn’t want to practice and want to perform, he should just quit and stop wasting our money. Piano private lessons aren’t cheap. Now I have come to term with it. If he doesn’t want to perform anymore, I am fine with self enjoyment over competition. My only hope is that he will continue to improve himself.

I have no expectations or dreams for my kids anymore. If they enjoy to do things with me, that’s cool. If not, I am not going to force them. I am tired of repeating myself. My words just go into one ear and right out the other. I don’t care what they do individually, but they have to participate when we do things together as a family. If we go somewhere as a family, they can’t say they don’t want to go. That’s not a choice until they move out on their own.