Đạo had been asking my wife and I for a new laptop. His first laptop, which was purchased two years ago, was getting too slow to render his 3D models. He has been creating digital arts for a while and he has been posting his work on Instagram. I have no problem supporting his artistic passion, but I am concerned about his digital usage.

I hesitated to buy him a new laptop because I just didn’t want him to glue to his screen. At the same time, I wanted him to have a creative outlet. Any form of art is good. I studied digital art in college, but I was not good at drawing. I was better at designing. Even though I am no longer nagging him about his grades, I would like him to care about his education. Furthermore, I wanted him to be a role model for his younger siblings.

I asked him to write to tell me why he needed a new laptop and he gave me legitimate reasons. I also asked him to write to tell me why he deserves a new laptop. Once again, he delivered.

Yesterday, I took him to Micro Center to buy the laptop he had been researching. He did his homework and picked out a good deal. He was excited about the new laptop. It’s his early Christmas present. I do hope that he keeps his words on grades, priorities, and brothers.

I met with Xuân’s teachers last Thursday. His English teacher informed me that he has been struggling with language arts. Part of his struggle has been my fault. I hadn’t read Let’s Read with him for a few months. He hadn’t practiced writing much. Somehow our routine had messed up. I took him to the skatepark more than spent time reading and writing.

After Vương busted his chin, Xuân had been reluctant to scooter. He still scootered, but not as much anymore. My foot had been hurt as well due to gout; therefore, I hadn’t rollerbladed much neither. It was time to refocus on the kids’ education.

After my meeting with Xuân’s teachers and his first report was not looking so good, I asked him to study with me. Xuân still does what I ask him to do. I encouraged him to pick up blogging again and he has been doing it. He could write whatever he liked. I am glad to see that he is getting back to it. His recent posts are so cute. I hope he will continued.

I worked from home today; therefore, I picked up Xuân and Vương from school to go to the skatepark. Đạo tagged along as well. We skated for about 15 minutes before Vương slipped, fell, and busted his chin on the concrete inside the bowl at Wakefield. I took him to the ER to get stitched up.

Xuân busted his chin twice before. The second time was also at the skatepark and I took him to the same ER. Xuân gained back his confidence and went back to the skatepark a couple of days later. He had not thought much about it. He continued to soar.

I am not sure if Vương will do the same or he would just quit after this incident. I won’t hold it against him. Accidents happen, especially at the skatepark. I had my share of accidents. I twisted my knee one time and hit my head on the ground another. Even though I had my helmet on, I blacked out for a few seconds.

Vương’s accident gave me a pause. The skatepark could be a dangerous place even just a minor mistake. Then again if I wanted to prevent accidents, I would never skate, ski, or snowboard. Life is short and a bit of risk is good.

I talked to my kids’ piano teacher about skiing. He would love to give it a try, but he was afraid of breaking his hands, which are his livelihood. A nail technician told me the same concern. If she were to break her hands, she wouldn’t be able to do her work. It could be true for me as well. I wouldn’t be able to design if my hands weren’t working. Fortunately, I didn’t think about it that way when I picked up any of these sports. I am glad that I didn’t factor accidents into the sports. For me, the reward outweighs the risk.

Getting stitched up sucks, but I hope Vương won’t give up. Life will be full of challenges and he will have to weather through them. This was one of the challenges he faced. Stay strong, my son.

I responded to the LDHV parents:

Dear All,

Thank you Chị T and cChị K for your hard work, dedication, and perspective. Now, allow me to put my head on the chopping block.

After reading this email, my wife was furious—not at the message, but at me. I hardly took out the trash at home, and yet I went above and beyond as one of the trash guys for LDHV. All kidding aside, I appreciate the recognition, but I can’t take all the credits. Other parents whose names aren’t on the list had stepped up with the trash and the water as well.

Big shout out to all the parents for participating in the LDHV activities. As Trưởng BT always says, “Without your willingness to take your kids to our events, there would be no Pack.”

When my wife and I decided to sign our kids up for scouting, we went with LDHV because of its reputation and the unity between parents and leaders. It was true. In the first few meetings, I felt connected as being part of an extended family.

In contrast, I heard divisive stories within other LDs from classism to status to gossip. Being one of the longest parents in LDHV (since 2019), I can testify that LDHV is above those.

Let’s continue to set an exemplary example for our kids.

Regards,

Donny Truong

Hôm thứ bảy vừa rồi tôi được nghe một người anh lớn cho biết lý do tạo sao vợ chồng anh quyết định không có con cái. Từng là trưởng Hướng đạo trong cộng đồng Việt, anh và vợ cho rằng khi có con mình sẽ trở nên ích kỷ hơn. Mình sẽ bận bịu với con mình và không còn thời gian cho những đứa trẻ khác.

Vì chỉ mới quen anh lần đầu nên tôi không khẳng định hay nhận xét gì về sự quyết định của gia đình anh nhưng tôi cảm thấy lý lẽ của anh cũng có lý. Tôi không phủ nhận khi đã làm cha tôi trở nên ích kỷ hơn. Bổn phận làm cha, tôi tập trung sức lực và đầu óc vào con cái của mình.

Tuy nhiên, tôi vẫn nhận thức được sự công bằng giữa con mình và con người khác. Dĩ nhiên tôi không muốn con người khác ăn hiếp con mình. Tôi càng không muốn con mình ăn hiếp con người khác. Quang trọng là xử lý làm sao cho đẹp tất cả. Tôi chấp nhận ích kỷ nhưng vẫn còn lý lẽ.

Có những phụ huynh khi chưa có con họ rất là rộng lượng nhưng khi có con rồi, họ chỉ biết về con mình. Con của họ lúc nào cũng trên hết. Tôi hiểu được tình cảm của họ dành cho con mình nhưng khi vì quá thương con mình mà bị mù quáng và mất đi lý lẽ thì khó mà hòa đồng.

Những người như anh trưởng nói trên thì hiếm hoi. Chỉ có những ai trung thành và cống hiến cho Hướng đạo mới rộng lượng đến thế và tôi kính trọng anh.

The other day, we wandered into a pet store somewhere in New Jersey. There was a cute puppy inside a cage. Xuân and Vương came up and petted the puppy.

Of course, they begged me to buy the puppy. And of course, my answer would be no even if we got the puppy for free, but I glanced at the price tag, which was $999.99, and replied, “Sorry sons, the puppy cost a thousand dollars. I can’t afford it.” My five-year-old Vương replied, “But dad, you always spent money on alcohol.” His older brother Xuân chimed in, “I saw the receipt. You spent $850 on liquor.”

I thought to myself, “Oh shit! They got me good.”

After reading my letters to my sons, Dr. Joy wrote:

I felt encouraged and inspired reading it then. Your transformation into a loving dad from a rebellious teen when I met you years ago lol is simply amazing. Your family is blessed because of the good choices you make while acknowledging you’re only human who works hard in doing your best to be a loving and present dad AND a husband. Yes, your guidance and presence in your children’s lives matter the most. Way to invest your time and energy with your family. Best regards to your loving wife as well. You never cease to amaze me. I hope to see you sometime.

Thank you, Dr. Joy!

Highlight of my Father’s Day was spending time with Đán, my second child. Despite the scorching heat, he wanted to go fishing. I had gone fishing in the past, but never paid attention to it. Fishing had never been my thing.

I would rather rollerblade than fish. With my gout flare up, however, skating was out of the question. I took Đán to the state park near our house. Neither of us knew how to assemble a fishing rod. I was grateful for YouTube.

We kicked back, drank Cherry Cokes, snacked on spicy Doritos, and pretended to fish. Obviously we didn’t catch any poor fish, thank goodness. We did, however, spend a few hours together. Đán and I alway have a complicated relationship.

I love all of my kids, but each in a different way. I worry about Đán the most. He had changed so drastically. Of course, kids change when they grow. Even though Đạo is 15 now, I can see him change over the years since the first day we brought him home from the hospital. I kept looking back at clips I filmed of Đán when he was five or six. Now he is completely different, his personality in particular.

He told me that I am being mean to him because of Xuân. In his mind, he always thinks I favor Xuân over him. When he became too verbally aggressive against his younger brothers, especially with Xuân, I stepped in. Both Đạo and Đán have more experience, more vocabulary, and more physical strength than their younger brothers. Naturally, when they picked on Xuân, he couldn’t defend himself yet.

In addition, I am tougher on Đán because he spends way too much time on his computer and doesn’t know how to stop. No matter how many times I explained to him the reasons for what I did, he never wanted to listen. I hope that when he grows older he will understand that my actions have always been fair and balanced.

What I am doing now might make him dislike or even hate me, but I am doing it because I love him way too much. I hope one day he will get it, but if he won’t, I won’t hold anything against him. I just have to do what a father supposed to do. It is my responsibility.

Today we put our differences aside and just enjoy each other’s company. I thanked him for spending Father’s Day with me. It meant a lot to me. I will never forget our time together.

Đạo has brushed off his blog, gave it a new look, and kicked off the summer writing challenge. He has to write at least 500 words each weekday, which he doesn’t seem to sweat. He’s not only a fantastic writer, but also a promising 3D artist—something I didn’t know about until he shared it on his blog. I also love that he has the space to criticize his parents. Bring it on, son!

Đán wrote a post about the new Wifi scheduling that he hates. Instead of responding to him in the comment section, I write it on my blog.

On Sunday night, I kept hearing my wife asking the boys to shut off their devices and go to bed. She eventually had to yell at them to get them to listen. I decided to setup the Wifi schedule to get the boys off their screen. This Wednesday will be their last day of school. The thought of just letting them sitting on their screen all day long stressed the hell out of me. Even my two older boys don’t know when to stop. If we don’t tell them to take a break, they would be on their screen all day. Even if we told them, they would still not get off.

I needed to do something to cut down their usage and balance their time. I hope scheduling internet access could help a bit. Here’s the schedule: Wifi on from 9 am to 11:30 am (2.5 hours), 1:00 pm to 5:00 pm (4 hours), and 6:30 pm to 9:00 pm (2.5 hours). That’s 9 hours a day. I hope they wouldn’t use all of the hours. It’s 7 or 8 hours more than the pediatricians recommended. Some parents don’t even let their kids use digital devices at all.

Of course, the push back from the kids was expected. What I didn’t expect was the resistance from my wife. She didn’t want to reenforce them. She wanted to let them do it on their own. Apparently that hadn’t worked. I always caved in to her after we got into a fight, but it had come to the point that I just can’t cave in anymore.

Screen time has a significant impact on their academics. They are struggling with school. One couldn’t get his assignments done on time. One is struggling with math, anxiety, and social interaction. One is way behind in reading and writing. If they could cut down their screen and focus on school, they would have done much better.