Mẹ vắng nhà. Ba áp dụng chiến thực không WiFi. Thử xem không có kỳ đà cản mũi kết quả ra sao.

Sáng sớm thứ Bảy đưa vợ ra phi trường. Trở về nhà không ngủ lại được đành đọc sách. Đến 9:30 sáng, thông báo mọi người 15 phút nữa WiFi sẽ bị cúp. Đến 10:00 giờ, hai anh lớn thay phiên nhau cắt cỏ và trim. Còn hai em nhỏ nhổ cỏ dại. Ba chỉ hướng dẫn.

Đến trưa công việc cắt cỏ cũng vừa xong. Ba đãi đi ăn trưa. Hai em nhỏ chọn gà rán Hàn Quốc Chi Mc. Chọn địa điểm gần chỗ trường vẽ để đưa Đán đi học vẽ cho tiện. Ăn uống no nê rồi bỏ Đán trước cổng trường. Buổi trưa khí hậu lên đến 90 độ F. Định đi công viên trượt thì ông bạn nhắn tin qua nhà làm vài chai bia. Trong lúc đợi Đán thôi thì qua đó uống bia cho mát.

Hai tiếng sau, rước Đán rồi đi công viên trượt luôn. Dường như có chút bia trượt hăng hái hơn. Không té là may rồi. Đến 6 giờ chiều mới về đến nhà. Ăn tối xong, mở WiFi lên lại cho cả nhà thư giãn tối thứ Bảy.

Sáng Chủ nhật không có WiFi nên bọn nhỏ ngủ trễ một chút. Khoảng 9:00 giờ sáng tất cả đã dậy. Đồ đạc cả tuần chưa xếp. Gọi hai em nhỏ phụ ba xếp. Bảo hai anh lớn lên phòng ngủ dọn dẹp lại đồ đạc bừa bộn. Đò nào không bận nữa cất vào bị. Đến 10:30 sáng mọi chuyện hoàn tất. Mở WiFi lên mọi người cùng hưởng.

Đến trưa tắt WiFi kéo cả nhà, luôn cả bà ngoại và hai thằng cháu, đi đại hội Á Châu Á (Asian Festival) ở khu downtown. Ðồ ăn thơm phức mà hàng nào cũng xếp dài thòng. Không thèm đứng xếp hàng. Kéo hết ra nhà hàng Việt ăn. Ăn xong đám nhỏ muốn uống trà sữa. Chiều luôn.

Gần 3:30 chiều, đưa bà ngoại và Đán về nhà. Ba thằng còn lại và hai thằng cháu qua nhà chị vợ chơi. Sách chai whiskey qua nhà anh bạn lai rai thư giãn chiều Chủ nhật. Đến 8:30 chiều về nhà. Ba thằng kia cũng chưa về. Đến hơn 9:00 giờ bọn nó mới về. Cho WiFi đến 10:00 giờ tối đi ngủ.

Thật ra tôi không muốn làm vậy nhưng không tắt WiFi không thằng nào chịu tắt máy. Gọi nhẹ nhàng 1, 2, 3 lần như nước đổ đầu vịt. Chả thằng nào nghe. Có WiFi nhờ làm chuyện nhà, hồn bọn nó như đang bay trên mây. Không WiFi, không nhắc nhở, không la hét, không bàn bạc.

Trong Do Thái giáo, ngày Sabát là những giây phút cuối tuần nghỉ ngơi không được dùng những dụng cụ có điện. Tôi thấy cũng hay. Cuối tuần tôi chỉ muốn không WiFi. Khổ là không thông qua được bà chủ nhà. Bà chủ nhà cần WiFi để làm việc. Lúc trước dùng software để tắt hết WiFi trừ máy của bà chủ nhà nhưng bọn nhỏ chỉ cần đổi địa chỉ IP thôi là có WiFi lại. Dùng software phiền phức lại không tác dụng. Tụi nhỏ vẫn ôm máy cả ngày.

Giờ đây chỉ cần cúp WiFi là tự động tụi nó tắt máy, đứng dậy làm việc khác. Tôi thấy chiến thuật này có hiệu quả. Đến cả người lớn, không WiFi cũng tốt. Cuộc sống không cần bất cứ lúc nào cũng phải có WiFi. Cá nhân tôi cũng phải tự cai WiFi. Người lớn mà như thế huống chi đám nhỏ.

Một trong những thất bại lớn nhất của người làm cha này là không thể hạn chế được sự dùng máy điện tử của mấy thằng con. Tim tôi nhói đau mỗi khi nhìn bọn nó đắm đuối trong thế giới mạng. Đây cũng là một trong những vấn đề mà vợ chồng xích mích nhau. Vì hai người có hai ý nghĩ khác nhau nên không thể giải quyết được vấn đề càng ngày càng tệ hại hơn.

Giờ đây đã quá muộn nhưng dù sao thì không WiFi cũng đỡ hơn một chút. Ít nhất không lúc nào cũng cắm cúi vào trong máy. Nếu như hạn chế được máy móc từ sớm thì có lẽ những sinh hoạt khác đã không bị bỏ dở. Hơi đáng tiếc là máy vi tính đã cướp đi những tiềm năng của bọn nó, luôn cả học vấn. Đương nhiên không cha mẹ nào muốn tạo áp lực cho con cái nhưng thả lỏng ra cũng chẳng đi đến đâu. Điều quan trọng là làm sao hướng dẫn bọn nó cân bằng mọi sinh hoạt.

Yesterday we attended our kids’ piano recital at their instructor’s studio, which is at the back of his house. We missed several recitals over the winter because we had skiing and snowboarding activities. The kids we started at the same time as ours and even the ones after ours had moved into classical music. Their performances were impressive.

I am not making a comparison. I am just making the realization. Xuân performed well, but he spent three months or more on one song. Đán didn’t have the courage to perform one song. He told me and his mom that he no longer wanted to perform. He just wanted to learn piano for his own enjoyment.

In the past, I told him that if he didn’t want to practice and want to perform, he should just quit and stop wasting our money. Piano private lessons aren’t cheap. Now I have come to term with it. If he doesn’t want to perform anymore, I am fine with self enjoyment over competition. My only hope is that he will continue to improve himself.

I have no expectations or dreams for my kids anymore. If they enjoy to do things with me, that’s cool. If not, I am not going to force them. I am tired of repeating myself. My words just go into one ear and right out the other. I don’t care what they do individually, but they have to participate when we do things together as a family. If we go somewhere as a family, they can’t say they don’t want to go. That’s not a choice until they move out on their own.

On Saturday, the Scout dads got together to cook crawfish, play volleyball, drink some liquor, and talk shit. Of course, parenting came up. Some dads share their militant style of discipline. I didn’t join in that conversation. After having four kids, I am less qualified in this department.

I have come to accept that my kids will do the opposite of what I expect. The more I hope, the more I get disappointed. The more I worry, the more I stress out. The more I do for them, the more they become dependents and the less they become appreciative.

My wife is a loving mother and she would do anything for her kids. Each morning, she wakes up to make their lunch while I pack our leftovers. Last week, one of them didn’t eat her lunch because the meat tasted like “cardboard.” Mother and son got into a huge fight. My solution was simple. I told him, “Son, get up early and make your own lunch or pack leftovers.”

When I first became a father, I wanted to be involved in their lives because my father was not there for me. Unfortunately, that had backfired. Every sport we played together they quit. Every activity we did together because I forced them to participate. They need to get good grades so that I can look good—not for their own good. They do everything because I am an authoritarian in the house and they have to comply. If I leave them to their own device, they would just spend all day on their own device.

I have become less and less involved. The less I do for them, the more they will do for themselves. I want to become a deprecated dad. After all, Jeff Bezos, Lebron James, and Jesus did well without a father in their lives. If Jesus had a dad, he would have become a carpenter and his name would have been Jesús instead. I stole that joke from Andrew Schulz.

My kids log on their devices as soon as they wake up on weekends and come home from school on weekdays. They don’t do much else. They don’t read. They don’t do homework. They don’t study. They don’t help around the house. Their grades are dropping and they don’t care.

I am frustrated, disappointed, and hopeless. My wife and I keep fighting over this and we don’t see eye to eye on the issue. We are moving further apart on parenting. I can’t stand it when kids disrespect their parents and here we are.

My dad slapped me or hit me with a log. I thought he was so cruel, but now I understand. I probably deserved it. At times, I want to slap the taste out of my kids’ mouth for being disrespectful, but then I don’t want to hurt them. I am so conflicted.

I love them too much to let them ruin their lives. They spend so much time on their devices and yet they never get enough. One of my kids told me straight out that he doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore. He just wants to spend time with his PC all day, everyday.

With my older kids, I told them countless times about the importance of education. They don’t care. Their grades are slipping. I told them about managing their screen time. They don’t care. They continue to spend hours and hours on their devices. I want to take them out, but one of the older ones wants to stay home. I am getting tired of making him go. The older kids aren’t doing any sports or physical activities.

My hopes and dreams for my kids had died. The bar is so low now. I have no expectations for them. I don’t know how they will survive without us if all they do is wasting their time on their devices and not picking up any other skills. I won’t be here forever. My health is not great and I don’t expect to live long.

Furthermore, I don’t want to put my relationship with my wife at risk. This is the biggest reason that the kids are getting away with their digital usage. Until she collaborates with me, I can’t do much for them.

Of course I have nothing but love for my four boys, but I sympathize with Xuân. It doesn’t mean that I am favoring him. I just know all my kids strengths and weaknesses.

Without a doubt, Xuân is physically strong. He’s athletic. He’s the only one in the family who competes in swimming. He has no fear riding the scooter at the skateparks. He is a hell of a skier. He makes tremendous progress on snowboarding this season. He eats well and grows fast.

In contrast to his strong physical, his emotion is weak. He lets people’s words get to him. Đạo and Đán seized on his vulnerability and they attacked verbally every chance they got. Even when I told them to stop, they wouldn’t. That was when I exploded and they accused me of favoritism. They could call me whatever they wanted, but I couldn’t just stand by and let them berate their younger brother to tears.

Even little Vương picked on Xuân. When Vương got mad, he would hit his older brother, but Xuân never hit his younger brother back. I wouldn’t want Xuân to hit Vương back either, but my heart hurt for Xuân.

Last Saturday, the three of us went riding together. Vương skied down to the lift first. Then Xuân snowboarded down and pulled a brake. He sprayed some snow on Vương. Vương got mad and hit his forehead with his pole. When I snowboarded down, I saw Xuân holding his head in the snow and crying. I was so mad. Vương could have poked Xuân’s eye with his pole. I yelled at Vương. He got mad and decided to ski back to the base himself. I let him go alone.

I don’t know how Xuân is doing in school when I am not around. I hope he can defend himself. Better yet, I hope he doesn’t let other people’s words get to him. Whenever I am not with my kids. I think about them a lot, especially Xuân. I hope one day his brothers will understand him, love him, care for him, and protect him. That’s what brotherhood is all about.

As I am sitting on the coach listening to my second and third sons taking their piano private lessons, I hear no progress. The instructor is doing his best, but he can’t help them if they don’t put their effort into their playing.

They spend hours after hours on their digital devices each day. I hardly hear them practice playing piano. Their hearts aren’t in it, why are they still taking lessons? These private lessons aren’t cheap. My wife and I discussed and argued over this issue. She wanted them to continue. I caved in. I don’t want it to be the reason to break us.

My wife and I are moving further and further away from where we want to raise our kids. For example, I want to limit their use of screen time by shutting down the internet at a certain time. She wants it on all the time and they sit in front of their screens until she screams at them to get off. I don’t mind paying for private piano lessons, skiing, snowboarding, or any activities if they put their efforts into them. If they don’t appreciate what we provide for them, why should we waste our money?

If one of us lost our job one day, we would be screwed. The thought of losing an income worries me, particularly if I would be the one. It stresses me out everyday. I explained to the kids many times about taking these privileges for granted, but they just don’t get it. I don’t want to repeat it anymore.

Reading about the deadly crash that killed two adults, one 17-year-old kid, and injured 4 little kids devastated me. I didn’t know the parents personally, but I know someone who knew them. If you can help the surviving kids, please donate.

Driving has been really stressful for me. On my recent trip to Stowe, I drove 12 hours each way, even though Google estimated 8.5 hours. Last year, I drove our family to Mount Snow and we got hit with a snowstorm in late March. Our 2018 Toyota Sienna SE skidded. We couldn’t get up the hill. Luckily a local man helped us out and showed us the bigger road. It was a relief that we made it to the rental house.

I had always worried about driving the entire family. I have 6 lives under my watch. As a result, I had always been extra careful and over stressed. Even a small nail could derail our trip. Now I have an air pump and repair kit in the car just in case.

I bear the responsibility for their safety. I need to be extra careful and extra alert.

No doubt I love skiing and snowboarding and of course I miss my children, but traveling solo gives me the space to reflect on my role as a father. Unlike the everyday chaos at home, I am sitting alone in a motel room while the snow is falling outside the window. The quietness and emptiness aren’t what I have gotten used to.

Time seems to slow down when I am alone. My mind is cleared and all I can think of is my children. Their voices, their cries, their laughters, their words replay in my mind. Even though they have changed in their own way with time, those special moments will forever remain in my memory.

Being alone at the moment gives me the space I needed to appreciate their companion. When I am always with them, I take their presence for granted. When I am away, I feel there’s something missing in my heart. My kids complete my life.

All fathers love their kids. That’s just human nature. At times though, I am not sure if I know how to love them. I struggle with this everyday. How can I provide them a happy life? How do I guide them in the right direction? How do I know what they want instead of what I want for them? If they fail or if they succeed, does it matter?

I kept telling myself, “Don’t worry. They will turn out fine.” And yet, I have not laid my worries to rest.

My Lil Xuân Shine is back writing consistently on his blog. I am so glad that he finds the time to practice his writing. He is showing improvements. Of course, I love seeing my kids blogging. Đạo and Đán don’t write much anymore. I hope they will come back as well. Free-writing or blogging is so much fun. They can write whatever they want. There’s no restriction or limitation. All they need to do is just type, just like what I am doing now. They know at least one person is reading their blog and commenting on them as well.

Đạo had been asking my wife and I for a new laptop. His first laptop, which was purchased two years ago, was getting too slow to render his 3D models. He has been creating digital arts for a while and he has been posting his work on Instagram. I have no problem supporting his artistic passion, but I am concerned about his digital usage.

I hesitated to buy him a new laptop because I just didn’t want him to glue to his screen. At the same time, I wanted him to have a creative outlet. Any form of art is good. I studied digital art in college, but I was not good at drawing. I was better at designing. Even though I am no longer nagging him about his grades, I would like him to care about his education. Furthermore, I wanted him to be a role model for his younger siblings.

I asked him to write to tell me why he needed a new laptop and he gave me legitimate reasons. I also asked him to write to tell me why he deserves a new laptop. Once again, he delivered.

Yesterday, I took him to Micro Center to buy the laptop he had been researching. He did his homework and picked out a good deal. He was excited about the new laptop. It’s his early Christmas present. I do hope that he keeps his words on grades, priorities, and brothers.