Bác Nguyệt, một trong những người chị của mẹ vợ tôi, đã ra đi vào ngày 26, tháng 12, năm 2021. Tôi không biết nhiều về bác nhưng rất quý bác mỗi lần gặp mặt trong tuần gia đình họp mặt hằng năm. (Vì đại dịch nên hai năm nay không còn tập họp như trước).

Bác Nguyệt luôn thương yêu anh chị em và đặc biệt rất gắn bó với mẹ vợ của tôi. Bác lo lắng cho chồng chu đáo từng món ăn. Bác nuôi nâng bốn người con trưởng thành và ổn định với gia đình riêng của họ. Bác cũng chăm sóc đàn cháu của bác khôn lớn.

Lúc bố vợ tôi qua đời, các bác đến Virginia để dự đám tang. Khi bác bay về lại Texas, tôi đưa bác ra phi trường. Trên xe tôi được trò chuyện riêng với bác. Bác luôn vui vẻ và có cái nhìn đời rất nhẹ nhàng.

Cầu nguyện cho linh hồn của bác được an nghỉ trong bình yên.

When I started writing about music, I wanted to read from music critics to get different perspectives. I don’t remember how I discovered Greg Tate’s writings, but I wanted to read more once I did. Tate had a distinctive style of writing and a criticism voice of his own. He went beyond music and pushed as far as he could on the page.

I wanted to learn and to emulate his writing. I pored over the Village Voice archive to read everything he had written. I read Flyboy in the Buttermilk several times. I read his Midnight Lightning: Jimi Hendrix and the Black Experience. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy of Flyboy 2 and I pre-ordered it as soon as it was pre-released.

Even though I don’t write much about music anymore, I still have Tate’s voice in my mind. I was shocked to discover that he had passed away on December 7, this year. He was only 62. The cause of his death was undisclosed. America has lost one of its true cultural critics.

Rest In Peace, Greg Tate and thank you for inspiring and influencing many music writers, including myself, a self-proclaimed critic.

When I attended my friend Nate’s funeral, Mrs. Tra Hun thanked me for coming. She still recognized me even though I had not seen her in over a decade. I could tell she was devastated by her youngest son’s death. I could see the tears in her eyes. I could feel the pain in her heart.

I completely froze when I found out this morning that Mrs. Hun had just passed away on Monday—only three months after her son had gone. My heart ached when I learned that she had Covid. Her passing has reaffirmed that this deadly virus is far from over. We can’t let our guard down.

When my mother passed away from Covid, I was in town and wanted to come by their house to see Nate to rekindle our friendship, but I only drove by their house and left. Although I tested negative, I did not want to get them infected, especially Mrs. Hun and her husband. When I saw her daughter at Costco, I asked about the family and she told me that everyone was doing fine. I was relieved.

I knew Mrs. Hun when I started hanging out with her children. Their house was a block from my sister’s old house. Even though she barely spoke English, she made sure that I knew her rule when I came over and she only had one rule: “Sit down and pee.” Mrs. Hun kept her house spotless clean. Her hardwood floors were always shiny that every kid ever came to the house had slipped and fell.

Mrs. Hun worked hard everyday to raise her family. In addition to her full-time job at the greenhouse, she loved to grow vegetables, herbs, and melons in her backyard. She woke up early to water her plants before going to work and spent more time in her garden after work. She was a kind woman who would feed us whenever we stayed at her house. Her love extended beyond her own children. She treated us like her own kids. She always smiled and asked how my mom was doing. She let us hang out at her house through the night as long as we kept our noise to the minimum.

I miss the good old times hanging at their house, playing video games, and eating raw steak with white rice. I miss seeing her smile and hearing her yelling in Cambodian, which I did not understand. Mrs. Hun will always have a special place in my heart. May her body and soul rest in peace.

Nhận tin Chú Bảy vừa qua đời chiều hôm qua, tôi không khỏi nghẹn ngào. Chú ra đi gần một năm sau ba tôi mất. Trong mấy anh chị em, Chú Bảy là người thành công nhất trong ngành xây dựng. Chú và thím cùng sát cánh bên nhau gầy dựng sự nghiệp lẫn gia đình. Bốn đứa con của chú được nuôi dưỡng, đào tạo, và thành đạt.

Đối với gia đình và người thân, chú luôn thương yêu và lo lắng cho các anh chị em. Lúc còn sống, ba tôi thường khen chú luôn trọng tình nghĩa. Với con cháu chú cũng quan tâm và thương mến. Với tôi, chú rất ít nói. Mỗi lần đến thăm chú thì cũng chỉ hỏi thăm vài câu qua lại. Tôi cũng không biết phải nói gì với chú nữa nhưng tôi biết được nếu tôi cần sự giúp đỡ chú sẽ sẵn sàng.

Chú đã ra đi ở tuổi 74 sau gần một năm chống chọi với ung thư gan. Mong linh hồn chú được an nghỉ trong bình yên. Cháu sẽ nhớ chú mãi mãi.

Lần đầu tiên tôi biết đến tiếng hát Phi Nhung qua ca khúc “Câu chuyện đầu năm.” Tuy cách hát còn thiếu nghiệm nhưng chất giọng của cô khỏe khoắn, cao ngút, và nồng nàn. Cùng với sắc đẹp tây phương dịu dàng của cô, tôi biết cô sẽ nổi tiếng. Hai mươi mấy năm qua, không ai còn xa lạ gì với tiếng hát Phi Nhung qua những ca khúc quê hương và trữ tình.

Tin Phi Nhung từ trần sau những tháng ngày chống chọi với Covid thật đau buồn và đáng tiếc. Phi Nhung chỉ 51 tuổi và trông cô rất khỏe nên tôi nghĩ cô sẽ vượt qua được biến cố này. Không ngờ cô đã vĩnh viễn ra đi như mẹ tôi đã rời khỏi cỏi đời này vì Covid.

Xin cầu mong cho linh hồn cô được yên nghỉ trong bình an.

Sau những tháng ngày sống trong sự đau đớn quằn quại của ung thư, chú đã thoát khỏi sự hành hạ của thể xác. Chú đã rời xa thế gian này để hướng về miền Cực Lạc. 

Là một đứa cháu rể trong gia đình, cháu không biết nhiều về chú. Chú cháu mình gặp nhau chỉ vài lần trong những dịp đại gia đình họp mặt và hai chú cháu cũng không có trò chuyện gì nhiều. Tuy nhiên, cháu được biết đến chú nhiều hơn qua quyển tiểu thuyết chú viết dựa trên cuộc đời của mình.

Chú luôn phấn đấu trong cuộc sống cho dù trải qua nhiều sóng gió của cuộc đời và thăng trầm của chiến tranh. Chú sống tằn tiện không phung phí. Chú sống mãn nguyện cho chính mình. Chú đã làm được những điều chú mong muốn. Chú đã hoàn tất quyển sách để con cháu sau này đọc để biết về cuộc đời của chú.

Không ai ở mãi cõi tạm này. Giờ đến lúc chú phải ra đi. Chúc chú thượng lộ bình an.

The news of my homeboy Nate passing away shook me to the core. He had a massive heart attack. He was only 38 years old. I wrote about our complicated relationship. I wish I had reconciled our friendship before he left. I waited for too long.

I do not deal with grief too well. The recent passing of my parents devastated me and now one of my closest friends is gone too soon. The longer I live, the more I will witness deaths until it will be my time to go. Just the thought of that depresses me.

As I was writing about Nate, I went back to my blog archive and found that I had written many goodbye posts for family members, friends, colleagues, and the people I had known over the years. I was able to go back to 2010 with about 21 people, excluding the people I didn’t know personally like celebrities and politicians. That averages out to 2 people I have known die each year.

I decided to create a goodbye category to collect the tributes I had written. It is my own column of obituaries. Writing them down helps me deal with my grief and remember the people I had in my lifetime.

Dear Nate,

I am deeply sorry that we didn’t have a chance to reconcile our friendship before you leave. I thought we still had plenty of time, but I am dead wrong.

You came into my life when my heart was broken. I lost a girlfriend, but I gained a best friend. You kept me from drowning in my own sorrow. You took me in when I was dead broke. I will never forget your kindness, generosity, and friendship.

When I was at the lowest point of my life, you were there for me. We didn’t have much money, but we had plenty of joy. Reminiscing on the times when we ate Queen 6-Pack’s chicken wings, sharing a 40’s Olde E, and listening to hip-hop puts me to tears. I missed those late nights cruising and pumping 2pac in our rides. I missed those cookouts that lasted into early in the morning. Your parents, brothers, and sisters treated me like a family member. I love them all. I wish we could go back to the good old days. I still have fond memories of our time together.

I wished I could forget the past and move forward, but there was one particular incident that cracked our friendship. You were just kidding around, but it still haunts me to this day and I couldn’t fully forgive you for it. Do you remember the day when we were hanging out at David’s house? It was my first and last time at his house.

David’s stepfather was a gun nut and he had rifles locked up in a case as well as guns laying around the house. You picked up a shotgun on the couch and pointed at my head. I looked straight in your eyes and pleaded with you not to pull the trigger. You must have known that the gun had no bullet in it and I assumed that the gun had no bullet in it, but I was dead serious when I requested that you do not pull the trigger. Then I felt a puff of air on my temple. You didn’t respect my request. You pulled the trigger. I tried to explain to you why I was upset, but you didn’t seem to get it. To you, it was a joke, but to me, my life was in your hands at that moment. We were cool again, but it was never the same when I felt that you had stepped over the line. I am sorry to bring this up, but it was part of our story.

Our friendship broke when you wanted to come hang out with me for the weekend. I would welcome you to my house anytime, but I was so sick at that time. I didn’t want you to hangout with a sick person who would spend the entire time in bed instead of going out drinking. Unfortunately you took it as I didn’t want you to come. I knew you were upset and I wanted to give you some time to get over it. Unfortunately, you had removed me from your contact. I tried calling you several times and leaving you messages, but you never replied.

When my mom contracted COVID, I was in Lancaster for several weeks. I drove by your parents’ house several times, but I didn’t knock on the door. I didn’t think it was a good idea to check on your parents and you when I was living with family members who had COVID. I told myself to wait until the pandemic over to rekindle our friendship. Unfortunately, time had run out on us.

Despite our misunderstandings, I have nothing but love for you. I should have taken a more active role in our friendship. I had my own grief to deal with, but that’s not an excuse. I shouldn’t have taken your love and our friendship for granted. Remember the Nas joint we used to vibe to? AZ rhymed, “Life’s a bitch and then you die / That’s why we get high / Cause you never know when you’re gonna go.” I still can’t believe you’re gone. Once again, I am deeply sorry. Rest in eternal peace, homie.

Lúc mới qua Mỹ, tôi thường phụ chị Phương ở tiệm tạp hóa. Đại khái là bỏ đồ vào bao mỗi khi chị thanh toán tiền cho khách hàng. Lý do đơn giản tôi giúp chị là vì muốn gặp người Việt. Thỉnh thoảng chú Sen cũng ghé chơi vì chú cũng ở gần tiệm. Lúc đó chú cũng chỉ ở một mình chưa bảo lãnh vợ con sang nên chú ra tiệm chơi cho đỡ buồn. Chú cũng tình nguyện giúp chị Phương những công việc lặt vặt trong tiệm.

Chú có làn da ngăm ngăm giống tôi. Chú hiền lành, giản dị, và luôn nở một nụ cười rất tươi. Có lần chú lái xe đưa tôi và chị Phương đi Phila bốc hàng về bán. Chị mua nào là trái cây, rau cải, đậu phụ, và những món ăn vặt. Chị không mua một chỗ mà đi vòng quanh phố Tàu ở Phila. Đến chiều mệt và đói meo, chị đãi hai người công nhân ăn mì tô ở nhà hàng Tàu. Tô mì nóng hổi và thật là ngon miệng. Ăn xong thì chú lái chúng tôi về lại Lancaster. Những ký ức tuy đơn giản nhưng khó quên của những chuỗi ngày mới qua Mỹ.

Sau này chú bảo lãnh vợ con sang Mỹ nên bận bịu không còn đến tiệm nữa. Tôi thỉnh thoảng cũng đi chơi với hai thằng con trai của chú. Mấy mươi năm đã không gặp lại chú. Hôm qua thấy con của chú để tang cho chú tôi mới biết chú đã ra đi. Cuộc đời thật quá ngắn ngủi. Nụ cười của chú vẫn in đậm trong trí nhớ của tôi. Thôi thì tạm vĩnh biệt chú nhé. “Người ra đi bến sông nằm lạnh / Này nhân gian có nghe đời nghiêng” (Trịnh Công Sơn). Cầu mong cho linh hồn chú được yên nghỉ trong bình an.

My brief farewell post on Christopher Dang had found its way into people who were close to him or inspired by his works.

Thom Easix wrote to me on January 26, 2020:

Hi Donny,

We don’t know each other, but I just wanted to let you know that I read your blogpost about Chrisopher Dang and that I had the same experience as you. I also started designing in the early 2000’s when I was still a kid and I was really inspired by Halovision. I really looked up to him.

As time passed I also stopped following him, but once in a while I think back on that time. I always remember his art to still be really good.

So today I googled him again and yes, his old artworks still holds up. He had such a feel for typography, shapes and colors. I don’t know how to properly explain it in English, but he was really talented.

Today I also discovered he passed away and I found out through your blogpost.

I don’t know why I’m sending you this email, but I guess I want to thank you for your blog and it was nice to read that you also got inspired by him. It’s not something I can share with other people.

Have a good day,

Best,

Thom

I replied to Thom:

Dear Thom,

I am glad that you have shared your thoughts with me. When I found out that he passed away, I was shocked. I wrote that post wondering if other people had similar experience. You email is a proof. Chris was a talented artist and even his early works had left a deep impact in many of us who didn’t even know him.

Regards,
Donny Truong

Thom responded:

Hi Donny,

Thanks for your reply. I was really moved by it.

Because of your email I searched some more about him and I found out he was a very loved and good person. It kept me busy all day.

I hope he knew how many people he inspired and that his style is visible all over the world. I live in the Netherlands and I’m sure his work laid the foundation for what I like in graphic design.

For the future when I have a flashback to those early 2000’s, I will also remember your email and this story.

This is the beautiful side of the internet 🙂

I wish you all the best in your career and not to be too cheesy, but may his spirit live on in our work 🙂

Best,
Thom

I also shared with Thom an email from someone who was close to Chris. Alyssa Key wrote on December 19, 2020:

Hi Donny,

I found your site entry online when googling our beloved Tinypants. He died of natural causes, stemming from a trial pharmaceutical he was using from losing his vision. Ironic, isn’t it… halo vision. Anyways wanted to help answer that question for you. He was my partner, best friend, and soul mate for many years. Our lives went different paths a few years before his death and I never got a chance to remind him I loved him. We will all see him again soon though. Hope you’re well, sorry if this so random.

Warmest Regards,
Alyssa Key

I responded to Alyssa on December 19, 2020:

Dear Alyssa,

Thank you for writing. He was a gifted artist who reached so many people with his work. I didn’t know him personally, but I am sure he knew he still has a special place in your heart.

Thank you for answering my question. I hope you and your family are doing well and happy holidays.

Regards,
Donny Truong