Time

Last week, we took some time off to take the kids to the beach. Despite the cold water, the strong wind, and the crashing waves, we had a great time together. It was nice to have the time just for our little family. Nevertheless, we had very little down time with the four active boys.

As the boys are growing and demanding their own time, I don’t know how many more times we can spend together. I want to use my time on earth to make memories. As I am aging, I don’t know when my time will be up. It might sound cynical, but we don’t know when we will be running out of time.

As we spent our time on the beach, we also attended my mother-in-law’s sister’s funeral. She lived a wonderful life and spent her time last with her loved ones before she left. If I were to have as much time as her on earth, I would have about 43 years left. Given how unhealthy I have become and how stressful I always carried with me, I don’t think I have that much time left.

As I am getting older and seeing people leaving this earth, I often think about my own time. A close friend of mine drowned in his teenage time. A heart attack robbed the time of another close friend of mine when he was in his 30s. My parents, aunts, and uncles have lost their time to illnesses.

As time passed me by, I realized that I had wasted so much of my time. I spent too much time worrying about things that might happen such as losing the ability to feed my family, raising my kids wrong, drifting away from the love of my life, and fading into darkness.

Nowadays, I just want to treasure the present time that I have. I can’t spend too much time worrying about things that I don’t have control over. I can’t even control my own time. Only time will tell.