Life has calmed down a bit, but far from back to normal. My wife hasn’t talked to me much. She is still very unhappy with me since I had put her in awkward positions. I know exactly where she stands on the issues. Anything I say to her now only makes the situation worse.
I can see the disappointments in her eyes. After fourteen years and four kids together, I have failed to bring her happiness. Her love for me has diminished. I no longer deserve her, but I can’t imagine my life without her. After I lost my mother, she is all I have left now that I burned bridges and fucked up relationships.
I don’t want her to be miserable. I should find different ways to fight my battles. Instead of speaking out, I just hold them in. Instead of addressing the issues directly, I write on this blog just like what I am doing now.