I drink every evening to calm myself. Life is getting way too hectic and I simply can’t keep up anymore. It is depressing, but I can’t let myself falling into depression. I have responsibilities and dependencies. Even when things get tough, I know I will be fine because I have someone by my side.
She is the superglue that holds our family together. In addition to her demanding job, she makes sure we have food, happiness, and love. She takes great care of our kids, her mom, a family member, and me. From vacation spots to the kids’ academics and activities, she does all the planning and the registering. I just follow her lead.
I would love to brag about my manhood, but I know my mentality is nowhere as strong as her. After Đạo and Đán, I could not wake up in the middle of the night with Xuân and then Vương. She took up the daunting task of nursing them and soothing them back to sleep. I asked her, “How do you do it?” She often responded with the Nike’s slogan: “Just do it.” I asked her if she ever felt depressed and she replied, “I don’t have time to think about it.”
She is much kinder than me. Sometimes her kindness makes me feel like an asshole. She must have inherited it from her mom who is one of the kindest women I have known. She is also a confident woman. She either has no jealous bone in her or she understands that no other woman would want this piece of shit. With my social awkwardness, I often sit back, drink, and behave. Then again, no need to shop around because I have the good stuff at home. Throughout our marriage, I treasure the trust between us the most. I would never do anything to break that trust.
I am very fortunate to have her in my life. I know I haven’t told her how much I appreciated her. Only alcohol could get these feelings and words out of me. I am not an alcoholic. I know my limit.