Losing My Compassion
Dear Anh Quý,
Since our family reunion, I had been thinking about our late-night conversations on various topics including marriage, parenting, gun, sex, abortion, and religious. You helped me understand how someone who is as logical as yourself take the rules of God and apply them to your life. I see how his rules can be used in any situation, anytime, and anywhere. I admire your faith in God. Thank you for praying for me and my family, especially my son. I felt your genuine belief and your good heart.
In the past two weeks, I often thought of you when I got irritated toward my kids and the people around me. I felt as if I was losing my compassion. The guilt and the selfishness were eating me alive. I loathed myself for the animosity inside my head and heart. Maybe I do need God in my life to give me guidance and discipline, but I am hesitated to accept Jesus as my savior because I don’t have a strong mind like you. I cannot obey every rule of God. I don’t want to let him down. I am not too sure about my commitment. I had trouble quitting coffee and alcohol, but in these cases I only let myself down and not God. I definitely am not addicted, but I don’t have the strong will to get rid of them completely.
How have I been dealing with my irritability? I confessed to my wife, tried to relax, and let go of things that drove me nuts. I am gaining back my compassion and empathy. Your kindness and openness helped me as well. Thank you for offering to be there for me if I need to reach out.
When I brought up gun control in our conversation, you had a solid argument for using gun as the last resort to protect your family. You explained the different between kill and murder. Killing can be an act of self-protection, but murdering is an act of evil. I completely understand your perspective on gun, but I was still not convinced that we had any solution to solve the issue of mass shootings. For the benefit of a doubt, arming teachers could work, but we have more serious issue than that. The two senseless act of evil last weekend demonstrated that mass shootings no longer just occurred in schools. It could be anywhere. How are we going to solve this? Neither of us is a politician and I do not want to put the burden on you. Gun is a serious national problem. We need every politician across the parties to work together to come up with ways to prevent mass shootings. Condemn white supremacist. Ban all guns. Provide mental health treatments. Do what we have to do solve this problem together. Right now, I am angry, frustrated, and hopeless seeing homicide after homicide and all we can offer are thoughts and prayers.
I apologize for venting. I am at loss. Please say hello to your wife and kids for me.
Your cousin Donny.