I feel bad for not being a good son. I have not done anything to pay back for all the pain I have caused my mother since the day she gave birth to me. I feel bad for not being a good husband. I have not compensated her for all the sacrifices she made for family. I feel bad for not being a good father. I have not been there enough for my sons.
I carry these bad feelings with me all the time and they make me depressed. I often told myself to do better tomorrow, and yet the more I tried the further I sank. Life gets less satisfied as the day passed. I simply can’t shake off all the guilts and they often come up when I am alone. I can’t take a quiet walk without those bad feelings creeping up on me. They are eating me alive.
Alcohol gives me temporarily relief from all of these bad feelings, but it also gives me gout, which is even worse. I only therapy left is writing on this blog. I am not looking for any sympathy. I just need to get it out of my system.