Alcohol and lacking of sleep put me into such a depressive mood as if I am battling two psychological warfares. I am hustling with the outside world and protecting my family at the same time. I overthink every decision I had to make and it had a profound effect on my family.
Our little family depends on me and I am afraid of letting them down. I wish I can be strong like my wife who goes through life while carrying another life inside of her. Seeing her staying strong for all of us makes me love her more and ashamed of myself even more.
She has the ability to just move on. I should too, but I simply can’t and that gets me down. I can’t even deal with the thought of humiliation. When I feel robbed or was taken advantage of, I could not get over it. I hate that feeling even though I brought it on myself. It is just my own thought inside my head that keeps telling me that people are laughing at me.
This feeling will go away when I catch some sleep and slow down my adrenaline. Staying calm with definitely help. I always remind myself to stay calm and to take life easy. Just deal with it whenever it hits you. Obviously easier said than done.
I’ll be fine. I just need to deal with my own demons.