My Gay Relationships
In response to my post on “Why I Dislike Physical Examination,” a reader wrote:
Just because you got hard by a male doctor just doesn’t mean you gotta be gay or bi. It was just a physical reaction. Just like when you get an erection when you rub yourself against a Bible, that won’t turn you into a priest LOL
He’s right. I am not gay. I was just throwing a bone his way. I got to know him through this site when I still had the comments turned on. Truth be told, I had my doses of homophobic commentaries in the early days of blogging. For the record, I am not a homophobic. I never was. I was young, cocky and listened way too much rap music. (“I read somewhere, I’m homophobic / Go through the hood, there’s mad niggas on my dick,” rapped 50 Cent.) Fortunately, gay readers liked him straightened me out and taught me a thang or two about being gay. One of the comments he made that still struck a chord with me till this day is that “being gay is not a choice.”
Although I am no longer having the comment section, I am still corresponding with him on various topics. He is a much better writer than me. His views on politics, music, religions (as you can read the comment above) and even gay sex are witty yet thoughtful. I used to love reading his blog until it was shut down. Fuck Multiply.
In a discussion of “Nhac Sen,” which came out of this YouTube video he sent me, we had the following exchange. I wrote:
For me, “sen” comes more from the singers than the music itself. I actually love the music when it is done without those over-sentimental delivery. For instance, I love how Anh Tuyet and Le Quyen made them sounded “sang” without losing the core melody. Hien Thuc’s latest release is also placed in that direction.
Maybe you’re an exception, but most gay men I have known or interacted with are really into “Sen” music, especial Quang Le and Dan Nguyen 🙂
He wrote back:
I don’t know who Dan Nguyen is, but as for Quang Le, certain gay guys like him probably not for his singing but for something else. Now that he is chubby, it might be fun to dress him up in Japanese traditional loin cloth and pretend you are screwing a sumo wrestler LOL Just kidding, I can’t stand men who sing like pussies, unless they come with sweet and sour sauce LOL
I laughed my ass off, especially the Kayne reference. For a few years, I had a chance to hang out with a couple of gay guys and it was one of the highlights moments of my life. We sipped Cosmo, gambled and cursed all fucking nights. Halloween parties were just crazy fun. Drinks and drags were everywhere. Gay clubs, particularly in New York City, were quite an eye-opening experience. I am a grown-ass man with wife and kids now so I don’t do that anymore, but I would never forget those days.
In my college years, I had a close friend. In fact she was only my close friend then. We went to dinner every night simply because I hated going to the diner all by myself. We hanged out together, watched movies, went bowling and played pool. We headed to Chinatown for Vietnamese and Chinese food. We hit the club on Wednesday nights simply because the cover charge was low and a drink cost a penny. I didn’t know she was a lesbian until I invited her to my wedding. Not sure why she kept that away from me all those years. Nevertheless, I am glad that she was there with me during my college years. She’s now speaking openly on being a gay Asian-American.
In a powerful TED Talk, Andrew Solomon demonstrated how gay have progressed in just 40 years. It had turned from an illness to an identity. President Obama recognized gay marriage last year. Solomon also taught me a thing or two about parenting. As I often discussed my wife that I want to be fully supportive of our children if one or all of our kids will turn out to be gay. I want to embrace whoever they’ll become and I also want to make sure that they can live happily with whoever they are. I want them to turn to us for love and support. In return, I want to be included into their lives.