Fresh Off ESL Class

When I finally “graduated” from ESL class in seventh grade, I was very excited. My first day in regular English class, I wanted to participate in the lesson. I can’t recall what the topic was, but I remember the teacher was asking us what would we train a dog to do. My classmates’ answers included: to sit, to catch a ball, to sniff out strangers. I raised my hand and said, “I would train my dog to flirt with a bitch.” The whole class looked shocked. I stuttered, “you know, to flirt with a female dog.” No one was in on the joke and the teacher gave me a look that suggested I should roll my ass back to ESL class.

Several weeks later, the teacher gave us an in-class writing assignment. I can’t recall the exact topic, but it had something to do with love. I sat staring at the blank page for half an hour and nothing came up. I had fifteen minutes left and I had to figure out something quick. Out of desperation, I wrote down the lyrics of “There’s Only You In My Heart,” which came to my head at the moment. When he handed back the paper, his comment was that it was so good, it almost sounded like a love poem. The man obviously didn’t listen to Chinese melody love songs and thankfully the Internet was not around yet.