Cocksucking Tales

I had a good laugh this morning on the Metro reading Bruce Heffernan’s “Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?,” from the Onion, of course:

I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?