Perri Klass, M.D.:

A new study provides evidence of just how sustained an impact reading and playing with young children can have, shaping their social and emotional development in ways that go far beyond helping them learn language and early literacy skills. The parent-child-book moment even has the potential to help curb problem behaviors like aggression, hyperactivity and difficulty with attention, a new study has found.

After reading this article last night, I decided to read aloud with Đán instead of making him read himself. Afterward, he said, “Can we do this again tomorrow?” For weeks, I stopped doing Let’s Read with him because he showed no sign of improvements. He struggled sounding out words and yawned profusely. I was getting frustrated as well so we took a long hiatus. Now we need to take a step back and read aloud together. His teacher also assigned him a word ring. I thought he was doing great until I realized that he memorized the words instead of learning to read them. He just spat out a word before I could flip to the next one. He struggled when I picked the word randomly.

Xuân has shown interests in reading. He loves it when we read together. He also interrupts us whenever I read with Đán. Now that we read aloud, he can join us. Đạo likes to read, but it is his last resort. He reads to distract himself from eating. At night, I give him some extra time to read before we go to bed. He read his book and I read mine. Before we knew it, the time was 10:30 pm.

After we were married, one of my wife’s friends asked us how many kids we will have. Not knowing how much work going into raising kids, I said four. My wife looked at me like I was out of my mind, but it was too late for her to back out. Her friend who has two kids reassured my wife not to worry. The number will drop once the first kid arrives.

Her friend was almost correct. After Đạo was born, I thought we were done. I didn’t think a little baby could turn our world upside down. The day we had to take him home from the hospital, I was terrified. He looked so tiny inside the infant car seat. I was too afraid to hold him. He seemed so fragile that I could drop him or crack his bones. Fortunately, he turned out to be more resilient than I thought.

We were going to stop, but my mother-in-law encouraged us to have a second one so they could have siblings to play together. Sure, one more won’t be so bad. When Đán arrived, he came out quick. We barely made it into the delivery room. We were less frightened because we knew the drill. My mother-in-law is right. Đạo and Đán play together as much as they fight against each other. At the end of the day, they are still close.

As if our family was not chaotic enough with the two boys, my wife’s sister gave birth to a baby boy and their brother’s wife also give birth to a boy. With too many testosterone in the family, we yearned for a girl. I convinced my wife that third time’s a charm and she went for it. Xuân turned out to be a boy. Then her sister has another boy and their brother has yet another boy. When all seven boys get together, the place is beyond chaos.

With seven boys, the chance of landing a girl is extremely slim. My hope and dream for daddy’s little girl were gone and we were done at this point, but life never turns out the way we expected. We just have to take whatever life gives us. Of course, life is giving us another boy and he will meet us later this year.

In Vietnamese tradition, four boys (tứ quý) are considered to be precious, but five boys (ngũ quỷ) are considered to be demons. We definitely want four of a kind, not five demons. So this baby has to be our last. In addition, Đán will no longer be the middle child alone. When he was little, my wife’s dad was battling with terminal lung cancer; therefore, our mind and attention were divided. We were there for him, but not as much as we were with Đạo. I didn’t even realized how big and strong he had become until the day we took some family photos. He was dressed in a pullover without a shirt and he looked so chubby and cute. Despite lacking of attention, he turns out to be more independent. In several months, he will have Xuân as an in-between sibling.

With a new kid coming up, we will face more challenges ahead, but we have enough experience to plow through. We will be fine. The more the merrier. I am still excited even though this will be our four and our last.

Wendy Mogel asks, “Should We Speak to Little Boys as We Do Little Dogs?”:

My question to the parents in my office is this: What percentage of your communication with your son consists of nagging, reminding, chastising or yelling? “Uh … 90 percent, 100?” Which I know isn’t true, just as confidently as I know these boys aren’t mentally ill and these families aren’t rife with hidden dysfunction.

I do it 110 percent with my boys and they still don’t listen. I even feel annoyed at myself for keep repeating it. For instance, I told Đán not to lean over his chair every time we have dinner. The other day, I was so fed up that I didn’t remind him. He fell off and hurt himself. He cried and blamed on me for not reminding him even though I told him so so many times. Our dining table and chairs are higher than the usual set because I did not think about kids when we bought them.

For Đạo, no matter how many times we asked him not to bring toys on the dinning table, he does it every time. We have to ask him to put them away every time. I told my wife, I am getting tired of getting to get out of bed, to brush their teeth, and to put on their clothes. If we don’t remind them they wouldn’t do it on their own. I guess they’ll be ready whenever they are ready.

Mogel advises:

Shower your son with the easy affection, appreciation and tolerance you show your dog.

I never have dog; therefore, I wouldn’t know how to appreciate and tolerate dog.

Emily F. Popek provides some tips for parents to deal with their children’s temper tantrums and meltdowns:

• Take a Breath
• Let Emotions Happen
• Get Curious
• Set Boundaries With Compassion
• Examine Your Yeses and Nos
• Get Some Distance

Chiều Chủ Nhật đưa Đạo và Đán đi học võ. Đến sớm trước 15 phút nên ngồi xem hai anh em nó đấu với một đứa nhỏ khác. Thằng nầy không phải bạn học võ cùng lớp. Cũng chẵng quen biết. Nó cao lớn con hơn thằng Đạo. Đạo và Đán cùng phe nhưng vì yếu và nhỏ con hơn nên bị thằng kia vật xuống mấy tấm đệm. Thầy cũng ngồi đó nhưng đang đọc báo nên không để ý. Tôi cũng theo dõi nhưng không lên tiếng. Hai thằng này học võ đã sáu tháng rồi mà vẫn chưa áp dụng được để tự vệ gì cả.

Sau giờ học tôi đưa chúng đi ăn với đứa bạn Mĩ lúc trước cùng làm ở trường đại học Vassar. Nó cùng gia đình đi Washignton DC để tham dự biểu tình về luật lệ súng ống. Lúc ra Eden ăn tối hai thằng nhóc nói lia nói lịa. Đạo thì nói về lịch sử chiến tranh thế giới thứ hai. Còn Đán thì tò mò hỏi “Ông thở được không vì lỗ mũi của ông thẳng quá.” Rồi lại hỏi, “Ông bơi được không vì lỗ mũi cũng ông dài quá.” Rồi lại hỏi, “Tại sao râu và tóc của ông trắng hết vậy?” Thằng bạn Mĩ trắng trả lời cũng ná thở.

Lúc ăn xong chuẩn bị chia tay, thằng bạn cười và khen, “Hai thằng con của mầy hiếu kỳ và thẳng thắn lắm.” Tôi cũng trả lời, “Tại mình quen biết quá rồi nên tao cũng không ngại.” Thật sự tôi cũng không biết tính tình của tụi nó được như vậy bao lâu. Nhiều lúc gặp mấy đứa con của bạn bè ở tuổi 11 hoặc 12 chúng nó thấy tôi cũng chẳng chào hỏi. Đợi ba mẹ nhắc nhở chúng nó mới mở miệng. Thế rồi hỏi nó câu gì thì nó trả lời câu đó chứ không hề nói năng gì thêm cả.

Ở tuổi này chúng nó rất hoạt bát và dễ dàng làm quen với bất cứ lứa tuổi nào. Già bé gì cũng được cả. Hy vọng rằng những đức tính đó sẽ không thay đổi. Đừng giống cha nó vừa rụt rè vừa ngượng ngịu trong xã giao.

I had a brief conference with Xuân’s teachers this morning. They described him as energetic, curious, and strong-willed. On the positive side, his strong-willed allows him to focus on a project for long time. On the negative side, he has to have something when he wants it badly. Xuân loves to be physical. He enjoys instruments and often use toys to make noise. He also loves to sing.

They are working with him on using toys and food for their intended purposes. He might be bored with the toys and the food; therefore, he uses his creativity to do something else. Shouldn’t we encourage his imagination? At home, he turned everything into musical instruments.

They are also working on getting him to play gently. With two older brothers, Xuân can be a bit rough, especially when the older brothers don’t physically hit him back. I kept telling them to stop him. He should not be hitting. We have been through these before. Đạo used to get into trouble a lot for scratching other kids.

Now he is very gently. Sometimes he just unintentional plays a bit rough. Like last night, he bit Xuân while they played together. He was meant to bite lightly, but he left his teeth marks on Xuân’s finger. It drives me nuts that he does this repeatedly. The other day, he meant to touch Đan’s face gently, but he slapped him with red finger prints. He’ll learn one day after I yell at him enough.

Lúc trước thấy một chị họ bên vợ tắm cho thằng con 13 tuổi tôi hơi ngạc nhiên. Giờ thằng lớn đã gần 9 tuổi mà còn phải có ba phụ tắm cho.

Sáng nay nó muốn ăn cereal và muốn tôi đi làm cho nó. Tôi bảo con tự làm được mà sao phải. Chỉ cần lấy tô, muỗng rồi đổ sữa và cereal vào. Thế mà nó cũng cằn nhằn đợi tôi la mới thôi.

Hôm nọ nó bảo rằng nó chưa có khuynh hướng đi đại học vì nó vẫn còn muốn ngủ chung với ba. Chú tôi từng nói nếu để nó ngủ chung nó sẽ ngủ đến 18 tuổi. Chắc là vậy rồi.

Ellen Barry:

Limited risks are increasingly cast by experts as an experience essential to childhood development, useful in building resilience and grit.

Outside the Princess Diana Playground in Kensington Gardens in London, which attracts more than a million visitors a year, a placard informs parents that risks have been “intentionally provided, so that your child can develop an appreciation of risk in a controlled play environment rather than taking similar risks in an uncontrolled and unregulated wider world.”

I am guilty as charged for being over-protective. I still watch every move my toddler does when he’s at the playground. My first boy fell down from the top of the slide. Thank goodness the ground was mulch not concrete. My second boy never seemed to learn his lesson and I don’t want to spend hours in the ER room afterward, which we did several times already. Call me a sucker and a typical parent all you want, but I rather be cautious than sorry.

Pamela Druckerman:

Modern parents spend far more time with their children than parents did in the 1960s. Yes, a mother reading work emails at the playground has briefly stopped interacting with her child. But Kamenetz — a mother of two — says if she couldn’t do that, she’d need to be at the office.

We know it’s crucial to stimulate and speak to young children, and our generation of parents complies to a possibly unprecedented — and exhausting — degree. Kamenetz notes that we need occasional breaks from this. She bemoans “an ideological stance that judges mothers for not being fully available to their children at all times and that scapegoats working-class families in particular.”

The strong wind over the weekend was terrifying. Other than a few hours without power, nothing has damaged. There were moments I felt like the roof was flying off. I re-nailed the gutters and aluminum trims a couple months ago; therefore, nothing blew off. I am glad that we survived the catastrophe. On top of all, we survived the kids’ conflicts.

The boys played well together for the most part. They still argued from time to time, but no crying, screaming, and whining. I consider that to be a progress when you put five kids together in one house of a couple of days. The boys even decided to have a sleepover. I was a bit anxious at first, but they seemed to get along fine.

The parents had agreed to step back and it seemed to work. We give them a chance to they talk it out. We only intervened if things got too rough. Fortunately, we didn’t have to do much of it. It’s so nice to see the kids played together peacefully. They put less stress on us. The iPads helped too even though I feel guilty as hell for giving in to the evil of technology. What is there for them to do when the are stuck in the house? Letting them running around the house drives me nuts as well. Overall, we had a wonderful time being stuck in the house.