Hi, my name is Donny Truong. What’s your name? Have you snowboard before? Are you ready to snowboard?

Before we get started, let’s talk about safety first. You have your helmet on, good. Make sure it is buckled up. Make sure you have your gloves so that you won’t cut your fingers on ice or the edge of your board. Check your bindings to make sure they are not loose.

Do you know how to strap in bindings? Let me run through the mechanics quickly. This is the high back. This is the heel strap. This is the toe strap. Put your foot inside your binding, make sure your heel goes all the way back to the high back. Tighten up your heel strap first then your toe strap. Make sure the toe strap wraps around the toe box tightly. This is how you release your toe strap and this is how you release your heel strap.

Let’s put your board down. Make sure you place your board upside down so it doesn’t run away from you.

Falling is part of learning. Let’s make sure that when you fall, fall safely. If you fall forward, get on your knees. If you fall hard, put your arms in front of your chest to protect your body and face. If you fall backward, sit down.

To prevent falling, you need to have a strong, athletic stance. Bend your knees, keep your upper body straight, and look at the direction that you want to go.

Bend your knees forward and press your shins against your boots to put you on your toe edge. Push the back of your leg behind your high back to put you on your heel edge. If you want to go to the right, put pressure on your right foot. If you want to go to the left, put pressure on your left foot. Let’s strap both feet in and practice your stance and edges.

Catching the edge is when the edge of your snowboard digs into the snow and sends face planted or on your back. To prevent catching an edge, you need to create a torsional twist. Use your feet to bend your board. Press down your front foot, then the back foot on your toe turns. Pull up your front foot and back foot on your heel turns. Getting into the rhythm of 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4.

Let’s unstrap one of your feet. Leave in the one that you feel more comfortable. Skating is a way to get around. It is crucial to getting on and off the lift safely. To skate, you must lead with your front foot in the direction that you want to go. Put your back foot behind your board and make small glides. Make sure to keep your back foot close to your front foot. If you spread your legs too far apart, the board will slide away and you’ll do an uncomfortable split. You don’t want to do that. Let’s take some small steps slowly around the circle. Remember, lead with your front foot and look in the direction you want to go.

Now let’s learn how to skate forward so we can get on the magic carpet. To skate straight, lead with your front foot, push gently with your back foot to give yourself some speed, place your back foot next to your back bind, keep your knees bent, and look in the direction you want to travel. If you need to slow down, drag half of your back foot in the snow. If you want to stop, press your heel further into the snow, but do not take your back foot off your board until you come to a complete stop. Let’s practice skating and stopping until you can get on the board with confidence.

Now that you are ready, let’s skate to the magic carpet. Just like what we just did, skate slowly up to the magic carpet. Before you get on the belt, lift up your front foot to point the nose of your board to the center of the belt. Let the belt take your board then hop your back foot and place it next to your back binding. Do not hold on to the railings.

At the top of the carpet, keep your back foot on your board until you come to a complete stop. Once you come to a stop, skate out of the carpet area. Wait for me at the top around the snow gun, but not too close to it. Give some space for others to get off the belt.

Let’s all sit down. Now that we are on the hill, we need to learn how to stop. On your toe edge, dig your edge into the snow and look up the mountain. Releasing the edge will slide you down. Digging in your toe edge again to stop. Keep your knees bent in the athletic stand. Let’s give that a try.

To stand up on your toe edge, flip your board over, close your fingers into a fist, and push your arms to stand up. Keep your toe edge, dig into the snow, and release it slowly. Take your time. If your legs feel tired, get down on your knees.

Now that you can stop on your toe edge, let’s work on your heel edge. This time, dig your heel into the snow like you are sitting on the chair, look toward the direction you are going, release your heel edge to let the board glide down. Dig your heel edge again if you want to stop. Let’s give that a try.

To get up from your heel edge, close your fingers into a fist, place your arms behind your board, and push yourself up. Let’s try this and meet me at the front of the magic carpet. We’ll go back up one more time.

Now that you can stop on your toe and heel edge, let’s go from side to side. Remember when we did our home-base stand, bend your knees, put a bit of pressure on the knee in the direction you want to go, point your arm, and look in that direction. If you need to slow down, dig in your edge.

If you want to go in the other direction, shift your weight, point your arm, and look to the traveling direction. Try to stay in the center to avoid going off the trail. Let’s take our time going side to side and meet me at the bottom, behind the lift.

Let’s go over the steps to get on and off the lift safely. Skate carefully up to the lift. Wait in line for your turn. Keep your front foot up with the board pointing forward, not sideways.

After you are safely loaded onto the lift, pull down the safety bar. Once you get to the top, make sure your board is pointing straight with your strap-in foot leading, place your arm on the chair, stand up, and let the lift push you out. Place your back foot next to your back binding and skate straight down the lift. Don’t try to turn. You can slow down by dragging half of your back foot in the snow. Once you get off the lift safely, let’s meet up at the back where you can find a flat area.

Now that you have successfully ridden the lift, let’s work on your turns. Snowboarding is all about turning. We will begin with the J turns [drawing the J shape on the snow]. First, let your board go straight down for a few seconds, put pressure on your front foot in the direction you want to travel. Get into your heel or toe position depending on where you want to turn. Again, keep your knees bent and look up. Let’s do the J turns and regroup at the bottom near the lift.

Let’s take the lift up. This time, we will connect the turns together into an S shape [draw the S shape into the snow]. Instead of letting your board go straight down to a J shape, let’s start turning early into a curve. At the end of the curve,, turn the opposite direction into an S shape. Let me give you a demo. Again, keep your knees bent, look into the direction you are traveling, put pressure on your front foot to initiate your turn.

Our time is up. Thank you for riding with us. If you are sticking around, keep practicing your stops, J turns, and S turns on these green terrains. Do you have any questions? Again, my name is Donny Truong. I will be here all day. Feel free to stop me if you have any questions. If you would like to take your snowboarding to the next level, come back for another lesson. Thanks once again and enjoy the rest of your day.

Snowboard Technical Fundamentals

1. Control the relationship of the Center of Mass (COM) to the Base of Support (BOS) to direct pressure along the length of the board
2. Control the relationship of the COM to the BOS to direct pressure across the width of the board
3. Regulate the magnitude of pressure created through board/surface interaction
4. Control the board’s tilt through a combination of inclination and angulation
5. Control the board’s pivot through flexion/extension and rotation of the upper body
6. Control the twist (torsional flex) of the board through flexion/extension and rotation

Teaching Skills Fundamentals

1. Collaborate on long term goals and short-term objectives
2. Manage information, activities, terrain selection, and pacing
3. Promote play, experimentation, and exploration
4. Facilitate the learner’s ability to reflect upon experiences and sensations
5. Adapt to the changing needs of the learner
6. Manage emotional and physical risk

People Skills Fundamentals

1. Develop relationships based on trust
2. Engage in meaningful, two-way communication
3. Identify, understand and manage your emotions and actions
4. Recognize and influence the behaviors, motivations and emotions of others

First Time Snowboarders

Level 1: “I’ve never snowboarded.” –Green Zone Snowboarder

Level 2: “I have experienced sliding, traversing both directions, and stopping.” –Easiest green terrain

Level 3: “I can control my speed while moving across the hill, and can stop with confidence. I am starting to turn in both directions.” -Green terrain

Level 4: “I can link skidded turns on green terrain.” –All green terrain

Blue Zone Snowboarders

Level 5: “I am confident and can connect different turn sizes and shapes on all green terrain. I make more or less the same size and shape turn on easy blue terrain.” –All green terrain and easiest blue terrain

Level 6: “I am doing most blue terrain by connecting various turn sizes and shapes. I am also exploring switch riding, easy bumps, and/or freestyle.” –All blue terrain

Level 7: “I am able to ride all blue terrain in varied conditions and working on easy black terrain, including bumps, trees, and terrain parks.” –All blue terrain and groomed black terrain

Black/Expert Zone Snowboarders

Level 8: “I am confident performing dynamic turns on varied terrain and snow conditions, including trees, steeps and powder.” -All black and easy double blacks terrain

Level 9: “I am confident riding the entire mountain. I am working on a variety of tactics and techniques that will take me to the next level.” –Entire mountain, all conditions

The following notes were taking from How to Live Without Fear & Worry by K. Sri Dhammananda. The number after each quote refers to the page in from the book.

The separation of togetherness also brings suffering. 8

The danger of refusing to face facts and accept the truths of life, such as old age and death, is that it makes a person suffer even more, not less, in the long run. 32

Life is uncertain, but death is certain. 35

If we look closely at life, we can see how it is continually changing and moving between contacts. We will notice how it fluctuates between rise and fall, success and failure, gain and loss, honour and contempt, praise and blame. We see more clearly how our hearts would respond to happiness and sorrow, delight and despair, satisfaction and disappointment, hope and fear. 36

The destructive mental forces and emotions must be checked and reduced to a manageable level. In this context, relaxation is a necessity, not a luxury. We should reduce or curtail all unnecessary activities, rise early to have more time to dress and talk to the family, and make a habit of spending some time alone to be engaged in some useful activities like reading, contemplation and for physical and mental relaxation. 58-59

Darkness cannot be dispelled by darkness but by brightness. In the same way hatred cannot be overcome by hatred but by loving kindness. 67

When we come to know the danger of harbouring jealousy, we can then devote our time and energy to the profitable cultivation of wholesome thoughts of kindness and sympathy. We should think that there is nothing for us to lose when others make progress. We should cultivate modesty, eradicate self-centered craving, and develop sympathetic joy at the happiness of others. A person who is imbued with such good thoughts is a blessing to himself and the world at large. The practice of sympathetic feeling for the sufferings of others should be encouraged while at the same time eradicating thoughts of selfishness. A happy and contented life is only attained when one overcomes selfishness and develops goodwill, understanding and benevolence. 79

If a child lives with tolerance
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise
he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship
he learns to find love in the world. 113

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.
‘They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they
belong not to you.
You may give them your love
but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to
make them like you.’ 115

Death in itself is not that terrible; what is terrible is the fear of death that prevails in the mind. 118

Our life-span is controlled by our biological clocks which are continuously ticking away. When they run out, sooner or later, there is little we can do to gain extra time. Once our time is up, we must be prepared to go through the natural process of death. 118

Death is an inevitable process of this world. It is not often that we are brave enough to come face to face with the thought of our own mortality. Yet, man is not free in life unless he is also free from the fear of death. 119

It is hard to bear the loss of people whom we love because of our attachment to them. 119

The love of life can sometimes develop a morbid fear of death. We will not take any risks even for a rightful cause. We live in fear that an illness or accident will put an end to our seemingly precious permanent worldly life. Realising that death is a certainty, we hope and pray for the survival of the soul in heaven for our own security and preservation. Such beliefs are based on strong craving for continued existence. 120

We cannot pick and choose the kind of illness we desire, nor can we choose the suitable or auspicious time to die. But we can certainly choose to face illness and death without fear. 120

People are frightened of dead bodies, but in the true sense the living are in fact far more dangerous than dead bodies. Dead bodies do not harm us, but the living are capable of doing enormous harm and could even resort to murder. 120

Instead of worrying unnecessarily about the future, do what can be done now in making fuller use of your potential. Remember, the present is the child of the past, and the parent of the future. 129

Happiness is in the journey, not in the destination. 134

We should learn to be contented and happy with what little we have which has been bestowed on us. We should even be happy and contented with our present state of being even though we are not fortunate enough to be blessed with the least of our humble expectations 135-136

There is no meaning in trying to enjoy one’s happiness by causing suffering to another person or other living beings. 138

Happiness comes from within, based on the foundation of simple goodness and clear conscience. 140

True happiness can only arise from the full freedom of the mind. The source of happiness is not physical: it must be found in a mind free from mental disturbances. 150

Be aware of the dangers and pitfalls of the destructive forces of greed, hatred and delusion. Learn to cultivate and sustain the benevolent forces of kindness, love and harmony. 150

The mind is the ultimate source of all happiness and misery. For there to be happiness in the world, the mind of the individual must first be at peace and happy. 151

From the lessons of life, it is clear that real victory is never gained by strife. Success is never achieved by conflict. Happiness is never experienced through ill-feeling. Peace is never achieved by accumulating more wealth or gaining worldly power. Peace is gained by letting go of our selfishness and helping the world with acts of love. Peace in the heart conquers all opposing forces. It also helps us maintain a healthy mind and live a rich and fulfilling life of happiness and contentment. 151

If love is the blood of life, then surely morality is its backbone. Without virtue life is in danger, but without love life is dead. The quality of life is enhanced with the cultivation of virtue, and when virtue arises the vessel of love overflows. 152

The cultivation of morality is a very important aspect of life. 152

What is morality? It is the standards and principles of good behaviour in accordance with the path of righteousness. 153

There is a saying in the Malay language: ‘Kesal dahulu, jangan kesal kemudian.’ It means ‘Regret beforehand, don’t regret afterwards.’ 154

We must open up the storehouse of virtue within us to feel for those who are less fortunate than ourselves and try to help them. 178

If everyone in our society can learn to be benevolent and grateful, or be ready to reciprocate, even in a small way, the kindness shown to each person, then human society will become more peaceful and pleasant to live with. Human relationship, like the law of action and reaction, is a two-way traffic. When love and mutual respect is practised in private as well as in public life, clashes or misunderstandings that upset goodwill and good relationships will be eliminated. 178

Today, people are trying to dominate each other. People often strive hard for money, power and position so that they will have control over others. It will be to one’s benefit if we could only realise that it is more important to first conquer oneself. 180

Everyone should make every effort to conquer one’s anger, jealousy, pride, greed and other shortcomings. Courage, determination and perseverance are needed to control and overcome these destructive forces. 180

Angry words can be followed by blows. A person in control of the situation will not be easily provoked into a fight or to act unwisely. Always remember that your battle is lost, the moment you lose your balance. 188

When we speak slowly, we are in control of our emotions. When we are provoked or our emotions are aroused, we must be mindful so as not to allow ourselves to be carried away by such emotions and act foolishly and blindly. We must not be dictated to by our anger or resentment, to commit unwholesome acts as a result of that provocation. We must be in absolute control of the situation and not allow the situation [to] take control over us. This is the hallmark of a person in control of himself. Silent sense is better
than fluent folly. 191

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. 192

It is important to regard our tongue as the servant. We are the master; the tongue will do our bidding. The tongue will have to say what we want to say and not what it wants us to say. Unfortunately, for most of us, it is our tongue that is the master and we are its slave. We have to listen to what it speaks in our name and we seem unable to stop its wagging. The result of such lack of control is always disastrous. 193

There is an art of speaking, and that is, to speak gently and politely, not harshly or rudely. We must learn to speak at the right time and at the right place on any subject if we wish to avoid conflict or criticism. 194

Tell the truth, nothing but [the] truth. But be wise, if the truth that you are going to tell is unpleasant. 194

The pursuit of happiness is not difficult if we have the right mental attitude. Love is the key to happiness. All human beings have the potential to give and receive love. We are potentially storehouses of love. 197

Love is a priceless gift to bestow on to another. 197

Love elevates humanity. 198

Kindness is a virtue that the blind can see and the deaf can hear. 199

There is no shame or humiliation if you are cheated, but it is a shame if you do so to others. Never harbour thoughts of revenge against those who have wronged you. 200

Gratitude is a rare virtue today. For our own happiness, we should not expect to be appreciated for every act we do. If we expect that, we are bound to face disappointments and frustrations. If honours or recognition come our way, so be it: if not, never mind. 200

In our daily life, there is much that we have to endure. We have to bear all kinds of pain, both physically and mentally. We have to face worries, frustrations, depressions, and all types of imaginary fears. It is use ful to know how to put up with this pain because many physical disorders are brought about by wrong habits of thought, unhealthy mental attitudes and unnecessary anxieties. Under such circumstances, it will be useful to practise patience. 203

Once a young man had fallen deeply in love with a girl from another town. He wrote long letters to her daily expressing his love for her. After sending no less than a few hundred letters, he discovered to his horror that she had fallen in love and married the postman who had delivered the letters. 210

In a marriage, both the husband and wife must think more of the partnership than they do of themselves. This partnership is an interweaving of interests, and sacrifices will have to be made for the sake of both parties. It is from mutual understanding and concern that security and contentment in marriage can be established. 216

There are no short-cuts to happiness in marriage. No two human beings can possibly live together in an intimate emotional relationship for a long period of time without having some misunderstanding or friction from time to time. Understanding and tolerance are required to overcome the feelings of jealousy, anger and suspicion. To think that one does not need to adopt a give-and-take attitude is to presume that love in marriage is just for the asking without any sacrifice on our part. 217

Success in marriage is based on compatibility rather than just only finding the right partner. Both partners must try to be the right person by acting out of mutual respect, love and concern for each other. Love is an inner feeling and a fulfilment arising from the mutual healthy growth with and for the other person. In a successful marriage, a partner must not always try to get things his or her own way. 217

A happy marriage is not one in which we are to exist with eyes closed. We see faults as well as virtues, and we should accept the fact that no one is perfect. A husband and wife must learn to share the happiness and pain in their daily lives. Mutual understanding is the secret formula of a happy marriage. Marriage is a blessing, but unfortunately, many people treat it otherwise due to a lack of correct communication and understanding. 217-218

Most of the marital troubles and worries which normally arise are due to an unwillingness of one partner to compromise and to practise patience with the other. The golden rule to avoid a minor misunderstanding being blown out of proportion is to practise patience, tolerance and understanding. Human beings are emotional and hence are liable to get into tantrums which lead them to be angry. Husbands and wives should do their utmost for both not to be angry at the same time. This is the golden rule for a happy married life. If both parties are not angry at the same time, problems can easily be resolved by adopting the noble spirit of patience, tolerance and understanding. 218

Sex should be given its due place in a happy marriage. Like fire, sex is a good servant but can be a bad master. It should neither be unhealthily repressed nor morbidly exaggerated. The desire for sex, like any other emotion, must be regulated by reason. Although it is an important element in the happiness of most married couples, it is necessary to realise that one can be happy without giving sex a paramount role. On the other hand, one can have a good sex life and still be unhappy. Real love is not just physical: it is a spiritual communion, a meeting of minds. 219

Sex is much more than the physical gratification of desires. It is the basis for an intimate life-long companionship. Down through the ages, love and mutual respect have been shown to be the basis for close intimacy between the sexes. Dr. Helen Kaplan of Cornell Medical Center says that without intimacy there can be no real love. Her definition of intimacy is the sharing of feelings, not information. Couples who are not intimate will tend to talk of frivolous subjects like the weather, the latest TV shows or what to eat for dinner. They never make it a point to let each other know if they are really happy, unhappy, frightened, worried or any other such intimate feelings. They are also not interested to know how their partner really feels. 219

The married couple should make every effort to cultivate the timeless virtues of chastity, fidelity and decency. Real growth only comes through the development of these virtues. None can repeal the cosmic moral law of cause and effect, of the lasting unity of all human beings. The hope of personal growth and harmony in society lies in the recognition of this basic law, rather than surrendering oneself to base and coarse animal instincts which only bring suffering to those whom we dearly love. Self respect, human dignity or humane qualities are eroding in modern society. 220

The world is so caught up with accumulating wealth that the honourable virtues of morality, honesty, and integrity seem to have lost their influence and meaning on humanity. 230

Every person is responsible for making a better world by planting the seeds of patience, love and honesty deeply in the human heart. 241

Mental Health First Aid is an early intervention tool for mental health support.

The MHFA Action Plan:

• Assess for risk of suicide or harm.
• Listen nonjudgmentally.
• Give reassurance and information.
• Encourage appropriate professional help.
• Encourage self-help and other support strategies.

What is Your Role as a First Aider?

Mental Health First Aiders…

• Do not diagnose or treat themselves or others.
• Observe changes in behaviors.
• Offer a nonjudgmental, listening ear.
• Respect the individual’s privacy.
• Serve as a vital link to early intervention.

Scope of a First Aider

• First Aiders do not diagnose.
• First Aiders do not treat.
• First Aiders serve as a vital link between a person experiencing a challenge and appropriate professional support.

What is Mental Health?

Mental health is a state of well-being in which an individual:

• Realizes their own abilities.
• Can cope with normal stresses of life.
• Can work productively and fruitfully.
• Contributes to their community.

What is a Mental Health Challenge?

A mental health challenge is when:

• There is a major change in a person’s thinking, feeling, or acting.
• The change interferes with the person’s ability to live their life.
• The interference does not go away quickly and lasts longer than typical emotions or reactions would be expected to.

What is a Mental Disorder?

Mental Disorder is a diagnosable disorder that:

• Affects a person’s thinking, emotional state, and behavior
• Disrupts the person’s ability to: work, carry out daily activities, and engage in satisfying relationships

What are Substance Use Disorders?

Patterns of using alcohol or another substance that results in impairment in daily life or noticeable distress.

Repeated use of and dependence on the substance will lead to a pattern of compulsive use, drug tolerance and, if discontinued, withdrawal symptoms.

Some Facts

• Approximately 1 in 5 American adults are diagnosed with a mental disorder in a single year.
• Almost half of all American adults will experience a mental health challenge at some point over the course of their lifetime.
• 19.1% of American adults with any mental disorder in the past year
• 4.6% of American adults with severe mental disorder in the past year

Mental Disorders that Commonly Occur in the United States

• Anxiety is a feeling of worry caused by perceived threats in the environment.
• Bipolar disorder i s an illness characterized by extreme swings in mood, energy, and activity level.
• Eating disorders are serious illnesses tied to irregular eating habits, severe stress, or concerns about body image, and characterized by too much or too little food intake.
• Post-traumatic stress disorder is a disorder that can occur after a person has experienced a traumatic event
• Psychosis is a condition in which a person has lost some contact with reality.
• Substance disorder is a “pattern of using alcohol or other substance that results in impairment in daily life or noticable distress” (APA, 2013)

Recognizing Signs: How a Person May Behave

• Early signs: an emerging pattern of showing up late for or cancelling personal and professional commitments.
• Worsening signs: withdrawing from family and friends, absenteeism or “presenteeism,” odd or erratic behavior.
• Crisis signs: threatening to hurt or kill themselves or others, acting recklessly or engaging in risky behavior, drug or alcohol misuse.

Recognizing Signs: How a Person May Appear

• Early signs: Tired looking, disheveled clothing, appearing more unkempt than usual for the individual.
• Worsening signs:declining personal hygiene, highly agitated, withdrawal from others.
• Crisis signs: excessive vomiting, difficulty breathing, overdosing on drugs or alcohol.

Recognizing Symptoms: How a Person May Feel

• Early symptoms: no longer enjoying work, activities, or hobbies, sadness, worry.
• Worsening symptoms: increasing sadness, increasing worry, hopelessness, rage, despair.
• Crisis symptoms: dramatic changes in mood, feeling trapped, like there is no way out.

Recognizing Symptoms: How a Person May Think

• Early symptoms: difficulty concentrating or focusing at home, school, or work; indecisiveness.
• Worsening symptoms: increasing self- blame or self-criticism, distorted body image, racing thoughts or mind going blank.
• Crisis symptoms: thoughts of self-harm, hopelessness, delusional thinking, hallucinations.

The following quotes from JAY-Z had been edited for brevity.

My whole thing is to have confidence in yourself. If you’re going to take a chance on anything, you’ve gotta take a chance on yourself. Have that confidence to take a chance, and not be afraid to fail. I personally don’t believe anybody could have stopped me. That’s just how I believe. I was coming; I was destined to be here. A lot of people will put their fears on you. Always believe you’re great, even before anybody else believes it. No matter where you are; there you are. The genius thing that we did was we didn’t give up. You’re doing all of this for a reason. If you want different, you’ve gotta act different.

Don’t ever go with the flow, be the flow. Whatever you do in life, people are going to judge you. Everything is inspiration. Everybody is inspired by someone. I’m a person that believes that everything that happened to you in life happens to shape you as a person. It may not work today and it may not work tomorrow, but this is the right thing and this is what I’m doing. I’m not going to let anybody speed up my process. I don’t care what’s happening out there. That’s the great thing about having ultimate confidence. I don’t have anything to prove; I know who I am. I am a self-aware person. What’s the sense in being successful if you still can’t be yourself? Most important thing I got is everything is connected. Every emotion is connected and it comes from somewhere. Being aware of it in everyday life puts you at such an advantage.

You have to develop. Don’t listen to anyone; everyone is scared. A lot of people will try and put their fears on you. Have such a strong belief in yourself that you can quiet out all the outside noise. Every human being has genius-level talent. You have to find what it is that you’re great at and then tap into it. No one cares whether you live or die and that’s where that mentality grows from. I’m going to get it or die trying. If I don’t try, what kind of life am I saving? I’ve learned more from failure than success. It can be paralyzing to have fear of failure. When you’re self-aware, even when you’re dealing with someone’s ego, you allow their ego to live in its own space. The problem is when you engage that energy. If you engage the ego with your ego. Then it can escalate to a level that is irreversible.

My music is based on life and the things I’ve experienced. Everything is inspiration. This is who I am, this is what I do, and then they jump on this next hot thing and it’s not for you. For me, just having discipline, and having the confidence in who I am and if I go into a studio and if I find my truth of the moment, there are a number of people in the world that can relate to what I am saying and is gonna buy into what I’m doing. Not because it’s the new thing of the moment but because it’s my genuine emotions. Only two things will get you through this, man. That’s patience and persistence.

My first album came out when I was 26. I had seen so many things on the streets. My attitude was that I seen so much, that I have nothing to prove. I became self-aware. I wanted full control over my music. I own everything. Try to own as much of yourself as possible, because it’s gonna pay off in the long run.

I’m really connected to the people. I really feed off the energy of people. I love what I do, and if you love what you do, you want to be the best at it. You don’t make music to be second best. You make music to be the best / It felt like I had a bigger responsibility for the culture and to show it in a different light. The truth is, it’s my passion; It’s what I love to do. Make music and perform, and travel. So it’s who I am. It’s not even a choice for me. It’s just who I am. It’s always good to compare yourself to people you look up to, because you give yourself a high goal.

I used to write when I was young. I would write for hours and hours on end. That stream of conscious comes with you all the time. Whether you’re at the table or not. So as I start moving into the streets, I start coming further and further away from my notebook. So I would memorize these words. Then I would have to run to the house and write them down. When you do that you work up your memory.

Belief in oneself and knowing who you are, that’s the foundation of everything great. You gotta be able to compete, still sharp and still, you gotta get out there and you gotta earn your spot. It’s not given. I learned that if I was going to be successful then I had to be successful at myself. I couldn’t be successful doing what other people were doing; I had to do what I believed in and what felt real to me and felt true to me.

I love that thing of collaborating and you’re taking the best of what you do and someone taking the best of what you do and you not robbing from what they do and they not robbing from what you do and y’all bring the best of what you are to the table and you put it in this mix and you see what happens. You know I love that part of creating. I can’t explain it to y’all, man it just comes out bare for me. I just start mumbling, they say you put the right artist with the right track in the studio, leave the door cracked and let God in.

In Design for a Better World, Don Norman writes about work issues:

Except for scholars who study and trace the path of history, the rest of us are often unaware of its impact. We are born into the world, and our early experiences and belief systems seem so natural and obvious that it is difficult to imagine any other possibility. People take for granted the basics of their everyday life: living in a family, going to school, learning the topics taught in a certain way there, getting a job, and so on. In many countries, jobs take one away from family for most of the daytime hours and oftentimes into the night. All of this is taken for granted.

Why must the demands of work separate families, though? Why must some cultures demand long hours of work, often from dawn to dusk, six days a week from its citizens, leaving partners and children to struggle throughout the day on their own? The need for a large number of workers at one site started early in history-for example, in the massing of people by the Egyptian pharaohs to build the pyramids. In part, it was a natural result of the rise of cities and nations, where people were concentrated. Providing food for large numbers of people required workers to congregate, whether in Baghdad’s cooking competitions in the ninth century or in Venice’s building of ships in the early twelfth century. The standardization of work in factories took place at the start of the Industrial Revolution in the early 1700s for the weaving and spinning of silk and cotton as well as for the manufacturing of household goods in Great Britain.

The path taken by Western countries of the world and exported globally controlled the lives of the workers, treating them as if they were machines to be used until they wore out and then replaced. Time dominated the lives of the workers, with bells and whistles telling them when to start and end the day, when breaks were permitted, and when they could eat lunch. Time dominated the work, and work dominated wellness, satisfaction, and family. Did it have to be this way? No.

Norman writes about family separation:

Families were separated, with those employed rushing off to their jobs, often not to return home until late at night. I have seen the workers in South Korea and Japan work long hours every day and attend the quasi-obligatory drinking sessions after work. These sessions end so late that the workers do not have time to make the long commuting trip back home, so they stay overnight at the many hotels that catered to this need. Workers often do not return to their families for days. Their work habits are slaves to both the clock and the perception of doing work. In fact, the long hours mean that the workers are sleep deprived, often falling asleep at conferences and meetings and on the commuter trains. Studies have shown that long hours produce less work than the shorter, more focused hours used in some countries.

After thirteen years through thick and thin together, I still have tremendous respect, admiration, and love for my wife. Last year in particular, was a challenge for us. Once again, our relationship was put through a difficult test.

As the global pandemic hit our country, schools shut down and daycares closed. We both had to work from home, kept our two older sons online schooling, and took care of our two younger sons. We had a difficult time to navigate and adapt to the new circumstance, but we pulled through with the tremendous help from my mother-in-law.

With everyone masking up and taking every precaution, I thought we could ride through this pandemic safely. Then the bad news came when my father was diagnosed with stage-four pancreatic cancer. He passed away and I didn’t get to see him because of the traveling restrictions from Vietnam. Then the worst news came when my mother was tested COVID positive. It shook me to the core. I did not expect it nor I was prepared for it. I had to rely on my wife and her mother to take care of our kids so I could be away for a while.

Then my mother passed away. I lost both of my parents within a month. I was beyond devastated. My heart broke and my soul shattered. I was drowning in sorrow. I didn’t know if I could go on if I didn’t have my wife and kids. They helped me to hold on, to rise above water, and to stay sober. I wanted to reach out to the liquor so badly, but I did not take a drop in that period. If I did, I would have fallen deep and fast into depression. I needed to stay strong for my family. I wrote and wrote instead.

I know I am not a perfect husband, but my love for her is real and I have no problem letting her know. In fact, I have no problem letting the whole world know. Unlike me, my wife does not express herself, but I can feel her deep love. She is a caring daughter, a loving mother, and an understanding partner.

In the past few weeks, I revisited the web page I created for our wedding. Rereading our story and looking at our photographs brought back so many memories and inspired me to expand our love notes. For our thirteenth anniversary, I would like to share our story with you.

Love Notes

Hải Dung and I met through my blog, where she read my amateur reviews on Vietnamese music. When she was searching for an apartment in Poughkeepsie, New York, she reached out to me for advice since I had been living in town and working at Vassar College. Of course, I said yes and asked for her phone number so we could be in contact. I didn’t have the courage to call her because I didn’t want to embarrass myself. Even though I had lived in Poughkeepsie for a few years, I didn’t venture out much and didn’t know much about the area. I stayed silent, but my instinct told me that she was someone special.

A week, a month, and then three months went by. I stared at her phone number, but I still couldn’t make the call. Why was I nervous? What did I have to lose? What if she was the one? These questions helped me pull together my confidence to place that call. My heart beat out of my chest when she said, “hello.” I nervously explained to her who I was, but she could not remember. I felt awkward and embarrassed. As I was about to say, “Sorry for bothering you,” and to hang up the phone, her memory came back. At this point, she already found an apartment and settled in. The only thing I could offer to her was, “Do you want to hang out sometimes since we’re in the same area?” To my surprise, she said, “Yes.”

I invited her to Upstate Films, my favorite independent movie theater in the area. After the movie, I didn’t want our “date” to end; therefore, I invited her to a late dinner. While I could barely eat whatever I ordered, I watched her enjoying a huge plate of shrimp pasta at ten o’clock at night. I was impressed. I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

We continued to exchange emails and dine out at various restaurants around us. We sat by the Hudson River relaxing after a long day at work and chatting about our family, particularly our parents. I told her how I felt about her, but she didn’t reciprocate. She didn’t respond one way or the other, but we continued to see each other once or twice a week. I didn’t know what to think. It seemed as if we were stuck in the friend zone.

Then one beautiful summer evening, we sat side by side on the bench having a passionate conversation about Vietnamese music. She pointed her finger in my direction and I grabbed her hand. To my surprise, she didn’t pull back. I held on to her hand for as long as I could. Our relationship began on a whole new level.

As Hải Dung and I got to know each other, we found out that we shared many common values and interests. We were family oriented, proud of our Vietnamese background, and passionate about Vietnamese music. Vietnamese melodies and lyrics connected us to our roots. To document our love notes, we have selected seven Vietnamese intimate ballads that illustrate our story.

Tình tự mùa xuân

Music & lyrics: Từ Công Phụng
Vocal: Tuấn Ngọc
Listen

Tuấn Ngọc is one of our favorite Vietnamese balladeers. When he sings romantic ballads, he pours his heart out. As I was driving Hải Dung back to her apartment from one of our date nights, “Tình Tự Mùa Xuân” came on and Tuấn Ngọc’s vocals swept us away. I had listened to this tune many times before, but the magic only worked when she was by my side.

Em lại đây với anh
Ngồi đây với anh
Trong cuộc đời này.
Nghe thời gian lướt qua
Mùa xuân khẽ sang
Chừng như không gian đang sưởi ấm
những giọt tình nồng.

Come to me,
Sit by my side,
Share this life with me.
Listen to the time glide by,
As the soft approach of spring,
Warms the air
And our tender tears of love.

I didn’t need to say a word. Tuấn Ngọc’s charming voice expressed my feelings at that moment. We held each other’s hand and appreciated our company.

Bài ca hạnh ngộ

Music & lyrics: Lê Uyên Phương
Vocal: Thiên Phượng
Listen

As Hải Dung and I decided to embark on our life journey together, we recognized the rough, treacherous road ahead, but we will make it if we hold on to each other’s hand and never let go. When our relationship got tough, we reminded ourselves of Lê Uyên Phương’s advice:

Rồi mai đây đi trên đường đời
Đừng buông tay âm thầm tìm về cô đơn.

Later, on the journey through life,
Don’t let go of my hand to seek your quiet solitude.

The soft and fragility in Thiên Phượng’s voice somehow carried the weight of these meaningful lyrics. As long as we hold on, we won’t be alone. We will always have each other.

Vì đó là em

Music & lyrics: Diệu Hương
Vocal: Quang Dũng
Listen

Through his warm baritone, Quang Dũng captured the romantic beauty in Diệu Hương’s lyrics. His sincerity was felt when he delivered these lines:

Không cần biết em là ai
Không cần biết em từ đâu
Không cần biết em ngày sau.
Ta yêu em bằng mấy ngàn biển rộng
Ta yêu em qua đông tàn ngày tận
Yêu em như yêu vùng trời mênh mông.

Who you are doesn’t matter,
Where you’re from, I don’t wonder,
What you’ll be, I don’t worry.
My love is a thousand oceans strong,
My love will fight winters and eternities long,
My love, like the sky, will always be.

“Sure my dear, I love you just the way you are,” I made a joke and she accused me of “dẻo mồm” (smooth talker). Called me whatever she wanted, but I loved seeing her smile. She had a beautiful smile.

Nụ hôn gửi gió

Music: Hoàng Việt Khanh
lyrics: Hiền Vy
Vocal: Quang Lý
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I played this rare, contemporary, folk tune, composed by Hoàng Việt Khanh, to Hải Dung because I loved Quang Lý’s delightful delivery. She immediately gravitated toward Hiền Vy’s lovely lyrics:

Môi em mọng đỏ, là đỏ như mơ
Cho anh nhờ gió hôn vào là vào môi em.

Your full red lips, crimson like a ripe apricot,
Let me summon the breeze to give them a gentle kiss.

What a graceful, subtle approach to express affections for your lover.

Niệm khúc cuối

Music & lyrics: Ngô Thụy Miên
Vocal: Thụy Vũ
Listen

The first time she invite me over to her apartment for dinner, I brought along a bottle of wine and Thụy Vũ’s solo debut, “Tháng sáu trời mưa.” As we wined and dined, “Niệm khúc cuối” came on. I invited her to dance with me for the first time. It felt like heaven. Of course, we had to pick this tune for our first dance at our wedding. Ngô Thụy Miên’s lyrics touched our souls every time:

Cho tôi xin em như gối mộng
Cho tôi ôm em vào lòng.
Xin cho một lần, cho đêm mặn nồng
Yêu thương vợ chồng.

Be the pillow I embrace,
Let me hold you in my arms,
Let us share warm nights together,
Loving one another as husband and wife.

Rồi đây anh sẽ đưa em về nhà

Music & lyrics: Phạm Duy
Vocal: Mộng Thúy

A lovely ballad from Phạm Duy reminds us of the days we sat at Eastman Park talking about life, family, music, and everything else until two in the morning. Accompanied by a simple, elegant piano, Mộng Thúy’s sweet soprano brings us back those memories:

Rồi đây anh sẽ đưa em trở về
Về nơi công viên yên vui lặng lẽ.
Hãy ngồi đây, ghế đá ngày xưa
Dưới hàng thông có gió lửng lơ.

And I will return with you
To the quiet park of our youth,
Where we may sit on the old bench
Under pines caressed by the breeze.

Bài không tên số 28

Music & lyrics: Vũ Thành An
Vocal: Tuấn Ngọc
Listen

Our love story is filled with memories and this is just the beginning. Each day our love grows stronger than the day before and we’re looking forward to sharing our lives together:

Cho đến trăm năm vẫn còn say
Xin đến trăm năm không rời tay.
Until a hundred years pass, our love shall never end,
For a hundred years more, never letting go.

Thanks to Đỗ Trọng and Anh-Chi Đỗ for all English translations.

A dear friend and a longtime reader of my blog had emailed his advice on marriage. He and his wife have been married for 39 years. They had gone through fights as well and he shared some of his personal experiences. For his privacy, I won’t share his personal information, but only his advice, which I find helpful. I hope you can learn something as well.

Couples fight. No exception. Since fights are unavoidable, a couple has to know HOW to fight, and how to wrap up a fight. Most couples lack this skill.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, “Is this person worth it for me to try so hard?” But in our case, the next equally important question is, “Are my children worth it for me to try so hard?”

In my case, I find that by trying just a little harder (it’s not that bad in the grand scheme of things), by loving without demanding to be loved back, by being honorable without being proud, I can be ready for death whenever it occurs—which is necessary with the current plague.

Now, if you still love her, spend more time with your wife and be gentle with her, and ask her to be gentle with you. Tell her you are certainly not perfect, and even though she is better than you in many ways, but she is not perfect either. Yet two imperfect people can still have a perfect union, if they help rather than hurt each other. They have to be allowed to have their own little crazy moments and be forgiven later. We all need this kind of forgiveness.

Lastly, you seem to work too hard. I hope you and your wife have time to exercise. It’s harder to be happy if you’re not in good shape.

Thank you TD for reading and reaching out. I appreciate your advice.

Will Schwalbe, Books for Living, (p.14):

We over schedule our days and complain constantly about being too busy; we shop endlessly for stuff we don’t need and then feel oppressed by the clutter that surrounds us; we rarely sleep well or enough; we compare our bodies to the artificial ones we see on television; we watch cooking shows and then eat fast food; we worry ourselves sick and join gyms we don’t visit; we keep up with hundreds of acquaintances but rarely see our best friends; we bombard ourselves with video clips and emails and instant messages; we even interrupt our interruptions.

When it comes time for us to decide what we should buy and how we should spend our free time, we expect ever more choice. And in order to try to make our way through all of the options we’ve created for ourselves, we’ve turned the whole world into an endless catalog of “picks and pans,” in which anything that isn’t deemed to be mind-blowing is regarded as useless. We no longer damn things with faint praise—we damn them with any praise that is less than ecstatic. Loving or loathing are the defaults—five stars or one.

And at the heart of it, for so many, is fear—fear that we are missing out on something. Wherever we are, there’s someone somewhere doing or seeing or eating or listening to something better.