A dear friend and a longtime reader of my blog had emailed his advice on marriage. He and his wife have been married for 39 years. They had gone through fights as well and he shared some of his personal experiences. For his privacy, I won’t share his personal information, but only his advice, which I find helpful. I hope you can learn something as well.
Couples fight. No exception. Since fights are unavoidable, a couple has no know HOW to fight, and how to wrap up a fight. Most couples lack this skill.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, “Is this person worth it for me to try so hard?” But in our case, the next equally important question is, “Are my children worth it for me to try so hard?”
In my case, I find that by trying just a little harder (it’s not that bad in the grand scheme of things), by loving without demanding to be loved back, by being honorable without being proud, I can be ready for death whenever it occurs—which is necessary with the current plague.
Now, if you still love her, spend more time with your wife and be gentle with her, and ask her to be gentle with you. Tell her you are certainly not perfect, and even though she is better than you in many ways, but she is not perfect either. Yet two imperfect people can still have a perfect union, if they help rather than hurt each other. They have to be allowed to have their own little crazy moments and be forgiven later. We all need this kind of forgiveness.
Lastly, you seem to work too hard. I hope you and your wife have time to exercise. It’s harder to be happy if you’re not in good shape.
Thank you TD for reading and reaching out. I appreciate your advice.