A collection of personal stories that took readers into the Cambodian-American community. So was a gifted storyteller who didn’t shy away from sharing his sexuality. His stories were honest, heartfelt, and hilarious. Being a gay Cambodian American, So offered such a unique voice and perspective. My heart crushed to learn that he had died at the age of 28 due to an overdose.

This year I only read 45 books, which was 12 books less than last year. In the last two months, my priorities have changed. I focused on editing our family stories, which took away my time from reading for almost four weeks. I used to spend my vacation time reading, but on the last trip to Conway, New Hampshire, I was too exhausted after a long day of skiing. Even in the evening relaxing, I blogged about my ski experience instead of reading.

In addition, I blogged much more this year. I churned out at least one blog post almost on a daily basis. I enjoyed writing, even just documenting my progressions in ice skating, rollerblading, and skiing. These blog posts might not be interesting to anyone, but I am now fully engaged in these three sports. I hope my kids will continue my journey with me.

As for my reading preference, I read more novels this year. Though I still tried to switch from fiction to nonfiction. I need to pick up more Vietnamese language books. The Fairfax public libraries had not acquired new Vietnamese books this year.

My goal for next year is to get above 50 books again. I am now reading three books at the same time and having a hard time finishing them. I should just focus on getting through one at a time.

Here’s my reading history.

Tôi không có hứng thú đọc sách du ký. Đơn giản là tôi muốn tự trải nghiệm chứ không muốn đọc những quan sát của người khác. Khi đọc Hạt muối rong chơi tôi chỉ chăm chú vào cách viết văn xuôi của tác giả Nguyễn Phan Quế Mai. Tôi chú ý đến những cách dùng dấu phẩy, dấu chấm, và những từ ngữ thông dụng nhưng tôi ít dùng. Tôi hoàn toàn không để ý gì đến nội dung của những câu chuyện cũng như những chuyến đi của tác giả.

In his memoir of 2020, D’Aguiar reveals in detail his battle against prostate cancer and the challenges he faced during the pandemic. Although his writing is engaging, entertaining, and enlightening, the book feels really long. Maybe I am more interested on cancer than other topics. Even when he waxes poetic prose on John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme, I just want to get back to the cancer result. It is definitely an informative book for me, God forbid, if I have to go through what he went through.

Last Thursday my copy of James Edmondson’s Some Tips on Drawing Type from A to Z arrived in the mail and I read it immediately. The book is thin and beautifully typeset. James provides invaluable tips for anyone who is new at type design. As I reached page 8, which covered letters A and B, the book skipped to the letter F. I didn’t realize that the pages were also out of order; therefore, I continued to read from the letter F to letter J. Then the pages went back to the letter F. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. I had to flip back to make sure the pages were duplicated. The pages continued from F to T, but then went back to Q again. I contacted James immediately to notify the issues. I had not heard back from him. I am sure my copy wasn’t the only one misprinted.

Tôi không rành về thơ nên khi đọc thơ tôi không nhận xét được những kỹ thuật hoặc những cách vần trong thơ. Do đó tôi chỉ dùng đến cảm nhận của mình khi đọc những bài thơ. Khi bắt đầu đọc tập thơ The Secret of Hoa Sen của chị Nguyễn Phan Quế Mai, tôi đọc luôn bài dịch của Bruce Weigl. Tôi nhận ra rằng mình cần đọc tiếng Anh để hiểu tiếng Việt. Chẳng hạn như bài thơ đầu, “Gian bếp của mẹ” có câu:

Mẹ nhấc đũa lên, quấy nắng vào nồi cơm đang sôi
Vạt áo mẹ đẫm hương thơm của mùa gặt mới

Tôi nhận ra cách chơi chữ của chị sau khi đọc lời Anh nên tôi quyết định không đọc lời Anh nữa mà chỉ tập trung vào lời Việt. Tập thơ của chị Quế Mai gồm nhiều đề tài khác nhau. Dù viết về tình cha hay tình mẹ, miền Tây hay miền Bắc, Bangladesh hay Philippines, chiến tranh hay hòa bình, những bài thơ của chị đều đầy lòng trắc ẩn (compassion). Chẳng hạn như bài “Sự sợ hãi” đã nói lên bao nhiêu tâm trạng của cho cha mẹ trên thế giới luôn cả nước Mỹ:

Khi tôi ngắm con tôi trôi vào giấc ngủ
ở nước Mỹ
một bà mẹ lấp đầy trái tim mình bằng khuôn mặt đẫm máu của thiên thần lên hai đứa con trai
đã bị một kẻ điên nã súng ở trường học

Xin chia sẻ thêm một bài rất giản dị nhưng rất đẹp viết về “Cỏ”:

Những thân cỏ mềm bị phạt ngang
Mùi hương ứa đầy không khí
Không có gì thơm hơn vết thương loài cỏ

Hương cỏ ngả em xuống tình yêu
Mặt đất hằn đầy lồi lõm Cỏ mịn màng xanh lên phẳng lặng

Em tan trong màu anh
Màu không lời
của
cỏ

Tôi muốn giới thiệu tập thơ này đến những trái tim và tâm hồn Việt, nhất là những tuổi trẻ muốn học thêm tiếng Việt. Nếu như không hiểu thì có thể đọc lời Anh. Tôi chắc chắn sẽ đọc lại tập thơ này và sẽ đọc chậm hơn khi có dịp đi nghỉ mát.

I picked up this book based on the author’s last name—Phạm. I didn’t know anything about her, but I wanted to hear more Vietnamese-American voices in the literary world. It didn’t take long for me to follow her lead. She took me deep into her world where art, sex, and everything else in between. She writes with raw emotion and fearless honesty. I love the intimate details in her personal life. I wish I knew more about art to appreciate her insightful criticisms. I am so glad that I have read this book and looking forward to reading more of her works in the future.

Here’s an excerpt Phạm writes about her family:

The trouble with leaving somewhere is that it means arriving, eventually, to some other place. No matter how far or long you go, eventually you’ll arrive somewhere where you need to refigure yourself. My father had done it, leaving his home in Vietnam to attend a university overseas, before war broke out again in earnest and he learned he wouldn’t be able to return home for decades. My mother’s family had done it, as refugees, airlifted out just after the fall of Saigon in April of 1975. Through a string of refugee camps, first in the Philippines, then Arkansas, she’d come to Portland, Oregon, where she met my father. And then they had me. A product of this political displacement, I’ve always been in this space of refiguring. I’ve never really felt I had a home, only places I’ve lived. I’ve always been aware of what my existence means, that my presence here-wherever here might be—is the result of an absence somewhere else.

In my work office, I have an empty desk right next to the huge glad windows. It was set up for a formal colleague until he worked remotely and moved on to a different job. I requested to have the desk removed, but no one bothered to take it out. As a result, I just turn it into my reading table. Whenever I needed a break from my computer desk, I would sit, read, and catch some sunlight. The latest book I am reading is Mark Argetsinger’s A Grammar of Typography. Because the book is so humongous (almost 9 inches by 12 inches and 500 pages), I do not want to lug it around. I also don’t want to damage it either. I read a few pages each day and take my time to enjoy the writing and illustrations. Argetsinger delves into the history as well as every technical aspect of book design. Even though I don’t design books, I find the materials inspiring, especially the examples included throughout the book. It definitely deserves a spot on every designer’s desk as it is already on mine.

In her eye-opening book, Bernadette Barton, professor of sociology and gender studies, examines America’s raunch culture through sexism, misogyny, and pornography. From politics to religion to workplace, raunch culture has taken over every aspect of our lives. Boys learned about sex though gonzo porn on the internet and applied violent techniques to thier girlfriends. Men objectified women for their own pleasure. Girls competed for sexual attention on social media. The country elected someone who bragged about grabbing women by the pussy to the highest office.

Reading this book made me realize that I had been exposed to raunch culture since I migrated to America at the age of twelve. I noticed the difference between Vietnam and America in regard to sexualized advertisements, rap music videos, as well as the way boys talked about girls at school. I didn’t know what objectify meant, but I was there when a group of boys checked out and commented on girls’ bodies. There was an incident where a boy came up behind a girl and dry-humped her. She punched him back, but the boys laughed. I thought it was inappropriate, but I didn’t say anything. I had friends who handed me adult magazines covered in folders. I took a job at a local video rental store just so I could have access to the porn section. At a certain point, I was craving for real sex after watching porn videos. I had to quit that job and dumped all of my porn stash in the trash as I realized that I had a problem. Nowadays, porn is only a click away. I can’t even begin to imagine if gonzo porns were available when I was growing up.

Reading stories from this book horrifies me. We’re living in a time in which raunch culture is thriving and it is impossible to escape. Fortunately, I am in a different place in my life where I have a meaningful relationship with my wife. She keeps me grounded and away from temptations and seductions. I worry about my boys and their exposure to raunch culture. I had no guidance when I was growing up, but I hope that they can come to us if they come across it.

After reading this book, I am optimistic there is still hope and Barton has provided a path out of raunch culture. Read it, learn it, and apply it.

A week ago, I had a weird dream. In my dream, I was having an affair with someone I had never met, yet I knew everything about her. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t resist. I woke up and felt terrible. I was glad it was just a dream. Then I realized that Sally Rooney’s Conversations with Friends had gotten into my head. I was half way through the novel where Frances and Nick were having an affair. Nick was married to Melissa. Although the sex scenes in this book were not as descriptive as in her latest book, the story was emotional and engaging. Rooney is a master at storytelling. I am glad that I picked up this book after reading Normal People last year and Beautiful World, Where Are You a couple weeks ago. I have become a Sally Rooney fan.