A Deprecated Dad

On Saturday, the Scout dads got together to cook crawfish, play volleyball, drink some liquor, and talk shit. Of course, parenting came up. Some dads share their militant style of discipline. I didn’t join in that conversation. After having four kids, I am less qualified in this department.

I have come to accept that my kids will do the opposite of what I expect. The more I hope, the more I get disappointed. The more I worry, the more I stress out. The more I do for them, the more they become dependents and the less they become appreciative.

My wife is a loving mother and she would do anything for her kids. Each morning, she wakes up to make their lunch while I pack our leftovers. Last week, one of them didn’t eat her lunch because the meat tasted like “cardboard.” Mother and son got into a huge fight. My solution was simple. I told him, “Son, get up early and make your own lunch or pack leftovers.”

When I first became a father, I wanted to be involved in their lives because my father was not there for me. Unfortunately, that had backfired. Every sport we played together they quit. Every activity we did together because I forced them to participate. They need to get good grades so that I can look good—not for their own good. They do everything because I am an authoritarian in the house and they have to comply. If I leave them to their own device, they would just spend all day on their own device.

I have become less and less involved. The less I do for them, the more they will do for themselves. I want to become a deprecated dad. After all, Jeff Bezos, Lebron James, and Jesus did well without a father in their lives. If Jesus had a dad, he would have become a carpenter and his name would have been Jesús instead. I stole that joke from Andrew Schulz.