Taylor Swift: The Life of a Showgirl

I must confess. I don’t know jack shit about Taylor Swift. Up until her latest release, I had not listened to any of her albums from start to finish. In fact, I didn’t even know that she used curse words in her songs.

After picking up my nine- and seven-year-old sons from school today, I played The Life of a Showgirl and my nine-year-old was in shock when we listened to “Father Figure.” He said to me, “Daddy, did you hear that?” Of course, I did, but I asked him, “What did you hear?” He replied, “She said the d-word.” It was not obvious to a nine-year-old that she was using the d-word as a vivid metaphor when she sang over the bouncy beats, “I can make deals with the devil because my dick’s bigger.”

Her reference to the male genital piqued my interest and I wanted to know what else she got. “Eldest Daughter” started off with a piano intro then her voice came in, “Everybody’s so punk on the internet / Everyone’s unbothered ’til they’re not.” She continued to sing about the web with “Everybody’s cutthroat in the comments.” She then confessed that she’s “not a bad bitch.” Of course, Taylor Swift is not a bad bitch. She’s a billionaire, bitch.

Again, I didn’t know much about Taylor Swift, but I assumed that most of her songs were about bad relationships and breakups—innocent stuff. In “Actually Romantic,” she sang about sex, “I mind my business, God’s my witness that I don’t provoke it / It’s kind of making me wet.” I found her sex references kind of weird, especially when she put God into it. “Wood” cracked me the fuck up when she revealed, “Redwood tree, it ain’t hard to see / His love was the key that opened my thighs.” That was just too much for my imagination.

The Life of a Showgirl is my very first review of a Tylor Swift album. Swifties, please don’t come at me. I am just playing with her.