Thích Nhất Hạnh: How to Smile

I finally understand the true meaning of suffering after reading Thích Nhất Hạnh’s How to Smile. All these years, I thought I was stressing out thin, worrying too much, and depressing, but I was suffering. Using bitter melon (khổ qua) as a metaphor, Thích Nhất Hạnh explained:

There’s a vegetable in Vietnam called bitter melon. The Chinese word for bitter also means suffering. If you’re not used to eating bitter melon, you may suffer.…

Suffering is bitter, and our natural tendency is to run away from it. Our store consciousness, our unconscious mind, can set up a program of behaviors to help us run away from suffering and approach only what’s pleasant. This prevents us from knowing the goodness of suffering, the healing it can bring.

As I read this passage, his message makes perfect sense. Suffering is inevitable. No matter how good your life is or how much money you have, you will experience suffering. You have to face it. Thích Nhất Hạnh reminded us:

When you don’t know how to handle the suffering inside you or how to help handle the suffering around you, you may try not to be there anymore, thinking that will make you feel better. To commit suicide is an act of despair. It’s not wise

What I have been experiencing all these years is suffering. The longer you live, the more suffering you will have to go through. I am only 47, and yet I suffered the lost of both of my parents. I care deeply about my family, career, and democracy, but they are out of my control. When I feel completely hopeless, I suffer. If I can’t get rid of suffering, I have to embrace it. This is what Thích Nhất Hạnh was getting at:

[O]ur conscious mind knows that suffering has things to teach us, and that we shouldn’t be afraid of it. We are ready to suffer a little bit in order to learn, grow, and heal. We have to use our intelligence. We use our concentration to get insight, to transform the suffering and become an enlightened one, a free person.

Rather than succumb to suffering, I thrive on it. I don’t want suffering to hold me back. I was suffering when I first learned snowboarding. I kept falling hard and I could have given up, but I didn’t want to run away from my suffering. I kept at it until I could turn my suffering into pleasants. After reading this book, I will face suffering with a smile.