Missing My Kids

No doubt I love skiing and snowboarding and of course I miss my children, but traveling solo gives me the space to reflect on my role as a father. Unlike the everyday chaos at home, I am sitting alone in a motel room while the snow is falling outside the window. The quietness and emptiness aren’t what I have gotten used to.

Time seems to slow down when I am alone. My mind is cleared and all I can think of is my children. Their voices, their cries, their laughters, their words replay in my mind. Even though they have changed in their own way with time, those special moments will forever remain in my memory.

Being alone at the moment gives me the space I needed to appreciate their companion. When I am always with them, I take their presence for granted. When I am away, I feel there’s something missing in my heart. My kids complete my life.

All fathers love their kids. That’s just human nature. At times though, I am not sure if I know how to love them. I struggle with this everyday. How can I provide them a happy life? How do I guide them in the right direction? How do I know what they want instead of what I want for them? If they fail or if they succeed, does it matter?

I kept telling myself, “Don’t worry. They will turn out fine.” And yet, I have not laid my worries to rest.