I never thought I expected anything from you
Until the day you hugged me like amnesia
I guess I expected for you to hold me like I was the
Type of thing you could not forget

Maybe I expected too much
Maybe I should have never let your arms
Drive up and down my body
As if they were lost
Looking for a fucking rest stop

Whether it be my body or my heart
Maybe I had too many lights on
Made you feel safe, like I was shelter
The kind of place that you
Hide your boredom in

Don’t touch me if you don’t mean it

Don’t make me feel like some weekend hotel in New Orleans
You’re not yourself here
Maybe I was wrong for expecting more from you
And maybe you were wrong
For giving me something to expect

It’s not my fault you left your intentions in New Orleans
And picked up Misleading, you carried it in your book sack
People will say that you cannot control your feelings
But your hands…

Your hands are your own
And you didn’t just touch me
You held me
You held me like if you let me go, morning would come too soon
As if we only came alive at night

Because soon as the day would hit your back
I would be a stranger to your heart
I would be a foreigner to your eyes

I had no need to wonder how it felt to have a Sun who was
embarrassed by its sky
How dare you make me feel like an eclipse to your shine?
A dark hiding place for your wet dreams
A busy spot for your fingers when they were not busy holding sticks

When morning comes
You will jump, Adam

You will treat me like a friend

And you will visit me while everyone is asleep

I will bend my back to suit your body and you will hold me
Like you should have this evening…
When I asked you for a hug
And your arms felt like quiet
Like quick
And I could hear my confidence walk away with an awkward limp
The type of walk ya get
When a motherfucka like you
Likes to trip someone
That’s walking towards you with the same body
You held them with
So I’m confused…
Was I a punching bag or a pillow?

Tarriona “Tank” Ball