Tested Negative

I spoke to Carly last night to get an update on my mom. Carly was wonderful. Night nurses seemed nicer because they were less busy than the morning nurses. In the morning, the pulmonologist told me she needed 100% oxygen. I requested for her to be proned. At night, she only required 65% of oxygen. Proning worked.

I requested Blue Jeans to see my mom. I talked to her for a while and let her listen to the Buddhist chant, “Nam mô a di đà phật.” I watched Carly change the position of my mom’s arms and put a warm blanket over her back. I let the video continue until I fall asleep.

Later on today, we will discuss with the Palliative Care team to see what we need to do next. Is there a path forward if we keep her on the ventilator?

I miss my wife and kids. I miss all the wonderful activities we’ve done together. I miss rollerblading, ice skating, biking, and just running around the playground. My wife and my mother-in-law must be exhausted with the four highly energetic boys. I am so grateful for them at the time I needed to focus on my mom.

I am grateful for my sister’s ex-husband. He cooked and brought food over for us everyday. I need all the strength to pull through. I’ve been taking vitamin D, zinc, and apple cider vinegar, which comes in pills. I am not sure how effective they are compared to the liquid form. I’ve been taking walks despite the snow. I am mentally drained, but physically fine. Even without coffee, sleep has been hard. I still wake up in fear and can’t get back to sleep. I have not touched a drop of alcohol.

I have tested negative for COVID-19. Despite living with two positive COVID patients and had close contact with one, I managed to dodge the bullet. Mask works. Please, please, please wear your mask and save lives. My mom’s situation could have been avoided if we have done our part. What we can do now is to stop the spread.

I will be spending this Christmas and New Year alone and away from my kids, but I hope that won’t be the case in many holidays to come.

Thank you for reading this blog and sharing your support. I wish you a safe, happy holiday season. Take good care of yourself and your loved ones whether being apart or together.

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