Last night I asked Kevin, my mom’s nurse, to set up Blue Jeans so I could see my mom. She was sedated and could not hear me, but I talked to her anyway. Kevin brought the camera closer to my mom so I could see her clearer. I put on Buddhist chant for her. We both listened as I fell asleep.
This morning I spoke to a new pulmonologist. I asked him to spell his name and he wondered why. I just wanted to get his name right. He gave me a prognosis. I asked him lots of questions I have been prepared from talking to my doctor friends. He ran out of time and let me go. From our conversation, he emphasized the important aspect of decision-making. Ultimately, the decision is not what we want, but what our mom wants.
I completely understand his point. I have been struggling with making the decision for what she wanted and not what we wanted. The issue is that she did not fully understand what she wanted as well as the consequences of her decision. As her son, I wanted to make sure she had a full comprehension of what she wanted. As medical doctors, they should do the same for her. Unfortunately, I have lost my trust in them in the ways they have communicate to us.
They gave us the two options, but they already made their mind about the option they wanted us to choose. It would be much more helpful if they let us know whatever options we make they will support us all the way. If we have their full support, it would be much easier for us to help make our decision for our mom.
Because I am not in the medical field, I do not understand everything they were telling me. I needed medical advisors to help me out. That’s why I had reached out to friends and family members who are in the field to help me out. I am grateful for their time, patience, and experience. They understand both the medical procedures as well the human compassions on our side to help us make a decision that we won’t regret. That is the way it should be.
Our healthcare system is broken. It needs to be fixed. We need to do something about this. I am grateful to those who had sent messages in regard to my mom as well as their comments on this issue.